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He tried to hold back his tears. But they fell like acid drops from his eyes, falling onto Tosh’s body. He had tried to prepare for the 21st century but his plans had fallen through. He had finally allowed himself to get close to people only to lose them. Cursing at himself, he acknowledged that he would forever be losing people; it was his destiny to live, to survive. Thinking about Owen and Tosh made it all the worse, this ‘gift’ of never ending life was a curse, what he wouldn’t give to be able to share his life with them, to prevent them from their eternal slumber.
The end was where he always started from; when he revived he could always remember the sensation of death, but never what happened after. Was there a heaven, was there a hell? He didn’t know, but he wished he did, such knowledge would help him cope with his losses.
From a young age, he had the loss of life thrust upon him. He had lost his brother, and since then he had lost all those who had come into his life. But it was in torchwood that he had lost the people he had learned to care for; he knew he should warn people that to be in torchwood meant to die young.
When he had finally found the strength to listen to what Gwen had to say, he realised that he had to face up to their deaths, he had accepted his own fate, but it had taken thousands of years and the death of two friends to make him accept the fate of others.
The video Tosh had left behind made it all so final, and her heart felt declaration of love to Owen had only served to remind Jack of his loss, of his family’s loss. As he had packed away Owens items, he could feel the tears fall again and sting as the burned his skin.
And at the end of his emotions, in the background and somehow also in the forefront, reaching through his grief, were his thoughts of Gray. His brother, he had failed him like he had failed Tosh and Owen. Their deaths in the here and now were a result of his actions, in his past, and in what should have been their future. The man Gray had turned into was only one of the many possible versions in this infinite reality, but despite the possibility that somewhere Gray and Jack had stayed together, had never faced the trials they had, was outweighed by the fact that if Jack had failed Gray here, where else had Gray been lost?
Taking a step away from the casket (and what else could he honestly call it) that contained his brother, he took a deep breath, and hated himself for what he had to do, what he was doing to Gray may grant him eternal life, but he would forever be dead as well.
But this is what he had chosen, this was his life.