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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import, ksl's works
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Published:
2020-11-05
Completed:
2009-02-22
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111,581
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30/30
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Reflections

Summary:

Story starts just after the NCIS Episode Requiem. Will be an AU from there.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Notes:

This story is a cross over with a short lived cop show from the late 80's...Houston Knights.  The main characters from that show, Joe and Levon, I've given an established slash relationship.  Rating also reflects the use of curse words. 

Chapter Text

“Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.” Peter F. Drucker.

 

 

Tony sighed softly, settling himself into his couch, relieved to finally be warm and dry.  He set his stocking feet on the coffee table, stretching out his legs.  He’d tossed the prescription for painkillers the Doctor at the clinic had insisted on giving him, opting to deal with the pain in his wrist, shoulder and chest in a more traditional fashion---an ice pack and a well aged single malt scotch.

 

Tony sipped the amber liquid, enjoying the smooth smoky flavor.  The faint burn felt good on his abused throat.  He sighed again, settling the gelled ice pack onto his sprained right wrist.  He was glad the x–rays had revealed it wasn’t broken.  Wearing a heavy cast for six weeks was not his idea of a good time.  And the muscle pull in his shoulder meant it would hurt for a bit, but was fine in a few days.  No need for a sling or anything else.  He’d stopped coughing several hours ago and he hoped that meant by tomorrow his chest wouldn’t hurt any more.

 

Breathing for himself had been hard enough to do after the shock of leaping, not once but twice, into bone chilling water.  Having to breathe for another had been exhausting.  Tony was absently grateful he’d upped the number of miles he ran every day and added weight training to his routine.  It was the only way he could have had enough air, strength and stamina to break out a window, forcibly remove the steering wheel, and pull Maddie Tyler and Gibbs from the submerged car.  Not to mention doing CPR on both until they were breathing on their own.

 

His lips curled into a bitter smile.  Of course all that exercise hadn’t really been undertaken with a situation like this in mind.  It was more a way to pass time that had once been spent with the lovely Dr. Jeanne Benoit.  It was a way to keep himself busy, trying not to think about how little respect, concern or consideration he’d gotten from his team in recent months…Gibbs in particular.

 

His car was blown up, and he’d been presumed dead for several hours, but not one teammate had welcomed him back or expressed any relief he was still alive---at least not to him.  They may have commiserated while he was dealing with René and Jeanne, but all Tony saw was them making short work of raiding his desk, stealing his personal possessions.  That would have been okay if Tony thought they’d taken something to remember him by.  But they’d taken things they’d envied, not things representative of him.  McGee had taken his American Pie coffee mug.  Ziva had gotten his letter opener. And Ducky had walked off with his Might Mouse stapler.

 

Tony’s shook his head.  Kate’s desk had sat untouched for weeks, a shrine to her.  Gibbs had defended her place, only giving way when Ziva and the Director forced the issue.  Wen it came to Tony…Gibbs clearly didn’t hold him in the same regard.  His teammates had picked his desk clean before his ‘body’ was even in the ground.  And it was a safe bet Gibbs would have had a replacement settled in to Tony’s desk in less than a week.

 

It wasn’t that he expected Gibbs to be broken up over his demise.  Not really.  Gibbs’ reaction to the death of a colleague had always been to find the bastard who’d killed them and take him or her down.  Gibbs had obviously given Tony the same consideration because he and the team clearly had been working the case.  But somehow that wasn’t as reassuring as Tony thought it would be.  It was what they would have done for anyone.  It was the least they could do for him. 

 

Tony nodded to himself, sipping his drink again. That was the problem. They hadn’t gone above and beyond the call for him.  Not that they really had to because he hadn’t been killed.  He wasn’t truly dead, but part of him wondered if they would have if he’d really died in that explosion. Would Abby have played a dirge in her lab?  Would McGee have talked to his corpse like he had Kate’s?  Would Gibbs morph into ‘pod Gibbs’ again and been nice to everyone?  Would Ziva have been remotely at a loss for words for even a few moments?  Would Ducky have waxed poetic about him?

