SquidgeWorld Archive

"THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER"
A "Farscape" story
Written by Alison M. DOBELL
AlisonMDobell@aol.com
http://www.carlajane.50megs.com/Ali00.html

"Man, that is butt ugly!"

D'Argo turned his head to see what he was talking about. He looked confused. "What is?"

Crichton pointed to a Krr'lyk'mar. The Krr'lyk'mar could have been looking in their direction but it was hard to tell. "That! What the hezmana is it?"

D'Argo frowned. They were on the planet Nymena and coming to the end of a successful scavenge for supplies. "That is a Krr'lyk'mar, John, and you should learn to show some respect."

He turned his head to look at Ka D'Argo in disbelief. He was kidding, right? He wanted him to make nice with the Orcs? "D'Argo, that alien is so ugly it abuses the privilege."

A voice he did not recognise spoke just behind his right ear. "I thought the same when I first saw you!"

He turned and almost jumped. The Krr'lyk'mar was right next to him. How the hell had it moved so fast without him hearing it? And how the hell had it heard what he had said? He assumed it was facing him, not sure which orofice was speaking but amused by the alien's quick come back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause offence."

"Did you mean your words spoken?"

He thought about lying for all of a microt. Some instinct told him the alien would know. "Um yeah, we don't get many Krr'lyk'mar where I come from."

There was an odd vibrating resonance coming from the alien. The noise ended and it spoke again. "You think if you saw more of us we would be less offensive? More," It paused as if deciding on the correct word to use. "Pleasing?"

That made him smile. Damn this alien was good. "No."

The odd being tilted its' mass - he could not work out whether part of it was a head or not or whether the whole darn thing was one big head covered in lumps and protrusions of a murky grey and greenish colour. It looked like the aftermath of a particularly horrific train crash. But one somehow endowed with stealth mode. He guessed God had given it that as a form of compensation. "Good. Your honesty has saved you."

He looked puzzled. "Saved me from what?"

A group of Krr'lyk'mar came into view and moved next to the one speaking to Crichton. He realised immediately that the wrong answer would have been the last thing he ever said on this world or any other world. He swallowed hard and nodded. "I get the message."

"You must pay for your error."

He paled. "Pay how?" Oh man, just how painful was this going to be?

Again that weird vibrating resonance. What was it with this creature, was it ill? Having a siezure? Would he have to end up giving it mouth to mouth? No. Scratch that thought. He did *not* have to visualise that. The noise stopped and the thing moved a little closer to him, almost as if it were talking confidentially. "Your name, creature, then your species."

He was surprised. "That's my punishment? An introduction?"

"You want more?"

"No, no, no! That's good. My name is John Crichton. I'm a human."

The Krr'lyk'mar said nothing for a few microts and Crichton wondered if he should repeat what he had said then the creature spat something at him and a greenish yellow slime hit him in the face. He jumped back, wiping it off furiously. It was now sticking to his fingers and taking him a lot of effort to wipe off. The stuff had a sticky slimey elasticity that made him cringe. The only good news was that it did not smell. By the time his face and hands were clean the Krr'lyk'mar had gone. Not one of the strange creatures was in sight. He glared at D'Argo who was using all his efforts to keep from laughing out loud. "You could have jumped in any time, Big D."

D'Argo shook his head, his tenkas swaying as he chuckled. He could swear there were tears in his eyes. "No, John, that was priceless."

"Glad you found it so amusing." He grumbled sounding slightly hurt.

"Relax, John. You were lucky. It *liked* you."

"Liked me?" He all but yelled. "In case you hadn't noticed it spat goo all over me!"

"Yes," Nodded D'Argo impressed. "They rarely honour those of other species."

Before he could ask what he meant Aeryn and Chiana joined them. He noticed they were laden down with pieces for her prowler. Chiana had also managed to get some trinkets for herself. He just hoped she had paid for them. The last thing they needed was some diplomatic incident which might draw the attention of the Peace Keepers. To his embarrassment, D'Argo related the details of Crichton's meeting with the Krr'lyk'mar on the way back to the transport pod. Aeryn did not say anything but gave him a curious look. Chiana seemed amused. By the time they got back to Moya, Crichton had forgotten all about the incident.

