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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
Words:
513
Chapters:
1/1
Kudos:
5
Hits:
881

This is your life

Summary:

the prompt was this is your life.  This is what it inspired.  Both Jacks are pretending.  Meeting each other could make the difference.

Work Text:

This is your life
by Lilithangel

 

 

You get up.  You wash without looking yourself in the eye too closely.  You dress in your uniform and face the day.

You tell your team what they need to hear.  Calm their fears and joke with them.  Pretend that you're not as scared as they are, because you're not afraid of the things that they fear.

You go out drinking with the lads and continue to pretend.  Make the right moves; say the right things, always pretending.

This is your life.  This is the existence you chose for yourself because there was no other choice.  You would live and die with the pretence because you know deep inside you're a coward.

You go to the dance, use your men as an excuse not to get close, because your cowardice has almost backed you into a corner you wouldn't get out of.

Then he came.

He isn't afraid.  You see what you could be in him and you want it, you really want it.  Finally the fear doesn't win and you take it.

Maybe this isn't your life; maybe you can live another life.  Maybe it doesn't matter how long it lasts, so long as you embrace it.

* * * * *

You get up.  You wash without looking yourself in the eye too closely.  You dress in your uniform and face the day.

You tell your team what they need to hear.  Try to be the leader you had been far too seldom.  You joke with them, flirt with them and pretend to know what you're doing.  Because in the end you're just waiting to leave.

You go out with the team, but you don't drink.  You laugh and joke and pretend to be there, with them even if your every second thought is of somewhere else, of someone else.

This is your life.  This is the existence you chose for yourself because there was no other choice.  Because to think otherwise would be impossible.  You get close but not too close, because you are
always hoping and because you are a coward and any human contact is a good thing while you wait.

You end up at a dance, out of time, and you cannot help but get close.  This is the man you wanted to be, you were becoming before they left you.  He is what you imagine your team see when they look at you, even though you know it's a lie.

This time you want the lie to be the truth and you find yourself believing that you could.  He knows he could die at any time, you know he's going to die in the morning.  But he chooses to live in the
moment, make one dance his life and you think maybe you don't need to just keep waiting.  Maybe you can start living as long as it takes to get your answers.  Maybe you don't have to pretend to be the man you want to be, maybe you can be him.

A dance can last a lifetime if you hold on hard enough.

 

END