Work Text:
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The Complaint Department
Muse of Fanfic
by Scorpio
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Zeus stood in the middle of his plush and stately appointed office on the 50th floor of Olympus Inc. He wasn't gazing out his floor to ceiling windows to watch his shining and beautiful city as it bustled about it's day. Nor was he admiring his many priceless artifacts on display in various well lit nooks and crannies. He wasn't even engaged in some unfathomable godly introspection type of navel-gazing. No, the Sky God was doing something much more important.
He was working on his golf swing.
ZEUS: Fore!
Swinging the club back and over his head, Zeus glared at the inoffensive little white ball and then swung the club back down and around. *smack* The ball went sailing across the room and out an open window where it pegged a bird in mid-flight.
Zeus scowled and was about to curse his bad luck when he was distracted by the sound of his intercom buzzing over on his desk.
NEENA: Sir?
Zeus smiled. He like his Administrative Assistant. She was professional, efficient, pleasant and like all fresh water nymphs, her light blue skin and darker blue hair was lovely to look upon. Zeus was also convinced that she knew everything that was going on in the city. He couldn't do his job without her.
ZEUS: Yes, Neena. What is it?
NEENA: Lord Apollo and the Nine Muses of Inspirations Ltd are here with Herbertus, sir.
Zeus frowned and lifted his golf club to rest on his shoulder.
ZEUS: Herbertus?
NEENA: Yes, sir. He's the Head of the Complaint Department.
ZEUS: Ahhh.
Zeus' frown deepened. This couldn't be good.
ZEUS: I see. Please escort everyone to the Executive Meeting Room on the 45th floor. I'll be with them in a moment.
NEENA: Very good, sir.
The line disconnected and Zeus sighed as he dematerialized his golf clubs. It seemed that it was time to get back to work. Glancing down at himself, he changed his brightly colored golf clothes for a more dignified silk business suit. It was one thing if 'Pol and the girls saw him in casual clothes, they were his children after all. Herbertus was another matter, altogether.
Besides, he tended to lose people in the Complaint Department and in Personnel to the lovely, if demented, Mania far too easily as it was. Something about stress if the memo's were to be believed. In any event, Zeus didn't want to chance finishing off Herbertus' sanity by appearing for a meeting wearing turquoise and coral plaid knickers and a pale yellow polo shirt.
Wondering what was so important his children had to visit him personally, Zeus disappeared in a flurry of gold and silver sparkles. He reappeared seconds later five floors down and standing behind the big cream leather chair on wheels at the far end of a long table in the cream and sage colored meeting room.
ZEUS: Please, have a seat.
Apollo sat at the other end of the table and the Muses split up with four of them on one side and five on the other. Herbertus, a tad nervous and pale, sat down with a quiet squeak in the only chair that was left.
ZEUS: Well, 'Pol. What brings the entire Board of Directors of Inspirations Ltd. to see me today?
Apollo frowned and made a vague gesture that took in his half-sisters.
APOLLO: For several years now, the girls have been coming to me and asking for help. They are, in all seriousness, overwhelmed with work. In the past, the majority of mortals were too focused on the basic necessities of life to dedicate much time to the arts. Nowadays, that's not true. There are entire industries that are based solely on the arts.
All nine Muses nodded their heads in unison.
APOLLO: I've given them a lot of Elementals and Naiads. Last year we hired a lot of Oceanids as part-time workers. Tethys is thrilled that they're working, but they can never stay very long because we are so far from the open ocean and they need to return to it periodically.
Zeus frowned. He knew his daughters were always busy, but surely it wasn't that bad.
EUTERPE: I am *so* beyond busy that if I didn't have Terpsichore who is willing to take on the Boybands and the Popstars while Erato shoulders a lot of the lyric writing burden, I'd go crazy. As it is, I am far to busy to even *begin* to help out with this new art-form.
Terpsichore and Erato nodded and smiled at their sister encouragingly.
URANIA: I have extra duties with Sun Chariot, so I'm not always around. And even when I am, both Polyhymnia and I are busy with all of the Wicca Practitioners. Plus, my astronomers have been working very hard lately with this whole space craze in the mortal realm.
