Work Text:
"FRAGILE BEASTS"
A "Farscape" story
Written by Alison M. DOBELL
* * * * *
Aeryn Sun had been suspicious of Noranti for a while but she had never been able to quite figure out what the old woman was up to. Now she had found something. A clue. It was a plant of some kind. A bulb. The old woman averted her eyes, tried to avoid Aeryn but the Sebacean would not be put off. She was still struggling to understand her hold over Crichton. It was both disturbing and frightening to her. She grabbed the old woman's arm and spun her round so she could see her face. Shoved the bulb under her nose in accusation.
"What is this? What is it?"
"Nothing. It's not for you. For him."
The old woman edged away, her words deteriorating into a partially incoherent mumble but Aeryn's sharp ears had heard enough to know to whom she was referring. "Have you been giving this to Crichton?"
She would not meet Aeryn's eyes. Kept looking for a way out. Avoidance not confrontation. "I've been helping him."
"Helping him? How?"
"To forget."
Aeryn watched her wrinkled face. Suspicion so thick now she almost gagged on it. "Forget what?"
Something in the old woman's manner alerted her to an inkling of the truth. Her eyes widened. "It's to forget me, isn't it? That's what you've been doing. Why he won't talk to me."
"You don't understand."
"I understand enough to know that this is wrong. Evil." Aeryn dropped the bulb on the ground then stamped her boot on top of it, crushing it as she glared at Noranti. "You've been drugging him, haven't you?"
"He couldn't sleep. You weren't here. Didn't see..."
"Don't give me that. What is it you are really up to?"
The old woman clammed up and looked at her. Aeryn was disgusted. Pushed her away roughly then hurried off to find Crichton. What with the dust Noranti kept blowing in his eyes and now this. Who knew what damage she had caused the human to suffer with her infernal meddling? As if he was not fragile enough. Now the mad old woman was making him forget her. Aeryn's heart lurched painfully. She had been such a fool. Was it too late? Too late for her or too late for him? She had to know. Find out. Even if the answer broke them both into tiny pieces that no amount of healing could put back together.
She found him on the Terrace. For a microt it was almost like old times except as she drew cautiously nearer to him she could see how broken he was. His hands shaking, his beautiful gentle eyes drowning in a sea of stars, every one a tear. Her heart broke just to look at him. <What in the name of Cholok have I done to him?> She trembled as she reached him. His eyes flew apart as his head turn towards her, alarm and distress vying for ascendance. Looking for a means of escape. She felt tears moisten her cheeks.
"John, I'm so sorry."
"I'm okay, okay Aeryn." He mumbled in muted terror. Trying to hold her at bay with words.
She would not let him retreat from her but matched him step for careful step, her voice soft and low. As soothing as she could make it. Her eyes glistening with tears as she watched his fear play across his open face. Nothing hidden. Nothing devious about him. Such a caring man. A gentle
man. One she had once loved. She had reduced him to this. No. It was the drug. Noranti was responsible this time. Aeryn shook her head and refused the easy way out. No. It was her fault. Always her fault. She had pushed him too far, hurt him too much, broken him down until there was nothing else to damage but his soul. She had already reduced his heart into fine grains of dust. Only now that they were both stripped bare of all emotion did she admit the truth. She loved him. Always had. Always would. Clone or original they were both John Crichton. Without him her life would never be complete. Her world would never be whole. But could she put him back together again? Could he ever forgive or trust her? She knew he loved her. It was what he did best. With his whole heart. Would it be enough? Would she? Or had she left even that too late?
He was mumbling. Trembling so hard. Unable to keep his hands still yet trying to hide how much they shook. Aeryn took a sudden quick step to close the distance and put her arms around him. Shocked by how fragile he was. His bones digging into her firm flesh where he had lost so much weight. The panic in his eyes hurting her more than a kill shot. The flutter of his heart against her chest bringing fresh tears to her eyes. "Ssssh, John, it's going to be alright."
"No, no, can't, won't..."
"I'm here John."
"Not real, not real..."
She realised he thought she was a dream. Or was it a nightmare? An hallucination? Was that what the bulbs did? Anger coursed through her veins. She began to rock him gently, his struggles at first increased but he had no strength left to fight her. No way to defy her. To shut her out. She used the advantage it gave her to bring him to his knees, sinking with him so that they remained together. Her arms wrapped around him, her voice soft, her sweet warm breath caressing his wet cheeks. Her eyes pleading with his for forgiveness. He was so tired. So full of pain and sorrow and loss. He could not take much more and for once Aeryn knew it. Stared long and hard at the result of her actions. This human had been through so much. Had given time and time and time again and they had all taken from him. Herself most of all. And what had they given him in return? What had been her greatest gift? To love his twin and use that fact to torture him. To hurt the one person in the Uncharted Territories she should have protected to her last dying breath. Now he was literally falling apart between her two hands and she was the only one who could catch him and cushion his fall.
