Work Text:
Too Many Pets
by Orrymain
"Mittens!" Daniel exclaimed as he cleaned up what seemed like the fifth hairball of the day. ~I don't have time for this.~
"Meow," was the feline's response as she sat and licked a paw as if she didn't have a care in the world.
--
"Ptolemy, I'd love to discuss Egypt with you, but I have to finish this lesson plan for tomorrow," Daniel spoke to the beautiful hyacinth macaw bird.
"King Tut king," the intelligent creature replied insistently, just as she'd been doing for the last several minutes.
"Okay," Daniel sighed, closing his notebook. ~I can't believe I'm doing this.~ "I'll tell you about King Tut."
--
"Jonny!" the archaeologist shouted. "Bogey, you cannot eat my salad. What are you doing in the kitchen?" ~Maybe it's a hint -- lizard salad.~
"What, Daddy?" Jonny asked as he entered the kitchen. Seeing his father holding the pet, the boy gulped. "I guess I forgot to take him upstairs.
"Unless you want him to be someone's, or something's dinner, I suggest you not forget again."
"Yes, Daddy," the boy responded, taking Bogey upstairs.
--
"Oh, crap," Daniel sighed, realizing he'd just stepped into some of Hot's excrement. "When did you do that?"
The archaeologist wanted to be angry, but it was his own fault for not looking where he was going and for wearing the wrong shoes into the small stable at the back of the house, not to mention he wouldn't have been in this situation in the first place had he not agreed to tend to the ponies since Jeff had been delayed at school. Jack had told him to just let Jeff do the chores when he got home, but Daniel had wanted to do the teen a favor.
"At least it was just the one sh... pair," Daniel groaned about his shoes. "Right. Thank you, Chocolate. Wouldn't want you to feel ... left out," he sighed, closing his eyes now that Chocolate had just relieved herself right over his shoe as he stood there.
--
"Strawberry, you need your medicine, so just ... ouch!" Daniel took a big breath and then said, "Time to clip your nails."
Finishing his task, the archaeologist got up and tended to his scratch, wondering why he hadn't clipped the guinea pig's nails last week before she'd gotten sick.
~Because for a so-called genius, I'm dumb,~ the man sighed. ~Why do I feel more like a zookeeper than an archaeologist lately? And why am I the *only* zookeeper in this house?~
--
"David, careful! Cream Cheese is about to ..."
It was too late. The family's black Holland lop rabbit had just hopped over next to the boy, knocking over his orange juice, which quickly ran all over the floor that Daniel had just cleaned a few minutes earlier.
"Sorry, Daddy," David said as Cream Cheese started to lap up the juice.
--
As Daniel walked by the fish tank, he noticed the swimmers were at the top of the tank and seemed to be trying to get oxygen from the surface of the water.
"Hey, Fishies." After inspecting the filtration system, the archaeologist spoke, "Looks like your pump is broken." Walking over to the cordless phone that was sitting on the coffee table, he phoned his soulmate, who was out running errands, and asked him to stop at the pet store and buy a new pump. He then went back to the fish tank and talked to the fish, reassuring them that they would have fresh *air* soon. ~Please hurry, Jack,~ he thought as he watched his finned friends.
====
"Daddy, you look tired," Jennifer observed about her weary father when she entered the house right before dinnertime.
"Too many pets, Jen. We have too many pets," Daniel whined. "Maybe we could just open a zoo and charge admission. What do you think?" Just then, he heard a crash. With an accepting smile, he spoke, "It's probably Bagel. Aside from Bij and Katie, she's the only one who hasn't escaped, spit up, almost died, or eaten something inappropriate today." With a sigh, he said, "I'll be back, or not."
Jennifer chuckled, "Must be one of those days. Hey, Bij!"
====
"No! Go 'way! Hey!"
"Danny! Daniel!" Jack said, shaking his lover awake after moving him onto his back in the wee hours of the next morning.
"Oh, gawd," Daniel said, his entire body sagging in the bed as he realized he'd just had a nightmare.
"Now that hasn't happened in quite a while. Are you okay, Love?" Jack asked gently, his right hand rubbing gently across the younger man's bare chest.
"I'm fine." Daniel rolled his eyes. "Do you have any idea what I just dreamed?"
