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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
Words:
385
Chapters:
1/1
Kudos:
13
Hits:
1,224

Severus Snape's Advice Column For Under School Age Children in the "Daily Warlock" (Which he's paid to write) VS what He's really thinkingÂ…

Summary:


Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: N/A
Rating: G
Summary: They gave me an idea so it's all their fault(s) if I tampered a little then ran with itÂ….
Disclaimer: I haven't made no dough on it, nor any money, either. However, if you think you want to stand up in court, in PUBLIC, and be told THERE that S.S.I., Food stamps, AND Medicaid are all federal programs of which the benefits are Non-Transferable, and thereby make a total ass out of not only yourself but your legal department, AND the board of directors... be my guest. This is something I'd LOVE to get to watch! (I'm equally certain that any cops in or near the courtroom would be equally entertained!)

Work Text:



Severus' Snape's Advice Column
by Jane Streeter, Viggie and Tayla36 (Hey, it was Their idea, it's their fault if it's in really bad taste, right?)


Students: If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up".

Severus Snape: If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Severus Snape's motto: "You made it and you will be graded on it and I don't care how bad it is!"

**********

Students: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Severus Snape: Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

**********

Students: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Severus Snape: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Merlin's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

**********

Students: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

 

Severus Snape: Excuse me, but, that is what House Elves are FOR!

**********

Students: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Severus Snape: Go to the bakery - they'll even decorate it for you.

**********

Students: Brush some beaten egg white over a piecrust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Severus Snape: House Elf directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don't do it.

**********

Students: If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Severus Snape: Sigh. Glare. Fume…<<mutter, mutter>>

**********

Finally the most important tip....

Students: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in potions.

Severus Snape: Leftover wine?? A friend will come and bail you out of jail...but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"


end