 

Tony’s grip on his glass tightened. Hell, I didn’t even get a fucking thank you for saving Gibbs’ life, Tony thought bitterly. Gibbs hadn’t even looked at him on that damn dock.  Those piercing blue eyes had stayed trained on Maddie the entire time. And the rest of his teammates hadn’t seemed terribly grateful either for his efforts to save their boss.  Given how they’d pined away for Gibbs when the man was in Mexico for four months some show of gratitude wouldn’t have been remiss.

 

Tony sighed heavily.  Gibbs had given him a ration of shit for lying to him…in that quiet, understated way that always made Tony feel all of two inches tall….but the former Marine obviously thought nothing of going off on his own and nearly dying.  Evidently it was okay for him to leave his team out of the loop, but not be left out.  Tony grimaced. He hated double standards.

 

“The fucking hypocrite,” he muttered.  He winced reflexively. He’d never honestly criticized Gibbs before.  It felt weird, and was oddly liberating. 

 

And if this had been the only thing Tony would never have even considered judging his boss now. Gibbs was certainly entitled to hold the memory of his daughter sacred, to have the chance to protect Kelly’s childhood friend the way he hadn’t been able to protect his daughter.  But this was far from the only time when Gibbs had kept Tony out of the loop.  The man made a regular habit of it, doing it whenever he saw the need and never explaining why.  And it was definitely not the only time Tony’s teammates words and actions made him doubt his choice to not take the job in Spain, to rethink his decision not chase after Jeanne.

 

Tony shook his head.  There was the missing baby case.  He knew his teammates had gotten off on making him call everyone of the dead con woman’s marks; they’d obviously gotten some sort of satisfaction out of his trying to justify and explain her lying to so many men.  Tony hadn’t been immune to the irony. 

 

Gibbs had no doubt assigned him the task as a punishment.  He was under orders to keep his team in the dark about the La Grenouille.  Gibbs hadn’t even been in the States when the whole thing started. But clearly Gibbs saying he understood and his actually understanding were not the same thing.  Tony snarled silently, angry at the injustice of it.  Hell, he wasn’t even trusted enough now to just step out for a damn dentist appointment.

 

And his being right about Michael Arnett’s wife didn’t warrant any recognition of skill or ability.  No, that all fell to Abby.  Natch.  There were days when Tony really hated her for being Gibbs’ favorite.  All Tony in the way of attention ever got was a head smack for spreading rumors. 

 

Tony closed his eyes, flinching at the memory.  It would have been nice if McGee and Ziva had gotten similar smacks.  They’d done their own share of gossip spreading.  Of course, Gibbs ignored that.  Truly hard head smacks were obviously reserved for Tony.  Fair play at NCIS was evidently something that only occurred in fairy tales.

 

It hadn’t mattered that Tony was able to explain Gibbs’ gut feeling their delivery boy was really their ‘Eraser’ either.  It was so easy to dismiss his insight because it was courtesy of a movie.  The same way they’d dismissed his figuring out how to get Gibbs and a dozen teenage hostages out of a classroom. 

 

Tony rolled his eyes.  “Like McGee or Ziva had any inspiration to lay claim to.”

 

He took another sip of his drink.  The real crowning moment though, what had him rethinking his place on the team had happened out to sea on a ghost ship.  There was nothing like being told that if he was dying, it would be okay with Gibbs as long as he did it quietly.  Maybe he had overreacted on the Chimera, but then Tony thought he had every right to be a little twitchy.  He’d nearly died of the fucking plague.  He’d almost been blown up…several times. He’d been kidnapped.  Drugged.  Shot at. Pushed out of plane.  Chained to a cold blooded murderer.  Nearly been run over and almost fell several stories to an unforgiving concrete floor.  Even cats only got nine lives.  How long was he to assume his luck would hold out?   Even his life insurance salesman was rethinking what sort of policy Tony should have. 

 

Tony set his now empty glass on the end table, eyes staring blankly at nothing.  He’d sat on that pier---the hero of the hour---soaking wet and shivering, watching Gibbs and Maddie breathing, chests rising in falling in sync.  He should have felt elated, relieved, grateful…anything.  But mostly what he felt was cold and tired.