"I was really a grizzly bear?" Jack teased, getting a chuckle from his husband.
"That I could handle," the archaeologist mused. "Get this. I was being attacked by Little Danny's turkeys. I tried to run, but then the Shetlands started chasing me. I tripped over the cats while Ptolemy was squawking, 'Get him!' to Hot and Chocolate. Then Bogey started crawling over me, while the fish, every one of them, were using their fins and tails to splash water on me. Strawberry and Shortcake were standing up like squirrels, laughing at me. Just as I managed to get to my feet, Bagel and Cream Cheese hopped on me. It was like they were kangaroos, pounding me down into the floor."
"Like Bugs beating on Wile E Coyote?" Jack asked in amusement.
"Exactly," Daniel confirmed. "Then, Jack kicked me in my six."
"I did not!"
"Not you; your donkey!" Daniel exclaimed, raising his hands to his head. "And then Little Danny's latest stray's eyes flashed, and I was almost gouged by Goldie-Girl, the Goa'ulded goldfinch! Too many pets. They're everywhere."
"What about the girls?"
Daniel lowered his hands slowly and stared, "They staged the entire thing. It was their revenge for that time when we ignored them, after the babies were born."
Jack burst out laughing.
"It wasn't funny. Bij was telling me that they love me, but they'd been waiting for the perfect payback, and Katie said this was it."
"Angel," the older man chuckled, leaning over to kiss his lover on the nose.
"On the nose? Geez, Jack. Some comfort you are."
Laughing for a moment, Jack quieted the complaint with a tender kiss that grew until the couple made love.
====
The next morning as the lovers dressed, Jack asked, "Seriously, Love, why do you think you had that nightmare?"
"I have no idea. I love the zoo, Jack, all of them, even that crazy donkey we adopted," Daniel replied.
"Maybe we need to assign a few more of the zoo chores to David. He's older now," Jack suggested, grimacing at his own statement, not wanting to think about anyone being older.
"Well, I really think it was just a fluke," Daniel responded. "The brood keeps up with their responsibilities for the animals very well. Noa's never once shirked her duties for Hot and Chocolate, Lulu is devoted to Calico and Mittens, and Little Danny is always checking on every member of our animal kingdom." As he reflected on the previous day's events and his nightmare, he concluded, "No, Babe. It was just one of those days; kinda ... quirky, animal-wise."
Jack nodded, knowing that everyone had days like that from time to time.
"Maybe it was that sandwich Jenny made me before going to bed," Daniel suggested, believing that was a real possibility.
"She wanted to do something special," Jack laughed and then mockingly said, "She loves you more." Watching as Daniel's head shook, he admitted, "I can't believe you ate it."
"It was my fault for saying I was so hungry I'd sell the chess sets for food," Daniel sighed. "I've seen you eat worse."
Jack cocked his head in admission. It was a parent's duty to eat the strange concoctions their child prepared, either trying to be helpful or showing their love. Amazingly, though, those were often the best meals, as long as said parent didn't actually think about taste.
"What did she call that?" the older man teased as he searched to remember the creative name the little redhead had given to the treat.
"Uh, it was ... Cajspioneese," Daniel answered about the combination of Mozzarella cheese, fried onions, and Cajun spice mix that Jennifer had helped her prepare.
"Creative, Red," Jack mumbled, trying not to laugh too loudly.
"Scientists still argue over whether or not food can cause nightmares, but considering that I really don't have any pet issues, I think they do," Daniel asserted. "I'm going to start breakfast."
"Cajspoioneese, please!"
"Dad, you want one of my special sandwiches?" Jenny asked.
Jack sat up straighter, stopping his process of putting on his shoes. He stared at the Spitfire, his eyes widening a bit more with each millisecond that passed.
"Ah ..."
"As a matter of fact, Jenny, Dad was just telling me about how much love went into that sandwich and how he felt left out because you didn't make him one."
"Oh, Dad! You should told me," Jenny said. She ran over to her older father and threw her arms around him, saying, "I love you, too. I'll make you an extra big sandwich, and I forgot to add the beans to Daddy's." Releasing her father, she hurried over to Daniel and asked, "Will you help me?"
"Beans?" Jack mouthed silently in disbelief.
"I sure will," Daniel answered, grinning towards his husband. "We'll make it extra special for Dad."
