Work Text:
Bonding Through The Years
by Anne Higgins
ahiggins4537@sbcglobal.net
I. First Encounter
A barrage of missiles pounded into the buildings behind them, sending debris hurtling into air already thick with the stench of war. Qui-Gon Jinn swung his lightsaber in a series of arcs, blocking the worst of it, then risked a quick glance over his shoulder.
Mace Windu flashed him a grim smile. //Well, done, my friend,// the tall, dark skinned man thought to him. //But if we do not reach the ship soon, our first mission together may well prove our last.//
The young man nodded in agreement, his eyes shifting to the woman cradled in Mace's arms. His fellow Jedi Knight carried Ambassador Wenshele Kenobi as easily as her husband did their two-year-old son, but it left him unable to help Qui-Gon shield the small party. Worse she was well into labor. If they did not want her child born in the middle of a battlefield, they had to reach the ship quickly.
May the Sith be plagued with their luck! They should have reached their transport and been far away from this planet's civil war only minutes after the negotiations broke down. But their speeder had been damaged in the opening barrage, forcing them to make the journey through the ravaged city on foot. That had been bad enough. But there were two miles of open ground to cover between the city and the space port.
Waiting for darkness had been out of the question. The opposing forces were already in the city and would take the space port long before nightfall. Thus this foolhardy run.
Exhaustion pulled heavily at Qui-Gon's limbs as he fought to keep his charges safe. And if it were bad for him, how much the worse for Mace. A powerfully built man by any account, muscle strength alone was not enough to allow him to run with a woman in the full bloom of pregnancy in his arms. He could feel the Force flowing through Mace, augmenting his strength and keeping the Ambassador as comfortable as possible. It had to be slowly draining him.
Another rain of debris prompted Qui-Gon to leap over the fleeing party's heads, landing behind the husband and the toddler. His energy blade flashed upward, catching a huge chunk of metal that would have decapitated the man, a slice downward stopped a less lethal chunk, then he had to leap again to stop mortar from striking Mace's legs.
Five hundred yards. Four hundred. Three hundred. They kept running, Qui-Gon fighting the fallout. Quite the baptism by fire. It was not his first mission as a Jedi Knight, but his first two assignments had required negotiating skills, not battle experience. Always before danger had meant his Master at his side, but Qui-Gon was a Padawan no longer. The fact that he had a fellow Jedi Knight on this mission was due to the two young men's desire to be together as often as possible, not the Jedi Council's perception that two Jedi had been needed.
Qui-Gon grimaced as he used his own body to stop the shower of smaller rocks that penetrated his defenses. //Qui-Gon?//
//I'm all right. Just keep running.// He made a mental note to remember that the Council was prone to the occasional error, then leapt to the attack once more.
The Force and pure adrenaline the only things keeping him on his feet, Qui-Gon took a position to the rear as the last fifty feet were covered. No rest once inside – the structure was damaged and only slightly better cover than the open air. "Captain, we are near," he called into his comlink.
"Understood, we will drop our shields when signaled."
A dangerous moment. The missiles bombarding the structure were programmed to seek the metal hulls of the craft hidden within. Only the defense shields had kept their transport in one piece. Qui-Gon's work was far from done.
They rounded a turn, then the ship came into view. Another few feet and he signaled. "Now!"
The shimmer around their vessel vanished and Mace disappeared up the ramp.
A missile burst through the roof as the father and son were halfway there. His lightsaber useless against such an assault, Qui-Gon pushed out with the Force, sending up a wave of energy to knock the warhead aside. He'd lifted far heavier objects, but none with so much determined direction behind it.
He grit his teeth and pushed with all he was worth. Sometimes, despite what Master Yoda said, all a man could do was try. Try and fail. The missile shimmied, turning, but not enough, it would explode too close to the ship. "Take off," he shouted, heedless of the few feet separating him from the loading ramp. It might as well have been miles.
The engines roared, the ship shot upward ... and somehow he was inside. In Mace's arms.
"You aren't the only one who can levitate things, you know," the man said with a smile that made his attractive face positively handsome. The kiss that followed was more a gesture of relief than affection, but was welcome all the same.
Qui-Gon slumped, exhausted, and powerful arms eased him to the floor.
"Catch your breath, Qui-Gon. This day's work is not over yet."
He glared at the other man. "The ship's shields will either hold or not. What else is left to do?"
"We have a baby to deliver."
//Sith.//
//My thoughts exactly.// "Come to me when you can."
He nodded and Mace left him alone. Despite his best intentions, Qui-Gon would have drifted off where he sat, but he slowly became aware of ... something. Almost like a call, yet there was no voice.
Frowning, he tried to ignore it, but once again trying led only to failure. Grumbling under his breath, he got himself to his feet and stumbled in the direction of the pull.
It led him to the Ambassador's quarters. Mace knelt between the straining woman's legs. The baby must be near. Her husband gripped one of her hands, while he held their whimpering son in his other arm.
"Mommy!" the boy cried.
"Owen, my sweet, Mommy's all right," she gasped, managing a tired smile for him. "Your brother will soon be here."
//The boy should not be here, Mace.//
//Agreed, but it would be worse to make him leave. He fears his mother is dying.//
//Soothe him then. I will tend to this.//
Mace looked at him for a moment. Dealing with the child would take less energy, and Qui-Gon had been drained dangerously in his struggle with the missile. //Now, Mace.//
The firmness of his voice, convinced his lover, although it still earned him a ‘you've lost your mind' look. Mace shifted to one side, settling beside Lars Kenobi, then began to speak softly to the child in a Force-augmented voice.
Qui-Gon could neither hear nor cared what Mace said. His focus was fixed on his own task. The call in his head almost painful, he held out his hands, vaguely heard himself command the woman to push, then used the Force to both ease her pain and the baby's passage.
A boy tumbled into his hands. All wet and scrunched as only a newborn could be. He snatched up a towel laid out by the crew, and wiped the face framed with blond wisps of hair. Mace dealt with the umbilical cord, using his lightsaber on low power to sever the connection between mother and child.
"Cry! He should cry!"
He heard the alarm in the mother's voice, but could not share it, and found himself reaching out with his mind. //Are you well, little one?//
Eyes the color of any newborn human's settled on him, and a warmth swept through Qui-Gon. It was as if all the love in the galaxy had come to live within him. He stared back, unable to comprehend what was happening, then moaned when Mace took the baby from his arms.
"No, please." He reached for the infant.
//Qui-Gon, enough.// Mace's voice cut through his mind like an icy wind. //Go to our quarters.//
//But–//
//Now!//
Startled by the anger he felt radiating from his lover, exhausted by their ordeal and completely bewildered by the feeling of almost pure joy singing within him, Qui-Gon obeyed. As he left, he heard the baby begin to cry at last.
Qui-Gon slept for a time, his dreams happy despite the peril and destruction of the last few hours. When he woke, his internal sense of time told him five hours had past. Long enough to feel functional, but not so much that he did not wish to return to his dreams. "Mace?"
"Here."
Sitting up in the bed, he looked at his lover. The big man was sitting on the rim of a viewport, staring out at the blue of hyperspace, the deep lines on his face making it obvious he had not slept. Qui-Gon frowned. "Are you so angry with me that you could not share my bed?"