He was weeping quietly as he trembled. Eyes closing to shut out the impossible image of Aeryn holding him. The image tormenting him. She had gone. Left him. This had to be a dream. Aeryn kissed his tears, still holding him gently but firmly in her arms so he could not wriggle away from her, whispering quietly to calm him. Telling him how much she loved him and what a fool she had been. How she had let her own fears ruin the only good thing that she had ever had. His eyes opened slowly at her gentle insistence. She coaxed him into a sitting position and sat facing him in his lap. There was no sign of the energy she normally felt from him. None of that vibrant electricity that always sparked between them, their hormones flirting playfully with each other. He was as serious as a heart attack and it was beginning to frighten her. But she had to keep her nerve, bring him back from the brink. Back from the edge of self destruction and back to her. She should never have let him go. Never have left him. If she lost him now it would be her penance and his undeserved doom.
"John, I'm so sorry..."
His right hand started to reach out to touch her face then stopped, a stricken look in his eyes. More tears clouded his vision. His voice broke. "I'm dreamin'," He mumbled in pain. "Aeryn's gone, doesn't love me. I'm as good as dead to her now."
"No, John, I'm here. It's Aeryn and I *do* love you. Very much."
He stared at her. Dumbfounded. His mind and body not quite able to work in synchrony. She let him touch her face, draw trembling fingers across her cheek, mouth and lips. His eyes fastened on hers as if they were his life line. "Aeryn?" He whispered uncertainly. Convinced he was just going plain old bonkers but needing to be sure. If only for old time's sake.
"Sssh, I love you John. That's all you need to know." She whispered softly.
"Love me or my name?"
She paused, uncertain as to his meaning. "What?"
His look became more focused. He realised a warm, vibrant, living being was sitting in the circle of his arms. She called herself Aeryn. But what did she call him? "You said you love me, Aeryn."
She nodded. "Yes. I do."
"Me or John Crichton?"
"You *are* John Crichton."
He shook his head. His hands beginning to tremble again. "No. You lost *your* John Crichton, remember? I'm just the copy. The spare. The one you left behind. The guy in the dumpster."
Aeryn's heart was breaking. She kissed his cheek and looked deep into those tormented eyes. Her look steady and firm even if her vision was blurry. "John, I have not been fair to you." Another light kiss, this time on the other cheek, her eyes not breaking contact with his. "When you were twinned I couldn't cope with two identical John Crichtons. It was my weakness not yours." She caressed his cheek gently as she continued talking, using the touch to soften the blow of her words. Not wanting to hurt him more than could be avoided. "I allowed myself to fall in love with your twin on Talyn but the truth is a lot more complicated."
Through his pain he almost smiled. "That figures."
She brushed her lips lightly across his and kept talking, her breath whispering in warm puffs of air against his face. Such a sweet confection. "I have been falling in love with you, John Robert Crichton Junior, since the first microt I set eyes on you."
His eyes widened in shock. "You have?"
Aeryn smiled, a radiant rainbow that stole his heart anew. "When I got my first look at you naked," She paused and gave a wicked little smile, a hand brushing through his short hair and caressing his scalp. He was fascinated to realise she was actually flirting with him. "I thought you had to be Sebacean breeding stock." Another smile. <Please Dad, can I take that one home to keep? She may never smile at me like that again>
"Why?"
She laughed lightly and kissed his lips slowly, watching the fascination on his face as she teased him with her lips. Wanting so badly to show him that she *could* love him, could reveal her feelings and share emotions without running off to the other end of the Uncharted Territories at the drop of a coin. No one was going to be able to call Aeryn Sun a coward any more. Aeryn was drawing her line in the sand and John Crichton was *it*. "It would be easier to show you."
His eyebrows rose so high they almost disappeared in his hairline. "Show me?"
Aeryn nodded and kissed him, gently plunging her tongue in his mouth and coaxing him to respond. He could not believe it was happening. That he held his dream in his arms, the love of his life in his heart. All his tomorrows danced on the heartbeat that was playing to her tune. If she broke him now he would shatter into so many pieces there would be nothing left to find. Next to the dust of his being a single grain of sand would be like a mote in God's eye. <Get out of that one, Aeryn. Time to put your money where your mouth is> And she did...
end