SquidgeWorld Archive

Trying to get my hustle on

Tony: “Am I tired of this shit or what?”

Friend: “Huh?”

T: “Oh nothing, hey listen bro I gotta go the old man’s been bitching.”

F: “Whateve dude, just watch the fuck out cause the crypts been haunting.”

He’s walking quick, well more like shuffling fast and trying to keep the talking to himself at a minimum, “Always on the lookout Anthony always gotta be on the lookout.” Tony’s making sure to make some tracks. It’s getting late and he knows the old man’s got that damn party and all hands on deck were required. But he really wants to shout real loud “Fuck that shit” but instead it’s “Can’t let the old man down, no siree bob.” Tony was started to really hate this shit even his bros didn’t treat him like some dumbass bitch or whelp.

But hell he’d earned his way in with the boys, blood in and blood out. His boys were more family than his crazy fucked up real one. His mom had gotten more way-out than usual this year. And well pops had always been one hell of a trip and the last couple of months both the rents’ had gotten a little weirder as they got a little richer. Heaven or hell greed still won out in his hood and his blood family was just your typical fucked up New Yorkers. What that said about the world outside the blocks he didn’t know.

Getting across the streets real quick Tony knew home sweet home was just about round the corner and he wasn’t excited in the least bit. He hated going home cause it wasn’t really that, never had been a home just a hellhole of a life that he had never wanted. Even though Sonny and the boys also had some money they mostly felt like he did, that all the shit wasn’t worth the crap they went through. No matter what his pops or the teachers said Tony knew the boys were all he had, needed, or would ever want. They had his back or six or whatever, he knew that down deep.

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

Tony: “Sgt. Franks my name is Corporal Anthony DiNozzo and I’m going to be in charge of your PT while you’re here.”

Franks: “How nice for you.”

T: “Sir did you have any questions before we begin?”

“Thank God” Tony whispers, thinking to himself that he was grateful to have missed the war. Now as a soldier he only had to deal with the fallout. But working at Bethesda wasn’t too bad. And all he had to do was daily PT with a select group of patients he could handle that. Or so he had told himself every day until now.

This morning upon reporting for duty he’d been given a new roster of men and women to work with. And boy did he ever regret taking the most severe cases on. Because lying in the bed in front of him was going to be one of his toughest cases yet. It was at the point of looking at a triple amputee that Tony missed his war games and history classes. He had known war was bad, he’d been told near constantly since signing on but god this was bad.

Swallowing some bile with a smile he goes to Sgt. Franks and greets him with a salute and then an informal word or two. This was how he’d always done it but things were changing and down deep Tony was feeling like a probie facing down a drill sergeant. This was a man not to be challenged but helped in any way but Tony didn’t know right then and there if it was at all possible or if he was capable of doing so.

Wannabe P-I-M-P

Announcer: “And the draft pick for Cleveland is…”

It might’ve been just ball to most people out in the real world but to Tony it was his life. And it had been all he thought about when he was recovering from his leg break. Well other than his bitch of an ex girlfriend that left when he’d needed her the most. Tony thinks to himself quietly knowing *hell I’ll find a new girl when I get back to the city.* Tony continues to pack up his dorm stuff as he tries to remember press and practice dates for the team.

His agent couldn’t handle everything it seemed. He knew going pro would be hard but when he’d signed those papers he had no idea, not really. God the media circus at the junket had been crazy but it could’ve been worse. He could’ve gone to a team that the press really haunted instead of the Cavs. But he took comfort in staying in Ohio because after just 5 years here he knew he found somewhat of a home. And well at least Cleveland had a lot more than Amish to offer him.

Monday he woke up and hated life

Tony: “Yes sir, by the end of the day.”

DiNozzo Sr.: “I expect it done ASAP and done right.”

*hangs up phone*

T: “Yes sir, no sir, fuck you sir.”

Tony started screaming in his head as soon as he hung up on his old man. “God I hate this” he mutters quietly trying to stave off a migraine. He knew it was the thousandth time he had said so since Monday and maybe the trillionth time since he’d started working at the company. At times he still didn’t know why he did all this. Well really he did he had to admit to himself as he reached down to massage his aching knee and looking at the cane beside his desk. With his dreams of pro ball crushed he’d switched majors and upon graduation had put on his best suit, some charm and went to suck up to the old man for a job. And he’d gotten one, boy had he, he’d started at the bottom at worked his way up. Like he should have really, but he had hated every moment and still did.

God had it only been 10 year?? Tony has to wonder where time went as he gazed at his team photos and next to them the damned business degree that he had earned. He just had to wait it out until the old man croaked. Then he would have his own fortune 500 company to waste the potential of. Which was one thing all DiNozzo’s were good at it seems. At least it wasn’t the gutter but Wall Street that Tony was frequenting as he looked out at the hazy New York skyline.

