Work Text:
Anniversary
by Teddy
Jack:
Daniel never has been able to hold his beer. And I've been drinking all day. I blame the drink. What else could it be? I just can't believe I'm sitting here with him in my arms. He's been crying for almost an hour. And I don't know how we got to be sitting like this. He just sort of needed to be held.
Daniel:
I'm am just so embarrassed that I can't talk. How the hell did I end up in his lap? I've been crying for almost an hour, I think. I must be sickening with something. That must be it. All it took was for me to try to remember something about Sha're. I can't even remember what it was now. But I couldn't her face. God! I'm pathetic! Jack's arm is around my shoulders and he is holding my hand with the other. I feel so safe, secure. The world doesn't need me right now and I don't need it. I just want to feel and I don't even care what Sha're looked like right now.
Jack:
It's the anniversary of Sha're's death. I think Daniel knows that. Of course he knows that! He was so love sick when he came back from Abydos. I watched him lying in bed crying that night. I don't think he knew I was there, standing in the doorway. He couldn't stand the door closed for weeks. Doors weren't a big thing on Abydos, not enough wood. He needs someone to hold him. Someone to show him he's still loved. Loved...? Shit! That's not a word I'd consciously use. I do love him. He's my best friend and I still feel the need to protect him.
Daniel:
I've got to move. He'll notice if I don't. He'll notice if I do move. Betrayed by my own body! God! I should never have gotten this close to him. But how the hell could I have known? I don't run around lusting after him. I've never even considered looking at a guy like that, not before Jack. What am I thinking? Jack's my best friend. That's it. He'll think I'm thinking about Sha're, remembering. A guy has a right to remember those times with his own wife. Memories that creep up on you and you react. Only I don't remember things like that about Sha're. Not really. After that first time, she was the one who kept our sexlife going. I was too rapt up in the cartouche to notice how much time I spent alone.
Jack:
I shouldn't be holding him like this. He'll notice, sooner or later. I'm so fucking hard, how could he help but notice! He's hard too, but hardly for the same reason. He's trying to hide it. I guess he remembered more than her face. I told him he would. We all forget every now and then. Time does that to help us heal. There are plenty of times that I forget that Sara still exists and that was after 10 years of marriage. Shit! Daniel and Sha're were still getting to know each other. I still couldn't work out if Sara liked peanut butter or not that first year. He's never really had a chance to love someone since then. I was lucky. I fell for Sam the first time I set eyes on her and it wasn't long before I knew she felt the same. We can't be together. But I have everything. I have love, and friends, the best friend anyone could ever hope for. I have my work and everything to live for, thanks to Daniel. I'll never forget that it was him who made me want to live.
Daniel:
I'm crying again. I just can't stop. At least it's just a quiet flow of tears now, not the the sobbing I was doing before. Jack seemed comfortable with this. I guess he had to hold Charlie through his tears. Yeah, I guess this must be reminding him of that. I'm not sure that's such a good thing, but he seems comfortable. He'll tip me off, all embarrassed, making bad jokes when he decides he's had enough.
Jack:
He's crying again. I wish I could take away the pain. I think I'd rather get tortured by Baal again than have gone through what he went through. Physical pain just stops. That's it. Here today, gone tomorrow. I think losing your wife must be so much harder than losing a child. But I can only guess, because Sara's still alive.. I can call her whenever I want. She talk to me, even meet me for a drink. She's good like that. But I don't call her. I don't want to hurt her anymore than I have. I did hurt her. I've faced that. I rejected her when Charlie died. I tried to tell her that I didn't blame her. But it must have seemed like that to her.
Daniel:
I wish I could fall asleep in Jack's arms. I could, easily, if he let me. Weird. I'm not thinking straight here. He's my friend not...not my wife. I miss that. Falling asleep and waking up with someone. It isn't sex I miss. God! I know there is interest enough from a lot of the women I meet. I'm not so innocent as the rumours. Funny that, the rumours. Kind of like the geek impression.
Jack:
I can't help but tighten my grip on him. Don't cry, Danny. I've got you. I'm not such a bastard as the rumours say. Really, you know that. I'll protect you from what I can and hold you through the pain I can't protect you from. You know that. Haven't I shown you that often enough?
Daniel:
Come to bed, Jack. I want you to hold me while I sleep.
Jack:
Did he just mutter what I think he did? No, I'm imaging things..
Daniel:
Oh! God! I said that aloud. I hope he didn't hear. I must be sick. I should check for a fever. I should get Jack to take me to the base infirmary. Jack's moving. Did he hear? Or has he just had enough of playing father.
Jack:
I've got to get up. I've got to know. If I stand up and take his hand...if he'll come to the bedroom with me...Have I lost my mind? He'll notice. Of course, he'll fucking notice! I have lost my mind. I want to take my best friend to bed! And do what for fuck's sake? Hold him? He'll think I'm nuts! He'll think I'm queer!
Daniel:
I've got to move. I've got to get away. If he knew...Hell! I don't even know what I'm feeling.
Jack:
"Danny, come to bed. It's alright. You need someone to hold you until you fall asleep. I know it sounds weird but..." I shrugged my shoulders. There I'd done it. I'd really done it now. He'll go running out the door any second now. He'll worry himself over what it means and I just hope I haven't lost my best friend. "I just want to hold you." I don't believe it. He's actually calm. He's standing up and taking my hand.
Daniel:
"Come to bed, Jack."
end