Polyhymnia looked up from where she was gazing into her crystal ball and hummed her agreement.
CALLIOPE: The movie industry is a lot of work and Hollywood keeps us swamped, but we've managed to work out a system where myself and Terpsichore work with either Melpomene, Thalia or Clio, depending on whether it's an action movie, or a drama or a historical documentary.
Zeus frowned thoughtfully.
ZEUS: I...see.
CALLIOPE: And we've *all* got a long list of writers that write and publish books, songs, poems, screenplays and whatnot. However, it's this new art-form that's really biting into our time. At first, it was a small subculture that was producing it. We didn't mind. In fact, we kind of liked it.
THALIA: Oh! There's some really great stuff out there. So many people are getting involved now and it's all very exciting. Cutting edge, you know?
Zeus smiled fondly at Thalia. She was always so excitable. His smile melted when Melpomene cleared her throat, however. Not that he didn't love her. He did. She was his daughter, but...what was it that her sisters called her? Oh yeah. The Angst Queen. She could put a downer on a funeral.
MELPOMENE: Look. It's quite simple. This art is important, yes. Unfortunately, it's also taking up far too much of all of our time. We've all sacrificed our Union sanctioned; lunch hours, coffee breaks, dinner hours, and 6 hour 'personal' down time in order to fill this need. Something *has* to be done.
Confused, but not ready to admit it, Zeus questioned his son.
ZEUS: Yes, yes. But...'Pol, what *is* this new art-form that's taking up so much time and energy?
APOLLO: Fanfiction.
ZEUS: Huh?
Apollo sighed. It was a weary sound.
CLIO: It's simple, really. Fanfiction is exactly what it sounds like. Mortals write fictional stories about those things that they enjoy. Books, movies, shows, singers, actors, anything really. They simply write a fictional story about the characters and people they admire. It's...rather flattering when it's one of your works that's turned into a Fandom.
ZEUS: Fandom?
Clio and the other girls all nodded.
CLIO: Yes. A Fandom is a grouping of stories all about the same characters. They might live in the same city or town. Each story has a different adventure or moral, but the characters are reused again and again.
ZEUS: I see.
Although, it was clear to everyone that he didn't.
ZEUS: And this is important?
He knew that he'd made a tactical error when everyone at the table, well except for Herbertus, frowned at him. Even the ever cheerful Thalia.
MELPOMENE: Yes, it's important. Yes, we need help. Yes, it's up to you to get us that help. Or...or...so help me, we'll go on Strike!
Everyone looked over at Melpomene in shock. Then, one by one, her sisters nodded their heads and agreed. Apollo looked pale, but there was little he could do about it. Zeus sputtered for a second, but before he could say anything, the Muses flashed out of the room one by one.
Zeus and Apollo exchanged grim looks. Then as one they turned on the pale and trembling Herbertus who looked as if he wanted to be anywhere else but there.
ZEUS: Herbertus. I want you to go back to your office and fill out all of the proper forms for a formal complaint on behalf of Inspirations Ltd. Have Apollo and all nine Muses sign it. That way, I can officially start coming up with a solution to their problem.
Father and son shared another look.
APOLLO: Also...I'd advise you to keep the word 'strike' under your hat. Mel's always been a bit overly dramatic when she gets a twist in her pantyhose. Once she realizes that something's being done, she'll calm down.
Herbertus nodded his head uncertainly and stood up.
HERBERTUS: Oh, okay. Uh...I guess I'll, um, go get started on that paperwork, then.
With one last nervous twitch, Herbertus turned and rushed out the meeting room door. He wasn't quite fast enough to prevent himself from hearing the Son God's last comment.
APOLLO: Well, at least I *hope* she'll calm down.
Blinking in stunned confusion, Zeus looked over at a wane and depressed Apollo.
ZEUS: 'Pol? What just happened?
APOLLO: Um, the Muses all just threatened to go on Strike if they didn't get any help with the fanfic writers?
Zeus nodded his head.
ZEUS: That's what I thought just happened.
SCORPIO
[scorpiofic@aol.com]
http://members.tripod.com/sentinel-cat/Scorpio