I lived the sweet life but never knew I’d be bitter from the sweet

Dr.: “I’m sorry Mr. DiNozzo but you’ll never walk again.”

Tony: “Oh god are you sure…”

Dr.: “Yes I am sorry but the damage was too severe. It was too extensive to fix with just pins and needles. In my professional opinion time will allow you some comfort but until then I’ll be happy to refer to another physician or you could take full advantage of the OT/PT that the hospital here offers.

The life of an ex football star wasn’t as glamorous as Tony had once thought it to be as he wheels up the ramp. Not even his mansion in the modern day scour bough district had survived his paralysis. That’s not even commenting at the loss of his fiancée and quite a few friends. If he was honest he couldn’t even feel it as the rug had been yanked from out under him. His ass down was totally numb so he definitely didn’t feel it being kicked at all. He thinks of that failed moment in his life a lot lately as he goes about his day. On the field of his dreams and in the moment it had all crashed and burned as he’d been roughly tackled and thrown down. He’d heard a snap and that was all she wrote. Now his life as a paraplegic wasn’t the glamorous retirement he’d imagined for himself but he was getting there.

Slamming the back door of his house much like he was trying to slam it on memories Tony knew his life was drastically different and couldn’t help the cringe that came out. He remembers the year long therapy sessions and occupational rehab, he doesn’t want to but he does. At first he’d needed all the assistance he could afford and that was when Maggie had left. Not the first in his life but certainly one of the worst so much so that he still hurt from it. He might not feel his legs but his heart really hurt almost every day he breathed or thought.

New York Dreaming

News Anchor: “At the top of the news hour we have more information on the shooting death of NYPD officer Anthony DiNozzo.”

Excerpt from the ME’s report:

Deceased suffered a fatal self inflicted gunshot wound. Wound in the left temporal lobe. Death ruled suicide.

Excerpt from the lead investigator’s report:

Officer DiNozzo was being investigated by IA on allegations of corruption, fraud, and excess brutality. The results of the investigation are still pending.

DiNozzo Sr. to News Reporter:

“It was no less than the little bastard deserved. I always said he was a no good son of a bitch who end up in the gutter.”

Excerpt from the ME’s personal notes:

Officer DiNozzo’s body was shipped to the Bronx potter’s field.

Excerpt from the lead investigator’s personal notes:

DiNozzo’s last words were “Maybe he’ll notice me now.” Colleagues and friends had no knowledge of what the note meant.

Lawyer: “The last of will and testament of Anthony DiNozzo is as follows…”

There’s no more goodbye

Gibbs: “You do not have permission to die.”

Tony: “I’m sorry boss.”

G: “God son please…”

T: “Sorry…”

Flatline----------------------------------------

Gibbs had to shade his eyes from the brightness of the day. For such a somber occasion the day and the people seemed rather jovial. Looking around he could tell the funeral was well attended. From agents to police and from frat brothers to ex girlfriends DiNozzo's turnout was more than respectable. It went to show just how many people had loved his boy. And there didn't seem to be a dry eye around either. Gibbs knew that he was crying but it didn't matter. He'd lost one of the few people left in his life that meant more to him than anything else.

The past week had been hell. He's thankful for Ducky and the others. When Tony had left him behind with just his body to hold onto for a little longer his friends and team had been there from barely a minute afterwards. All he knew that from that moment on til the day he died he'd never forget his second child. Blood related or not Tony had meant more to him in just the 4 years he'd known him than anyone barring Shannon and Kelly.

He didn't know if he could continue or wanted too at all really. It hurt just to breathe now. Tony could've sympathized. But here and now looking at the open grave of his second in command he knew that he would go on. If not for himself for Shannon, Kelly and now Tony. He'd go on and save victim after victim all the while he knew he'd be hoping to save himself along the way. And as Gibbs tuned back into the Priest ending and the guns beginning he could'nt bring himself to care or be ashamed of the tears he shed. They weren't the first and everytime it happened he had hopes of them being the last knowing it to all be in vain.

Ob la de Ob la da Life goes on or I finally stopped living on dreams

Jeanne: “You came?”

Tony: “Yes, for real this time.”

J: “Forever?”

T: “As long as you’ll have me.”

Bouncing the baby on his hip Tony began humming another tune. He’d been trying to calm Charlene for nearly an hour now but she clearly missed her mommy as much as  her daddy did.  It had been a rough couple of months since Jeanne had gone back to work. Tony though had taken to daddy hood like a fish to water it seemed sometimes. But Jeanne was still having problems with her role despite working all day.

