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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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2020-11-05
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Out of Q-rosity (Formerly known as 'Imma-Q-late Conception')

Summary:

The birds and the bees, Nathan and Arianna style. Curious kids, embarrassed parents and Grey's Medical Encyclopedia. Sequel to 'A Bundle of Q-Joy'. Warning, a lot of silly humor.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:



Out of Q-rosity (Formerly known as 'Imma-Q-late Conception')
by marfiza aka Ki (Ki Slash or Ki Chng).

 

 

 

"Hey, Ari…"

"Yeah?" Arianna watched her twin brother saunter over to her work-desk, bowl of chocolate-chip ice cream in his right hand. She tried to look busy with her school math assignment.

"Have you ever wondered how Dad and Daddy got us?" Nathan's tone was half-teasing, half-challenging. Eight and still growing, Nathan was already displaying the very fine traits of his Daddy. His dark-brown eyes were alive with enthusiasm.

"Umm…no? Hey, don't you dare drip ice-cream on my homework!" Arianna snatched the PADD from the menacing ice-cream bowl. She had slaved over the multiplication questions.

"Nyahnyah…"

"Nathan, I know that look on your grubby face…"

"Grubby face? Ppppffffft! You have a grubby face too!" The little girl retorted back, her eyes a sparkling blue. Her rising ire colored her fair cheeks and she put away her homework, determined to finish it later.

Nathan shrugged and swallowed a mouthful of the gooey stuff. "Well, I am definitely curious, Ari." He leaned over, grinning. "You chicken?"

"No, I am not!" Arianna countered, feeling slightly annoyed.

"We need someone to help us…" Nathan said excitedly, ice-cream forgotten.

***

That 'someone' was Naomi, the other kid onboard the ship. She was skeptical at first.

"What if he sees us?" She questioned her would-be accomplices, frowning. The three huddled near the wall, ignored --- fortunately --- by the crewmembers. The officers of the good ship Voyager were too used to the sight of three children running around.

"Should we distract him?" Arianna whispered insistently.

"He's quite…scary, you know." To an eight years-old, the ship's doctor could be quite intimidating. Especially when he wasn't exactly real. But compared to Evil Borg Woman (an unfortunate rumor spread by Naomi), the doctor was heaps better. At least, he won't assimilate you when he was mad. Arianna and Nathan decided --- privately, of course--- to delete the doctor's program the moment he became angry.

"Maybe," Nathan said slowly. A door hissed open and the doctor walked out, holo-emitter attached to his right elbow. The three kids almost couldn't believe their luck.

They waited with bated breath until the holographic physician was at least a mile away. Then, Naomi was sent forth with soft words of encouragement. She slipped into the Sickbay and looked around for the reference books. It was a Good Thing that Uncle Tom wasn't on duty. She would
have to answer a lot of questions if he was.

She grabbed the first PADD on the title, one titled 'Grey's Medical Encyclopedia'. With a sigh of relief, she tugged it under her skirt and walked out, chin held high.

(Of course, when the Doc returned from his 'house call', the children were long gone. He found out that his PADD had disappeared. He simply shrugged and made his report on Ensign Kim's diarrhea problem. The Grey's Medical Encyclopedia had already been encoded into his memory
anagrams. )

***

Three children sat around the shiny PADD, their faces alit with reverence and awe. Nathan had the privileged duty to activate it. He scrolled down to 'Human Reproductive Systems'.

They didn't say anything for the first fifteen minutes. They simply stared. Then, Arianna broke the silence.

"Dad looked like that."

Naomi had eyes as big as saucers. "You mean he did?"

"Yeah," Arianna said.

"I saw Daddy like that too," Nathan said, not wanting to be left out. "They looked like that in the shower."

Silence again.

"I wonder how Uncle Neelix will look like…" Naomi said and everyone shuddered with exclamations of "Don't be grossed!" and "Ewwww!" They burst out laughing, quickly stifled their voices and examined the PADD again.

"Scroll down further, Nat…"

This time, the silence was absolute.

"Ari?" Nathan nudged his sister. "They are…"

"I am not looking," the girl had her eyes closed. "That's disgusting!"

"I don't think so, Ari." Nathan shook his head and he snuck a look at the illustration. "Ovum and sperm? Eggs?! " Images of chickens and chicken eggs flit through his brain. He glanced at his sister and Naomi, momentarily confused.

"My mom told me once that girls carry eggs…" Naomi quipped, her voice hushed.

"I don't think Dad and Daddy have eggs…" Arianna said. "They are male, like Nathan. And boys don't have eggs."

"The sperm looks like…a tadpole!" Nathan hooted aloud, his face flushed with merriment. "Wait, how can a tadpole turn into a baby? Tadpoles turn into frogs!"

Naomi stared at her friends, mouth open with a sudden burst of enlightenment. "Uncle Tom and Chakotay are male. They have tadpole sperms. You two should have been frogs!"

Arianna fixed a Death Glare at her closest friend. "I am not a frog. I am Arianna!"

"But the sperms look like tadpoles…"

"I am not a frog!" Arianna was almost crying with frustration. Nathan looked as if he had seen a ghost.

It was about this time Naomi Wildman thought wistfully of 'damage control' and Flotter. Or, as she tried to calm a distraught Arianna and a crest-fallen Nathan, a nice sundae from Neelix would probably help the situation.

***

Thomas Eugene Paris, otherwise called Tom (or 'tiger' in moments of passion), eyed his husband sitting opposite him. Chakotay was calmly chewing his steamed chickpeas. Beside them, their children sat still and obedient. It was weird. Normally, Nathan would be all fidgety and Arianna
would bombard her Daddy with questions. As Tom observed his daughter and son critically, he found himself getting increasingly worried.

"Chak," he said quietly. "Chak?"

