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The Sounds of Silence
by Rebel Melinda
Silence is a double-edged sword sometimes. Okay, if you want to know the truth, silence is a bitch sometimes.
When Sandburg brought me the white noise generator, I was sorely tempted to kiss his feet. Not that I did, of course. James Joseph Ellison has a reputation to maintain, you know.
Still, that little baby let me get a good night of uninterrupted sleep. I learned the next morning the price to be paid for that luxury.
I couldn't hear Sandburg's heartbeat.
That's when I ran down the stairs in a blind panic. What day was it? What was Sandburg's schedule? Had he gone out and left a note? Had something happened to him during the night?
I honestly didn't know whether to hug him or shake him when I threw open his bedroom door and found him sprawled asleep on his futon. What I did do was go back upstairs to my bedroom and think.
Question: Why was it so important to hear Sandburg's heartbeat? Answer: It let me know he was safe.
I admit I played with the white noise generator for a while. Turned it off and on. The problem was even though I knew Sandburg was safely sleeping in his bedroom below me, I still felt a momentary panic when I couldn't hear his heartbeat.
I remember angrily switching the generator off and stomping down the stairs to the shower. In order to get a good night's sleep, I needed to have the generator up and running. But when that happened, I panicked because I couldn't hear Sandburg's heartbeat.
I was pissed to put it mildly.
But trust Sandburg to come up with an answer. Not that I told him about my little episodes of panic, you understand.
I mentioned that I have a reputation to maintain, didn't I?
No, I fed him some nonsense about how my Ranger training allowed me to wake up with all senses intact; and it was unsettling to wake up with my hearing screwed up. Sandburg pointed out that I only needed to use the generator when I couldn't fall asleep naturally. And he'd find a timer to use with the generator for those nights when I did need to use it.
It worked, and I actually remembered to thank him. He looked surprised then grinned and bounced in appreciation.
Then Galileo decided to drop him down an elevator shaft in the Wilkinson Towers. Well, other people were trapped in the elevator as well. But, damn it! That bastard nearly killed Sandburg!
In all honesty, I thought he had killed him. I was inches from dropping Galileo out the window when I heard Sandburg's voice over the radio. I was more than a little disappointed to drag Galileo back inside the building. A little jungle justice was called for in my opinion.
But if I'd done that, Simon would have had to arrest me.
And Sandburg would have been disappointed in me.
I suddenly realized that the reason I panic when I don't hear Sandburg's heartbeat is that I love him. Yeah, talk about an eye-opener. By the time I'd marched Galileo back down to the street, I'd done some fast and hard thinking.
It wasn't a romantic hearts, flowers, and poetry that I felt for Sandburg. It was a primitive force that was as much as part of me as my own blue eyes. Ever stand on a beach just as a storm blows in? You feel all that wind in your face, sand stinging your flesh, and you're hit with all that raw power of nature...and you know that you're alive.
Which brings me to the point of my little midnight narrative.
After we finished the paperwork on Galileo, I took my little guppy home. By that time, he was running pretty ragged after the adrenalin rush had worn off. I had him halfway up the stairs to my bedroom before he realized where he was.
I swear if you ever repeat this I will utilize one of the several hundred ways I know to kill and will successfully hide your body deep in the Cascade National Park...Sandburg looks so damn cute when he's confused.
So I gently pushed him up the steps and towards my bed with some lame excuse that we're both bound to have nightmares so it's convenient to bed down together...and my bed's bigger and far more comfortable.
So that's why we're both lying here in my bed. Despite my weariness, I couldn't fall asleep so I just watched Sandburg for a while. He twisted and turned, snuffled and snuggled until he was lying up against me. Then he settled down.
Go figure.
Smiling, I stare up at the skylight at the full moon shining down upon us. Sandburg would ramble on about full moon lunacy and omens. I can just imagine all the reasons and excuses he'll have that our being in love isn't the `smart thing to do'.
Too bad for him, I've already thought about them and come up with answers to his reasons and excuses.
I love him. And I know he loves me. Case closed. People who don't like it can take a long walk off a short pier. And if that means we leave Cascade, then the tribe doesn't deserve us. We'll find one that will. How about that for logical reasoning, Sandburg?
Hmm...guess I need to stop calling him Sandburg.
Guppy.
Chief.
Blair.
Lover.
Nodding, I decide I like them all. I'll keep `Sandburg' for when he manages to irritate the crap out of me.
Slowly I roll towards him and gently wrap my arms around him. Blair softly sighs and leans further into me. I feel the insane urge to throw my head back and laugh. He touches me so deeply inside that I'm damn near euphoric.
I listen to the silence of the night and think I won't have much use for that white generator noise any more.
I've got something better...and it will continue to get better.
Melinda Holley
April 2008