"I'll go start," Jenny said, hurrying downstairs.
"Daniel ..."
"Made with love, Babe," Daniel chuckled and then turned to head for the kitchen, leaving his distressed lover behind.
Jack sighed and then, slowly, a smile emerged on his face. He looked over at the wall where the latest family portrait was hung. He smiled at the zoo that was pictured with the children. It had been taken outdoors, so even the two Shetland ponies were in the shot.
"Zoo, for whatever I do to you in my dream; correction, nightmare tonight, I apologize." Putting on his shoes, Jack stood up and chuckled, "Cajspeioneese: made with the best kind of love known to man. I think I'll have two." Using their special communication, he communicated to his lover, **Remember, Danny, paybacks.**
The response: lots of mental chuckling. It was sure to be another good day for the Jack and Daniel, and their brood.
~~Finis - Finished - Done - The End - But is it ever Really?~~
It was on a nice and quiet Monday night within Gotham City, New Jersey--for once--that the Daring Daredoll known as Batgirl had placed her hands on her hips, taken a good look at the city's beautiful skyline with a small smile on her lips and thought to herself, *Just think about it, Dad. If we keep this winning streak up, you would finally be able to retire and...never become this city's police commissioner ever again.*, just before a sudden sound from her own utility belt had caused the one costumed crimefighter whose name actually was Barbara Gordon to take a cell-phone out of the belt, placed it to her ear and said, "Hi, Bruce. I was wondering when you would finally be able to call."
"I know and I am also glad that...the three of us were able to put both The Joker and Harley Quinn right back inside Arkham Asylum where they belong. However, we had only gotten half the job done.", that was what a certain Darknight Detective known as the Batman had said while he was sitting in his chair inside the...Batcave...which was underneath Wayne Manor, causing...the confused Batgirl to ask, "What are you talking about, Bruce?", before the Caped Crusader whose...real name happens to be Mister Bruce Wayne himself had gazed his own masked eyes upon the information on the computer screen and said, "What I'm talking about is this, Barbara. Another loon has escaped from Arkham. The name of that loon happens to be Miss Pamela Isley, who...also happens to be known as Poison Ivy and she had gotten herself released with some paperwork that has been signed and authorized by a Doctor Harleen Quinzell."
"Oh, this is just fucking great! We had already take care of one evil bitch, only to have...some dumb-ass prick who is still working at Arkham to kick a second one out! I mean, what's wrong with those assholes? Don't they actually know how to read?", that was the question that...a pissed-off Barbara had asked before the Gotham Guardian had let out a sigh and said, "To tell you the truth, Barbara. I really don't blame you. However, I do have one little bit of advice to give you. If you're thinking on going after Ivy by yourself, please do yourself a favor and be carefull because there really is no way of telling what type of tricks she may have up her sleeve this time."
"To tell you the truth, Bruce. I really don't blame you. Good night.", that was what the Batgirl had said before she had placed her cell-phone back inside...her utility belt, started looking around the entire skyline from her rooftop perch and thought to herself, *Okay, if I'm a certain plant-loving eco-terrorist bitch who allows herself to be called''Poison Ivy', where would I be right now?*And after a small smile had appeared on her lips and she had snapped her fingers, the Daring Daredoll had leaped off from her perch and used the line from her belt to swing herself all the way to the one place where she had realized that Ivy would be found at and that place just happens to be the floral research laboratory within the Gotham City Bactanical Gardens, where the particular crazed plant-lady had used some plant toxin to put the guards to sleep permanently in order to let her trash the place.
But while she was doing that, a bat-shaped figure has appeared from out of nowhere, cleared her throat and said, "Hello, Ivy! I was wondering when all of that eco-terrorism that you had been causing so far is going to take its tow on you!", before a confused Ivy had turned herself around and noticed that it was actually the Batgirl who had just arrived in order to stop Ivy's latest sinister plans, only to have a devilish smile appear on Ivy's lips and allow herself to laugh her brains out, causing the confused Batgirl to look at the crminal plant lady with a small smile on her own lips and say, "Okay, Ivy! What the fucking hell is so freaking funny?"