"I am not angry with you."
Qui-Gon snorted. "It flows off you like waves. Force, Mace, I was exhausted! Be grateful I did not drop the child, not angry I clung to him for a few moments."
The other man stood, then walked over to the bed. "I am angry with Fate, Qui-Gon." He reached out to stroke Qui-Gon's hair. "I thought we might have a life together."
The confusion returned. They had never spoken of the long-term future, but they'd been together for four years, best friends for even longer than that. Why did the man now sound like it was all over? "I don't understand."
A small, sad smile touched his face. "You don't, do you? You really don't know what just happened."
"Mace, make sense or come to bed. We're both too tired for this."
A sigh lifted, then lowered the broad shoulders. "Look inside you, Qui-Gon Jinn. The answer is there."
Sith. Riddles when all he wanted to do was sleep. Preferably in Mace's arms. Hoping that humoring the man would net him such a result, Qui-Gon cast his thoughts inward. And found ... gibberish? He frowned. "What is that?"
"The baby."
"The baby," he repeated, but no, it did not make more sense with the second airing.
The bald head nodded. "Your bondmate."
"My ... bondmate." A soul-bond. By the Force that was what that love and warmth had been? His soul had bonded with its other half. With a baby. He opted for denial. "But ... that's impossible."
"I tested him. He has a high midi-chlorian count. As high as yours."
So they'd found a potential Jedi. "That does not make him my life's companion." Damnit, Master Yoda had never said anything about soul-bonds occurring between adults and infants!
Another touch, this time a warm hand against his cheek. "It is the will of the Force, Qui-Gon. We must bow to it."
"The hells we will." He grabbed Mace's wrist and pulled, jerking the big man off his feet and onto the bed. With a twist, he was on top of his lover, glaring down into that oh, so sad face. "You listen to me, Mace Windu. I am not giving you up. We love each other. That doesn't change because some baby is cooing inside my head."
Mace's arms went around him and for one brief moment Qui-Gon dared hope to think he'd made his lover see reason, but then the Sith be damned fool said, "That will change. He is a part of you, and I am a selfish man. I won't be able to share you for long."
He sagged. "Please, Mace, try. I don't understand this." A soul-bond. A marriage between souls. A thing of love. A thing for adults. Not babies. "I need you."
Mace kissed him. "I am here."
‘For now.' Those two words hovered between them, a crushing weight baring down on their love. It would not survive. "I love you."
"I know, but it can't last. You must see that."
He didn't want to, but a part of him whispered that Mace had never made his soul sing with the brightness of a thousand suns. Had never made him feel so full of joy that he considered laughing out loud. And that told him the bitter truth. The man he loved was telling him that their love was over, yet sorrow could not keep its hold on Qui-Gon.
Focusing on the presence within him, he heard the nonsense of an infant once more. He was going to have to teach the boy Basic in pure self-defense. "I don't even know his name."
"Obi-Wan."
II. Obi-Wan Comes Home
Qui-Gon nodded with approval as his apprentice completed her exercises. Staucha was coming along quite nicely. Soon, very soon, it would be time to speak to the Council about allowing her to face the Trials. He was quite proud of her, but could not, of course, take much credit for her training.
She had been his charge for a little over a year. Her skills were due to natural talent and the years spent with Master Wilick. He had become her Master at her request after Wilick was killed on a mission.
"Very good, Padawan," he said with a smile. "You faltered but once, and compensated nicely."
"Thank you, Master." She gave him a long look. "Are we done for the day?"
A slight smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Yes."
"Good. Come here, handsome," she emphasized the order, by seizing his tunic and dragging him down into a deep, hungry kiss. A moment later she was dragging him to his quarters. Thankfully, she waited until the door to their rooms closed behind them before she used the Force to send their clothes flying.
She'd been equally direct with the Jedi Council when all had agreed that she was not ready to become a Knight and would need to take a new Master. Grief stricken, but realistic, she'd said she could not bear to form another training-bond, but that she had a casual bond with Qui-Gon. It was inevitable when two Jedi were intimate and had caused him more than a little grief when a new lover touched his mind and found another presence lurking in there.
She was the third he'd taken to his bed since Mace, and the only one who had stayed beyond more than one encounter. Staucha had no long term designs on him and had not been threatened by Obi-Wan, yet their sexual friendship had left them with a connection, one that could be used in place of the training-bond. Thus Qui-Gon had taken his first Padawan at the age of twenty-five. That did not make him the youngest to ever take the title of Master, but it put him in rare company. Company he did not feel worthy of, but for her, he had set aside his uncertainty.
They made love with their usual enthusiasm, but in the aftermath when he would have held her close and slept for a time, she said, "He arrives today."
No need to ask who ‘he' was. Over the next few days several of the newest recruits would be arriving. Obi-Wan was one of them. After losing Mace because of the child, Qui-Gon had made an effort not to speak often of him, but Staucha was more a friend he had sex with than a lover.
"Yes."
"Shouldn't you be waiting at the landing pad?"
"No, I don't want to intrude upon his last hours with his family." It sounded like a noble sentiment, but she snorted.
"As if he has ever belonged to anyone but you."
He could not deny her words, much as he might have liked to. Obi-Wan was a part of him, as he was of Obi-Wan. He'd not seen the boy since two days after his birth, but they were always together. Through their bond he knew that Obi-Wan was the delight of his family and deeply love. If he'd sensed anything less, he would have stolen the child away long before this, but now he mourned for the parents and brother about to lose Obi-Wan to the Temple. He sighed. He'd done that a lot for the last three years. "I've taken so much from them."
She kissed him, this time a touch of affection rather than passion. "Do they even know about you?"
"Yes. Mace told them shortly after Obi-Wan's birth." He would have preferred to keep it a secret or at least as much of one as possible, but Mace had pointed out that it would alarm the parents should their son begin chattering away with an unseen friend. As if Qui-Gon ever chattered. Although Obi-Wan was constantly gurgling away at him. Thank the Force, the child had proven exceptionally bright and had grasped the rudiments of language quickly, but it had been a very long few months before words had finally begun to replace the gibberish.
Thoughts easier than training vocal cords, Obi-Wan had been having full, if simple, conversations with Qui-Gon before he'd said his first word. "I think they dismiss me most of the time as his imaginary friend." He'd certainly been careful never to be more than a friend. He'd taught the boy language in self-defense, beyond that, he'd merely been ... there.
"An imaginary friend who comforts him when he's frightened."
All right, so that was part of being ‘there.' He couldn't help but soothe when that small brightness reached for help. Another sigh. "They must hate me." Using the Force, he'd even held the boy, keeping him happy and safe when another child would have screamed for its mother or father.
Her hand touched his face. "Oh, my handsome love, the depth of what you will one day have with that boy terrifies me, yet somehow I envy it as well."
"If I'd had a choice --"
He'd started to say those words to Mace the day the other man had indeed reached the point where he could no longer share. As Mace had, Staucha silenced him with a kiss, then said, "You say that now, but a time will come when you won't believe you ever thought it."
"So I've been told." He found it difficult to accept and took what comfort he could in holding her close.
