SquidgeWorld Archive

Visiting Mind
by Kiristeen ke Alaya

Selek turned over, laying his arm across the Human sleeping beside him, not yet willing to open his eyes. This was one of the benefits of being bonded with a human, she allowed such touching. Indeed, she seemed to crave it sometimes.

As soon as he touched her, he *knew* something was wrong. It jerked him out of his gentle awakening, to sit bolt upright in bed. His eyes confirming what his mind and hand had felt, though it was illogical to need such confirmation, sent him scrambling out of the narrow bed, Vulcan dignity temporarily forgotten.

Mere seconds later he straightened and calmed a too fast heart beat. The person still sleeping peacefully on the bed was Human, but that was as far as the similarity to his bondmate went. Staring at the man lying oblivious to the mental struggle taking place so close to him, Selek could not stop a brief moment of denial. This was not possible.

He did not ordinarily dream, but did, upon occasion share in Brianna's dreams. It was usually quite an intriguing sensation viewing her dreams from behind her eyes. Could this be one such dream? This seemed far to vivid and real to be so, but he reached for her mind, nonetheless. That would settle the question one way or the other. As was usually the case with these dreams, her mind was somewhat muted, only this time he couldn't reach her. Instead, he found something...someone else.

*Now that I have your attention, What are you doing in my mind?*

Selek's eyebrows came together in confusion. *Who are you?* He felt a brief flare of astonishment come from the other mind.

*You have invaded my mind, yet you do not know who I am?*

*I did not invade your mind.* Selek thought in his own defense.

*You are here, without my permission. What would you call it?*

Selek thought about that a moment. He supposed from the other's perspective it might seem so. *I do not know how I came to be here. When I awoke, the situation was as it is now.*

He felt the other mind withdraw slightly. Now that he knew of its existence however, he could still sense the fact of his presence, if not his thoughts any longer. He suddenly thought of something that had been bothering him since the beginning of this mental discussion. *Why didn't you make your presence known immediately?*

*Despite the fact that it is my mind we're in, you have quite strong shielding, especially for one so young. Until you reached out, I was unable to contact you.*

Selek could think of no logical reply to that so remained silent. For that matter, he had no idea about how this contact began, let alone regarding ways to end it. Finally curiosity getting the better of him, he turned, surveying the darkened room. No mirrors. He started for the other room.

*Stop.*

Selek froze. *What?*

*That was...odd. I felt you move.*

*What is so different about that. We are in deep mental contact. It only follows that we would feel each other's physical movements."

"Indeed, but I have been unable to move since this began, and when you moved, I did. Though I did not even attempt to.*

Selek resumed walking.

*Where are you going?*

*To find a mirror.*

Selek felt a brief flare of impatience from the other, but he did not stop his search.

*Why do you need a mirror?*

*To see what *we* look like.*

Selek felt the other puzzle out his statement and come to the same startling conclusion that his shared dreams with Brianna had allowed him to come to much sooner.

*You suspect we inhabit the same body.*

"Yes.*

After a moment the other replied, respect coloring his mind voice. "Logical.*

Selek followed the other's directions and stepped in front of the only mirror to be found. The expression on the reflection in the bathroom mirror didn't change...much, the eyes widened and one eyebrow lifted. It took a moment for Selek to form any truly coherent thoughts, however. This was just as impossible as the man still sleeping in the next room.

*Spock?!*

Selek felt the other Vulcan's surprise. *I thought you said you did not know who I was.*

"I didn't until I saw your reflection.* It was a good thing this was just a dream, because no one would believe him otherwise.

*Why would you wish to share this information in the first place?*

He would definitely have to monitor his thinking more closely in the future. *Never mind. It isn't important.* He could tell Spock was not convinced, but he did not question him further.

Selek again reached for Brianna's mind. It was time for this dream to end.

*DON'T...* the mind voice quieted before continuing. "Do that."

Selek startled at the harsh tone. *Why? I am merely reaching for my bondmate.*

"Each time you do, you push against my shields.*

Selek frowned mentally. *I need to waken her, so I can pull myself out of her dream.*

*You think you are sharing in a dream she is having?*

*Yes, what else could it be?*

*Why would you be sharing my body in her dream?*

Selek could not answer that. Despite the link between them, there were many times he did not fully understand his Human bondmate's mind.

