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The Third Left Eye of Mori
Yolanda led the other members of the quest up the wide, dusty, stone stairs. It was twilight, the waning light over the haunted city of the sorcerer-king made them hurry up the long-unused stairs. While the city slept during the day, night brought out terrors even the bravest of intrepid adventures feared to face. Wolf, the huge barbarian warrior, had a deathly fear of spiders. Not just the little ones, either. Jim and Jan, the ninja twins, went into a panic when faced by a practitioner of the Dark Arts. Lady Kathryn, the sponsor of the quest, seemed to fear nothing. Indeed, she sneered at the others for confessing those fears. Yolanda was getting tired of her snotty attitude and the snide remarks about Yolanda’s chain-mail bikini and her hourglass figure. Oh, you just wait, fat bitch… Yolanda maintained her pleasant, vacuous smile and cheerful, bouncy manner. The others thought she was a stupid, overly-lucky, ridiculous excuse for an adventurer. She thought they were overly trusting. They reached a huge door made of ancient ironwood, bronze, and covered with hieroglyphs picked out in tiny ceramic tiles. Jim studied them as Yolanda fiddled with the lock and the others nervously stood look-out. Jim spoke, a rare event.
“I wonder what this means? It could be important.” Yolanda looked up and would have said something, but Lady Kathryn beat her to it.
“Oh, who cares what it says? It’s a thousand years old; nothing relevant to us could be that old. Just hurry up and open the damn door.” Distracted by this little byplay, no one noticed how Yolanda unlocked the door. They all scurried through and began to climb the spiraling ramp up to the chamber above. Jan frowned. She moved closer to Yolanda to whisper in her ear.
“Why do you think this ramp is here? Wouldn’t it be easier to have built a regular staircase?” Yolanda whispered back.
“Only if whoever, or whatever, walked and didn’t slither.” Jan’s eyes, the only part of her that was uncovered, got very wide. She moved away and went into her “stealth walk.” If you didn’t know she was there, you wouldn’t have noticed her. She only did that when she was upset or about to kill someone. Yolanda moved up to the front of the group, just as they reached the top of the ramp. Turning, Yolanda gave them a huge grin, pantomimed a ‘shh’, and then crept into the room. The others, despite being familiar with her antics, shared looks of long-suffering with each other, before following her into the dark room. They forwent the exaggerated ‘sneaking’ movements that Yolanda made. The faint jingle of her skimpy ‘armor’ and her shiny pink skin guided her cohorts through the gloomy room. The high-vaulted ceiling was lost in darkness; there were no windows and the torches bracketed to the walls weren’t lit; even the stone the room was composed of was a dull black, sucking up the light. Shoulder high columns of black stone rose from the floor in an irregular pattern. Yolanda weaved and swerved around them, guiding her companions across the room, seemingly able to see in the dark. After several minutes, just when they began to suspect they were going around in circles, Yolanda stopped and made a “ta-da” sound. The torches sprang to life and the dazzled group, blinking, found themselves in front of a massive throne. The black robed figure who sat on it spoke in chill tones that filled them with such dread that it took a moment for them to realize what he had said.
“So, my dear, what has brought you back after such a long time for a visit? It couldn’t have been just to bring me some presents.” Yolanda laughed.
“No. Although they are an added bonus! Anyway, I need the Third Left Eye of Mori! Think I could have it?” She smiled sweetly. The dark-robed figure rose and gestured at one of the pillars, while mumbling under his breath; the torches flared and dimmed, then resumed their former brightness. The pillar quivered like a nervous bride, then flowed as though it were melted wax, turning itself inside out. An enormous emerald emerged from the stone. The sorcerer-king, it now being obvious to the group who the dark-robed figure was, plucked the jewel from its perch and handed it to Yolanda. She tucked it into her cleavage.
“So, what do you plan on doing with it?” She looked at him and blushed. The others began to slide away from the two.
“Um, they’re getting away.” He carelessly waved his hand at them and fat tendrils of gray smoke slithered through the air and wrapped around the other four members of the quest. “Oh, that was a neat trick, is it new?” He shook his head and she shrugged. “Anyway, there’s this village I was passing through, and I kind of bedazzled this cute monk, and got a little drunk, then we danced on the table at a tavern, but then things got out of hand…” The robed figure sighed.
“More likely, knowing you, it was the other way around. It still doesn’t explain why you want the jewel.” Yolanda giggled and fidgeted. The others were riveted to the conversation, a mixture of horror and fascination on their faces. Besides, they couldn’t move with the gray tendrils wrapped around them.
“Well, the villagers chased me out of there and all I had left to me were my boots, sword, and underwear. You know, these morons actually thought I normally go around wearing nothing but a metal bikini! Dumb asses! Anyway, I plan to go back to the village, use that spell you taught me to summon this really cute dragon to the village and enthrall him, using him as I want. I’ll send him on a rampage and then fly off, with every scrap of fine fabrics and armor we can carry! That’ll teach those prudes to mess with me!” Yolanda was gazing at some scene with her mind’s eye. A discrete cough brought her back to the here and now.
The sorcerer-king spoke, sending chills down the spines of his captives. Lady Kathryn started to cry. “Yes, yes, my dear, go and have some fun. Only, one thing; make sure you use protection.” She looked at him with a puzzled expression on her face. Suddenly a look of enlightenment broke over her and she blushed. It extended over all of her exposed flesh.
“Um, yeah, I’ll keep that in mind. Well, I gotta go; you have fun with these guys! Bye-bye!” She turned to run off, but stopped when he cleared his throat.
“Dear, don’t forget to see your mother, or I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“Yes Grandpa!”