Work Text:
"Lex... why do you need five extra heads of lettuce and an extra bag of greens?" Clark hefted the crate of vegetables which was slightly heavier than usual, but not noticeable to his strength.
Lex smirked. "For my Christmas dinner."
Clark dusted his hands on his jeans as he put the crate down. "You're finally going to eat? Somebody mark it down on the calendar, it's officially a miracle. Lex Luthor is going to eat. On Christmas, no less!" A broad grin. "So, who all is going to be here?"
Lex's smirk widened just a little. "Just me."
Clark scratched his head. "Okay... so you're going to eat a lot of lettuce for Christmas dinner?"
"No." Lex was enjoying the look on his handsome friend's face.
"Okay, Lex? Remember that I'm not inside your head making whatever connections that super-brain of yours is, and take pity on the high school kid. Spill it."
Lex didn't have to; Enrique came in moments later with a cage in his hand. "Mr. Luthor? This just arrived from Kensington Breeding Farm; where would you like it?"
"In my office will be fine. Just set it on my desk and I'll move it later."
Clark followed Enrique over to the desk, and peered into the wire door. "Lex!!! It's a rabbit!!"
"Yes, it is." Lex followed his friend over. "I had it brought in special from Metropolis."
Clark made the connection two seconds later. "You're not going to eat the rabbit!!!!!"
"Actually, yes. I am. Welsh rabbit is actually one of my favorite dishes, but it's hard to find good quality meat for it out here. Since it was for Christmas dinner, I decided to splurge and treat myself."
Clark stared in horror at his best friend. "But... it's a *bunny.* Like, the Easter Bunny! Look at that little pink nose, those soft furry ears--"
"I'm familiar with rabbit anatomy, Clark."
"You just *can't* eat him, Lex."
"And why not?" Lex was willing to indulge his friend--to be honest, he'd give Clark anything--but he did not intend to give up his favorite meal.
"Because! You can't eat something that's named!" Clark had to think fast. "Yeah! You can't eat a pet!"
"Clark, this isn't a pet. It's a rabbit from a rabbit farm, specially bred to be eaten."
"His name is Ferdinand. And he's your pet bunny." Clark squeezed a finger through the front mesh of the cage, and felt the newly-christened Ferdinand sniffing it gently before twitching forward to be petted. "See? He's tame and everything!"
"His name is -dinner,'" Lex clarified. He would not let his heart melt. No. He was not a sucker for Clark Do-Little.
"Leeeeeeeex!"
"Don't whine, Clark. You're not changing my mind."
"Fine. Be that way. Rabbit-eater." Clark sulked as he tried to figure out a way to save Ferdinand before Christmas.
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
~ * ~ * ~
Lex left the rabbit's cage sitting on a small table beside his desk. For two days he fed the animal, occasionally taking it out of the cage to pet it and scratch behind his ears, but he refused to call it Ferdinand. The thought of eating anything *named,* despite his comments to Clark, was more than slightly disturbing to him.
He had to admit, though... the little thing *was* kind of cute. And... fairly good company, if you didn't mind the fact he didn't talk back. But, Lex reflected, if he does start talking back to you, then you're in a serious psychosis. So I suppose it's better all around that he not talk.
He couldn't help scratching again as Ferdinand gave a dry sneeze into his lettuce leaf and went back to quietly munching, unaware that Lex was pondering his fate.
~ * ~ * ~
Two days later, and it was Christmas Eve. He woke early and wrapped himself in the folds of a thick black robe as he walked downstairs to his office. He expected to see the rabbit still sitting on his desk so he could feed it one more time and then send it off to the kitchen.
He did not expect to see an open cage with an envelope leaned against it. Even though it was obviously for him, it was addressed to "Mr. L. Luthor," with words and letters that had been cut out of magazines and newspapers.
"If you want to see the rabbit again, be at the Talon at 10:00 AM. Or the bunny gets it." It was signed "The Rabbit Liberation Front."
Lex snickered. Clark was definitely imaginative, he'd give the young man that. He had half an hour to get dressed and get to the coffee house, and he laughed again as he went upstairs to dress.
~ * ~ * ~
Lex arrived at the Talon at precisely 9:50 AM. At the time, the Hummer had been a way to waste a lot of his father's money, but now he was glad he'd bought it. The four wheel drive and the traction tires were a godsend on the slick Kansas roads and he *still* managed triple digits. Maybe it was dangerous, but ever since he'd met Clark Kent... he stopped that train of thought in its tracks. It was time to deal with the Rabbit Liberation Front.
Hiking boots crunched carefully on the slag-covered sidewalk that led up to the building, and Lex walked in the door, black coat swirling around him. The shop was surprisingly full of people who were packed to the gills with packages and gaily-wrapped gifts, and the entire display made him slightly sad. There would be no packages waiting for him at home, no family to greet him. But he shook that off and headed for the counter, squeezing in distastefully between two other people and getting Lana's attention. "Lana!"