They ate well. Even Rygel was content with their purchases. Crichton wondered idly why the Hynerian had passed up on the chance to go planetside. He had elected to stay aboard Moya with Zhaan while the rest of them did the shopping. It suited Crichton just so long as he was within line of sight of Aeryn. That was a sight he never tired of seeing. As if knowing he was thinking about her, Aeryn turned her dark head and their eyes met. Time stood still for Crichton. His heart skipped a beat. A tiny smile tugged at her lips then she turned away again to resume her conversation with Zhaan. Rygel stuffed another Notarian Frond in his wide mouth and chomped down happily, his eyes closing to slits with sheer enjoyment. Crichton had noticed that most of the delicacies Rygel loved were things that slithered or crawled. Seeing him eat plants with such relish made him curious. Surely his favourite Hynerian had not gone vegetarian? "Hey Sparky, what are those things?"

His eyes opened a little. Only half closed now. He slurped something pinkish and frothing then smacked his lips. Crichton was sure if he could have the Hynerian would have burped. "That, Crichton, was a Notarian Frond."

"Which is?"

"A native of this sector of the Uncharted Territories. Very rare. Exquisite."

"I'm surprised, I thought you were a meat eater."

"I am."

"Yeah, well, unless I'm mistaken that was a plant."

He did not notice the lull in Aeryn and Zhaan's conversation as they listened in. Rygel beamed at him and picked up another long oval leaf on its' creamy stem. The pale green leaf look padded. He was smiling until Rygel turned the leaf upside down. All along the underneath of the leaf pad were tiny little mollusc like creatures half embedded in the plant. He made a face, suddenly realising that Rygel was savouring the mollusc like creatures not the leaf.

"That is just disgusting!"

Rygel beamed. He loved surprising the human. He could never get a truly satisfying reaction of disgust from the others. They were no fun. No fun at all.

"I am willing to let you try some."

Crichton put a hand over his mouth. The creatures were still moving, wriggling about on the underside of the leaf. He could see minute little mouths chomping into the underside of the leaf. Rygel gave a Hynerian version of a shrug and put the leaf half in his mouth, slurping and chomping down on the little creatures. He could almost imagine he could hear their tiny shells breaking and the soft sucking sound of their bodies being crushed beneath the Hynerian's teeth. All of a sudden his own meal was not sitting too comfortably inside him. He got up hastily. Aeryn looked up at him from across the table.

"Have to visit the bathroom." He mumbled not meeting her eyes.

Zhaan watched him go with a half smile on her face. She looked at Rygel. Rygel plastered an innocent look on his face and got back to what he did best. Eating.

Crichton threw up, he could not help it. "Man, that was GROSS." He felt slightly embarrassed that he had reacted so strongly. After all, he had not even batted an eye the first time he had seen Rygel tuck into Hynerian Marjohls and they were a lot bigger. The Uncharted Territories version of escargot but without the garlic. Yuck. Half the things Rygel put in his mouth, Crichton would be too squeamish to step on.

* * * * *

Later he walked into command to see what was going on, if anything, and how everyone was doing. They were all there. Even old frog-face. Aeryn was checking the readings on one of the consoles, Zhaan was in conversation with D'Argo. Chiana had just finished speaking to Rygel when Crichton entered the room. She looked his way, angled her head and gave him a smile. He could not help smiling back. She was the sister he had never had, even though he had two back home. He was not back home and somehow having Chiana around made him feel better. Made Moya feel more like home. She came over to him and watched his face carefully. "How you feeling, old man?"

He put a hand on his stomach and his smile dimmed a little at his weakness. "Better. I don't usually throw up so easily, Pip."

She gave a little shake of her head, amused. "I didn't mean that."

"Then what did you mean?"

"Down on the planet. You know. When you offended those people."

"I still feel bad about that that. I should know better. Mama Crichton never brought me up to judge people out of hand just by appearances."

"You mean you're sorry, *really* sorry?"

He looked surprised. "Of course, Chi. I was sorry the microt I realised what I'd done."

"You sure?" She added softly.

