SquidgeWorld Archive

Denial
By Dangermouse

Fuck.

That was the only thought rattling around in Daniel's head as he flopped into a chair in the commissary and picked up his coffee.

Fuck.

Yet another complete disaster. He and Jack had had their by now customary fight and the Colonel had stormed off without wanting to finish the argument.

Dammit Daniel, how many times do I have to tell you to follow orders?

For fuck's sake, Jack, I damn well do follow orders when they make sense. This one didn't. Don't you trust me anymore?

Daniel was beginning to wonder about Jack's motives. Recently he'd been coming down on him harder and harder. Daniel had learned about tactics, built up his body, learned to shoot straight. What more did the man want? Why should he hide behind a freaking rock when the firing started? What was the fucking point about him learning to shoot a P90 if he didn't use it when necessary? He was also beginning to wonder whether he should leave SG-1. After all, if Jack didn't want him there....... He clamped down on that thought. He knew what was wrong with Jack and it wasn't something that Jack would ever want to sort out.

Fuck.

Major Paul Davis walked into the commissary in search of some food. Instead he spotted Dr Jackson sitting positively smouldering at his table. He noticed that every table surrounding his was empty, even though the place was filling up. Obviously Daniel was giving off 'keep away' vibes.

Paul chuckled to himself. When he had first met Daniel he had thought him to be a nice, quiet individual. Then he came up against him at a budget meeting. Hell, he hadn't heard language like that since he was in combat. He knew there was more to Daniel than met the eye so he'd done some checking on his background. He was stunned to read Daniel's history, saddened about his family, sickened by his abandonment and positively amazed by the guy's IQ. Whether he realised it or not, Daniel was one very special person. Not to mention the fact that he was a total babe.

"Hey Daniel, what's up?" He said as he sat down at the table empty handed.

Daniel looked up at his friend and smiled a wry smile.

"Hi Paul, nothing out of the ordinary. At least nothing I can discuss, rules being rules and all. You can't ask me and I can't tell you."

Paul was gobsmacked. Was Daniel saying what he thought he was saying?

"I'm knocking off for the day, I need to book myself into a motel. You couldn't give me a lift into town if you're off duty, could you?" Paul shocked himself with his question. He had never asked anything like this of him before.

"Sure, I'm about done here anyway. Give me ten, will you? I'll meet you up top."

Paul agreed and watched as Daniel got up and headed straight out of the commissary, his coffee untouched. Things must be bad if he hadn't drunk that.

"So, are you going to tell me what that was all about?" he asked as they drove down the mountain. "Whatever it is, it won't get past me, I promise. I keep secrets well, especially personal ones."

Daniel glanced over to him and thought for a moment. Paul recognised that Daniel's silences weren't him ignoring the question, but a deliberate decision to think out an answer. That was okay with Paul, who had to deal with content-less answers from politicians on a daily basis. Having someone around who gave a damn what he said made a nice change.

"Not here," came the response. "Have you eaten?"

"No, I was going to when I saw you. You looked angry about something."

"No," came the reply, "not angry, just sad. Look, I've got something planned for dinner tonight. Do you want to join me? I'm not a bad cook."

There was a touch of humour in his voice. Paul jumped at the chance. He'd never been inside Daniel's loft though he'd heard about it. The two of them had become good friends since Paul became the liaison, having a similar sense of humour, sharing interests and political sensibilities. The e mails they'd sent to each other, the lunches they'd grabbed together at the SGC and the laughs they'd had in meetings proved to them that they had lots in common.

"Okay, you weren't kidding when you said you can cook, this is delicious," Paul complimented as he tucked into the spicy meat dish with the unpronounceable name.

"I enjoy cooking, I find it relaxing. It's better if you have someone to cook for though," Daniel replied. "I'm kinda fed up of eating on my own."

"Tell me about it," Paul agreed. "I've been on my own for far too long. If I'm not careful I'll stay like this the rest of my life."

Daniel raised his glass at him, "Welcome to the club." He laughed mirthlessly, obviously restless underneath his attempts at humour.