*And how would she be aware of the current...change in the relationship between myself and Jim Kirk. This new...facet of our relationship only began last night. *We* did not even know it was going to happen.*

Part 2

*I still do not believe you are dreaming. I am as real as I have ever been. Unless you plan on trying to convince me that I am dreaming as well.*

Selek struggled to keep his amusement at Spock's pronouncement to himself, but he wasn't sure exactly how successful he was. *As part of the dream, of course you would protest your status as a figment of subconscious imagination.*

Selek could almost see Spock's eyebrow shoot up.

*Why are you so sure this is a dream?*

*Let us just say, this is impossible and leave it at that.*

He could feel Spock's struggle with whether the information he knew Selek was withholding, was important enough to the issue at hand to continuing trying to get it. He also felt, with relief, when Spock decided to allow him his secrets, although he could also sense that it was a temporary state.

*Regardless of which of us is correct, I agree that your bondmate is the key to...returning you where you belong.*

The sound of movement from the next room startled both Vulcans.

*Quickly, reach out to your mate. I will try to shield more strongly. I want to resolve this before he wakes up.*

Selek reached out with his mind once more, for the still muted presence of Brianna; and tried again; and again.

*I cannot reach her. You are...in the way.*

*Really?* Spock said with near indignation.

"Spock, are you in there?"

*Too late,* Selek thought to Spock.

*Indeed.*

"Spock?"

*Answer him. I cannot.*

"Yes...Jim. I will...be right out." Even expecting his voice to sound strange did not completely avert his shock and his voice, Spock's voice, cracked.

"Are you alright? You sound...odd."

Selek was at a loss.

*Tell him, yes, you're fine.*

"I am quite alright. I will be out shortly."

"Are you sure?"

They could both hear the hesitancy in the Human's voice.

"I could leave...if you want me to."

*That might be best. It would give us time to sort this out.*

*You cannot be serious!*

*Why would I not be serious? There are only two possible reactions for him. He will A, demand I go to Sickbay because you are here. He will B, demand I go to Sickbay because he believes I have...lost my mind.*

"No...Jim, that will not be necessary."

Selek could feel Spock come as close to sputtering in outrage as a Vulcan could.

*Why?*

*Because he's human.*

"I do not understand. It would be better if he were spared this...insanity.*

"Believe me, any reaction he has to me will have shorter range effects than if you send him away now, considering.*

*Considering what?*

Selek sighed. *Do I really need to explain how fragile the Human ego can be, especially *right* after they've made themselves vulnerable?*

*I had not considered that aspect.*

Obviously, Selek thought very privately, remembering a time when he too, would not have thought of it. *It would not be the average Vulcan's first concern.*

*Indeed.*

Selek reached for the door panel.

*What are you doing?*

*Time for truth.*

Selek just hoped his suspicion was correct in that this particular human could handle the truth. His own Vulcan logic was inserting itself into this seemingly impossible situation and he was finding it increasingly difficult to maintain his belief that this was merely a dream.

Suddenly remembering a Human aphorism he reached up and pinched his, Spock's, upper arm. He felt pain.

*You are not supposed to feel pain in a dream.* Spock thought at him.

*I know.*

Selek palmed open the bathroom door and stepped out into the full light of the sleeping area. "Jim?"

"In here." Kirk answered from the outer room.

Selek strode purposefully to join *Captain Kirk* in *Spock's* living area. "Jim, we need to talk."

Part 3

Kirk sat heavily into the desk chair as Selek, with prompting from Spock, related the...predicament they were in.

"That's...ah...amazing, Spock."

*Indeed.*

"He...agrees with you Captain."

The two watched Kirk sift through a variety of emotions, each one clearly revealed in his hazel eyes. Obviously he wanted to believe, but was having trouble with the idea.

"Perhaps we should go to Sickbay, and have DR McCoy check you out. *

Spock didn't actually think it to him, but Selek could feel the Vulcan's mind practically sing with, *I told you. I do know *my* human.*

Selek almost smiled. *He took it better than most would. Besides, DR McCoy just might be able to help us out.* Selek could feel Spock's unease with revealing this to the doctor. Although he made no overt protest.

*Look, I know the two of you...have your differences, but you know as well as anyone, he enjoys those bickering sessions as much as you do.*

*How would you know?*

Oops. *Have you really tried to keep them hidden?*

*True.* Spock thought to him.

Selek could feel however that Spock was growing suspicious with his half truths and hidden knowledge. He would have to be much more careful in the future. As a Vulcan, he was used to governing his thoughts as well as his emotions, but he'd never before had the need to hide so much simple truth during such prolonged...intimate contact. It was a difficult and wearing process.