Obi-Wan bounced in his seat far too excited to sit still. He was going to the Temple. He was going to learn how to be a Jedi. Best of all he was going to be near his Quigee!
//Qui-Gon.// the familiar voice responded with what he'd been told was something called exasperated affection. //Can you hear the difference? Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon.//
Obi-Wan sent a giggle toward the sound. //Quigee.//
//Imp.//
He grinned at the world in general. He did know how to say the name right. He'd figured out the sound a few months ago, but he liked that exasperated affection thing, so he hadn't told his bondmate. That word he couldn't say yet, but he knew that was what Quigee was. He'd overheard his parents talking one night when he couldn't say any words at all, but could understand many of them.
A very loud storm had shaken the walls of his room and he'd been very afraid. Quigee had wrapped him in warmth and told him stories. He'd felt happy and safe. For some reason it had made his mommy cry when she held him too.
He liked for her to hold him, but she'd told daddy that their baby didn't need them. Daddy had said it was his bondmate, that they should be glad Obi-Wan had someone who would love him all his life. Obi-Wan had liked the sound of that even if he didn't known what it meant.
When their shuttle landed at the Temple, Obi-Wan's grin changed to a frown. None of those waiting seemed like Quigee to him. //Where you?//
//You forgot the ‘are.' Obi-Wan. Where are you?//
Obi-Wan sighed. Quigee was always making him repeat things. //Where are you?//
//I will come to you later. Now, pay attention to what is happening around you.//
//Yes, Quigee.//
//Imp.//
He giggled again and caught hold of his brother's hand as one of the robed men lead them into the Temple.
Hours went by while the Kenobi family was shown around the Temple -- the usual introductory tour to ease the future Jedi into his/her/its new life while reassuring the parents and siblings that all would be well. Qui-Gon spent it meditating. His mind had not been totally his own for three years, and he'd learned to do everything, even the most intricate manipulation of the Force while having a conversation with Obi-Wan.
Today he opted for silence, gently, but firmly steering any intrusions back to Obi-Wan with a reminder to keep focused on what was happening around him. There would be time enough for them to talk later.
He held firm in his resolve to intrude as little as possible. Partly because it was the right thing to do and partly because he knew when he would be needed. No child coming to the Temple ever firmly grasped what was about to happen until the moment when the tears began to flow and goodbyes were said.
The sun was setting when he felt it. The fright and despair flooding through their bond.
He was on his feet in an instant, his long legs carrying him quickly through the Temple and to the hanger. Obi-Wan was sobbing, clinging to his mother and father, his small body trembling.
Qui-Gon waited until his resonance with the Force told him that all needed this to end, then even as the Creche Master stepped forward to soothe all, he called out, "Obi-Wan."
The boy's head jerked up in surprise. Qui-Gon's voice was something he heard with his mind, not his ears. He looked around, then, despite the tears, his face brightened as his sea green eyes fixed on Qui-Gon.
"Quigee!" he shouted.
//Stay there. I am coming.// Qui-Gon ordered him, sparing the Kenobis the pain of their child abandoning them to run to him.
Instead he walked up to them. His eyes met those of Lars Kenobi. He saw resentment in those eyes so like the boy's. Resentment, sorrow and fear. He understood it all. Had felt much the same when time and circumstance had forced him to leave Obi-Wan with his parents. He'd needed Mace to all but pull him away, so he marveled at Kenobi's strength when he slowly handed Obi-Wan to Qui-Gon.
The boy wrapped himself around him, and a small, but persistent hurt inside Qui-Gon suddenly ceased. //My imp.//
Obi-Wan snuggled closer.
"You will take care of him?" Kenobi asked.
He nodded. "I will watch over him." Not quite the same thing, but it satisfied Kenobi.
"Come, Owen," the father said, taking hold of his older son's hand. "It's time to go."
Owen reached up and squeezed one of Obi-Wan's ankles. "Bye, Obi," he said. "I'll miss you."
To his credit, Obi-Wan pulled himself out of the bond enough to turn his attention to his brother and give him a big smile. "Bye."
Father and son disappeared into the shuttle, leaving Qui-Gon to deal with the mother. Her eyes held hate softened by resignation. "You saved us all. Should I forgive you this for that?"
He shook his head. "I did my duty. The rest was beyond anything I could prevent."
She reached out and stroked the bright blond hair streaked with auburn tinged brown adorning Obi-Wan's head. "He is where he belongs."
It was not a question, but Qui-Gon nodded.
She turned and went to join her family, leaving Obi-Wan with his.
Obi-Wan woke a few hours after being put to bed. He was frighted by the strangeness around him, but for the first time did not reach out for Quigee. He knew if he did, Quigee would wrap him in warmth and talk to him until he went back to sleep, but, much as he liked that, he wanted more.
He slipped out of his bed and moved past the other sleeping children. A locked door barred his way for a moment, but he sometimes sat in the back of Quigee's brain and watched when he went traveling. He'd seen what he did to get through locks. Had felt how his brain should tweak at the mechanism.
He tried it. Failed. Frowned, then tried again. This time the door came open. Knowing he was not supposed to be doing this, he stayed in the shadows as he moved through the Temple. It was both strange and familiar. Something he'd never seen and something he had known all his life. He followed his instincts and soon stood before yet another door.
Touching the call button, he waited.
The door chime pulled Qui-Gon out of a deep sleep. Cursing he swung out of bed and stalked over to the door while in automatic mode. Even as it opened, it dawned on him who was going to be on the other side. He braced himself to be stern. This would not do, he told himself even as he was grateful that Staucha had insisted on sleeping in her own room tonight..
A big pair of eyes looked up at him, while a small mouth sucked nervously on an even smaller thumb.
No. He had to be firm. If he gave in now, the little imp would spend the rest of his life wrapping Qui-Gon around that soggy thumb.
Big eyes began to gleam slightly as if tears were imminent.
Qui-Gon sighed. "Just for tonight."
The boy grinned and scurried past him to dive into the big bed.
Qui-Gon shook his head. Some Jedi Master he was. To hells with the Dark Side, he was no match for a three-year old with big eyes.
The next morning the owner of those big eyes got stubborn. "Want stay with Quigee!"
"Qui-Gon," he muttered, resisting the impulse to batter his own head against the wall. It would only give him a headache and he suspected the little imp would think it was funny.
"Obi-Wan, be reasonable." Oh, that was good. Ask a three-year old to be reasonable.
"No like other bed. Yucky away from Quigee."
"Qui-Gon." He stooped down, but he was still too tall to meet the obstinate little thing's gaze. He opted to scoop him up instead. He sat down in a chair and settled his bondmate in his lap so they could have a serious talk. "Obi-Wan, you need to be with the other children. The creche is an important part of becoming a Jedi."
"Stay with Quigee."
He sighed. If he didn't stop doing that, he was going to start hyperventilating. "No, my imp. You can't."
The tears came again. "Quigee no want me?"
Opting to avoid the grammar lecture for once, he tightened his grip on the child. "I always want you near me, but we can't be together like that now."
"Why?"
"You won't understand."
"Say anyway."
He considered his words carefully. He could keep Obi-Wan with him. No one would approve, but no one would deny he had the right to have the child at his side. "If you stay with me, I will become like your father to you."
"Bad why?"
