Work Text:
"STEPPING STONE"
A "Firefly" story
Written by Alison M. DOBELL
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There were times when it was good to remember. Times when it was better to forget but for Book this was not such a time. He had thought to immerse himself in other less comprehensible lives to wash away the memory of his own far-from-perfect life. He had once told the Captain he followed in the footsteps of another carpenter but he was not talking about Jesus and nothing in the 'verse would allow him to admit the madman he had followed and hailed as an unkempt hero for so long. Shan Yu was most certainly evil but as with many evil men he was inordinately gifted. Book was well read, well experienced in a great many of the oriental arts as well as numerous religions beside the one he had finally settled on adopting as his own.
Adoption. A useful word for theft. Could it still be sleight of hand if it was tongue in cheek? Did they notice that many of his quotes were in the vernacular not to make his meaning clearer to them but because his knowledge of the bible was the thickness of a prop not the dept of intimate knowledge from constant use? Yes, he skimmed through the Acts of the Apostles. Cleaved if it could be called that, to the Old rather than the New Testament. Was in equal parts baffled and drawn to the Book of Revelation. But this life was not who he was nor who he intended to be. It was a stepping stone. A lever up to reach another level. One that was out of his reach without the help of someone else's God to guide his footsteps.
Now the past came crowding in. Glimpses. Memories. Fragments of a life that had been so rich and varied. A lively lust of competing passions. Jayne thought he was celibate. Now, yes. Then? Not hardly. And not just the passions of the flesh, Jayne. Oh no. He had tasted and savoured so much more than that. Memories that their brush with Adelei Niska had brought back to him with fateful vision. Memories that made him ache body and soul. "You live in a man's house for forty years..." You share his food. He recalled the breaking of the bread at the last supper. Learn everything about him. Then, like Judas, you take that man and hold him over the volcano's edge and on that day you meet the real man. Only Judas did it with a kiss.
His hands trembled as he looked down at them. Interlocking fingers that shook to hold them steady. Head bowed he looked more like a man praying than one renewing a burden. Barely able to look at his hands for the blood he had washed off them but which forever stained him heart and soul. No. This was a stepping stone. One mere step into the Black on the long, weary road to redemption. He straightened his back slowly as he took up the weight of his metaphorical cross. He had once confessed to Inara that he thought he had made a mistake choosing Serenity. The Captain had told him not to make him his mission. But he had not chosen, the choice had been made for him. He saw it now. Holding back any tell tale emotion he hoped no one would ever ask him how he knew so much about the darkness in other men's souls. If they did, they might just see a glimpse of the darkness that threatened to consume his own.
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