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Gibbs didn't want to do this, not yet at least. And as he picked up the phone and tried to ignore the cantina's patrons in the background he had to ignore his nerves. But it had been months since he'd talked to the team, let alone his long forgotten lover. Now here he was clutching the desk and the phone in both his hands and praying that he could hold off the heartbreak just a little longer.
But as he dialed the numbers for the card and then went through the calling cards process, he couldn't help it as his heart beat faster and faster. And many rings later, when the phone was picked up and a gruff voice answered Gibbs couldn't help but sniffle a bit. For all his badass marine reputation, he was terrified at how this phone call would end. He finally got out a raspy "I love you" and had to hold his breath a bit before continuing. Gibbs finds himself begging quietly "Tony please don't hang up, I'm sorry for calling so late but please listen." And it's as he hears the other man try to say something that he starts up another litany.
Saying it even louder won't get his ex-lover's attention but as he repeats a quiet "I love you" he needs to say more. Gripping the phone, he starts again, hoping the man over the phone is listening still as he says rather quickly, “I want to come back home Tony. I'm remembering more and the most that I remember is you." He's listening to the panting and gasping breath over the phone and knows he needs to continue to plead his case.
Gibbs goes on not knowing how captive his audience is. "I know that I hurt you by leaving but I had to but I think I finally learned my lesson. And god Tony I'm tired of spending all my time alone. I realized you're all I ever wanted, And it's killing me to be so far away Mexico isn't as peaceful as I'd hoped it be. Please Tony tell me I can come home not to DC and the team but to you, just for you." And as he waits for an answer, a curse, anything at all he can feel the morning chill settle into his aching bones and broken heart. It was all he could do not to whisper to the man that he dare not laugh, not that bitter one that Tony excelled at hurting people the most with it cold sarcastic feel. He prayed that he wouldn’t get that laugh.
Tony couldn’t believe it as his phone rang. He’d just gotten to bed after a 3-day ball breaking case and all he really wanted was sleep. So he intended to be gruff with whatever idiot was calling, not even for Abby would he spare his wrath. He doesn’t get a full “what” out before the other side starts talking. In a rush of words and raspy breathing, he hears the words he’d been longing for too long. But too late his mind whispers quietly. He doesn’t even leave the room as the other man goes on. He just shifts away from his bedmate and pulls the cell closer to his ear. He can’t help but listen and feel for his ex as he keeps talking, keeps begging really. But for all the love Tony had ever had for one Leroy Jethro Gibbs that was nothing in comparison to the man keeping him warm most nights.
And as he thinks quietly, about what to say he can’t help it as the worst slips out, “I told you so you, remember that Gibbs. Even with your memory loss, you remembered me and still left. I could have helped you, I wanted to but god man it’s way too late for either of us now.” Tony feels the heartbreak across the phone line but continues, “I know I told you some day that you would come crawling back and be asking me to take you in but you had to go, you just had to go didn’t you? But now I've found somebody new and am so happy, god Gibbs we never had this.” And if Tony was honest with himself, he knew that what he said next would be the kicker, “Gibbs, you will never break my heart in two again and if you do come back I’ll be here but just as a friend, never again will I truly love you. Now it’s late here and I’ve got work Gibbs so goodbye, just goodbye.” And as he clicks end he swears he hears a sob and a begging voice try to continue. But no matter he tells himself as he cuddles up against his lover. Pulling Jimmy to his body and holding him close Tony fights the tears that he never could shed before.
He thinks back to what their life could have been like.
He thinks back to what their life could have been like.
Jethro couldn’t believe it as the line went dead. He was shaking like a leaf. He let it go too long and damned if he hadn’t lost everything. Would he never get this love thing right? he thinks bitterly to himself. He could still envision his return to DC and Tony and now he knew that was a fool’s dream and errand. He thought of getting to one knee and begging a commitment out of his reluctant lover. He knew he would have promised the man forever but now it was too late. Now he’d never feel Tony’s supporting arms around him as they both cried through their reunion.
He could only dream of the laughing and love that they would have shared. He could still see Tony whispering to him quietly “I missed you.” They’d talk about of the long months apart and they would have reconnected like their best times. But never again would he have that old time feeling of Tony’ love and affection. “Never to be” Gibbs told himself. He would never have Tony in his arms reassuring him of their long and lonely love affair. And just like that, ancient phrase that always has to people all he’d ever hear as long as he remained on this earth was Tony’s pained voice saying in his ear “I told you so.”