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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
Completed:
2011-02-25
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30,299
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19/19
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See Me series

Summary:

 Willow-centric BtVS/Anita Blake crossover, diverges from canon after s5 BtVS.

Having fled Sunnydale, Willow finds herself with a new heartache - an unrequited crush on someone with his own unrequited crush.

 

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Notes:

Main Characters: Willow, Asher (QPC #?), mention of Anita/Asher
the QPC site: http://quickie.moonlightpaths.com
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter books. Lyrics are to the song "Why Don't You See Me" by Concrete Blonde, from the 'Walking in London' album.
Distribution: QPC, NHA, WLS, Bite Me please?, Twisting the Hellmouth
note: set Au post season 5. Willow never went evil.

Chapter Text

Why Don't You See Me?
by Lucinda

 

Buffy was dead, having plummeted to the unforgiving concrete in an effort to prevent Glorificus from opening her portal home. The fact that Buffy had succeeded had only been a distant bit of good news. Everyone was left with gaping emotional holes in their hearts, marks of pain and loss.

Nobody had stayed in Sunnydale after that. They'd all gone somewhere else, scattering like leaves into the wind. Giles had gone to England, taking Dawn with him for her own safety. Spike had vanished in the night, hopefully left instead of having waited for the rising sun. Xander and Anya had eloped and moved to Virginia. As for her? She'd just sort of gone away, ending up in St. Louis.

She'd discovered that away from the Hellmouth and it's fog of denial-forgetfulness-deliberate ignorance, things didn't work the same. People knew about werewolves and vampires and magic. For that matter, the werewolves and vampires had far more self control than they did over the Hellmouth, and even had legal rights and protections. Vampires had even been declared legal citizens. All of this was allegedly a matter of nationwide public record, but she'd never heard any mention of it while living in California.

But in St. Louis, the vampires had become an important part of the cities economy. People would go places just to see real vampires. To get a protected sense of danger. But they were still nervous about them, still wary about dealing or working with vampires.

Her life had taken on an uncanny repetition. She was once again known for her intelligence, for her computer skills. Not the hacker-research girl, but a computer programming consultant. She'd accepted a very well paying job to do some upgrades for the assorted businesses owned by the master vampire known as Jean-Claude. He didn't use a last name, and every vampire in the city had to answer to him. And he had hired her to upgrade his computer systems in all of his various businesses, assigning one of his people to 'keep her safe and make certain that the assorted security gave her no trouble.' He'd introduced her to Asher.

She had no idea how to describe Asher in a handful of words. It was obvious that he'd once been as handsome as an angel, his features stunning perfection in porcelain and gold. But at some point, half of him had been scarred, etched away as if by acid. He'd told her it had been holy water. Asher was a bit sensitive about the scars, wearing masks, combing his long golden hair to fall over that half of his face, lurking in the shadows. But he was intelligent, widely traveled, and fascinating to talk to.

He'd never said, but she often wondered if he had bad dreams, from when he'd been scarred. If he hid out of shame and fear of the reactions of people.

 

When you lay down , do you hear sounds, does the silence have a voice, what
does it say, what do you hear, what does it whisper in your ear,why don't you
hear me , why don't you hear me. When you get up into the light when you come
up out of your night. What do you see and do you see, or have you lost your
sense of sight, why don't you see me , why don't you see me, why don't you see
me, why don't you see me.

 

She was afraid that she'd done a very foolish thing, something that was an unpleasant repeat of the past. Somehow, she'd fallen for Asher, developing feelings for the golden haired vampire. She'd known him for almost two months now, and it had gone from a tantalizing crush to full blown hopeless love. Asher didn't know, and she wasn't about to tell him.

Asher mustn't ever know, because the remnants of Asher's heart already lay at the feet of someone else. Asher was in love with Anita Blake, the Executioner, a necromancer, and the human servant and lover of Jean-Claude. She could see it in his eyes every time they were in the same place, hear it in his voice when he spoke of her. In the way the syllables of her name rolled from his lips... Ah-neee-tah.

Once again, the object of her desires was too busy lusting after someone who killed vampires to realize that she cared. Too busy longing for Anita to realize that she would be willing to offer him anything, everything. Just like Xander had been blinded by Buffy.

The difference was that this time, she knew before-hand that it would never work. She could never hope to make him notice her instead of Anita, someone whose delicate beauty beckoned like an irresistible lure. Someone whose dark eyes held all the promises and secrets of the grave.

 

What do you think, what do you feel, cuz this is feeling very real and if you
feel why can't say. Give me a little damn expression can't you feel me, why,
don't you feel me, why don't you feel me, why don't you feel me.

 

She just wished that she knew some way to ease the pain of it. Some way to lessen her desire for him, some way to numb the ache of seeing the man she wanted wanting someone else. But she didn't know anything that would work. If she'd had something back when she'd wanted Xander... Well, she most likely would have tried it, most likely had it blow up in her face, and discovered if you could really die of embarrassment.

But she was a bit older and a lot wiser now. You couldn't magic feelings into existence or out of existence. All you could do was go on with life. To try to find some way to ease the pain of her unrequited longings. And remind herself that if she killed Anita, which was implausible in and of itself, that would possibly cause a backlash killing Jean-Claude. It wouldn't look good for her future job prospects to kill her employer, AND killing Asher's beloved wasn't the way to win his heart. Then, she wouldn't even have him as a friend.

 

Are you in love, are you in hate, are they together in the same, where do you
go, who do you know. Are you the lonely ghost of someone searching, see me, why
don't you tame me, why don't you feel me, why don't you feel me, why can't you
hear me, why can't you hear me, why don't you see me, why don't you see me.

 

Maybe, she would find a way to keep herself from falling for guys who would never see her. For falling for men who loved other women, who would never have room in their hearts for her. After all, it had become crystal clear that she'd never be the sort who caught the attention of someone in love with someone else, or even someone not in love for that matter. Preferably before she was so old and wrinkled that nobody would want to love her except as a sweet old granny anyhow... The idea sounded wonderful. But she knew that she'd still be right here, watching Asher love someone that wasn't her, would never be her.

 

end Why Don't You See Me?