"Why, it is quite simple, my dear little mouse! I was hoping to snare myself a Batman with my little trap but since he is unable to make an appearence, I guess that you will have to do!", that was the answer that a sinister-smiling Ivy had given the one costumed crimefighter who was actually the daughter of Gotham City Police Commissioner James Worthington Gordon, only to have her place herself in a self-defense pose and say, "That's wht you think, Ivy! Because I'm going to ship your skanky ass right straight back to Arkham...RIGHT NOW!" But after she had launched herself at her target and was about to give that target a hard karate kick to the face, Ivy had grabbed a firm hold of the Batgirl's ankle, looked at the shocked Daring Daredoll with such devilish glee and said, "Well-well-well! What do you know? It looks like I had remembered to have myself a good breakfast today!"
And of course, that was before the surprisingly super-strong plant lady had started swinging and smashing the helpless Batgirl real hard into a pair of walls at least six times and slammed her down real hard on the floor before a devilishly-gleefull Poison Ivy had lifted the unconscious Batgirl up into her arms and said, "Now, you little batbitch! Where were we? Oh, yes! Now, I remember!"Meanwhile back inside the Batcave, the Batman's own crime-fighting junior partner known as Robin, The Teen Wonder had rode his motorcycle into the cave, stopped in front of Bruce Wayne's ever-faithfull butler whose name happens to be Alfred Pennyworth and said, "Well, I had scaned each and every part of Gotham State University for any sign of Batgirl or Barbara Gordon. As a matter of fact, Commissioner Gordon had sent a certain slob of a detective known as Harvey Bullock over to check up on her. You know, the whole unanswered-phone-calls-from-Daddy type of thing?"
"And both you and Harvey were unable to find any sign of her. Am I right?", that was the question that the curious Batman has asked to his junior partner, who had let out a sigh and answered, "I hate to burst your bubble like this, Bruce. But the answer is 'yes'.", causing poor Bruce to place his hand on his forehead, let out a sigh and say, "Jim is going to have my ass for this.", before the ever-so-faithfull Alfred had placed his gentle hand on his master's shoulder and said, "That is only if he is able to figure your secret out, Sir."But that was before the Gotham Guardian and his two friends had glanced upon the local news website and noticed a story about the Gotham City Bactanical Gardens' own security cameras had captured a super-strong Poison Ivy doing total bodily harm to a helpless Batgirl and making her escape with her, causing a shocked Robin to place his hand on the top of his head and said, "Wholly shit! That's really got to hurt!", before the Batman had taken a closer look at the image on the screen and said, "Her hideout is nearby!"
Just then, inside one of the rooms within an abndoned warehouse, the Batgirl had finally woken herself up from her little nap, only to have herself discover that she has been stripped bare-ass naked and her wrists and ankles had been chained to two steel pillars. And after she had tried to free herself from her bondage without any success, a devilishly-gleefull Poison Ivy had stepped into the room in only soft olive green lace robe, gazed her sinister eyes upon her helpless victim and asked, "What's wrong, Barbara? Don't you feel quite at home in here? Oh, but what am I saying? Of course, you don't! At least, not yet! "And after she had stepped back out of the room, Ivy had stepped back inside with a young and beautiful raven-haired nude female and a young and handsome dark-brown-haired male just in time for the look of pure shock to appear in Barbara's eyes because the nude female was pumping two of her fingers in and out of her hot, wet pussy and carressing her own tits with the other hand and the nude male was stroking his stiff cock and they were both doing so with the blank stare in their eyes.
That had caused the wide-eyed Poison Ivy to place her hand on her chest and say, "Oh, my goodness! Where are my manners? Barbara Gordon, say 'hello' to Melissa Sorkin and Kevin Hamill! He's not as handsome as a certain Mister Harvey Dent before Rupert Thorne had caused him to become Two-Face but that's what he deserved for destroying those poor defenseless rare orchids just to build that dreadfull Stonegate Prison of his! Speaking of rare orchids, they had just taken a whiff of the wonderous sweet vapor of the rarest orchid of them all. You see, its vapor just happens to be a really powerfull aphrodisiac. Do you not agree that the smell of the vapor is so sweet, Barbara?"