"You really won't understand." He pressed his forehead against the child's. "I can't raise you, Obi-Wan. You have to be who you are supposed to be, not who I want you to be." Oh, that made sense. And he knew he was probably fooling himself. There was no way to totally eliminate his influence on Obi-Wan's growth, but he dreaded facing a day where a man would confront him about his attempts to raise a perfect mate. No, he could not stop his influence, but he could make quite certain there was a many more influences than merely his own.
He didn't even need their link to feel the boy's confusion, but the tears didn't fall. After a long moment, Obi-Wan said, "‘portant to Quigee."
He nodded.
"But love me?"
"With all my heart."
"‘kay. Go yucky bed." Baleful eyes fixed on him. "But no like."
Qui-Gon smiled and kissed the small forehead. "Thank you, my imp."
Maybe this would work out after all.
III. Visions in the Night
Obi-Wan sat up abruptly in his bed. A split-second before he'd been sound asleep, but what his dreams had shown him had left his heart pounding with fear. //Qui-Gon!//
//Mmm? Obi-Wan? What's wrong?//
The touch reassured him, and he feel back onto his pillow. Then blushed. //I'm sorry, my Qui-Gon, I should not have called to you.// His bondmate was on a mission, and Obi-Wan was far too old to be disturbing him. Worse, Qui-Gon had obviously been asleep, and that was precious on any trip away from Coruscant.
Warmth surrounded him, and he could almost feel Qui-Gon's arms cuddling him close. He blushed again. He was eight. Not a baby. He should not want this.
//Such nonsense. You're never too old to want a little comfort.//
Absolved, he wrapped himself tighter in the Force blanketing him. A chuckle sounded in his mind, and the directed energy contracted in a hug. //Now tell me what troubles you, my imp.//
Another blush. If he wasn't careful his face would stick that way. //Nightmare.//
There was a long silence. Obi-Wan didn't really have nightmares. There was a loving presence in his mind that tended to soothe them before they got beyond the point of disturbing dreams. He was not so young that he hadn't figured out that much. //It must have come upon you quickly.//
//Yes. ... Qui-Gon, I'm afraid.//
Again the Force hugged him and he felt a mental caress. //I am here, my imp.//
That helped a great deal, but he was still trembling a little.
//Obi-Wan?//
//Yes?//
//Master Yoda didn't happen to do his lecture on visions today, did he?//
//Yes.//
A brief burst of words, that should Obi-Wan ever repeat them would get him into a great deal of trouble, flowed through the link.
He seldom gave Qui-Gon reason to be angry, and the barrage made Obi-Wan flinch. //I'm sorry,// he called out even though he really didn't know what he'd done wrong.
Instantly Qui-Gon calmed and cuddled him again. //No, I'm the one who is sorry. The anger was not directed towards you. Master Yoda and I tend to disagree on this subject. You are upset because you think you've had a vision, not a nightmare.//
//Yes.//
//Show it to me.//
Obi-Wan concentrated on what he had seen in his sleep. It was all very vague – Master Yoda had said visions often were. Dark images of terror and pain, sounds of war. Death. Grief. All his fault. He'd failed. The Hope of all had turned. All his fault.
Qui-Gon did not curse, but Obi-Wan could feel he wanted to. Instead the Jedi Master sent him an image of Obi-Wan being curled up in his arms, held tightly against that strong chest. Nothing could hurt him when he was there. He knew that. He basked in the love radiating through him and did not resist the soothing touch easing the turmoil in his mind. //What was it?//
As he knew beyond all doubt that Qui-Gon loved him and would keep him safe, Obi-Wan knew the man never lied to him. Not even when it was easier.
He felt a mental sigh. //A true vision, but very distant and difficult to decipher. I will discuss the matter with Master Yoda when I return.//
Obi-Wan almost smiled. //You mean you will yell at him.//
//That too. Now go back to sleep.//
//Will I have another vision?//
//Unlikely. You've shown no gift for that – thank the Force.//
//But I just had one.//
//A vision following Master Yoda's guided meditation is not uncommon. Most never have another. Keep your focus on the here and now, Obi-Wan.//
Now where had he heard that before? This time Obi-Wan did smile. //I miss you.//
//As I do you.//
//Is Xantos looking after you properly?// It irked Obi-Wan that someone else was Qui-Gon's apprentice. He didn't care if he wasn't old enough to go on missions yet, he didn't trust anyone else to keep his Qui-Gon safe and warm.
He felt Qui-Gon chuckle. //Yes, he is a very good Padawan.//
//I'll be a better one.//
The reply was immediate, expected and annoyingly familiar. //When you're older.//
//That's your answer for everything.//
//Imp.//
//Quigee.//
//Go. To. Sleep.//
He smirked, then went to sleep, his every sense telling him that Qui-Gon held him through the night despite the fact that the Jedi Master was half a galaxy away.
IV. Padawan Kenobi
Qui-Gon glared at Yoda. He adored the small Jedi Master, had been his Padawan, but that didn't prevent frequent clashes between them. If anything it made it worse, for a former Padawan could always take liberties with a Master that no one else would dare. "Who else but me?"
The green head shook, the large pointed ears flattening. "Out of the question it is. Your bondmate he is. Your Padawan he cannot be."
That was not an answer to his question. Worse, it pointed in a direction Qui-Gon did not want to contemplate. "A young mind cannot handle the strain of a soul-bond and a training-bond. It must be me."
"Agreed that two bonds he cannot survive." Yoda looked at him with sorrow.
Qui-Gon cursed as fluently and as crudely as he knew how.
Yoda did not so much as twitch an ear.
Sith! He'd been afraid of this. Obi-Wan should have become his apprentice two years ago. After Xantos. But his failure with Xantos had rattled Qui-Gon and had made him reluctant to take on a new Padawan. He'd used the time he'd spent healing to allow Obi-Wan to mature that much more. "So I am to be a Master without an apprentice while he is consigned to the astro-fields."
Again the head shook. "Another Padawan you will take. Time it is."
"I can't. Damnit, Master, you know I can't." He sighed and sat down on the floor. It was disrespectful in some ways, but it allowed him to look Yoda in they eye. "I could not see the darkness within Xantos because of my soul-bond with Obi-Wan. I didn't realize it at the time, but I know now that our training-bond wasn't deep enough."
It had been nothing more than the pale reflection that his bond with Staucha had been. That had been enough for her. A grown woman, her training almost over, she'd neither been threatened by his bond with Obi-Wan nor needed a deeper joining. Xantos had and had resented the fact that Qui-Gon had been unable to give it. "Obi-Wan will be my next Padawan. None will follow."
"No. Decided the Council is."
The Council. Most of them wouldn't give a damn about it. But Mace was now a part of it. Odds were when the next rotation came, his former lover would be chosen as senior member along with Yoda. And Mace had lost Qui-Gon to Obi-Wan.
"Such thoughts become you not!" Yoda snapped. "Decision easy it was not."
He blushed. Sometimes it was easy to forget that the remnants of their training-bond still linked him to Yoda, giving him access to a stray thought or two. "Your pardon, my Master." He inclined his head in apology.
A small three-fingered hand touched his temple. Affection flowed into him. "Easy it is not to lose a boy of such promise."