In some respects Tony couldn’t blame her at all. But god it had been over 2 years since he’d followed her to France. And he had tried everything he could think of to appease her. But the pregnancy it seems had been the final straw. Their relationship had always been rocky, her too dependent and him to unfeeling or so she said. The baby had been an accident and one that Jeanne didn’t seem to appreciate at all. He could blame Post Partum but wouldn’t he knew, it was just the two of them to blame.

It wasn’t the life either of them had planned on. Their marriage was not one of those storybook romances that Jeanne had always been fond of. They’d both gone into hiding after the frog revelations. Hiding from both the good guys and bad guys had been rough on Jeanne and Tony both. But it was the change in careers that threw Jeanne a bit more than anything really. While the two of them still had money and the life they were used to neither of them were satisfied with their 9 to 5 normal jobs. Well Tony had been fine with being unsatisfied and since the baby came he hadn’t worked anyway. But Jeanne hated being so normal and abnormal all at one time. New names, new careers, and a new baby he knew had Jeanne missing the excitement of her old life.

A whole new life had obviously not been the prescription for happiness because while they had new lives they faced the same old problems. And Tony never knew how to make her happy anymore. And so here he stood years later from leaving NCIS with a baby on his hip and his eye on the Seine River. Standing there watching the sun fade he knew deep in his gut things would never be the same. It’s just as he begins another round of melancholy why me’s? that the door bell rang.

He opens the telegram before even closing the door. He reads it there in final black print. All she wrote was “Tony, I finally stopped living on dreams. I’m sorry. Keep her. I don’t want you or our life together anymore. There was never a happy ending for us. J.”  With his gut clenching and the baby crying Tony doesn’t know what to do first cry or scream. He’d given his all to her and she left.  He whispers to his baby girl as he quietly cries “I’ve got you, I’ve got you.”

Saturdays will never be the same

Student: Professor DiNozzo, I’m sorry my paper is so late but…

Tony: (reads email) “Hell kid if I can carry a badge and grade papers you can do your homework…I know I still have to.”

Scratching at his eyes Tony fought to stay awake. He’d been up for what felt like an all week bender. But really it had only been oh 72 hours give or take. But the case work, foot work, and team work had left him feeling like bio hazard sludge. He didn’t want to stay up any longer grading papers but that was the thing about responsibility it waited for no man. And without the frog case and Jeanne all he had was himself and a lonely apartment to wander back to.

That’s probably why he’d taken on the opportunity that Georgetown had given him. Not even the team or Jenny knew about it. To teach online course on his favorite topics and get a degree in the process of things was something not even Tony on his most foolhardy days would pass up. The university had understood his schedule when they’d given him this chance hence the online courses and once a week office hours. Tony loved that part of the deal. Student reactions to him and his gruff professor attitude kept him amused for hours afterwards.

And after three semesters the classes had a good passing and attendance rate, so much so that the university had offered him an adjunct professorship on a semi permanent basis. Tony was thrilled with this accomplishment so much so he’d thought of telling the team for all about 10 seconds. That was until Ziva and McGee latest stunt. He felt unappreciated every day now and was seriously considering leaving. Now that Gibbs was back to normal he deemed it possible but more research was also necessary.

He was busy now and at times enjoyed that. But it was times like today that got to him. Maybe his best option was to go and  officially teach at Georgetown. They’d offered repeatedly and god it was sounding better and better every day. He looked forward to the day when he was Dr. DiNozzo and he knew when that happened he’d be gone. No longer a underappreciated disliked or maligned special agent for the government. He’d had enough excitement to last him a lifetime if he even lived that long. And thinking more of teaching he gets back to looking and laughing at the other excuse emails in his inbox.

Take this job and shove it

Vance: “You have been reassigned as Agent a Float on the USS Regan”

Tony: “Sir I apologize on the suddenness of my decision but in the wake of certain events I cannot accept the assignment and will have to respectfully resign as of today."

It was months later closer to a year that Tony found some regret with his decision to leave NCIS. He hadn't even been out of a job a day before the CIA and his soon to be partner Trent Kort came into the picture. Given the lucrative job offer Tony had taken the deal. In his grief he'd been a fool he thinks to himself. But the danger and money did make him feel Magnum esque sometimes. He just needed the flashy car.

But now on the run from the gunrunning ring he'd just busted Tony couldn't help but regret just a bit his hasty decision. He missed the team, the back up, and the trustworthiness Gibbs had offered to Tony all those years. With Kort as his only back up and totally unreliable at times Tony was worried. He wished he'd known how things would end when signing those damn papers a year ago. The money was so not worth the crap he'd done and was now on the run from.