He thought about it then he realised what she meant. "No." His voice lowered. "I was laughing, making a joke to D'Argo about it. It wasn't until the Krr, whatever it's called, came over to me and spoke that I was ashamed of myself." He gave her a rueful look. "Not exactly a perfect first contact situation was it Pip?"

She smiled gently at him and give him a kiss on the cheek. "You'll live."

Without lifting his head he gave her a little warning look. "Living dangerous aren't you Pip?" He said softly.

They both knew he meant Aeryn. Even though he had not been able to make much headway with the volatile Sebacean, she definitely got very uptight if Chiana made any move in his direction. Both knew that was partly why she did it. But only partly. She really liked him. So what if it made Aeryn mad? Might do her some good.

"Don't worry about me, old man. Watch yourself."

Then she was gone and Crichton looked up to find Aeryn staring right back at him. He did not know what to do so he smiled. She frowned then turned her shoulder on him and faced the front again. He caught Ka D'Argo's eyes but the big Luxan gave him a look he could not fathom. Fine. So Aeryn wasn't talking to him again. What else was new? He left command and went for a walk. He needed a break but he could hardly get one of those aboard the leviathan and he was fed up apologising every couple of microts for some seeming offence he had caused to the permanently pissed-off Aeryn Sun. Even when she smiled at him he could feel the knife edge hidden in her eyes waiting to cut him the microt he slipped. Oh yeah, being around Areyn was nothing but fun. On her good days. He shoved his hands in his pockets and followed the tiers down. They were still in orbit around Nymena. Zhaan had said something about having visitors. He figured that any visitors would not be coming to see him. He always seemed to put his foot in it. He carried on walking, not really caring where he was going just so long as he had
a little time alone.

Back in Command D'Argo took Chiana to one side. They left Command and walked a little way down the corridor before the big Luxan spoke. "You should stop doing that Chiana."

Her head jerked quickly to form an oblique angle to his face. "What?"

"What you are doing with Crichton."

"I'm not doing anything with him."

"Yes, you are. You are flirting."

She saw nothing wrong with that. "Hey, I like him."

D'Argo's eyes narrowed. "You like everyone."

She smiled. "Not everyone, just the men."

"I *had* noticed." His deep voice flattened out. "So has Aeryn."

Her smile did not shine quite so bright. Something flashed deep in her dark eyes. "Yeah well if Aeryn cares she should say so. Do something about it."

"That is not your business Chiana."

"Oh no? Well I *like* John. And he really likes Aeryn but what does she do? She treats him like dren. You should see the hurt on his face sometimes. He doesn't say anything but it's there. She leads him around by the mivonks then drops him like a squashed bleethik before doing anything about it. Me? I'd tell her to stop pleeking around. I would not stand around and let her do it to me again and again."

"In case you hadn't noticed Chiana, there is nowhere to go on this ship. You cannot simply ignore people."

"Oh yeah?" Said Chiana getting really angry now. "Try telling that to Aeryn!"

D'Argo watched her storm off down the corridor and sighed.

* * * * *

Crichton was on the lowest tier. Fitting seeing how low he felt right now. He leaned against a wall and was deep in thought when he slowly became aware he was not alone. He turned his head and was surprised to see Aeryn. He cautiously straightened but otherwise did not move. "Hey, what brings you down here?"

"I came looking for you."

The directness of the answer surprised him. "I thought you were avoiding me."

"I was angry with you."

He had noticed she was angry with him a lot. He had no idea why. Maybe it was a Sebacean thing or he caught her on the wrong end of her female cycle? Whatever it was he was doing it sure as hell was *not* intentional. A slight smile quirked up her lips. He found himself smiling back. "What?"

"You are a strange creature, Crichton."

He hated it when she called him that but this time there was no sting to her words. She sounded almost affectionate. He liked that. Maybe the permafrost was beginning to melt? A little? "Um yeah, I guess I am." He paused. "Why did you come looking for me?"

She moved into his space, bodies almost touching, her eyes fastened on his with an intensity that made his breath catch. Her proximity was not helping his eratic heartbeat either. "To apologise."

Now he *knew* he was dreaming. Aeryn apologise? For-get-it. The next thing he knew she was kissing him. So softly, so gently, that he was responding before he realised he had a scorpion by the tail. Uh oh, did not want to get stung. Not again. He forced himself to pull back slightly. "Aeryn, are you sure?"