But him better than you. That bond remnant worked two ways and Qui-Gon heard the fear quite clearly. He sighed heavily. How could he have forgotten who he was dealing with?
This was Yoda. The champion of all things future. And a being who loved his former Padawan with all the love a former Master could possess. This could not be good. He grit his teeth, then demanded, "Tell me."
Sorrow blanketed Yoda, but, while he could evade with extreme skill, he had never lied to Qui-Gon. "If Padawan he becomes, great Jedi he will be. Live to see it you will not."
He frowned. "The future is never that certain."
"All paths foreseen, lead to it they do. Give your life for his, almost certain it is."
In a smooth, graceful motion, Qui-Gon rose to his feet, then turned his back on his former Master so he could think without seeing that sad gaze. ‘All paths foreseen.' That did not translate as ‘all paths.' Yet that would have been considered by the Council. And he knew beyond all doubt that should it come to a choice between his life and Obi-Wan's, he would go gladly to his death. But even now their bond was so strong that it would be a miracle if Obi-Wan survived his death. The chances of doing so without suffering deep mental scars were all but non-existent. A normal soul-bond would have been dangerous enough on that score, but Obi-Wan had not lived a single day without Qui-Gon's presence in his mind. He would have to make subtly preparing the boy for such an event a priority. "You said he would be a great Jedi Knight."
"Yes, equally certain this is."
Then he would survive. That was all that mattered to Qui-Gon. "I refuse to be a slave to visions of the future, Master."
"Lose you, painful it would be."
Sometimes, he really did love the little green troll. He sat down beside Yoda again and pressed his forehead to the wrinkled brow. "I am warned, my Master. I will not chose rashly. Grant me what the Force demands."
There were tears in those green eyes. That more than anything else told Qui-Gon how convinced Yoda was of his fate. A hand touched his hair. "Your Padawan he is."
V. Adolescence and Bond Mechanics
Obi-Wan scowled at his Master. This was far from an unusual occurrence. Qui-Gon had never demanded his submission in non-dangerous situations. In fact he seemed to enjoy the mental exercise of their conflicts. However, Obi-Wan's birthday was not normally a time of challenge.
"There has to be something wrong with me!" he insisted.
Qui-Gon gave him that patient look he must have learned from Master Yoda. Obi-Wan often wondered if his Master had hated it as much as he did. "Could you be a bit more specific?"
"I'm fourteen." Enlightenment did not settle on the bearded face. "Fourteen!"
"You said that."
Obi-Wan sighed. He'd been doing a lot of that lately. This was so frustrating. Not to mention embarrassing.
"Perhaps there is something about being fourteen that bothers you?"
He glared again, but managed to mutter, "Sex."
"Sex? What about sex?"
He squirmed and looked away. "I don't want to have sex with you."
There was a silence, then, "But you want to have sex."
He blushed. "I think so."
"You think you should want to have sex with me, not anyone else."
Obi-Wan detected a faint hint of amusement and his glare swung around to Qui-Gon again. Fortunately for his Master, he had at least kept the signs of it off his face. "You're my bondmate. Sex is part of that, isn't it?"
The corners of Qui-Gon's mouth twitched, then twitched again.
"I'm glad you think this is funny!" Obi-Wan snapped and would have run for his room if a large hand hadn't settled on his shoulder.
"Forgive me, my imp. It's just that I had quite a similar conversation with Master Yoda some years ago."
"You did?"
He nodded. "Yes, I was quite outraged that no one had told me an adult could bond with a baby."
Curiosity got the better of Obi-Wan's own outrage. "What did he say?"
"That it was rare, but not completely unusual. As I was not ready for a life of celibacy, I had. ..."
"What?"
"I believe he called it a temper tantrum."
He gave Qui-Gon a skeptical look. "Really?"
"I never lie to you, Obi-Wan."
"No, but you don't tell me everything either."
"I learned from the best."
Obi-Wan glared, then sighed yet again. "What else did Master Yoda say?"
Qui-Gon sat down in a nearby chair. "Most soul-bonds are formed at the same time the bondmates consummate the physical aspect of their relationship. That is because it usually requires the energy of both the physical and soul needs to enable one bondmate to find another."
"But you found me when I was born."
Qui-Gon nodded. "Obviously, neither of us wanted a physical relationship with the other at that time."
Obi-Wan snickered. "Obviously."
"And that hasn't changed, my Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon smiled at him. "I'm a man, not a teenager, and I crave the sexual company of other adults. You are a teenager."
"So I crave the company of other teenagers."
"Exactly."
It made sense. Certainly of all the things he'd felt coming from Qui-Gon, passion had never been one of them. "But shouldn't you be my first?"
Qui-Gon smiled. "That is your choice, Obi-Wan. You were born far too late for me to make a similar one, and the decision is yours alone. I will not love you more or less whatever you decide."
He frowned. He liked several of his former crechemates, and he couldn't imagine waiting, yet he sort of liked the idea. "We will have sex together?"
That mouth twitched again. Someday his Master was going to hurt himself fighting all those smiles. "Yes, eventually we will have sex and never want anyone else again."
That sounded nice, but. ... "When?"
"When the time is right."
That sounded vague. "How will we know the time is right?"
There was a brief silence. "The Force will guide us."
Obi-Wan snorted. "That means you don't know, Quigee."
"Imp."
Obi-Wan made a face at him, then brightened. "You haven't given me my birthday present."
"What makes you think I got you anything?"
He smiled. They had the same exchange every year. Things might be changing, but his Qui-Gon seemed eternal.
VI. The Force Calls
Obi-Wan paced back and forth through the common room of their quarters. He'd been on edge for months. Something their last mission had made worse, not eased. So much for strenuous activity as a balm for sexual desire.
He'd opted not to couple with anyone. It hadn't been easy, but something inside him said wait. So he had. Neither had spoken of his decision, but Qui-Gon had honored it by not taking any more lovers himself. It was not something Obi-Wan had asked of him or required, but it had pleased him a great deal. As he knew his own decision had pleased Qui-Gon.
Only now they were both wavering. How he could have less control at twenty than he'd had at fourteen, he didn't know, but he'd felt like he was going to explode for weeks. Nothing helped. Not pleasuring himself, taking cold showers, meditating or trying to lose himself in a mission. Especially not the mission part.
Of all the assignments they could have drawn, why in Sith had one of them been a courier mission to Iego? Everyone was so beautiful. He'd felt clumsy and ugly. Something he knew his Master had felt as well. ‘Physical perfection has never been one of my strong points, Obi-Wan,' he'd said with a rueful shake of his head after a particularly beautiful girl had smiled at Obi-Wan. It had made his flesh burn, something Qui-Gon had instantly felt through their bond. ‘Neither of us has made promises, my Padawan. Do as you desire.'
To re-enforce that offer, Qui-Gon had raised his mental shields. The presence was still there, but the emotions were very muted and thoughts could not move along the bond at all. Obi-Wan had been grateful for the privacy, but he'd quickly noticed that Qui-Gon was earning a few smiles himself.
Was the privacy for him as well as for Obi-Wan? Although neither of them matched Iegoian standards, the fact that they were Jedi had made them very appealing to the natives. Either of them could have had their pick of over a dozen partners. Obi-Wan had decided against it. He didn't want his first time to be some joining with a stranger who felt more fascination than lust for him.