He cleared away the empty plates, dropping them into the dishwasher as soon as he got into the kitchen. Paul followed him with the wine glasses and bottle, refilling both of the glasses and handing Daniel's back to him. He dropped the empty bottle into the 'for recycling' box and then headed back into the living room. He sat on the couch and Daniel sat in the armchair opposite.

"So? You gonna spill? Or do I have to resort to tickle torture?" Paul relied on their familiarity with each other to lighten the atmosphere a little.

Daniel responded with a small smile.

"I'm thinking of leaving SG-1." The statement was blunt and Paul was stunned again.

"Why?"

"Why do you think?"

"The Colonel," came the reply. It was pretty obvious, everybody had noticed how they were fighting these days, word of it had even started to be spread around the SG staff at the Pentagon.

"Give the man a medal," Daniel joked, again raising his glass to him.

"What's causing it?" Paul asked, very concerned. Daniel was a sarcastic shit when he wanted to be but, he was rarely like it to him, and he was never normally rude. Something had to be making him this way.

"I can't tell you, I want to tell you but I can't. There are rules, Paul. Rules that don't affect me, but affect members of the military."

There it was again. Dammit, why didn't he just say what he meant?

"Daniel? Is he hitting on you?" Again, there was great concern in his voice but he was totally unprepared for the near hysteria that followed it.

"Oh God, I'm sorry Paul, you have no idea how funny that is. Jack is straight. Okay? Completely and utterly straight. And he's fallen in love with me. I know you won't say anything but I need you to promise me this, promise me you won't say a fucking word."

Daniel was on his knees in front of him now, his hands on Paul's shoulders, gripping tightly. There were tears in his eyes. Paul put his own hands on Daniel's, stroking the backs of them to calm him down.

"Shhh Dan, I won't say a word, I promise. You have my word. Talk Daniel, this is eating you up inside, please, talk to me. Nothing you say will make me run screaming - either out of here or to the brass. I promise. Please talk."

Daniel's grip slackened but he didn't let go. Paul held Daniel's hands in his and dropped them down into his lap. He kept stroking his thumbs over Daniel's hands.

"He hasn't said anything," Daniel said, not taking his eyes off Paul's hands, "I don't think he even knows it. I know Jack. I know that's how he feels. He's angry with me because of it and I can't take it anymore." A few tears of frustration dropped down his cheeks, prompting Paul to move closer and pull him into a hug. He felt Daniel's body tense and then relax a little as his head buried itself into Paul's neck.

"How do you feel about him, Dan?"

"I don't know anymore, Paul. I was in love with him but since he's been like this I can't bear to be near him. It hurts, it really hurts. He was my best friend, you know? He was the best fucking friend I've ever had in my life. Now he's chasing after Sam, turning her from me. She used to be like my big sister, always looking out for me, but now she doesn't want me around. And he's getting more and more bossy on missions. I can't cope anymore."

Daniel let go and started sobbing. He was angry with himself. Angry with Jack too. He'd allowed Jack to build him up, started trusting that he'd always be there for him and now.......

"Oh God, I'm sorry Paul, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't do this, should I?"

"Hush Daniel, I'm here for you. Come on, I'm your friend, right?"

Daniel looked up and gave him a teary smile. He had grown extremely fond of Paul over the last few months. More than fond if the truth be told.

"Yeah, you're a great friend Paul. Thanks."

"Daniel, I'm not supposed to ask this and you're not supposed to tell but...."

Daniel interrupted him, "Yes, I am."

"Your wife?" Paul pushed.

"I like both," he answered with a shrug, "and before you wonder, yes I have. More guys in fact. Does that bother you?"

"Not in the slightest," Paul murmured.

He looked up at his friend, a question in his eye. Asked and answered when Paul took his life in his hands and kissed him.

Daniel pulled back, a little surprised himself.

"Whoa. Paul? You too?"

"Oh yeah. Have I screwed things up between us?"

"Not yet," Daniel replied with a filthy, filthy grin as he leaned back in for another kiss.

Desire and desperation overtook sense as they tumbled to the floor, clothes flying off as quickly as they could remove them.

"Bed," Daniel ordered huskily and Paul didn't need telling twice.