"Lex!" The young woman looked harried as she passed a tray over to another blond girl in a Talon apron. "I'm surprised to see you here."
"Not as surprised as I am to be here. I'm actually looking for Clark. Have you seen him? We're supposed to meet here, but as crowded as it is--"
"I haven't seen him. But, um, here." She dug under the counter for a moment and handed Lex a flat package wrapped in red paper and topped with a gold bow. "This was left here for you this morning; found it inside the mail slot."
"Thanks," Lex answered shortly, waving the hand with the package in it as he walked back out to the Hummer. He weighed it carefully, but it wasn't heavy and it didn't rattle. He put it down on the seat as he pulled himself into the vehicle, and then turned on the ignition and the heat. Once the car was warm, Lex picked up the package again and opened it carefully.
An unmarked CD slid out, along with another letter from the Rabbit Liberation Front.
"Be at this address before 10:15, or you'll never see the bunny again. RLF." Then the address, obviously clipped from a magazine address label.
Lex warily slipped the CD into the stereo of the Hummer, unsure of what to expect. After a brief pause, Christmas music came over the speakers, and Lex almost turned off the radio. Another pause, and he put his hands back on the steering wheel. The address wasn't far--Chloe's house, strangely enough--and he knew approximately where it was located. Shifting the Hummer into gear, he took off.
~ * ~ * ~
Pulling up to the driveway of Chloe's little house, Lex didn't have to go far to find his next clue. He didn't even bother to turn the ignition off this time as he got out to inspect his prize. Another box, in green paper and white ribbon, addressed to him with a typewritten label. He carried it back to the car and opened it in the warmth as well. A third typewritten letter from the
RLF, and a square box about the size of his palm.
"Be at this address by 11:00, or the bunny is toast. RLF." Again, the address clipped off a magazine but he didn't even need it. He knew the address better than he knew his own.
Opening the box itself revealed a sprig of green mistletoe, white berries bright against the deep burgundy of the red ribbon tied around it.
~ * ~ * ~
By the time Lex pulled into the Kents' driveway, there had been a sign pounded into the ground at the end of the road. "RLF Headquarters This Way." The hand-painted arrow on the sign pointed towards the Kent home, and as much as he did not want to intrude on the family's day, he could not turn down the invitation of the sign. He parked the Hummer and walked onto the porch. "Hello?"
"Lex? Come on in, we've been expecting you!" Martha dried her hands on the closest dishtowel and opened the front door. There was a little paper sign hanging on the wall by the door. -This way,' it said, and Lex's gaze followed the arrow to the dining room table.
There were four places set at the Kents' table, two on each side. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Kent. I'm interrupting," he started, as soon as he saw the fourth setting.
"No you're not," Clark's voice came from the top of the stairs. "Look closer," he continued as he came down.
Lex took a few steps towards the table at the gentle push forward from Martha, and he noticed that one of the settings had a white placard sitting in the middle of the plate. Another step forward, and the name on the card surprised him.
Alexander J. Luthor
Lex looked back at Martha, who just nodded. Jonathan Kent was coming in from the living room, and when Lex looked at *him,* Jonathan nodded too, and inclined his head to the table setting with Lex's name on it. Finally, he looked at Clark.
Who was carrying a large box wrapped in purple paper and shimmering silver ribbons. "I got you a present," Clark said unnecessarily, putting the box down on the sofa.
"Jonathan, could you help me over here for a moment?" Martha dragged her husband into the kitchen, away from the boys.
Lex looked around in surprise. "Clark?"
"Come on, Lex... open your present." Clark was rocking on his heels, waiting.
Lex let himself be tugged into the homey living room, and he stood in front of the package. Then he smiled up at Clark and started tearing the paper away. And then he laughed.
The rabbit was in a brand new cage. He was wearing a little purple nylon collar around his neck, and the tag read "Ferdinand." There was a water bottle on the cage, and the little bowl of rabbit chow in the corner had the same name--Ferdinand--stenciled on it. The rabbit himself seemed oblivious of the fact he'd been bunny-napped, instead munching happily on greens and chow like he had not a care in the world. "I rescued him from some mean old guy who was gonna eat him for dinner," Clark explained. "Then I thought of the one person who I thought might like to have a pet around the house, and I figured you might like to." He looked up at his friend. "But you can't eat him. He's a pet now. You can't eat a pet."
Lex slipped his long fingers between the metal wires of the cage and scratched Ferdinand behind the ears. "I promise I won't eat Ferdinand here." He looked up at Clark. "You could have just asked me."
"Yeah, and you'd have said no." He slipped his hand into his pocket, and came up with another bound bouquet of mistletoe and held it over Lex's head. Lex's eyes slid up to the green plant and then over to Clark. Clark quietly leaned forward and kissed Lex softly, more than just a chase press of lips... more like a promise of deeper kisses later. "Merry Christmas, Lex."
Lex took the mistletoe from Clark's hand, held it over Clark's head, and kissed him again. "Merry Christmas yourself, Clark."
The End