"Haven't we wasted enough time?"

At the confusion in his eyes she pressed up against him, laughter in her eyes, almost daring him to push her away. Oh yeah, like his brain could function with no atmosphere. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. Aeryn dipped her head and closed the gap. The universe stopped spinning, all the stars went out and gravity became something that happened to other people. He was floating, he was in Heaven, oh Lord he had died and not even known it. The kiss deepened, Aeryn could not seem to get enough of him and he was more than willing to oblige. Like a starved man at an oasis he was not about to turn down the gift of water so he drank and drank and drank, savouring every drop, everything about the beautiful woman in his arms. Her hands coaxing him to do things he had only dreamt about in his college days. Talk about direct. There was no fumbling with Aeryn. When she wanted something she went right for it and nothing, *nothing* was allowed to stand in her way. Maybe recreation was nothing special to her but it was to him. He wanted to slow her down, take his time, be gentle, be part of the process not just the main course.

Naturally, he did not get his way. Also naturally, he had no complaints about Aeryn's way either. They made love standing up first. That was kind of weird. She had him stripped and primed in less time that it took to boil an egg, then he was leaning back against Moya's walls with Aeryn doing the kind of things to him that even his father had never warned him about. Oh God. He had found his Holy Grail. She was insatiable once she got going and Crichton gave his all, everything he had, everything he was, he laid at the altar of the radiant Aeryn Sun. And she took it. All of it and drowned him in one ecstasy after another until he could hardly breathe. So this was oxygen deprivation? As if he cared. At last they relaxed long enough to catch their breath. They were lying on the floor now, Crichton on his back, Aeryn draped over him and fitting against his curves and mounds as if they came from two halves of the same mould. Weird. Beautiful. Perfect. His mind was on overload. His body was way passed that. He was wasted. He was drawing a hand through her hair, her beautiful lush hair. She was watching him closely. Did the woman never relax? As he thought the thought she softened against him. Man, that was... good. Almost like she knew what he was thinking, but that was impossible right? Sebaceans weren't telepathic were they? A thought struck him. He groaned inwardly and closed his eyes. Without realising it he fell into a deep sleep. When he woke up he was alone and dressed, lying in a corridor on the lowest tier. He leaned his head back on the floor and closed his eyes, sorrow flooding his aching heart. It had been just a dream. A beautiful, incredible dream. How could he possibly delude himself into thinking that Aeryn cared for him? Hadn't she taken every opportunity to show him the opposite? Oh yeah, way to go John. Face it man, with Aeryn you are the Uncharted Territories most unwanted.

* * * * *

The next solar day Moya moved out of Nymena's orbit. D'Argo had noticed that Crichton did not take his meals with them. In fact the human had been far too quiet for the last twenty arns. He checked Command but there was no sign of the human. Zhaan was talking to Aeryn, the two looked up as he poked his head through the door. "Have you seen Crichton?"

They shook their heads and he disappeared down the corridor. He checked his room but he was not there. He could have asked Pilot but Pilot might think something was wrong so he made his way to the module to see if his friend was working on the Farscape 1. Still no sign of him. He frowned. That did not leave many places he could be. He sighed softly. The Terrace. When he got there the human was sitting with his back to the door, staring out at the stars. For a few microts D'Argo just watched him. The human was so quiet, relaxed and calm here. As if this was the one place he could just let down all his defences and be himself. D'Argo found himself reluctant to intrude. To his surprise Crichton spoke, he did not even turn his head.

"If you're gonna come in D'Argo, come in."

The Luxan frowned. "How did you know it was me?"

"You may be light on your feet big guy, but a Luxan male still smells like a Luxan male."

He was not offended but secretly impressed. He had not known that the human could distinguish individual scents. Perhaps he had underestimated this lesser species? He joined him and looked out at the stars for a microt before speaking his mind. "You have not been joining us for meals."

Crichton shrugged. "Don't worry I'm eating."

"What is this about?"

Crichton looked up at him. "What is what about?"