But what had Qui-Gon done? It was driving him almost as crazy as the burning between his legs. He found that he absolutely detested the notion of his bondmate with one of those Jedi worshipers. Qui-Gon was his. His! And he was beautiful.
Not at all like those vapid Ieogians. Qui-Gon had strong, but kind features. A tall, broad-shouldered body and long silken hair. And those eyes. Yes, they were quite beautiful. Dark blue and full of emotion. And. ...
Obi-Wan blinked. When had Qui-Gon gone from a huge hulk of a man to something beautiful? Something desirable?
He sat down heavily. On the floor. It seemed like he had gone from despairing that he would ever want to consummate their bond, to feeling like he was going to explode at the very thought. Surely it had been a more gradual transition? And what if Qui-Gon's perceptions had not gone through a similar transition?
"Oh, Force," he moaned, burying his face in his hands. He'd fallen into desire with his bondmate while he was still ... what? At twenty he was a man. His own self-awareness told him he would grow no taller, his frame would not broaden any further. But he was six inches shorter than his bondmate, and although strong, he lacked Qui-Gon's powerful build.
How did he look to Qui-Gon? Like a man or a child? Over and over again he'd been reassured that things were inevitable between bondmates, but what if everyone was wrong? The soul-bond wasn't really supposed to form between a baby and an adult. What if Qui-Gon could never see the man for the child?
He'd go mad. Obi-Wan moaned. He'd go stark raving mad. He's saved himself for this, but he'd not seen the slightest sign that Qui-Gon wanted him. Hells, while Obi-Wan had been feeling the pangs of jealousy, Qui-Gon had been pushing him into a stranger's arms. Insanity definitely beckoned.
Then again. ... Hope dawned. Qui-Gon had also kept his mental shields in place after they'd left Iego and temptation behind. He'd also left their quarters only minutes after they'd returned home. In retrospect, it could have been termed a hasty retreat and the muttered comment about needing to meditate had been far from convincing. Maybe insanity wasn't quite so certain.
Obi-Wan picked himself up off the floor. Qui-Gon would not make the first move. Obi-Wan had always known that. Some reaction to the differences in their ages and ranks. Okay, so how did he make the first move? He found himself regretting his lack of experience. A few smooth seduction techniques would not have gone amiss about now. Well, too late for that.
"Make do, I must," he muttered some Yoda advice. Of course, the Jedi Master had meant it in a different context, but what the hells. Wisdom was wisdom.
Deciding clean would be good, he took a shower. A long hot water shower. It made him feel very sexy. Which gave him an idea. After all, the best seduction technique in the galaxy was going to get him precisely nowhere if he couldn't get the seducee back here.
First, get his attention. Simple enough. //Master?// he called, knowing however firm his mental shields, Qui-Gon would never do anything that would prevent him from hearing a direct call from Obi-Wan. It was taking shameless advantage of the man's protective impulses, but Obi-Wan had no desire to go insane. And he knew Qui-Gon wouldn't like being stuck with a crazy Padawan. No, it was all for the greater good.
For a moment, he thought the son of a Sith had indeed blocked him completely out, then he became aware of the fact that the presence inside his head had become more aware. Qui-Gon was checking on him while trying not to give the impression he was doing so. At the same time he had to know that Obi-Wan would sense him. He'd never done anything like that before. Perhaps the mental touch of a naked, aroused Padawan had left him speechless?
Feeling far more confident, Obi-Wan let his mind drift, giving himself over to a favored shower fantasy. He pictured hands other than his own caressing him, playing with his nipples, stroking his neck. The hands had never really belonged to anyone else, but now he easily made them Qui-Gon's. Large, long fingers, strong, but gentle. He groaned softly, certain he could feel the callouses on those hands.
He let them move downward, but avoided his straining cock. He didn't want to come, had vowed that if he had anything to say about it that he'd endured his last solitary climax. Instead, he let them part, then slide along and down his hips to cup his buttocks.
His friend, Bant, had once told him he had a great ass, and he'd better keep an eye on it or someone less scrupulous than she was would come along and. ... He let a soapy finger slip inside himself. Oh, he loved how that felt. Of course, one finger wasn't going to do it. He'd seen his bondmate naked.
They weren't quite as casual about nudity around each other as other Master-Padawan teams were as they'd both always known that the other would one day be a lover, but missions often did not allow much privacy. So he knew Qui-Gon was well endowed. Very well endowed.
The ring of muscle clamped tightly around his finger at the thought. How did he get ready for this? Two fingers? Four? Damn, why hadn't he let Bant ‘have her way with him' a few times?
//Allow me.// The voice in his mind startled him enough that he jerked out his finger. Something warm and full of life replace it. He groaned, leaning heavily against the wall of the stall.
The probing touch kept stretching him while making his skin tingle.
//Are you certain you are ready, my Obi-Wan?//
"Oh, yesssss," he purred. //Qui-Gon. My love.//
The very air around him seemed to vibrate with manipulations of the Force. The probing touch continued, the water switched off and the sonics came on drying him in one quick blast. //Then come to me, my beloved. Let us finish what began so long ago.//
He found his intense arousal made it difficult to walk, but he managed to get himself out of the shower and move into the bedroom. He stopped in the doorway. Qui-Gon stood next to his large bed. Their bed from now on.
Naked and gloriously erect, the sight of him nearly pushed Obi-Wan over the edge. And he'd been worried that he'd never want this man?
"Come here," Qui-Gon's deep voice purred.
He bit his lip. "I can't. If I move, I'll. ..."
"Ah, then allow me again." The Force enfolded him, lifted him, then floated him over to the bed, settling him gently against the mattress. He'd not lain against it since he was three. So different now. So wonderfully different.
His bondmate sank down on top of him, and their lips met in a first kiss.
Obi-Wan jerked away, fighting his urge to climax. He did not want to ruin this.
"It's all right, my beautiful love," Qui-Gon soothed him. "Let yourself come, you will arouse again quickly."
He didn't want to. He really didn't want to. But he looked into dark blue eyes glowing with love and passion, then lost the battle. He spurted his release between their two bodies, but his lover did not give him a chance to curse his lack of self-control.
Instead his mouth was captured again. Oh, he liked that. So very much. His lips parted and Qui-Gon's tongue slipped inside him. He'd done this much with others, but no one else had ever tasted this good. He began to make a little gasping noise. Something a lot like a mew crossed with a whimper. It might have embarrassed him if Qui-Gon hadn't been making similar, if deeper sounds.
The hands he'd fantasied about caressed him and a part his mind noted that he'd got the feel of them perfectly.
His flesh hardened again, pushing against Qui-Gon's stomach. The older man chuckled, pulling back enough to kiss the end of Obi-Wan's nose. "Ah, youth. It does have its advantages."
Obi-Wan did not share the sentiment. He was trembling with need and on the verge of erupting all over again. This time he was determined it would not be alone. "I need you."
"You have me."
"No, inside me. Now. Please."
A kiss rewarded his begging. His legs were lifted up over those powerful, lovely shoulders, then. ... oh, yesssss.
He kept his eyes opened wide, staring into the blue orbs gazing down at him while his bondmate thrust over and over into his body. They were one. In soul, mind and body.
