Work Text:
Twenty; gate; susceptible; trinket
Dean held up the bottle of Holy Water that they had retrieved from the church earlier in the evening. The angel could see the fine cracks running up the side of the glass. The hunter flashed Castiel a smarmy grin and shrugged. The angel felt his blood do a slow simmer.
“Dean, without the Holy Water we cannot sanctify the corpse and remove the amulet. This is no trinket we are talking about this pendant is the thirty-fifth Seal. We must protect it at all costs.”
Dean shrugged again then cast a sideways glance at his companion, “Your blood is sanctified isn’t it? I mean we painted blood from one of your wounds on the last Seal to purify it. It worked just like Holy Water.”
“Yes, my blood is sanctified, but blood has other components in it besides water, it will not purify the remains of this witch in the same manner. We need water, Dean.”
“Well, what about…” the hunter paused then shot the angel the most annoying smirk that he could possibly form, “Piss on it.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Come on Cas, don’t go all tight-assed on me now. Piss is just recycled water and if your blood is sanctified by your Holy presence, oh divine one, your pee will be too.”
“That does not strictly follow,” the angel said sulkily but Dean thought he had him on a technicality and Castiel was shuffling as fast as he could.
“I think it does, piss on it. Now!”
“Really Dean, that is too vulgar. Besides the spell might not be susceptible to urine, it is more than just ‘recycled water’ as you put it.”
“Come on, whip it out and get to it.” Stifling a grin the hunter reached out and unzipped the angel’s slacks. Castiel watched as Dean carefully, almost reverently, extracted his member from the dark fabric, and nudged the angel’s hand with his elbow. Castiel flushed from the collar of his shirt to the roots of his hair but he took his penis in hand and closed his eyes.
“Hey, pay attention. I’m gonna flip the lid on the coffin and you soak her down,” Dean grinned. This was the most fun he’s had on a hunt since Sammy got slimed, fell through the floor of an old barn loft and landed in a manure pile.
Muttering under his breath the angel shifted so that his legs straddled the casket and the hunter had room to fling open the top part of the lid. There was a resounding bang as the coffin lid hit the side of the grave and then a shriek as the witch’s corpse began writhing. Taking a deep breath Castiel relaxed and proceeded to empty his bladder with all due diligence.
The whiny shrieks faded and the angel opened his eyes. The corpse lay still, nothing more than moldering flesh and bone. The amulet gleamed brightly in the soft moonlight and the angel cast a glance at his human companion.
“The Seal is safe, retrieve the artifact.”
Dean grimaced, “What, dude! Ewww no, it has your pee on it.”
With a growl Castiel clenched a fist and Dean flinched, “Okay…okay …retrieving the artifact. You know Cas, I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’re not junkless like ol’ Uriel.” Dean said bending over the coffin and yanking the pendant off the slightly moist corpse. The angel grimaced but refrained from saying anything after all Dean had merely shown his usual disrespect, Castiel had been the one who did the major desecrating.
“Yes, you have mentioned that before.” Castiel said, “The last twenty times we had sexual relations as a matter of fact.”
Sliding the amulet into the pocket of the angel’s trenchcoat Dean patted him on the back, clandestinely wiping his hand on the dirty coat. Castiel’s shoulders went stiff as if he was perfectly aware of what the human was doing,. With a sigh he turned to Dean, “How did you figure out using my urine as Holy Water?”
“What I’m the King of Going with the Flow,” Dean snorted. Castiel shot him a look.
“Flow? Is that a joke at my expense?”
Dean thrust his hands out palms skyward, “Dude, I would never!”
“Hey, Cas,” the hunter said as he gathered the duffle bag and shovel, “Why do you have…junk, and Uriel doesn’t? He doesn’t , you know, mutilate the guy he’s in does he?”
“No!, Dean we could not. We must take great care with our vessels. I chose to experience life in the flesh at it’s fullest…performing all bodily tasks as a human would. Some angels, like Uriel, choose to have their vessel live off their heavenly presence alone, rendering their…junk…unnecessary.”
“I mean, where does it go?”
“He merely tucks it into the dimensional pocket where we keep our wings.” the angel said turning to close the gate behind them. Dean frowned.
“You’re bullshitting me right?”
Castiel cocked his head, an enigmatic smile on his lips, “Dude…I would never.”
The End