Work Text:
Sunnydale Slash-Sluts
by Scorpio
BUFFY: ::sighs:: He's soooo Buff. And big. Big and buff... and smart too.
XANDER and WILLOW: ::exchange sly grins and nod heads:: Yeah...
SPIKE and TARA: ::pouts at respective partners:: Hey!
BUFFY: Oh come on you two, you *have* to admit that Jim Ellison is one *hot* babe.
SPIKE: Well, of course he is, but the only man my Xan-pet's allowed to drool over is *me*. I happen to be *very* shaggable.
BUFFY, GILES, TARA and WILLOW: ::snort::
XANDER: You *are* shaggable and if you *promise* to behave I'll shag you when we get home.
BUFFY: *Way* too much information, guys.
GILES: Indeed. Besides, you have all missed the entire point of the whole show. Granted, it's filled with all the things that the American public demands. Bad guys with large weapons, high speed car chases and ladies in terribly short skirts but there is *much* more going on in the story line than all that rubbish.
XANDER: Of course there is G-man. Slashy subtext out the old wazoo.
BUFFY, WILLOW and TARA: ::giggles and nods::
GILES: I've *asked* you not to call me that. Um... er, what? Slash who?
SPIKE: Bloody hell Rupert, don't tell me you don't know what Slash is. Not after you spent your college days wrapped around Ethan's body tighter than his own knickers.
BUFFY, XANDER, and WILLOW: Ethan Rayne? Ewwwww!
GILES: ::blushes *and* glares:: It'll be in your best interest never to mention that again Spike. I'll stake you myself, don't think I won't. I have a charming young nephew back home who would *love* to visit the colonies and I can easily introduce him to Xander to cheer the poor lad up.
SPIKE: ::growls::
BUFFY: It's simple Giles. Slashy subtext is where the story doesn't come right out and *say* a couple is a couple, but they hint strongly. Like Jim Ellison and Blair Sandburg. You can just *see* they are in love by watching the show.
GILES: ::blinks rapidly::
XANDER: I still think that other Detective... Um, the black man, you know... Henri? I think he's got it bad for our friendly hippie Anthropologist. Has a pet name for him and everything.
WILLOW: Xander, don't be silly. *Hairboy* is not the name you'd call someone that you wanted to... ::blushes:: you know... with. Besides, it's *obvious* that the Captain, Simon Banks? Well *he's* secretly in love with Jim but he won't do anything about it because he knows that Jim *really* loves Blair. And Blair's mom Naomi? *She* likes Simon. I can tell.
XANDER: Breathe Willow.
TARA and BUFFY: ::giggles::
GILES: I'm *certain* I never noticed any of that in the show. Are you even certain we watched the same episodes? Any road, it doesn't matter because that is quite beyond the point of the whole program.
SPIKE: Rupert's right. The point *is* that the chick they had on there a bit back, Cassie whats-her-face with the asthma and the annoying voice? Well, the point is that they should have had some big bad gorgeously blonde vampire come on for an episode or two and eat her. Bet she'd make a tasty treat. Crunch munch and no more whiny bitch.
BUFFY, WILLOW and TARA: Spike!
XANDER: Please God, I'll be good. Honest. Just please don't let Spike start up on his kill-Cassie-Wells rant again. I soooo don't want to hear it.
BUFFY: Okay. I can kind of understand. She tried to come between Jim and Blair and that's a *huge* no-no.
XANDER: Buff!!!! Don't encourage him!
GILES: Children please. You're still not understanding this. The drama here is not in who is decorating who's bedsheets, but in the fact that this man is *special* in the same sort of way that Buffy is special. He's been blessed with special gifts that allow him to hunt down, while not demons and vampires, but criminals and terrorists. And I dare say that the rogue CIA Agent... Um... Braccer, Brucket, Brickette, whatever, well *he* was a sort of parallel to *our* Watcher's Council. Wanting to make use of Detective Ellison's skills and abilities for his own purpose.
THE OTHERS: ::blink and stare at the Watcher Man::
GILES: What?
XANDER: Conspiracy much there G-man?
BUFFY: Seriously Giles, take a pill or something. It's about buff guys and fast action. Great fight scenes and thrilling near misses. The show is long legs, smoking guns and muscled chests.
SPIKE: Right!
BUFFY: Spike, did you just agree with me?
SPIKE: Er... No?
WILLOW: Guys, please. The Sentinel is about *love*. Jim and Blair are secretly together as a couple but they have to *hide* it. Blair because of his diss and Jim because a gay cop is a target. And Simon represents that whole unrequited love thing.
XANDER: No, Willow. It's the other detective that is the unrequited thing. *Trust* me on this.
GILES: It's about *drama*.
BUFFY and SPIKE: It's about action and mayhem!
XANDER and WILLOW: It's about *romance*.
TARA: Um... guys? It's about friendship.
Scorpio
8th Sign of the Zodiac
--- scorpiofic@aol.com ---