And after the devilishly-gleefull Poison Ivy had placed that really rare orchid underneath his helpless victim's nose and poor Barbara had no choice but to take a whiff of the vapor, it had caused the poor helpless Batgirl to suddenly become woozy and unable to fight back just in time for that sinister plant lady to place her hand underneath Barbara's chin, lift up her head and say, "And now, Barbara! It is time for you to recieve your special gift!", before Ivy had moved herself out of the way and allowed Melissa to move herself closer to Barbara, kiss her ever so passionately on the lips and start licking all over her nude body--all the way down to her hot and steamy cunt and carressing her firm breasts just in time for Ivy to open her robe, allow it slip off her nude body, place herself in front of Kevin and allowed him to place his stone hard dick inside her asshole and his hands on her stiff mounds.
And then, after Ivy had placed one of her hands on Kevin's naked thigh and the other hand on his bare shoulder and said, "Aaaahhhh, yeeeessss! That's it! Do it, Kevin! Touch me! Touch me there! Fuck me in the ass while Melissa sucks Barbara's wet pussy dry! Aaaahhhh!", they had moved themselves closer to Melissa and Barbara just in time for Ivy to place one of her hands on Melissa's bare back and the other hand on Barbara's bare shoulder and start sucking on her tits. And after she had noticed that it was causing poor Barbara to have no choice but to allow a single tear to run down her cheek, the sinister plant lady had gently wiped the tear from Barbara's cheek and said, "Oooohhhh! Now, Barbara! There's no need...for tears! Besides, you are like...a beau...tiful rose! And its like...Shakesphere would always...say, 'A rose...by any other name...would smell as...sweet! Aaaahhhh!"
Then, after Kevin had taken his stiff cock out of Ivy's backside and placed it inside Barbara's asshole and his hands on her exposed tits, Ivy had allowed Melissa to start licking on her pussy and carressing her firm breasts, placed two of her fingers inside Barbara's snatch, slowly licked her lips and said, "Come on, Barbara! Admit it! You really do enjoy it! You really do want us to fuck the living shit out of you! Do you, Barbara?", causing poor Barbara to become so sexually-energized that she had no choice but to close her eyes and yell at the top of her lungs, "AAAAHHHH, YES! I DO ENJOY IT! I REALLY DO WANT YOU TO FUCK THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME AND MAKE ME WANNA CUM! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"
And after the sinister Poison Ivy and her three helpless fuck-slaves had started moving themsleves harder and faster until they had all finally came and Ivy and two of her mind-controlled slaves had collapsed due to exhaustion, the devilishly-gleefull plant lady had gotten herself back up to her feet, placed her gentle hand on Barbara's cheek and said, "And now, dear sweet Barbara! It is time for you to recieve one more whiff of my darling little baby!", only to have her turn around and discover that the rarest of all orchids had suddenly disappeared, causing the enraged Ivy to look around the entire room and yell at the top of her lungs, "BATMAN, YOU POINTY-EARED SON-OF-A-BITCH! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY BABY?"
That had caused the grim-looking Darknight Detective to step out of his hiding place with the orchid in his hands and ask, "Wouldn't you like to know, you skanky bitch?"And after he had opened a window, the enraged Caped Crusader had handed the orchid to the equally-pissed-off Teen Wonder, who had looked at a shocked Poison Ivy and growled, "THE ANTIDOTE FOR THE WEED! WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE, BITCH?"And after the trade has been made and a teary-eyed Ivy had wrapped her arms around the pot that has the orchid inside it, both the Batman and Robin had given Kevin, Melissa and Barbara the antidote just in time for her to take a look at what Ivy was doing and say, "She's really bananas, you know that?"
"You're not getting any objection from me on that subject.", that was the answer that the Gotham Guardian had given Barbara after he had freed her from her bondage just in time for her to look at the still-unconscious Kevin and Melissa and ask, "What's going to happen to them?", causing the Batman to take a deep breath and answer, "Don't worry about them. I'm sure that as soon as they get better, Bruce Wayne will give Lucius Fox a call and get them jobs at Wayne Enterprises. As for Ivy, she's finally going back to Arkham where she belongs. But what about you? Are you going to be okay?", only to have a teary-eyed Barbara place her head on the Darknight Detective's chest and her hand on his shoulder and answered, "That's just it, Bruce! I just don't know anymore!"
THE END!
Author Email: marciastudley1@comcast.net (Feedback welcome)
Author Website: http://orrymain.com