//Yes, my Obi-Wan. Yes.//
He could feel himself changing, knew he would never want anyone else to touch him like this, knew that for him nothing would ever really exist again but this man and the love they shared.
With a soft gasp he let himself come. Sealing his part of the bond. For now and forever, he belonged to Qui-Gon Jinn.
//As I belong to you, my Obi-Wan.//
Warmth flooded into him and it was done. One soul. One heart. Always.
VII. The Phantom Menace
Qui-Gon cursed himself. Why hadn't he listened to Obi-Wan? Why hadn't he prepared for the Council's rejection of Anakin Skywalker? He should have known better. Would have if he hadn't let his excitement blind him to how narrow the Council's thinking had become. Seeing little choice, he sighed, then said,"I will train him then. I take Anakin as my Padawan learner."
Obi-Wan's reaction was instantaneous. //What!?!//
Yoda frowned. "An apprentice you have, Qui-Gon. Impossible to take on a second."
Anger and hurt radiated from his Padawan. //What in Sith do you think you're doing?//
//Calm yourself, my love.// Qui-Gon soothed him. //We are bondmates. Our destiny, as ever, is together. The Council will not separate us simply because you are no longer my Padawan.//
"We forbid it." Mace affirmed Yoda's pronouncement. When had Mace lost sight of the fact that the Force was a living growing thing? Anakin was needed. Desperately.
He looked at Obi-Wan, projecting all the love and certainty he felt to calm the young man's upset. "Obi-Wan is ready."
//You've lost your mind.// He stepped forward, supporting his bondmate despite the fury radiating from him. "I am ready to face the Trials."
Yoda gave them both a scathing look. "Ready so early, are you? What do you know of ready?"
//Oh, that was unexpected.//
//Now, is not the time for sarcasm, Obi-Wan.//
//It seems the perfect time to me.//
//Enough, Obi-Wan. Trust me.// "He is headstrong and has much to learn about the living Force. But he is capable. There is little more he will learn from me."
//Do you really believe that?//
//Obi-Wan, I would never risk your life by pushing you into the Trials before you were ready.//
//Then why didn't you say so before?//
//I was going to.//
"Our own counsel will we keep on who is ready. More to learn he has."
//Don't say it.//
//I wouldn't dream of it. I'm seriously considering never speaking to you again.//
He considered anger, but opted not to give Obi-Wan the satisfaction. Instead, he flooded the young man's mind with more love, let him see the confidence and pride he took in his Padawan's skill, showed him his determination that nothing would ever separate them no matter what ranks they held.
//Oh, all right. I love you, too.//
That was better. Unfortunately, the Council was not so easily dealt with.
"Now is not the time for this." Mace again. Some days Qui-Gon couldn't even recognize the companion of his youth. "The Senate is voting for a new Supreme Chancellor, and Queen Amidala has decided to return home. That will put pressure on the Trade Federation."
"And could draw out the Queen's attacker," Yoda added.
Mace looked Qui-Gon in the eye. He could almost hear the man telling him to stop being a rebellious fool and work with the Code, not against it. Qui-Gon supposed it was pointless to tell him that was precisely what he'd been trying to do. "Go with the Queen and discover the identity of this dark warrior. That is the clue we need to unravel this mystery of the Sith."
Yoda put an end to the audience "Young Skywalker's fate will be decided later. May the Force be with you."
Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and the boy all bowed, then took their leave.
Obi-Wan would have loved to hang on to his anger and hurt feelings. But he loved his Sith-spawned lover too much and knew him too well to prevail. Damn. Cruelly deprived of a long sulking wallow, he had nothing left to do, but think during the shuttle ride to the Queen's ship.
Anakin, the Chosen One. He who will bring balance to the Force and save them all. Right. All Obi-Wan knew for certain was that Qui-Gon believed in the boy and that he loved Qui-Gon. That meant being a good, little, supportive bondmate.
But something was nagging at the back of his brain. The Chosen One. He who will bring balance to the Force. The Hope for us all.
Shear terror gripped him, his long forgotten vision exploding back into the brain. All that dark death and pain. Balance need not come about by peaceful means. Horror gibbered within him, but he'd been irritated enough with Qui-Gon that he'd raised his shields. His attention on the boy, he failed to notice Obi-Wan's fear.
What could he do? He knew exactly what Qui-Gon would say. Be mindful of the here and now. The future will take care of itself. He began to tremble. A future where he, not Qui-Gon, trained, then failed the boy. That was so clear now. Oh, Force, why would that happen? What other reason could there be, but –?
No! He would not allow that. He would die first. He was firm on that. If one of them must die it would be him, not his Qui-Gon. Determination setting his jaw, he launched into yet another attempt to make Qui-Gon see reason.
Qui-Gon almost laughed as he sank down to meditate, his gaze locking one last time with the Sith. For all his rejections of visions and sacrificing the moment for the future, it seemed that it had all caught up with him. He was facing his death. He could feel it. He had but minutes left.
When the red energy separating him from the Sith warrior cycled off, he would step forward, began the battle anew, then die. He knew it. And knowing it should have granted him salvation.
When the screen dropped, he need only retreat instead of advance. Obi-Wan would reach his side before the cycle could separate them again and together they could prevail. But he dared not risk it.
Obi-Wan was in the grips of some inexplicable terror. Qui-Gon had caught a glimpse of it and his determination to be the one who died this day. For once in his life, he could not trust his Padawan to fight at his side and win the day. No, Obi-Wan's only chance was the slim hope that Qui-Gon could destroy the Sith before the young man rejoined the battle.
//I love you,// he thought rising and activating his lightsaber as the energy shields cycled off.
//Come to me. Oh, Force, come to me. I'll never make it before the shields come up again.//
He ached to do so, but he stepped forward instead.
//No! No, you promised. You said we would always be together!//
//I will always be in your heart, my beloved Obi-Wan.// He broke contact with that, swinging his lightsaber to meet the Sith's first blow.
He focused every ounce of skill and strength he possessed against the Sith. Never had he fought so well, and he would have won the battle had it not been for the double-bladed weapon. A block that saved him from the trust of one end, brought him into the range of the other.
White-hot pain pierced him, and he heard his bondmate's scream. *Oh, Obi-Wan. Failed you.*
He fell, knew nothing but the sounds of weapons clashing. He could have wept. What purpose did his death serve if his love did not survive? *Obi-Wan, please.*
Despite the pain of his slow death, joy leapt through him as what seemed like moments later, Obi-Wan was lifting him up, cradling him in his arms. //My love.//
//Don't leave me. Please, don't leave me.//
He felt the healing energies began to flow from Obi-Wan into him. "It's too late. Too late."
"No." //I can't lose you. I can't.//
//You must be brave, my love.// Purpose. Obi-Wan must have purpose or he would never survive this death. Never survive the absence of a presence that had been part of him all his life. "Obi-Wan promise. ... Promise me you'll train the boy."
//No, don't ask me to live without you. Please.//
//Promise me.//
"Yes, Master."
He reached up and caressed his bondmate's tear dampened cheek. "He is the Chosen One. ... He will ... bring balance. ..." //I love you. Live for me. Keep me in your heart. I love you.//
//I love you. You are my heart,// was the last thing he heard.