 

It was only after the paramedics had shown up he was aware of how much his wrist and shoulder hurt. Everything it had taken to save Gibbs and Maddie had cost him. His sprained wrist, strained shoulder, and sore chest and throat were testament to that.

 

He hadn’t gone to the hospital with them.  Even knowing he was hurt Tony hadn’t been willing to ride in the ambulance.  No, he had stayed behind and secured the scene.  He’d done his damn job because that was what Gibbs would have expected, it was what Tony expected of himself. No matter what happened, he did his job.

 

And it wasn’t like anyone asked him if he was okay.  All the attention had been focused on Gibbs and Maddie.  Which, given how close they’d come to dying, Tony didn’t honestly begrudge them.  But it would have been nice if Ziva, McGee, Ducky or even Palmer had bothered to give him a second glance.  If they’d done more than comment on his dripping all over the crime scene, he might have admitted to just how much he hurt.  But they didn’t, and he hadn’t.  And that was that.

 

Tony had left the scene when everything was wrapped up.  He drove himself to a local clinic near his apartment rather than go to the closest hospital where Gibbs and Maddie had been taken.  It was ironically the same hospital Jeanne used to work at.  Better to avoid running into her coworkers.  They all knew him as Tony DiNardo.  And god only knew what Jeanne might have told them about him and the real reason he was dating her.  He didn’t want to have to deal with pissed off colleagues of hers who were upset with him for breaking her heart.  It wasn’t like she was the only one who’d gotten hurt. He really had loved her.  Whether anyone else believed that or not.

 

Tony picked up his cellphone.  He dialed the hospital’s number, smiling wryly at his still having the number memorized.  Getting an update on Gibbs and Maddie over the phone was preferable to going in person.

 

He was sure Jenny would be there, all doe-eyed and concerned about Gibbs.  Tony rolled his eyes.  He hoped like hell he never had to work for or with a former lover if that was how they all reacted.  Sex kitten one minute, bitch the next.  Maybe it was just Jenny, but Tony would rather never find out for sure.

 

And if she wasn’t there, it would be Abby.  Tony loved her like a sister, but there were times when her absolute faith in Gibbs grated on his nerves.  Every time he’d seen Gibbs’ picture on her monitor when the man had been in Mexico, Tony had wanted to scream, “He left us!!  Don’t you get it!  We weren’t enough for the selfish son of a bitch!!  We never were, and we never will be!! Your hero has feet of clay.  Get over it!!”  He never did, of course, in some ways because Tony wasn’t sure if it was Abby he’d be yelling that at or himself.  Right now, he just didn’t want to risk having to see her tear streaked face, knowing she probably hadn’t even shed one for him.

 

He didn’t want to deal with Ziva or McGee either.  They were no doubt pissed he’d sent them to follow one lead while he took care of another.  He didn’t want to deal with their anger or annoyance or whatever the hell they might be feeling.  He’d done his best as acting team leader and he did his best this time too.  If that wasn’t enough for them, that was just too damn bad.

 

The front desk told him what he wanted to know.  Both patients were doing fine.  They’d be released in the morning...or rather later today.  The LED on his DVD player told him it was two in the morning.  He hadn’t noticed how late, or really how early it was.

 

It was definitely time for him to go to bed.  Tony rose stiffly to his feet, groaning as muscles protested. He should never have sat down.

 

As he carried his glass and melting ice pack to the kitchen, Tony noticed a letter on the counter.  He’d gotten it a few days ago and hadn’t had time to read it. He smiled, his first genuine one since Maddie Tyler had shown up at the office almost two days ago.

 

His cousin, Joseph LaFiamma, was the only family he had who regularly stayed in touch.  Their friendship had been forged when Tony was ten and Joe was eight.  They’d both recently lost a parent; Tony’s mother and Joe’s father had died within days of one another only a few months before the annual family reunion.  It was then that they found a certain understanding and comfort with one another that no one else seemed to be willing or able to provide.  They’d bonded over a mutual sense of loss, and from that point on they were best friends.

 

The distance between Long Island and Chicago was bridged with letters and monthly phone calls. The time between reunions and family holiday gatherings was spent planning what they’d do when they saw one another again.