"Spock!"

"Yes, Captain." Selek answered.

"You...two were just talking, weren't you?"

Selek's eyebrow rose a fraction. "Yes, we were. How did you know?"

Kirk shifted uncomfortably. "Your eyes kind of glazed over, like you were...looking inside yourself. It was...strange."

"Indeed, Captain. We will remember that in the future. Until I find a way back, I would not want anything to jeopardize--"

"Spock, we're off duty still. Please call me Jim. Especially considering..."Kirk's voice trailed off.

Spock shifted next to Selek uncomfortable with the allusion to what had happened the previous evening, in Selek's present. It was then they both fully realized that Kirk didn't quite believe. "Captain, Spock would be calling you Jim if he were the one in control of this body. However, it is I, Selek, that is speaking to you. I did not feel it appropriate to call you Jim in his place."

Jim Kirk rose decisively. "I think it's time to go see DR McCoy."

*He is avoiding the issue.* Selek thought, noting the obvious.

*Indeed, he has a habit of doing that at times when he is uncomfortable with the topic of conversation.*

*Sounds very similar to a Vulcan acquaintance of his.*

*It is not logical to avoid a necessary topic just because it is...uncomfortable.*

Right, Selek thought, not bothering, overly much to hide the skepticism with which he thought the one drawn out word.

Selek felt Kirk's hand on his elbow, propelling them forward. A mere instant later he also felt Spock's mental shields tighten. It wasn't soon enough to completely hide his reaction to his friend's touch however. The body, nominally under Selek's control, remembered on its own, and Selek colored slightly at the *very* physical reaction that Spock, in his position as passenger in his own body, had no control over.

Physical reactions were among the easier things to control, so Selek found himself somewhat at a loss when he could not completely suppress it. *This doesn't usually happen.*

*To which part of this...fiasco are you currently refering?*

Selek briefly considered ignoring the question, but realized *he* wouldn't like his question ignored any more than Spock would. *My inability to stop certain physical...manifestations.*

*I understand.*

Selek's mind voice was tinged with the faintest hint of embarrassment when he continued. *That, and I do not usually react this way to men.*

*It came as something of a surprise to me as well. I think it has more to do with this particular Human, than with his gender. He is a...dynamic individual.*

"Spock, Jim, What are the two of you doing in Sickbay? I usually have to threaten you with bodily harm to get you to step foot in my domain."

Selek was startled to find they were already in Sickbay. He wasn't usually this inattentive to his surroundings.

"Bones, You need to examine Spock."

"Why? What's wrong with him?"

"He thinks I-"

"That's what I want you to tell me." Kirk said, interrupting the Vulcan.

Selek raised an eyebrow at Kirk's abrupt cut off of his explanation.

"I don't want him to have any preconceived ideas."

Selek nodded thoughtfully. "Reasonable."

"Preconceived notions about what?" McCoy asked.

"Just do a thorough examination, Bones."

*Tell DR McCoy what's happening.*

*No, I think the captain is right. If he doesn't start out thinking you have gone crazy, he might actually find out what happened.*

*But a full examination is not necessary for that.*

*Do you know that for certain?*

*No,* Spock thought, after a moment.

Selek felt him retreat to consider what possibilities were available to them, preoccupying himself, and letting Selek bear the brunt of the examination.

Part 4

Jim had specified thorough and Spock seemed to be cooperating for a change, so after finishing the physical fitness exams, he set up the psych evals, and brain scans. All the while he muttered to himself about stubborn captains and close mouthed Vulcans.

"Wait a minute! What's that?" McCoy said, his confusion clear.

Kirk stepped forward immediately. "What do you see?"

"A second brain wave pattern. Someone's in there with him! To top it all off, that personality is dominant!" McCoy strode over to Spock. "Whoever you are-"

"Selek."

"I don't give a tinker's damn what your name is! Get out of Spock's mind!" McCoy was shaking with rage at this unknown entity that had usurped his friend's rightful place.

*He is angry and protective of those he considers his responsibility.* Spock thought to Selek.

Selek let out a purely mental, exasperated chuckle. *Tell me something I don't know.*

"They're talking." Kirk whispered.

"Talking?"

*Now is the time to explain further.*

*Are you sure he'll listen? I've noticed Humans are not all that rational when they're angry.*

"Yes. What could have brought on this...split personality?"

"Jim, That's not the correct term for what you're referring to, but, be that as it may, that isn't what this is. There is actually another mind in there with him, complete with a full set of memories."

