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"I adore the despair in your eyes
I worship your lips once red as wine
And I crave for your scent sending shivers down my spine
I just love the way you're running out of life."
Gone with the sin, by HIM
He still was so beautiful.
I almost stumbled over him, as he was lying in that dirty alleyway, slowly bleeding out his life.
Then I recognised him. Alex Krycek. My enemy. The man I hated and loved.
I knew instinctively that he was dying, even before Scully confirmed it. The recognition didn't hit me like a flash; I had always known that it would end that way. Yet the thought of letting him go hurt more than anything that had happened to me. More than anything he
had done to me.
I had always thought that he was beautiful, whether the day we first met, when he was wearing that awful suit and that terrible hairstyle, or in Hongkong, looking like something that the cat dragged in, whether on our trip to Tunguska, his hair much too short, or in my apartment, where he gave me information and a kiss, making me wonder whether I should shoot him or fuck him. I did neither, of course.
He was never as beautiful as this night, pain and despair in his eyes, blood staining his lips, his stump vulnerable to my gaze, his side full of scars, the gore dark on his pale skin. It does not make sense to me, but all this seemed only to accent his beauty. Maybe it was because it was our last moment that I worshipped every detail.
Scully could say that his last deed, giving me the disc with all the information we needed to crush down the Consortium was not more than an attempt to relieve his conscience, that the password was my name only because of the irony. I know better. I saw the look in his eyes. There was more than pain and fear.
I tasted his blood as he kissed me. It was so warm, his skin cold as ice. He spoke to me in Russian before he died. I have a good memory; I still knew the words when I looked them up in a dictionary.
I don't think it would have changed anything if I had known earlier that he loved me. It didn't even surprise me; maybe I had always known it, subconsciously.
I cradled him in my arms, murmuring nonsense, kissing his forehead, watching his features relax, his breathing grow flatter, not even stopping when I was sure he was dead. I wished that I could prolong the moment into eternity.
Scully frowned down at me, but didn't say a word. If she hadn't been there, I would have joined him in death.