 

They were like two peas in a pod.  It really didn’t come as a surprise to anyone in their families that they’d both end up following similar paths.  Although, most everyone expected Tony to go into business with his father, and Joe was supposed to become an attorney like his father had been before he was killed in a drive by shooting.

 

Joe’s branch of the family was heavily involved in the Chicago mafia.  A fact that made life more than a little difficult for Joe when he decided, like Tony, to become a cop.  Ultimately, Joe had been disowned, and forced to leave Chicago to avoid being taken out by a rival family in a mob war that had gotten ugly in a hurry.

 

The DiNozzos were legitimate business people, but they didn’t mind investing LaFiamma money in their enterprises.  Money was their common bond—more so than blood---they didn’t care how it was made or where it came from. All that mattered to them was how to acquire more wealth and power along the way.  To Tony, even at a young age, it seemed like most of his family only saw each other as a stepping stone to bigger and better. 

 

For Tony and Joe, their relationship was never about business, networking or money.  The only thing they’d wanted from each other was someone to share things with, to enjoy life with.  They were more like brothers than cousins.

 

When Tony was officially but quietly disinherited at the age of twelve, most of his extended family simply acted as he’d never been born.  They rightly saw his father’s action as more than a temporary discipline measure and more of a prelude to his being permanently disowned. 

 

Joe’s reaction had been anything but a cold shoulder. Rather than shut him out, Joe sent Tony a portion of his allowance every week, despite Tony telling him it wasn’t necessary.  When sending it back just meant Joe would send more the following week, Tony gave up and put the money in his piggy bank for safe keeping.  It came in handy later when he was shipped off to military school at fifteen. He used the savings to sneak in calls to Joe whenever he felt sad or lonely.  It had never even occurred to Tony to call home at those times.  His father was rarely at the house, and when he was there he wasn’t sober.  Most of Tony’s many step-mothers didn’t even know who he was much less why he’d be calling.  It would have been a waste of time and money to bother calling anyone other than Joe. 

 

Later when Joe had dropped out of law school rather than become a mouthpiece for his uncle Mikey’s organization that everyone in the family assumed he would be, Tony had put him up in his place in Peoria.  He gave Joe a safe harbor until he could figure out how to tell his mother he’d quit school.  Tony wasn’t sure if his own burgeoning career in law enforcement had swayed Joe, or if his cousin had already considered it an option before he’d come to stay with Tony.  Either way, the rough road they’d opted to take, so contrary to their families’ expectations and demands, was made easier by their mutual support of one another.

 

Tony reached for the letter.  He opened it and smiled reading about Joe’s life in Houston.  His cousin had been there as long as Tony had been at NCIS.  He had hated it initially, but over time Joe had settled into what was the sort of good life Tony had always hoped his best friend would attain.

 

His letter was filled with good humor and genuine enthusiasm for life.   There was so much simple and yet profound joy in Joe’s comments.  Even has he griped about the job, the heat and humidity, the crazy drivers and the lack of culture, it was obvious Joe was happy.

 

Tony sighed softly, rubbing at his tired eyes.  His letters back to Joe hadn’t been that upbeat in more than a year.   Maybe he needed a change.  Something new and different.

 

Tony reread the letter.  It wasn’t hard to figure out that a lot of the happiness in it was directly related to an upcoming four year anniversary.   Joe and Levon Lundy had been together as partners for longer than that, but hadn’t become lovers until two years after they’d started working together. 

 

Tony had known for years that Joe played for both teams so his forming a long term relationship with a man hadn’t come as a surprise.  Tony was actually the first person Joe had come out to.  At eighteen, finding out Joe was bisexual had rocked Tony’s world for a bit, but Joe was still the same kid he’d always known.  He wasn’t going to lose his best friend by being stupid.  They’d been through too much to let that one little detail change much.  And Tony wasn’t completely sure of his own sexuality at the time.  He wasn’t going to cast any stones, and he made sure Joe knew that.  They’d just taken their respective revelations in stride, and come to terms with adding one more quirk to the growing list of why they were never going to be what most people considered ‘normal’. 

