Work Text:
Human Heart
by kira-nerys
Spock
I believed I had prepared myself sufficiently for this meeting.
I found that it was not so.
I was utterly taken aback by the stab of pain in my heart.
Spock, he said.
His whisper pained me, stirred the emotions like a stick in a pond.
Making my soul feel grained, mudded and shaken.
His face lit up with that expression I know so well.
It held emotions I thought he had buried.
Emotions I know he no longer feels.
I found myself incapable of answering him.
I found myself incapable of speaking to any of them.
They were my friends.
I left them all.
I could do nothing else.
But it feels like an inadequate excuse.
My pain became theirs.
It was not my intention.
The looks on their faces as I entered were not what I had expected.
I did not expect to see happiness.
I did not expect them to welcome me.
Not after I left them thus.
But the human heart is a curious thing.
I forget that in my chest beats a half-human heart.
Its reactions are not always logical
And I cannot prepare for what it has in store for me.
Now I push the emotions away, struggling to keep the shields up.
I turn to Decker and he allows me to take the science station.
I wish to leave.
I wish to weep
I wsih nothing more than to stay here, in their presence
In his presence.
Is there still hope?
Hope is illogical.
Yet, I cannot help but feel it.
~ END