Work Text:
Another Little PIece Of My Heart
A "Farscape" story
Written by Alison M. DOBELL
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He could not sleep. The fractured shades of night splitting off from the darkness like unquiet souls hounding him. His heart ached, his body feeling every blow as if a physical pain but the blows were phantoms only. Echoes of love unrequited smiting his gentle heart. He loved her so much. Not only in her rare moments of quiet serenity when little pockets of peace invaded her warrior's soul like curious tourists sneaking beneath her armour, but also in her varying forms of fury. Her brittle impatience wounding him unawares, without thought as she passed, certainly devoid of any malice aforethought. Every thing about her was glorious. He knew every line of her face, every mood that stirred in the dark depths of her lustrous eyes. Her scent intoxicated him, drove him nuts with his desire for her. Yet she knew it not. Never realised his presence was incomplete without her beside him. The parting microts that marked the cadence of their time aboard Moya left him bleeding in the night. The incongruity of his sense of loss left all else vapid when her shining presence was absent. Not for all eternity would he tell her.
His laughter had a bitter edge. The sound hollow and aching like his heart. His father would have told him he had not raised his son to be a coward. To simply tell her. Would have quoted *Faint heart never won a fair lady* but that was not fair, dad. You had to know Aeryn to know there was more to it than that. Sure, he was afraid. Terrified more like. Not of telling her how he felt but of getting the timing wrong. Of scaring her away. Of blowing his one chance at true happiness. He had loved Alex but it was in a different class to this. Like comparing a grain of sand with a diamond. In some ways he would miss Alex for she would forever be part of his memories. Part of his past. There would be times when he would remember the hurt that she had chosen Stanford over him. Always wonder what it would have been like had she stayed. But they would be passing thoughts unable to cast a shadow into his future and hurt him any longer. Made powerless by a more vibrant, more encompassing love. One undreamed of but no less divine. He did not want to make any mistakes with Aeryn. Did not want her chosing anyone else over him. He wanted her and no one else. Wanted her so bad that he would wait until the last star fell from the sky if that was what it took. He was in love. Hopelessly. Helplessly, in love and there was not a damn thing he could about it. So he would wait. Until she came to him.
Rubbing his eyes he sat up. Acknowledged that sleep would not come. Reddened eyes took on the shape of his dreams, imagining her at every turn of his head, in every soft sound of the living ship. Moya's heartbeat was her voice, sighing and murmuring like a cloak of radiant beauty all around him. It touched him, moved his soul. Stole another little piece of his heart. He dressed in sweats and jogged to the Terrace. Unbelievably tired but so restless. He sat and gazed out at the limpid stars, finding a momentary peace in a sight that never failed to move him. He did not hear her come in. Was unaware of her until she paused beside him, her voice soft and hushed as if he were asleep and she were afraid of waking him. "You should be sleeping." She murmured.
He smiled gently for her. Always for her. "Couldn't."
She gave a little muted grunt and looked passed him. Not pressing him to explain. He turned to look out at the stars again, for a moment taking a ridiculous pleasure in sharing this simple act with her. Knowing she was gazing on the selfsame stars that he was. His heart did a little flip. Man, he had it bad. <Oh Aeryn, could you ever love me? Would you even want to learn?>
He sighed not knowing any sound had passed his lips. The longing of his heart so close to sorrow that she turned her head and studied him. Saw the weariness and something like an echo of pain that moved her closer to him. An automatic thing. As unrehearsed as breathing. "Are you alright, Crichton?"
Turning his head he looked at her. "Yeah, sure Aeryn."
She sat down beside him and mimicked his pose, legs drawn up against her chest, arms across the top of her knees. She looked again at the stars. "I always took them for granted."
"Took what for granted?" He was watching her eyes. Loving how they glittered as she spoke as if they produced a light all of their own. A spark bright enough to dazzle everything else in his universe.
"The stars." She looked at him. He caught his breath. "I never really saw them. I knew they were there of course, as a Peace Keeper they were as familiar to me as the hair upon my head, but it was a background that had always been there. I saw nothing remarkable in them."
He had to make a conscious effort to breathe. "And now?" He asked softly.
"Now," She said, quiet and thoughtful and just for a moment entering his quiet passion where the wonder and awe of creation touched him deepest. "Now it's as if I am seeing them for the first time." She paused and smiled slowly, gently, an unconscious gift. "You did that. You *gave* me that, Crichton."
<And I would give you so much more, Aeryn, more than the stars. More than anything you could possibly imagine. Give me the right to love you and I will show you so many things. I will love you more than you have ever been loved before. Teach you, learn from you, cherish you in my heart forever>
He longed to reach out. To touch her. To love her. To make her his. She seemed to sense something unspoken between them but lacked the experience to know what it was or the skill to communicate her awakening senses. She was so aware of him and that in itself was strange. He was very odd. Unlike any being she had ever met before. A mass of contradictory traits that baffled yet drew her to him. She did not pretend to understand him yet when they were together, like this, he seemed the one person she understood the most. It confused her. Pleased her. Made her wary. These were uncharted waters and she was only just learning to swim. He smiled at her and her thoughts became vapour. "What?"
"I was just thinking."
She snorted softly. Amused. "It makes a change from just *talking*."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I have never known another species talk as incessantly as you do, Crichton."
"I do not."
"Yes. Yes, you do."
He looked at her and smiled again. "Aren't you going to ask me what I'm thinking about?"
"Why would I want to do that?"
She saw his smile falter. His eyes steady in their regard. Fathomless orbs that contained another universe, another world that she was only dimly becoming aware of. It was as if a door was opening, inviting her in. That was foolish. Impossible. She was just tired.
"Aeryn, don't you ever wish things were different?"
She frowned. "Different? How?"
"That you could snap your fingers and all the problems would just go away?"
"We all wish that, Crichton."
"Yeah, but imagine if you could really do that. Just for a microt." He paused, watching her intently, his voice becoming very soft. "What would you put in its' place?"
A shiver of something went through her. As if his eyes had drawn her in. In through that beckoning doorway, now open wide. Innocent. Guileless. How did he do that? What was it about him that made her feel naked right down to her soul? She did not move, did not speak. Their eyes communicating on a level that needed no words, no translator microbes, only each other. He touched her face so gently, felt the stir of his warm breath on her cheek as he brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. He paused. As if asking permission to be this close to her. She said nothing, waiting for him to tell her what was on his mind. His hand turned against her cheek so he could stroke it gently with the back of his hand. She wanted to close her eyes, to luxuriate in his gentle touch, but she did not want to look away from him. To deny herself the pleasure of looking into his eyes. He looked tired.
"Crichton."
"Mmmm?"
"You really should get some sleep."
"Oh yeah, I'll sleep sunshine." He said, allowing his lips to dust hers with the faintest whisper of a kiss. He pulled back to see her reaction.
"What are you doing?"
She still did not get it but that was alright. Her eyes were warm, faintly puzzled but not hostile. He might not have won any ground but at least he had not lost any. That was something. "Just wishing you good night, Aeryn."
She watched him get to his feet and followed suit. It was time she went to check on Pilot anyway. She looked at him and noticed he seemed happier in some vague way she could not explain. It made her glad. "Goodnight, Crichton."
He left. His heart lighter. How could it be otherwise when every time he saw her another piece deserted him to rest in her? As he made his way back along Moya's corridors to his converted cell a DRD watched him pass, lightstalks waving gently as if to acknowledge his presence. He waved back and hummed gently. Hoping that someday soon he would be able to go to Aeryn and reclaim the pieces back from her. The same day he hoped she would give him hers...
END