They scrambled to their feet and kissing frantically they stumbled up the stairs and into Daniel's bedroom and onto the bed.

The remnants of their clothing were quickly despatched and they finally got a chance to go for it. This was too much - they couldn't take it slow, not wanting to slow down, neither wanting to give up or just lie there. They almost battled for position, letting friction do the job that they were both aiming for.

Paul came with Daniel's name in his voice and his tongue down his throat, quickly followed by Daniel who was pushed over the edge by his cries.

"Oh God Dan, please tell me this wasn't it. Please tell me you want to go on," Paul was distraught at the thought that Daniel may only want this and nothing more. He didn't want to be his fuck-buddy, it wasn't the way he was.

"Shh, babe, hush. Not gonna give up on you, okay? We're pals, right? Everyone knows we're friends. We can see each other without comment, can't we? C'mon Paul, stop panicking. I gave up one night stands years ago. You could never be that to me, I think far too much of you. You've got to know that, haven't you?"

Paul caught his breath, trying to get it back under control. His habit of hyperventilating when panicked was very annoying for someone who liked to be cool under pressure. He buried his head in Daniel's chest, nuzzling up against the sweaty skin of his lover.

"Shower," Daniel suggested and they eased themselves off the bed.

"At least the wet spot is on the top of the cover," Paul joked.

"Stay Paul, don't go to a motel tonight, I don't want you to go. We can always say you stayed on my couch because I had too much to drink to drive you, or it got too late, or something."

"I'm not going anywhere Dan."

"Morning," Paul called out, bringing a coffee in to Daniel as he wandered back into the bedroom.

"'ckoff Paul," came the muffled reply, Daniel's head being under the pillow and all.

"Well that's nice, I must say, especially as I've brought coffee."

"Oh God, gimme."

Daniel emerged and Paul caught his breath. Even though he was distinctly mussed up, his hair standing up in spikes, his eyes bleary, he was still a very, very sexy man. Especially after lots and lots of hot and sweaty sex the night before.

"I hate the military," Daniel complained.

"Yeah, I know, the rule sucks," Paul agreed.

"No, didn't mean that. You all seem to need to get up at the crack of dawn. Besides, you suck," his eyes twinkling as he said it.

"Aren't you glad?" Paul teased, poking his tongue out.

"Yeahsureyoubetcha. C'mere," Daniel put down his cup and put his arms out. Paul fell into them easily enough.

"Seems I owe you something," Daniel whispered, making Paul's flesh break out in goose bumps.

He pushed him onto his back and started on Paul's chest. He licked and kissed, biting Paul's nipples gently to make them stand erect. It wasn't the only thing. Paul was wearing a bathrobe which quickly came undone giving Daniel a whole body to play with.

"God you are so fucking beautiful," he moaned against Paul's skin, making the younger man writhe gently underneath him.

Daniel reached for the lube which was still under the pillow from the night before. He slicked up his fingers as he went down, taking Paul whole.

Paul gasped as he felt one then two then three fingers in quick succession enter him as Daniel's tongue proved how versatile it really was. He sucked and licked and ran his teeth up the sides of Paul's dick as he slowly and deeply fucked Paul with his fingers.

"Daniel, oh please, more, now, please babe now."

This was Daniel's signal to really go for it, pushing the fingers in harder, making his mouth tighter and soon Paul came hard, spilling into Daniel's mouth.

Paul didn't have time to recover his power of speech before he felt Daniel enter him. There was no finesse, Daniel knew that Paul didn't want it. He wanted hard and fast and dirty and he got it in spades.

They lay together, completely sated, kissing hard, touching, cataloguing the feel of each other's bodies for memory's sake.

"I'll come back here as soon as I can, I promise," Paul murmured.

"You'd better," Daniel sighed, "I don't want to give you up now."

"They'll have to separate us by force, Dan, at gunpoint if necessary. You and me, we're good aren't we?"

"Whoo ya," Daniel giggled, "we're good. We really are rather good, you know?"

"Mmmm, I know." And Paul dropped a kiss on his forehead before they got up to get on with their lives.

END