Obi-Wan's mind shut down for a moment as he felt his bondmate's life slip away.
*No. No, please, no.* How could he live without him? How –?
Then the answer came to him. His heart. Always in his heart. *Sith take you, Qui-Gon Jinn, we live or die together.*
Almost savagely he sent the Force hurtling into his dead lover's body. Energy ripping through the burned flesh, he molded the connections severed by a blow that had vaporized every thing in its path. Not so different from a tendril of Force opening his own body, preparing him for his lover's entry.
The thought calmed him, gave him the fine control he needed to re-knit vital vessels. Another push made the blood flow, the heart pump. Difficult, intricate work. He lacked the strength or focus to do anything else but force that damned stubborn heart he loved so well to beat.
He knew nothing, cared nothing for what was happening around him. Naboo could fall, all its people perish for all he cared as long as that heart kept beating. He'd given all he could to duty. He'd done all he could to be true to his oaths as a Jedi. He could not surrender his heart. Never. Not that. Never.
He screamed in agony as a wave of healing energy tore into the connection he had with Qui-Gon. Bacta. His Master was in a bacta tank. It was the only explanation, and it kept Obi-Wan conscious when oblivion beckoned. The stuff of miracles, he still had to help the healing compound, had to help it replace Force patched wounds with living tissue.
His strength waning as he poured it all into the body he no longer held, but could never be parted from, Obi-Wan felt his own life force falter.
He almost laughed. Maybe he would keep his promise to be the one to die this day after all.
The tissue formed, slowly he released his own focus. The heart beat once without him. Darkness closed in. No, not yet ... not yet. ...
Obi-Wan watched the flames claim Qui-Gon's body and felt nothing. The Jedi Council, Chancellor Palpatine and the royal court of Naboo had all gathered to pay homage to his fallen lover.
His shields were up and respected. Who could even comprehend the grief of a bondmate forced to live beyond the life of the bond? No one thought it strange he would close himself off so completely. They left him in peace, grateful that they were not him.
He looked at the frightened boy next to him. Qui-Gon, the only one to believe in him, had left him in the care of someone who would spend the rest of his life as an emotional cripple. Somehow he could tell the boy sensed that. He wished he could reassure him, but he could not. Not now.
Obi-Wan was a Jedi Knight. Yoda had told him the Council's decision only hours earlier. Remembering his promise he had also secured the right to call Anakin his Padawan. He trusted it had been an entertaining moment to anyone who might be listening.
"What will happen to me now?" the boy asked.
"The Council has given me permission to train you," he gave what assurances he could. For now. "You will become a Jedi. I promise."
Anakin seemed to take strength from this. As would anyone who had loved Qui-Gon. His wishes were being respected. His dreams had not died with him.
Ashes. Flames and ashes. The stench was sweet and heavy. It made him feel ill. He would not last much longer. But his Master was almost ashes.
//Obi-Wan?// he heard the voice in his mind, but exhaustion made it difficult to place it. Ah, Master Windu. //Are you well?//
Lying would serve no purpose. //No, I fear I will collapse soon. The boy does not need to see that.//
Even though he had not directly asked for it, he felt the Force flow into him and knew it was Mace Windu's hand that guided it. The other man kept him on his feet, preventing his legs from folding beneath him as the fire burned. It left Obi-Wan with a small reserve of energy to stay conscious.
The fire burned out. The body consumed. The mourners turned away. They let him depart in peace, unaware that every step he took was guided by Master Windu. Only Anakin directly accompanied him. "You are to stay in the Queen's suite tonight," he told the boy. How he found the strength for speech he'd never know. "Go now."
Anakin smiled at him, then ran off. If Obi-Wan had been capable of feeling anything, he knew affection would have tugged at the corners of his mouth.
Instead he directed his thoughts to Master Windu. //I'm sorry.// Thankful he was beyond embarrassment, he passed out.
Qui-Gon cursed a body too weak to pace, too weak to do anything but lie in bed and wait. He knew Obi-Wan would not handle even the burning of his likeness well. Had summoned all his limited strength to oppose the Queen's plan, but she had prevailed because, Sith take her, the girl was right. Neither he nor Obi-Wan was capable of surviving any attack the remaining Sith might launch against them right now.
Better to let the Dark Lord – and Qui-Gon was almost certain they had faced the apprentice, not the Master – think that Qui-Gon had died and Obi-Wan had been destroyed by the loss.
A good, wise plan. But he feared one that would do almost as much damage to his bondmate as the fantasy they were perpetuating would have. He wanted so badly to leap from his bed and stalk to his Obi-Wan's side. To hold him and challenge any who would harm him. But he was doing well to keep his eyes open.
So much for prophecy. It was no match at all for a determined young man in love. Once they had recovered from Obi-Wan's efforts, Qui-Gon did not know if he would thrash his bondmate within an inch of his life for draining himself so completely or make wild, passionate love to him. Perhaps both.
The door to their quarters opened. Mace walked into the room with an unconscious Obi-Wan cradled in his arms. Damn, he had known Obi-Wan was too weak for this subterfuge. //Don't you dare drop him,// he snapped into their old lovers' bond when shock threatened to weaken Mace's hold.
Mace instinctively tightened his grip. "You're alive."
Talking was too much effort, so he thought back, //Yes.// He gave the reason for and details of the Queen's plan to his former lover. //I'm sorry if it hurt you.//
//If? Damn, you, Qui-Gon. Once I planned to spend my life with you. Did you think I could watch you burn and not die a little inside?//
Qui-Gon knew Mace had moved on. That he and his fellow Council member, Adi Gallia, had formed a relationship that would endure for the rest of their lives. But he did know better than to think that it would make the time he and Mace had spent together less precious. //Forgive me. It has been a trying few days.//
Mace nodded. //I see the need for secrecy. I will keep it until you are recovered.//
//A week, two at the most. Or so say the healers.//
//A week then, but Yoda will not be pleased.//
Qui-Gon managed a smile. //I imagine not, but he always was a sneaky son of a Sith. He'll understand.//
Mace returned the smile. //I suspect you are right, my friend.//
Qui-Gon held out his arms. //Give him to me.//
With a tenderness that moved Qui-Gon, Mace lowered the boy into his grasp, then settled the blankets around both of them. He gave both their foreheads a caress, then moved to the door. "I will watch over you both. Do not allow him to drain himself again when he wakes up."
"Thank you," he croaked, hugging Obi-Wan close to him.
Mace looked at him, studying him with those warm brown eyes that had once inspired such passion within Qui-Gon. "You told me once that if you'd had a choice. ..."
//And you told me I was a fool. You were right.//
A nod, a smile, then the Jedi Master left them alone, but he could feel Mace's protective presence, knew he would feel it for a week. Two at the most. *I did love you, my friend, ah, but this boy. ...*
Obi-Wan opened his eyes. //Qui-Gon?//
//I am here, my heart. I will always be here.//
//Promise me?//
//With all that I am, Obi-Wan Kenobi. With all of my heart.//
//I love you, Quigee.//
//As I love you, my imp.//
Obi-Wan smiled, snuggled up against him, and they both let themselves drift into healing sleep.
end