Work Text:
"ADAPTABLE"
A "Firefly" story
Written by Alison M. DOBELL
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He don't know I'm watching. Wouldn't do no good nohow if he did. Him bein' him and me bein' me. Got no call to expect more, I know that. But sometimes I wonder what it would'a been like if I'd gone to him, pulled out all the stops to make him mine. I know it's a fancy. One of them daydreams as haunt your sleep, day or night notwithstandin'. I won't ask him what he don't wanna hear. Won't jeopardise our friendship 'cause it's too precious. Don't think I could handle the rejection an' worse the pity I'd see in his eyes.
So I watch him when he don't know my eyes are on him. Keep a weathered eye an' flirt with the doc. Gril's gotta have a hobby. At first I wanted to make him jealous but it ain't like that. He don't see me that way and'that just grieves me. More like my daddy than I want him to be. Playin' the big brother, the trusted friend. Anythin' but the lover I wanna take to my bunk an' rutt with till neither of us can speak or move a gorram muscle.
I sigh an' add more elbow crease to my chores. Runnin' my hands over the boat we both love so much it's like another person to us. Imaginin' them smooth lines are his. That humming of the engine is his heartbeat in mine. Knowin' this is as close as I can get but Serenity is a good girl. She keeps my secret and keepin' her in tip top condition is a joy to me that's twofold. One 'cause I like breathin' an' livin' free an' two 'cause it's the on'y way I know to keep him safe. But when I lay me down an' sleep I can dream. Have my little fantasy. He stops in the engine room on his way to the cargo hold afore goin' off on another job. Makin' sure his boat is fine, that I'm alright. I hop up and'smile at him, his eyes smile back as I nod that all is well an' plant a quick kiss on his cheek before he goes. "I love my Captain."
He grins back at me with affection then is gone. He don't know how true them words are. An' I don't intend to tell him not never. I look back at my engine an' smile, remembering' how Simon teased me yesterday. Maybe I can interest him in somethin' more intimate than a smile? Grinnin' I pick up my wrench an' get back to work. Workin' helps me think an' plot about how to loosen the doc up enough to have some good sweaty fun. I can give him my body even if my heart ain't free. Hell. My daddy always said I was gifted an' I ain't nothin' if not adaptable.
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