D'Argo rolled his eyes slowly to take in the Terrace then looked at Crichton again. "This. Something is troubling you."

He sighed. "That obvious?"

D'Argo almost smiled. He sat next to the human and waited.

"I feel like everything I do is wrong, D'Argo. I try so hard and I get nowhere."

"That is not true."

"It feels true."

"You are talking about Aeryn."

Painful pause. "What about Aeryn?"

"You love her."

The surprise on Crichton's face turned to bitterness. An emotion the Luxan had never seen on his friend's face before. "Hell, I don't even *know* her D'Argo! And the way she carries on I'm never likely to."

D'Argo frowned at him. His voice serious. "If you act like that you don't deserve to. Feeling sorry for yourself is not the way of a warrior."

"How many times do I have to tell you I am *not* a warrior? I am a scientist."

"Then," Growled D'Argo as he leaned in close to Crichton. "Solve this problem like a scientist but DO something! If you have truly given up then you do not deserve Aeryn. Accept that and move on."

Stunned, Crichton watched D'Argo get up and walk out of the Terrace. He rubbed his thumb slowly back and forth across his bottom lip. "Well, I'll be damned."

* * * * *

He found her later in the gym. Watched her for a while, noting the thin sheen of perspiration on her skin as she worked out, her movements fluid and graceful. She was not even breathing heavily. He slowly stepped into her line of vision. She faltered just a little then struck out at the punch bag with renewed vigor. "What do you *want* Crichton."

"Something I can't have." He said.

She stopped and looked at him. His mood was.... strange. Subdued. He was not smiling. Was something wrong with him? "How do you know you cannot have it?"

"Because it is something that has to be given not taken."

"Given?" She asked, puzzled by his words. Troubled by his mood.

He stepped closer. "Yeah. You know, like when you make a friend and you do things for each other."

"You want a friend?"

Her words hurt without intending to. She saw a flicker of pain in his eyes that she did not understand. Something told her this was serious. He had not answered her question. Another oddity in this curious being. "What is wrong with you Crichton?"

He did not know whether to throw back his head and laugh or just cry. Instead he did nothing. He decided on the truth. "You."

A simple word. Translatable in any dictionary yet Aeryn seemed to be having trouble understanding him. "Me? What in the name of Cholok are you talking about?"

His voice dropped to little more than a whisper. So full of pain and longing that it cut through to her heart. "Not your fault Aeryn. I took one look at you and from that microt on I was lost."

"What has this to do with me?" She asked softly. When he did not answer she raised a hand and touched the side of his face, wondering at the little silver tears that broke ranks and began to slid soundlessly down his cheek. His beautiful cheek. "John? What is wrong? Tell me."

Her words almost broke him. "I care for you, Aeryn."

He stopped and seemed to run out of words. Or maybe he was waiting to see what her response would be. She was confused by this strange male but drawn to him also. He challenged everything she had once been. Turned all her ideas and preconceptions inside out and now he was here, dismantling every barricade she had been unconsciously building between them. "I care for you too but I don't understand why you are here. Now."

His eyes were watching hers. So solemn. So gentle. Such a vivid blue. "I want us to be friends, Aeryn."

She nodded slowly. Fine. She could do that. "We are friends."

He was silent a microt. "Good friends." He emphasised.

"How good?"

"Good enough that one day, when you're ready, we can become more."

More. There was that word again. Did he have any idea what he was doing to her? She felt her eyes prick with the threat of tears. He cradled her face in his gentle hands. He was so beautiful and she really did care about him. But it was impossible. He was an alien. Not even her own species. Why couldn't he see that? Then his lips brushed hers. So gently, so slowly. She tasted him and felt her mind reel, her body sing, her heart open into something that both thrilled and frightened her. His tongue dipped lightly inside her surprised mouth, touched hers fleetingly. Then he was moving away from her. Cold empty space took up the absence of his presence and she was missing him before he had even reached the door. A sudden flash of anger swept through her. How dare he! She stormed after him and spun him round to face her. He just looked at her, his cheeks still wet with tears, and all her anger evaporated. All that was left was the taste of his lips on hers. His beautiful lips.

"You left without waiting for my response." She said softly.