The dark-haired first officer of the ship looked up from his dinner, fork poised in midair. "Tom?"

"Look at Ari and Nat," Tom whispered urgently as Arianna poked listlessly at her broccoli. "They are acting uncommonly quiet."

Chakotay put down his fork, lifting his eyebrow. "You are right. They are quiet."

"I am done," Arianna said and stood up, smiling a little. Without any word, she left and made for her room. Nathan did the same and pretty soon, the two adults were left alone in the dining room.

"Now this is strange," Tom shook his head, rubbing his temples. He headed for the small table where the children normally had their drawings done. He picked up a piece of paper, gazed at it and simply gaped. "Chak, you'd better come here."

"Is anything wrong?" Chakotay strode over and peered over his lover's shoulder. His eyes widened.

"Just look…look at this!" Tom muttered at the childish drawing. On the paper were apparently figures representing the whole family. But the two smaller figures looked vaguely like…frogs.

"Mmm…"

Just then, Nathan bounced out from his room. The only word he said was "Ree-bit."

Tom and Chakotay looked at each other. "Ree-bit?" They asked, puzzled.
***

The apparent frog craze grew out of hand. For subsequent meals, Nathan wanted fresh bugs and jumped around like a frog. Arianna drew more and more frog pictures. Tom decided to put a stop to it. He was getting a little frustrated with the "Ree-bits".

"Ari? Nat?" He called out one night. Chakotay sat beside him. The two were determined to get to the bottom of the matter.

Arianna and Nathan came out. "Ree-bit?" The boy was the first to say something.

"Nathan, Arianna. What exactly is going on?" Tom placed his hand on Nathan's shoulder.

They were silent for a moment, glancing at each other.

"Arianna?"

"Daddy, we are frogs."

"Why?" Chakotay said, stroking Arianna's soft hair.

"We came from tadpoles. Two tadpoles."

"Huh?" Tom blinked. "Tadpoles?"

"Yeah!" Nathan nodded vigorously. "Two tadpoles and no eggs." Tom scratched his head.

"That's what they call sperms…" Arianna took up the argument. "Tadpoles."

Chakotay had an expression in between amusement and shock.

"You see. You and Dad are male. Males don't have eggs ---"

"You have tadpole sperms instead."

Tom smiled affectionately and hugged Arianna to himself. "No, you are not a frog. You are our little girl." Nathan joined in, wrapping his arms around Tom's waist.

"You are two very special children," Chakotay said, hugging his children.

"Dad, did you have sex?" Arianna said, innocently. Tom blushed red.

"Err…"

A bright flash of light, followed by a cascade of musical tones. Q appeared, dressed in an elegant tuxedo. He looked debonair as ever, even with messy hair.

"Uncle Queue!" Arianna and Nathan exclaimed happily. They finished hugging their dads and ran up to their godfather.

"Uncle Queue, we are just asking Dad and Daddy about sex!" Nathan said and Q patted his head, grinning.

"Your dads had help from someone," he drawled lazily, taking delight at the sight of a red-faced Tom and an exasperated Chakotay. "Go back to bed, children. It's way past your bedtime."

They complained. Q whipped out two toffee apples, wrapped with clear cellophane. "One for you…and you," he said indulgently. Arianna and Nathan laughed, taking their treats. They soon disappeared into their rooms.

"You are spoiling them," Chakotay growled. The presence of Q always elicited a melange of reactions in him. One reaction was 'throttle Q to death'.

"A little treat is not a crime, Chuckles," Q grinned and slumped straight onto the sofa. For some odd reason, he looked exhausted. "Loosen up," he murmured, closing his eyes.

"You eavesdropped again," Tom sat down, feeling similarly tired.

"Moi?" Q pointed at himself. "You mean 'me', the sweet innocent me? C'mon, Chuckles and Helmboy, shame on you two. You didn't tell the kids the truth."

"Aren't they a bit too young to ask this sort of question?" Chakotay felt a headache begin its slow
steady throb under his right eye.

"Well, my son asked me the exact question when he was a healthy four years-old!" Q crowed and the two human men stared at him. "Well, a Q definition of infant development anyway!"

The three fell silent, looking as if they had all completed a marathon.

"Children are naturally curious," Q said and yawned. Somewhere, a galaxy imploded on itself. Somewhere, a nebula flared into existence. Somewhere, a toddler screamed for attention and Q's face turned convincingly pale.

"Married life ain't treating you right?" Tom asked, his blue eyes twinkling.

"We are both equal partners," Q said stiffly.

"Uh-huh."

"Alright…alright! It's difficult. It's a pain in the posterior! Feed Junior. Bring him out to enjoy the
universe. Give him treats. It's always himhimhim." Q burst out angrily and his eyes flashed with barely contained annoyance. "I am so tired now that I can't have a decent time to interfere with human affairs anymore!"

Silence from the two human men. Q sighed. "There. I feel much better now. Well, ciao. I have to go pick Junior from his school."

With a pop, he disappeared. "Don't forget about the birds and the bees, lads!" His voice whispered before tapering into nothing.

Tom groaned and leaned against Chakotay's shoulder. "Well, that's over."

"Yeah, tiger." A kiss on a fair cheek. "Come, we need to rest. We will tackle the matter tomorrow." They walked into their bedroom, shedding off their uniforms. Tom was just about to slip into bed when his foot touched something cold and wet…

"Argh! A frog!" He peeled back the sheet to reveal a brownish-green frog, its throat ballooning now and then.

 

** ** **
finish
** ** **
E-mail: marfiza@hotmail.com

Notes:

This orphaned work was originally on Pejas WWOMB posted by author Marfiza.
If this work is yours and you would like to reclaim ownership, you can click on the Technical Support and Feedback link at the bottom fo the page.