Work Text:
The Unlucky White Lighter
by Pirate Turner
Knowing all Their eyes were upon him, he tried not to move. He tried to stand as still as a statue, but he couldn't help that his eyes continued to seek out his manmade watch. He couldn't help the sighs that filtered silently through his chest. He couldn't help that his hands and feet itched with the ache to return home. He couldn't stop thinking about his beautiful wife and the scrumptiousness that awaited him there.
"LEO WYATT," the booming voice of the collective Council demanded, making him flinch involuntarily, "IS THERE A PROBLEM?"
"I, hum, I was just . . . " He blushed, his eyes lowering to the cloud beneath his feet. "I was just wondering how much longer this meeting was going to take."
"WHY? IS THERE SOME PRESSING MATTER THAT YOU FIND MORE IMPORTANT?"
"No, no, no, of course not!" he hurriedly babbled. "It's just that . . . I'm eager to get home to my wife."
"WE WERE AFRAID THIS WOULD HAPPEN WHEN YOU MARRIED A WITCH. THEY TAINT YOUR MIND, MAKE YOU THINK ONLY OF COPPULATION."
"No!" His eyes flew to Theirs as he was just as adamant to make Them see the error of Their thought as he was nervous. "It's not that at all!"
"WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?"
"If you'd ever had a wife who could cook like my Piper does, perhaps you would understand. Tonight is the night she cooks breakfast for supper."
"Breakfast for supper?!" one Elder whispered.
"Those mortals do have strange ways indeed!" a second agreed.
"Yes, breakfast for supper," Leo repeated. "The fluffiest, most mouth-watering hotcakes any one's ever tasted; eggs cooked any way you can imagine; sizzling bacon and sausage; blueberry and strawberry muffins that are so delectable the mere tastes brings tears to your eyes; and then to top it all off . . . "
"YES?"
Leo stopped and looked around through startled eyes. He'd not realized that he had gained the full attention of every one present. He swallowed hard, silently praying that this wasn't going to go the way he feared, and then finished, "To top it all off, she's making her triple-chocolate cheesecake that, in its own way, is a masterpiece the likes of which would make Michelangelo green with envy."
"This Piper of yours . . . " one Elder spoke slowly.
"Would she be angry if . . . " a second continued.
Leo tried to hide his instinctive wince as he waited for the third to ring his death sentence.
" . . . you were to bring home some unexpected guests?"
Leo's mind whirled. What could he possibly say? If he told Them no, They'd be angry and keep him here the rest of the mortal night if not longer. If he told Them yes and took Them home with him, Piper would skin him alive and he wouldn't see the inside of their bedroom for a good year! But the Council still wielded the power to part them forever. "Per-Perhaps not," he spoke hesitantly as he continued to try to form the perfect words to avoid angering either party in his head.
"THEN IT IS SETTLED. THE MEETING IS OVER, AND WE SHALL ACCOMPANY YOU HOME THIS FINE EVENING."
As the Council circled around him, each individual member wearing smiles as large as their robes were white and doing their best to get a chance to pat his shoulder fondly, Leo's stomach sank. He winced visibly as his color paled and his mind roared silently. Damn it all! Now he'd not only lose his own supper, but Piper was going to kill him! Some days you just couldn't win!
The End