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“And when I turn back?”
Mick is a myriad of excuses as always. I often wonder if he sits around planning out reasons not to be happy.
“Well Vampires and humans can have sex Mick, this isn’t about physiology.”
My usual defense mechanism comes into play. I’m forcing my tone to sound flippant.
I listen then as Mick lists a host of reasons why he cannot possibly be happy with Beth. If only he knew how many times I’ve sat and told myself much the same thing when it comes to him. Don’t get involved, don’t fall in love. I’m as much of a coward in these matters as he is only I tend to think I hide it better.
“If you keep coming up with all these excuses, you're not afraid Beth’s going to get hurt, you're afraid your going to get hurt.”
And there it is, exchange Beth’s name for Mick’s and this is the closest I may ever come to admitting the truth. At least to myself.
“I…am in love with her.”
Mick’s words send splinters into my heart.
“And I am in love with you.” I think to myself and then force another smile. “Yeah, yeah you are.” I answer out loud. “Now go do something about it, before it’s too late.”
Part of me hopes Mick can hear the almost imperceptible crack in my voice, the way I swallow and then grit my teeth, eyebrows arched upwards in a momentary expression of pain and loss.
I know he doesn’t. Mick remains oblivious to the truth as always, even more so now that he’s human again. Sometimes I like to believe that there was a time, once, when he did know or at least suspected. Such a moment, if it ever existed, has long since passed now though. And I am the one who let it slip through my fingers.
I watch then as Mick turns to leave. Snatches of a song drift up from the streets below as his retreating form hovers in the doorway for a moment, and then disappears.
“Days go by and still I think of you...”
I have a feeling those days are going to stretch into an eternity.