 

The only thing Tony had ever cautioned his cousin about was being sure to be careful. Not just about having protected sex, that was definitely a big one, but far from the only issue.  Not everyone was so accepting of an alternative life style.  The last thing he wanted was for Joe to get the shit beaten out of him for being different.  Tony had already had a small taste of that, and he preferred Joe never had to find out first hand how intolerant people could be.   

 

When Joe told Tony he was in love his partner, Tony had been terrified Levon wouldn’t take it well if he found out.  The man was a walking cliché…a Texas cowboy.  Levon’s grandfather had been a Texas Ranger.  His father had been a wildcatter working on drill rigs for years.  He’d grown up attending rodeos and playing football.  Levon had gone to college on a sports scholarship and married his high school sweetheart, Caroline.  She’d been murdered six years later in a car bomb meant to kill Levon.  Her death had been a devastating blow, one that had initially worried Tony when Joe had started working with Levon.

 

Joe’s initial reports about his partner hadn’t been entirely complimentary.  The man had definitely lost his spark and drive when it came to police work.  He was less inclined to push, didn’t seem willing to take any chances and Tony was worried Levon might not be willing to back Joe’s play if he stepped out too far on a limb.  But working with Joe, and the challenge he consistently presented, was obviously something Levon had needed to get back to the land of the living.  And he was a stabilizing influence in Joe’s life; Levon grounded Joe when being completely cut off from a family he’d loved deeply might have broken him.

 

Joe hadn’t given Tony all the details on how he and Levon ultimately went from being partners and friends to lovers, but it was obvious they were good for one another.  Their relationship was rock solid, enduring everything from adjusting to living together to nearly dying once or twice. 

 

Tony liked Levon a lot.  He was easy to relate to and generally accepting nature made him easy to get along with.  It didn’t hurt that they had a bit in common.  A mother who died when they were young and being raised by an alcoholic father was just the beginning.  They had both gone to college on athletic scholarships and had both missed out on a professional career due to injury.  They both had been inspired to enter careers in law enforcement by people they’d held in high esteem.  And they both had better than average eyesight, hearing and sense of smell. 

 

Tony smiled as he got to the end of Joe’s letter.  Included in Levon’s astonishingly elegant handwriting was a brief note inviting him to visit whenever he got the chance.  It was an open invitation that Levon never failed to include. 

 

Tony frowned, thinking about how long it had been since he’d seen Joe and Levon.  Too damn long he decided.  He nodded to himself.  The Director had given the team the next few days off.  It wasn’t like he even had to take any vacation time.  Not that it would have mattered if he had to use up some leave.  He hadn’t taken a vacation day almost eighteen months---since Gibbs had run off to Mexico.  And while he was in Houston, maybe he’d do a little research on job prospects.

 

He didn’t want to work on a team that seemed to have little respect for him, and cared even less.  They hadn’t thought of him as their boss when he was in charge and they obviously didn’t think much of him now. And he didn’t want to answer to a boss who had a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ mentality.  His innate sense of right and wrong could only tolerate so much hypocrisy.  

 

Tony might be willing to bend a few rules now and again for the greater good, but he’d never actually broken them.  He was one of the good guys, damn it.  He wasn’t the sort to use a sniper rifle to even a score, or tamper with evidence in an ongoing investigation.  While he couldn’t prove Gibbs had actually done those things, he was certain enough that he had to make Tony feel a bit uneasy whenever he stopped to think about it.  And if Mike Franks was Gibbs’ roll model…it made sense that he would see nothing wrong with crossing those lines.  Franks clearly was the sort who would beat someone down in an interrogation room, shoot an unarmed suspect, and saw nothing wrong with letting justice take a back seat to vengeance. 

 

And he definitely didn’t want to find himself working for the Director on another unsanctioned undercover operation. Being used for what amounted to a personal vendetta disguised as a patriotic endeavor left a bitter taste in his mouth.

 

Tony neatly folded the letter, putting it back in the envelope.  He’d call Joe and Levon in a few hours---after he got some sleep and about the time they usually started their day.  By then he should have his flight booked.  Getting a flight on short notice might be expensive, but Tony figured he could write it off as an investment in his future.  It would be money well spent.