Work Text:
Beyond The Pain - Denying Love
by Aiden
Eric exited his car, and walked up the path towards the house. Damn, what the hell was he doing here? He should have said no... But no one really ever said no to Horatio – least of all Eric. When Horatio had had called him last night and invited him over to talk, Eric had reluctantly agreed. Now, here he was, nervous as hell and without a clue as to what to say to his boss.
Ringing the doorbell, Eric prayed that Horatio wasn't at home, but he knew better. The man had just gotten discharged from the hospital yesterday. He heard someone on the other side of the door, and a minute later, it opened.
"Eric, come in," Horatio greeted him.
"H, how are you feeling?"
"Better, thanks for asking." He stepped aside to let him enter.
Eric scanned the place, wondering if Speed was around. "I asked him to give us some privacy. He's in the park with Butch." The young Cuban started to blush. Busted…
"Sit down. Do you want something to drink?" Horatio asked.
"No, thank you, I'm fine." Eric sat down, jiggling his right leg up and down nervously.
Sitting right next to Eric, Horatio looked at him. "Eric, what is going on?"
Wow, straight to the point and so H. Eric stammered. "I'm… I can't…" Damn, it's not like Eric could tell the other man the truth. Hell, no.
"Why are you so uncomfortable around Tim? Is it because he's blind?"
Eric fumbled. "I…no, it's not that…it's…" He searched for something to say, anything.
"Well, you're giving the expression that you are." Horatio sighed. "He wants to be friends with all of you, can't you at least try? That's all I'm asking."
Eric looked down. "I'm not sure…it's not that easy." Shit, if he would have told H it was because of Speed's blindness, this conversation would be over now.
"If you get to know him, you'll see that he's a wonderful man. I never thought I would find someone like him." Horatio sounded wistful.
Eric looked at his boss, and saw love shining in his eyes at the mention of the scruffy-looking, young man. "You really love him?" Yeah, duh, that's obvious, you moron.
"Yes, I do, with all my heart," he stated. Then it dawned on him. "It's because he's gay, isn't it?"
Eric shook his head, eyes wide. "No, no. That's not it," he denied quickly, and that's when Horatio knew.
See the look in his boss' eyes, Eric wanted to keep denying it. "No…I have…you're wrong…" He couldn't even form a simple sentence. Nice going, you idiot.
"I know you may have a problem with this since you're Catholic, but try to become friends with him. It would mean a lot to me."
"Yeah.. I'll try.." This conversation had Eric tied in knots. Horatio was right, he was uncomfortable, but not for the reasons Horatio thought. Damn, this was harder than he thought it would be. He was afraid to look Horatio in the eye.
Shaking his head, Horatio stared at Eric, knowing when the other man was lying. "You have something against gay men, Eric?" Horatio asked harshly, trying to get an honest reaction from his CSI.
Sighing, Eric looked down. He didn't want to tell Horatio the truth, but he couldn't let the other man think he was anti-gay or something. "How did you know you where, I mean…you know," he whispered, horrified and embarrassed.
Shocked, Horatio couldn't believe what he was hearing. No, not Eric, he was such a ladies man. "Eric.. are you.. interested in men?"
The young man shook his head. "No, don't say that! I'm not gay!" he said, disgusted about where this conversation was going. He stood up abruptly. "I really have to go now."
Horatio knew better, but he let it go for now. "Okay, but this conversation is not over yet, understood?" Horatio stood and walked Eric to the door.
"I guess I'll see you at work." Eric hedged, still not able to look at his boss in the eye.
"As always," Horatio answered, opening the door and watching him walk towards his car. Feeling sorry for Eric, Horatio couldn't understand how anyone would deny something so basic to their nature.. especially considering how much love Eric had to give.
~.~
Speed walked in, releasing Butch from his harness. The dog went straight to Horatio.
"Hey, Butch, had a nice walk?" Horatio petted the dog.
Speed sat down next to his lover. "So, how did the talk go?"
Horatio leaned in and kissed Speed hard, demanding.
The young man shook his head. "Oh, no, spill."
"It has nothing to do with the fact that you're blind." Horatio said softly.
"So then why does he have a problem with me?" Speed asked, confused.
"Because you're gay."
"Uhm what? Oh, fuck." Speed cursed. "Great a homophobe."
"I don't think he is," Horatio mused.
Speed frowned. "Okay, you lost me."
"I think he's gay, but is denying it to everyone – especially himself."
"Why?"
"Because he's Catholic and Cuban."
"That's plain stupid," Speed smirked.
"No. It's more like in his mind, and the Hispanic community, gay men aren't 'manly' enough."
"So, why doesn't he have a problem with you?" Speed asked.
"Well, first, I'm his boss; second, I'm the Lieutenant of the crime lab, so in his eyes, that makes me a 'man'". Smiling at his lover, Horatio continued. "I also think he sees me as the dominant in our relationship."
Speed snorted. "Yeah, right."
"Speed. Do me a favour, and don't be so hard on him. We should make him see that there is nothing wrong with expressing himself, with letting the world see who he really is. Who knows, anything can happen."
Speed smiled wickedly, "Mmhmm anything can happen." Taking Horatio's hand, he stood and dragged the older man to his feet. "I am going to show you who's the dominant in our relationship."
THE END