Work Text:
Untitled Tspoof Fic
by Sephiroth
Sephiroth@map.com
( Sephiroth is going over some newly found material regarding his creation. There are pages all over the desk mentioning DNA, and various other cloning procedures... when Cloud walks into the room. )
You say, "This is a remake of the scene when Sephiroth found the stuff and set fire to the whole damned town."
Sephiroth: it was sparks from a candle I forgot to blow out.
You say, "Take Cloud, I guess."
Heero nods
Duo_Maxwell takes Sephiroth... and keeps him.
Heero sticks his tongue out at Duo! ^_^
( Sephiroth looks up and sees Cloud. He glances at the page again, then looks up again... then his expression changes from a frown and a look of joy. )
( Cloud: (obviously confused) What? )
( Sephiroth (in the most kawaii and childlike voice possible)(glomping Cloud): MOMMY! )
( Cloud: (promptly chicken-takes) Mommy? )
( Sephiroth shows Cloud the papers: See. They used some of your cells when they made me after the first Sephiroth died years ago. See! See! See! Right there! They used enough of his cells to give me his appearance, but most are from you. )
( Cloud: (reads over the papers, mouth moving slower and slower as he does so...) )
( Sephiroth: I love you, mommy. I wanna be a good boy and make you happy. )
The world: Yeah! We *wish*!
( Cloud: I'm a...genetic donor?... )
( Sephiroth: Uh huh. That's right, mommy. )
( Zack: Hey, Cloud! What's going on? )
( Sephiroth: Mommy's taking me out for ice cream. Aren't you mommy? )
( Cloud: (nonchalantly) I just found out I'm his mother. Nothing big.)
( Zack: Mommy?! (he starts laughing.) )
( Cloud: (at seph) And shouldn't I be your dad? )
( Sephiroth: Nope. My daddy's sleeping in the coffin in that other room. )
( Cloud: (sweats a few beads) Hokayyy... )
( Vincent (listening to an endless loop of Shatner songs): Aarrrgh! Wake me from this dreadful dream! )
You say, "The cruelty of Hojo!"
Heero says, "Eeeeee!"
You say, "Would you mind if I posted this on a couple lists I'm on. This is just getting too silly not to share?"
Heero says, "Yeah, not a problem. ^_^"
Duo_Maxwell grins. Thanks.
( Sephiroth: Mommy. I don't want to be a soldier any more. The food stinks and I gotta sit up all night and babysit the troops. )
( Cloud: OK. First, you can still call me Cloud. )
( Sephiroth: Okay, mommy Cloud. )
( Cloud: No, just Cloud. )
( Sephiroth: You... you don't want me to be your son? (*sniffle* *sob*)(he runs out in tears) )
( Zack: Good job. YOu broke his heart. )
( Cloud: (grabs Seph) Wait, hang on. )
( Sephiroth (sniffles and wipes away tears with his fists): Yes? )
( Cloud: (just hugs Seph) )
( Sephiroth hugs Cloud back. )
( Cloud: OK, we're getting you outta here. Come on. (motions for Seph to follow) )
( Zack goes into the room where the coffin is, beats up a couple monsters, and opens the coffin, removing the headphones from Vincent. )
( Vincent wakes: At last! )
( Vincent: I'm coming with you. )
( Cloud: Fine, let's go! )
( Sephiroth: okay, daddy. )
( Vincent scowls )
( Sephiroth: Mommy. Isn't daddy funny looking?)
( Cloud: (at vincent) Don't ask. Just move. )
( Vincent runs with them. )
=30=