"You're sure it's really someone else?" Kirk asked hesitantly. He really wanted to believe it, all the implications of what that would mean included. He hated to think that Spock was having some kind of nervous break down, Vulcan style. Coming right after the sudden, well not so sudden if he was truthful with himself, and drastic change in their friendship did not bode well for any type of future together.

"Yes, Jim. I'm sure. The patterns are too different to be aspects of the same person. Even with some different memories, they would still be very similar in a case like that."

"He says he doesn't know how he got here."

*Do it now. Jim has been talking to him. I believe he has calmed considerably.*

"DR McCoy, are you ready to listen to what has happened, or shall I come back at a more convenient time?" Selek raised an eyebrow and looked at the doctor expectantly.

McCoy's chin dropped at the not so subtle dig. "I assure you, I am quite capable of listening to this...story of yours," he replied acidly.

*He doesn't seem very receptive,* Selek thought.

*He may surprise you. I know he has done so to me, many times.*

Selek sighed thoughtfully, hoping Spock was right. Straightening in his position on the biobed, he carefully related everything that had happened since he had woke and found himself separated from everything familiar to him. He left absolutely nothing out, well almost nothing. He saw no reason to enlighten the doctor in regard to certain physical realities.

McCoy listened wide eyed to the easy flow of details from the normally tight lipped Vulcan. If he hadn't known it wasn't Spock speaking before, he sure would have had suspicions now. Spock had *never* revealed personal information so readily.

"...And that is how the situation stands now." Selek said quietly, looking from one Human to the other.

McCoy watched him pensively for a moment before speaking. "Thats...ah...quite a tale."

Kirk began pacing suddenly, startling the two others in the room. "How do we know he's telling the truth?" He asked, looking at McCoy.

"Vulcan's do not lie." Selek said firmly.

Kirk spun on him. "We only have your word that you *are* Vulcan!"

"True." Selek said, acknowledging the truth in the Human's words.

*Offer to meld with him.*

*What?!*

"They're at it again." McCoy said, muttering mostly to himself. "That is just so...weird!"

"I agree, Bones." Kirk replied, watching Spock. "How *are* we going to determine what's the real story, and how to resolve it?"

"I don't-"

"Spock suggests I offer to meld with the captain."

"What?!" McCoy said, jumping forward. "No! I won't allow it!"

"Bones," Kirk said smoothly. "It might be the best way."

McCoy spun to face Kirk. He was livid. "I will not allow you to place yourself at such risk! The First Officer of this ship has already been compromised. I cannot let you go off half cocked and end up leaving this ship without both of its two most senior officers."

"I have to do this Bones. You don't understand."

"Yeah, I understand alright. I'm not blind."

"Good, then-"

"That doesn't mean I'm green lighting this insanity."

"Bones," "Doctor," Kirk and Selek said simultaneously.

"Doctor, I can assure you-"

"I don't know you! I don't know who or what you are! I'm not taking your assurances for anything."

*He is not being reasonable.* Selek did not see how he could get them to believe the truth, if DR McCoy didn't allow him to meld with the captain.

*I can understand his point of view, even if he is stating it in an overly emotional manner. From their perspective, he is correct. However, Captain Kirk will convince him.*

*But it does not make this any easier.*

*No, it does not.*

"All right, *Captain*! I can see you'll find a way to do this whether I approve or not." McCoy shook his head at the two men. He would never understand what drove either of them to take such risks with their lives. One of these days, they were going to get themselves into something he couldn't fix. He just hoped this time wasn't it.

Selek moved forward and Kirk turned to face him.

"Now hold on just a damn minute!"

"What now, Bones?"

"Give me time to get set up. I want to monitor this as closely as possible."

"Doctor-"

"No buts, Mr. Selek. I know it's a personal thing, but this one isn't taking place without me monitoring, period!"

"Bones, stop!" It isn't even Spock and the two of you are *still* bickering."

*DR McCoy...enjoys 'bickering'.*

Selek barely prevented a smile. From his perspective that was like the pot calling the kettle black. *And you don't?* Selek could almost see Spock's nonexistent eyebrow going up. It was an...interesting sensation. He barely kept the mirror one he controlled from following suit.

"Alright, I'm set. You can start whenever you're ready."

Part 5

Selek moved forward and placed his fingers on the necessary contact points to initiate the meld. It was a natural as breathing to slip into this man's mind, which surprised him. The ritualistic words were hardly needed. Somewhere on the edge of his consciousness he barely heard Spock's thoughts come to him.