He said nothing. His eyes searching hers. She gave him a tiny secret smile then kissed him. Not the chaste kiss of a friend. Not the functional kiss politeness demanded but a kiss of sleeping passion. His heart leapt and his arms wrapped gently around her. She drew him back into the room, her kiss becoming fiercer as if this was a battle she was determined to win. She pulled away from him just long enough to tell him what he needed to know. "I care for you John Crichton and every part of my training tells me it is wrong to do so. You are not Sebacean. I cannot recreate with you but when I am close to you it is the only thing I want. The one thing I cannot have."

His eyes widened slightly then that smile, that wonderful dazzling look of joy lit up his face and he whooped with delight, spinning her around in his arms. She frowned but the look disolved in the warmth of his happiness. How could any creature have such joy, such passion, in such effortless abundance? He kissed her, framed her face with his gentle hands, stroked her eyes with his look. She caught her breath at the love she found there. Hezmana. The human loved her! Then she was kissing him back and suddenly her training did not seem to be as relevant as it had been before. After all she was already irreversibly contaminated.

* * * * *

Zhaan smiled at Crichton when he came into the mess hall for his meal. Everybody was there and Aeryn even made room for him beside her. He smiled. Today was a good day to be alive. He had not felt this happy since falling through the wormhole. He looked at Zhaan as he piled his plate with foodcubes and joined Aeryn. "How did the visit go, Zhaan?"

Her smiled widened, eyes gentle. So wise. So knowing. "I was about to ask you the same question."

Crichton crunched on a foodcube, careful to pick a seat that did not face Rygel this time. He would *not* be making that mistake again. "Why ask me, I never saw anybody."

The others looked at each other. Slightly amused looks passed between them. He frowned and looked at Zhaan. "What? I miss the punchline or something?"

"John, the Krr'lyk'mar were most insistent. They wanted to see you. That was why they came aboard."

He went pale. Oh no. Not them. "What did you tell them?"

She gave a little shrug. "I told them where you were of course."

His voice had gone oddly flat. His food forgotten. "Where was I?"

They were all staring at him now but he did not care. He had to know. Zhaan tilted her head. "I had Pilot confirm your position. You were on the lowest tier."

He closed his eyes. When he opened them again he was silently praying he was wrong. "That was a Krr'lyk'mar I saw?"

A sudden thought occurred to D'Argo. "John, you do know that the Krr'lyk'mar are telepathic shape shifters?"

He closed his eyes again. He felt suddenly very faint. Ill even. Aeryn put a hand on his arm. Zhaan went over to him, a worried look on her face. "Are you alright John?"

He opened his eyes. "Just shoot me now." He mumbled.

Chiana tilted her head first one way then the other. "What happened?"

He ignored the question, his eyes on Zhaan. "Zhaan, did they say why they wanted to see me?"

"Yes. They said they had a gift for you."

He groaned inwardly. A gift. More like a punishment. "A gift? They said that?"

She was puzzled. "Yes, of course. Even though you insulted them they realised you had not intended it as an insult. Your reaction needed to be.... corrected."

His eyes widened. "Corrected?"

D'Argo put a hand on Crichton's shoulder. "The gifts of the Krr'lyk'mar are not like other gifts, John. They are pieces of wisdom. Thoughts. Visions. A sharing of emotions. They are given rarely."

"Why couldn't they just send me a card?"

Blank looks reflected back at him. He sighed. Chiana was curious. "What gift did they give you?"

He looked at all their faces avoiding looking at Aeryn. "They taught me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

Their puzzled looks almost made him smile. He looked at Aeryn. Just how much of what had happened had been real? He saw something like mischief sparkle in her eyes but it was so fleeting he could have imagined it. He looked at D'Argo. "You were right, big D. They deserve more respect." He cast his eyes slowly around them all, giving the Dominar the faintest hint of a nod to include him too. "Everybody does."

Chiana shook her head and went back to her food. The normal buzz of conversation resumed. Aeryn looked at Crichton. "You really are most odd, Crichton." She said softly. But the sting was taken out of her words by the hand she placed over his and the light in her eyes touching the sleeping giant of love in his heart. Silently he blessed the Krr'lyk'mar. And vowed to learn his lesson well.

END