Work Text:
Comparisons
by Valerie (twoisall)
Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed
Tony rolled over and stared at the dark wall. Tonight, sleep eluded him – again. Tonight, his mind was going a thousand miles an hour and he couldn’t shut it off. He thought back to that dreadful night; was it just 6 months ago? Could have been a lifetime for all he knew. He’d replayed the scene over and over from every angle trying desperately to evoke a different outcome. Only…it wasn’t going to happen that way. He knew it, his mind knew it, but it was his heart that was betraying him by refusing to believe. It refused to believe what he had witnessed; refused to believe the funeral they had all attended was real; refused to believe any of it.
They had been together as a couple for 3 years before it happened. They had worked together for 7 years. They had both known it could happen. It was their profession. It was their way of life. They had talked about it, sometimes directly (rarely – after all, that kind of talk can really ruin a good moment), sometimes indirectly. Tony couldn’t imagine him doing anything else but this; couldn’t imagine himself doing anything else. He had wanted him to retire but would he have been happy? Probably not. Not to mention who would have been Tony’s back up then? Ziva would have done it, but…it wouldn’t have been the same. He wouldn’t have been satisfied. He was never satisfied. He was perfection after all.
You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know
They had cleared the building. He knew they had. Every nook. Every cranny. They had cleared it. But they hadn’t. They couldn’t have. If they had…he would be here.
The tears came again. Slowly sliding down his cheeks as he faced the dark wall. He blinked his eyes. He took a deep breath. He tried to stop the deep ache in his heart, in his soul.
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
The gunshot had been so loud. He had looked….surprised by it. Tony was surprised too, but only for a moment. He only hesitated an instant before he unloaded his clip into the man who took his life away from him. Overkill? Probably. Any one of the 8 shots from his magazine would have ended the man’s life.
He rushed to his side. The blood…so red…everywhere. Tony looked into his pained eyes. He clutched a hand between his two.
“I’m here! Hang on! Help is coming! Just hang on!” Tony pleaded with him.
“Tony…” he whispered.
“Ssshh. Don’t talk. Just concentrate. Hang on, okay?” Tony looked deep into the blue depths before him.
“Love…” his free hand reached up to Tony’s face, traced his cheek and cupped his face. Tony covered that hand with one of his own. He tilted his head into that touch. His sight blurred. He closed his eyes and felt the tears slowly slide down his face.
“Don’t leave me,” he whispered hoarsely. “Please.”
“Won’t. Can’t,” came the soft reply. “Love you. Always.”
That was the end. There was no more. No more life. No more breath.. No more…him. No more Tony. Life as Anthony DiNozzo knew it ceased to exist at the exact moment that Leroy Jethro Gibbs took his last breath that day. Tony got up every day. He went to work. He did his job and continued to look out for the lives of his teammates but the joy that was his life stopped. There was no more.
You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
Tony took another stuttering breath as the tears continued to silently fall.
“Sshh. It’s ok. Everything will be alright.” said the man next to him as he wrapped his arms around Tony, pulling him closer. He knew. He understood. He would never be more than – what? More than second best? More than a good lay? He and Tony had had long talks about Jethro Gibbs and all that the man had meant to Tony. He understood. He was satisfied with what he could get. He loved Tony and would be happy with whatever Tony could give him. So on nights like tonight, when the memories got the better of Tony, he simply pulled the man close and held him, soothed the rough edges and calmed the broken heart as best as he could. There was no more.
He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself
Tony settled into the strong arms and pretended once again it was him. But he needed more tonight. So Tony rolled over and captured the man’s sweet lips in his. His mind screamed no; his heart screamed yes. On nights like tonight, Tony doesn’t open his eyes. He doesn’t look into the deep pools of brown before him because they aren’t blue. If he does, he’ll know and the charade will be over. If it’s over, his heart will shatter again and Tony’s pretty sure he won’t survive that.
Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...
end