Work Text:
Wrong
by PEJA
He abandoned me.
I searched for him, knowing all the time that he didn't want to have me ever darken his doorstep again. Knowing that he had his own reasons for leaving me at the end of time.
I had to know those reasons. Had to, as much as I needed to breathe
And finally we did reunite. Oh, it was a joy and yet..an agony. A knife to the heart.
Wanting to dive into his arms. Wanting to spit in his face. Wanting...Wanting...
The aching gnaw that was my need to know seemed almost to devour me. I longed to cry out ...Why? Why, Doctor?
And in the end, I could no more keep the words inside than he could stop himself from telling me.
Wrong, he said. I was wrong. Oh no, not that I'd done something wrong. Not that he had been wrong to love me, and he did love me. I could see it in his eyes even as he spoke the words, telling me he had abandoned me because *I* was wrong. By being alive. My very existence. Wrong.
Even now, I have to laugh. Not the happy laugh of joy. No, that will never be for the Doctor and me. I was wrong. Alive. A life that should never have been. God's cosmic joke.
And it doesn't matter. Not when The Doctor needs me as much as I need him. I'm his yin, he's my yang. The original star-crossed lovers, Him and me. Always together, always apart. Always parting, only to come back to each other because we can do nothing else.
It doesn't matter, his abandonment. Nothing matters when takes me in his arm and brushes his lips to mine. When he pulls me down into his lap, or pushes me into a chair and takes me in his arms all the hurt and betrayal vanish and we're caught up in a world of everything right.
Where I am right. Where being with me is the only right possible.
Its the deal we made at the beginning of time...Or was it the end. A deal with the gods of time.
A deal.... with the devil.
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