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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
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756
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1/1
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Christmas Treats

Summary:

Christmas goodies.  What more to say?  It serves no purpose but Christmas cheer.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:


Christmas Treats
By Scribe

*crinkle*

"Get away from that tray, Jim."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Don't try to fool me.  I may not have Sentinel hearing, but I can hear tinfoil being peeled back easily enough.  You've had almost a dozen of those Christmas cookies in the last hour.  Give 'em a rest."

"But I just discovered one kind that I haven't tried yet."

"You had the green wreath with red hot holly berries, the Christmas bells (silver AND gold edible glitter), the stocking, the candy cane decorated with crushed peppermint, the snickerdoodles, the pfeifferneuse, the peanut butter-chocolate kiss thumbprint cookies, the lemon bars, and the oatmeal-raisin.  There ARE no other kinds."

"Yes there is."  *Jim held up a pastry bit.*

*Blair stared*  "That's a fruitcake gem."

"Yeah."

"Jim--it's fruitcake.  FRUITCAKE.  You know--the stuff you dubbed proof of the evil machinations of Satan in the world today?"

"Yeah."

"Well?"

*shrug*  "I just have an urge."

"C'mere."  *Feels Sentinel forehead*  "Well, you don't seem to have a fever."

"So, can I eat them?"

"Be my guest, man.  It'll save having to figure out what to do with them after New Years."

*munchmunch*  "I thought last year's idea was pretty good."

"Yeah, the suckers got pretty good loft for golf ball substitutes.  Maybe we could flush them down the john in Vice.  Get Wannamaker back for that donut conspiracy.  It should block the pipes better than cement."

"I don't think there'll be enough left to do much good."  *munchmunch*  "Is there any eggnog left?"

"Spiked, or unspiked?"

"What do you think?"

"Rum, or whiskey?"

"Mmm...  Is there nutmeg?"

"Yep."

"Rum."

*glog*  "Here ya go.  WAIT!  Oh, God, tell me you didn't just stir that with a candy cane."

"You don't have to drink it."

"No, but I kiss that mouth, and the taste lingers."

"Do I say anything about the gefilte fish?"

"Traditional Jewish holiday food, man, and you know darn good and well that Mrs. Leiberman would be hurt if I didn't eat it."  *rustle*

"You gripe about me and the cookies.  How many pieces of fudge does that make for you?"

"Chocolate is a legitimate addiction.  And I'm not into the fudge."

"Well?"  *silence*  "Don't bother to try to deny it."

"Okay, it's the pralines.  I can't help it.  Simon's mom uses about a treeful of pecans for each batch."

"There's butterscotch pudding in those."

"I don't see how..."  *pointed Sentinel sniff*  "Okay, okay, I believe you.  If you're having eggnog, I'm heating up some wassail."

"Go for it.  I really like the cinnamon and apple scents."  *whirr of microwave*  *bing* *whuff*  "I love it when you blow on something to cool it off.  You look so sexy." *eyebrow wiggle* "Almost as sexy as when you blow on something to heat it up."  *pointed glance at own crotch*

*chuckle*  "Your picture is in the dictionary under 'incorrigible'."

*smirk* *nibble*

"How many of those do you intend to eat?"

"Awl of 'em."

*frown*  "Something is going on here.  Let me see..."  *grab!* *horde!* *stuff!*  "No you don't!"  *snatch*

"Give those back!  You don't like fruitcake!"

"Back off for a minute." *sniff* "Hm." *nibble* *thoughtful look* *nibble*  "Hey!  There isn't any citron or candied peel in these.  This is nothing but cake, nuts, pineapple, and nuts." *bite* *chew*  "Macadamia nuts!  And coconut!  JIM!  I can hear the tropical oils slicking up your arteries right now."

*grumble*

"You're not eating all these."

"I'd like to know how you're going to stop me."

"I'm not going to stop you.  I'm going to PREVENT you."

"How?"

"Like this."  *STUFFCHEWSNARFGOBBLEMUNCH*

"HEY!"  *grab* *snatch* *wrestle* *eat* *tug* *munch* *swallow*

*TICKLE!*

"BLAIR!  Nofairnofairnofair!"

"Gimme the last one, and I'll have mercy." *pause*  "Jim..."

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking..."  *TICKLETICKLETICKLE* *HOWL!*  "ALL RIGHT."  *hand*

*muchchew* *swallow*  "You're so easy."

"You're getting nothing but coal for Christmas."

"Didn't they used to include sticks, too?"

"Switches."

"I wouldn't mind having a stick." *stroke* *deep breathing*  "Is that a giant peppermint stick in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"

"It's an all day sucker."

"Braggart." *zip*  "I'm going to have to check your veracity.  And just remember, if you've lied, Santa will label you as naughty, and you won't get anything next year."

"What about this year?"

"If you're naughty THIS year, I'LL give you a present."

"I ate the last of the red-and-green M and Ms."

"That qualifies." *kiss*

*kiss*  "I love you, you long haired, neo-hippie, witchdoctor elf."

*helpless laughter*

"Love you, too, Sentinel Claus."

 

The End

Notes:

This orphaned work was originally on Pejas WWOMB posted by author Scribe.
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