*It's because he and I have melded so many times. The pathways are known.*

His was a powerful mind for a Human. Selek noticed this immediately. It was also oddly familiar, as if he were the one who'd melded with him before. Pushing that aside for the moment, he allowed the Human to see his memories of this eventful day, to know what he knew of the events. Then he felt Spock reach, as if from behind him, to touch the thoughts of Kirk.

It was a simple touching of minds, but Selek suddenly felt more the outsider than he had since waking in Spock's body. He tried to back off and shield himself from the private moment, but it was as if he were the conduit for it. He gasped when his barriers fell away, weakened by the simultaneous touch from two sides.

His world grayed and he felt his connection to life as a tenuous thread. It startled him. Self preservation kicked in full force and he snapped out of the meld, stumbling back from Kirk. He bent at the waist, desperately trying to control the instinctual panic that had momentarily enveloped him.

"What happened?" McCoy asked hotly.

Kirk turned to him slightly dazed. "I'm not sure, Bones."

"They pushed me aside, and it felt like I was dying."

*Perhaps, with some fine tuning, this is the key we need.*

*Fine tuning, indeed. I want to return home, but I do not wish to die.*

"Now that we know the truth, what do we do now?" Kirk asked, not sure exactly who he was asking.

Silence ensued for several moments before McCoy suggested they adjourn to his office. They could discuss this with more privacy there.

They were half way to the office when Kirk's stomach rumbled. He grinned sheepishly. "I haven't eaten anything yet."

"I'll take care of that and meet you in my office."

The men ate in silence, each one contemplating a way out, hopefully one that would leave both Vulcans where they wanted to be.

McCoy was the first to finish his meal, and surprisingly was the first to speak. "You said that when they...connected, you were 'pushed aside'. Do you think we could use that to at least affect a switch in position?"

"Possibly." Selek said, looking up from his plate.

*Perhaps if we establish a meld with Captain Kirk, then I reach for him while you reach for your Bondmate.*

*Logical,* Selek thought. *Of course we would need to be careful of complete dissolution. There is also the fact that when the two of you reached for each other my mental barriers dissolved like butter. I find myself reluctant to attempt it without some sort of safeguard*

*Understandable. Perhaps the captain or DR McCoy can devise something.*

Kirk and McCoy waited patiently for the internal exchange to finish. Though, they both had to admit, it was odd watching Spock withdraw like that.

Selek then passed on Spock's suggestion and his own reservations. It took them only moments to arrive at a plan. McCoy would monitor the procedure as best he could with his equipment, and both Selek and Spock would try to control it from within. If anything went wrong, all three would attempt their own methods of aborting the attempt.

Once again Selek melded with Kirk's mind, and found again that he was drawn all too easily into the bright mind. Maintaining light contact, he withdrew from it as much as he was able. *Are you ready,* he asked both minds.

*Yes,* they thought back.

From somewhere outside the three of them they heard McCoy's voice. "So far so good," he said, then muttered almost too quietly for them to hear. "As far as I can tell."

Then, Spock reached for Kirk's thoughts as Kirk reached for his. Selek felt his barriers go down, but this time he was more prepared for the soul baring experience. He quelled the instinct to withdraw from the intrusion, and instead reached for the mind of she that was *his* light.

For the first time since the beginning of this, he felt her reaching back for him and in that instant Spock's shields fell as his had. For one glorious, blinding instant the four souls were one, then they felt a sliding, a swirling controlled dance. Then Selek found himself the passenger, Spock was now in control of the meld.

Selek focused on Brianna as he felt Spock doing the same with Kirk. Each of them slowly closed off awareness of the other, until finally Selek felt the mind of Spock no more.

He opened his eyes to the face of Brianna hovering over him, eyes closed. His fingers were against her face and hers were against his. Together they withdrew from the deeper meld and stared at each other.

"That was...incredible." Brianna said finally.

Selek nodded in response. For the first time in his life, he could not find the words to describe an experience. It was then he looked around him. He was not in their room, but rather a medical facility. He turned back to face her. "It wasn't just a dream, was it," he said. It was more statement than question. He already knew the answer.

"No," she answered shakily. "When I awoke and couldn't wake you. I tried to reach you. You...weren't there. I called the emergency team, and I've been trying to get you back ever since."

Selek allowed just the touch of a smile for his mate. "It was an experience I would not trade, but I am...glad to be home."

THE END