Work Text:
Apples and Oranges
by Aries
"Are you ashamed of what we have together?"
The slice of pizza that Mulder was lifting to his mouth almost fell out of his hand. He looked up at the other man, blinking twice.
"What?"
"Are you ashamed of..."
"I heard you, I just don't know why you'd ask that."
Ignorning his own pizza, Alex lifted one shoulder and let it drop. His eyes shifted down to his knee, studying the worn denim dispassionately. "Been thinking about it."
"*Why*?"
"I don't know, I...we've been together for almost seven months now, and you've yet to tell Scully about us and...we never leave your apartment."
"W...where do you want to go?"
"Out. Dinner. A movie. Something."
Long silence.
"I haven't found the right time to tell Scully."
"There'll never be a right time."
"There will."
"No, there won't. Because you'll never look for one." Alex rose to his feet and walked over to the window, looking down into the dark street. "I know what I was, but..."
"So do I," Mulder interrupted.
"But you're not comfortable with it. You never will be." Alex shook his head. "This isn't working. It...it can't work."
Mulder pushed himself off of the sofa and came up behind the other man.
"Alex...what are you saying? Where the hell is this coming from?"
"I'm saying...I'm saying I think we need to take another look at what we're doing here."
"I didn't realize you were dissatisfied with what we have."
"I'm not dissatisfied with what he have...which is sex." He turned to face Mulder. "Sex is *all* we have. I never would have thought that I'd need more. I never have, but..."
Mulder waited.
"It's different."
"What is?"
"With you. It's...I want..." Alex sighed heavily and closed his eyes, turning again to the window.
Mulder's brows drew down into a frown.
"Tell me."
Alex shook his head. "Nevermind. It doesn't matter."
"To who?"
"Whoever. You. Me. The fucking world."
Alex turned and stepped around the other man, moving toward the door.
"Wait. Alex...where are you going?"
"It's getting late."
Mulder paused for a minute, waiting until Alex reached for his jacket to speak.
"Stay."
Alex froze at the door then turned to face the older man.
"Stay the night. It's Saturday, and..."
"And you don't have to worry about Scully walking in and catching us?"
"I was *going* to say that I didn't have to be up early."
Alex shook his head and reached for the knob.
"*Alex*."
Soft sigh. "What?"
"You can't just drop this in my lap then waltz out without discussing it."
"Okay. Let's discuss it." Alex let go of the door and came back into the room, stopping several feet from Mulder. "I'll start. You're sleeping with a former triple agent, liar, thief, assassin. The very same one who'd been a thorn in your side for years. Your partner and friends would have you committed in a heartbeat if they knew, and you aren't especially proud of yourself. So, you hide it.
"I come over at night, I leave before morning, and as long as we keep it that way, your dirty little secret is safe."
"Is that what you think you are?" Mulder asked, disbelieving. "My dirty little secret?"
Alex's silence was his answer.
"Do I make you feel that way? Really?"
More silence.
"Then why am I just hearing about this now?"
"I kept telling myself that you just needed time. But in seven months not a thing has changed."
"I..." Mulder stammered. "What do you want me to do?"
Alex stared for long moments then lowered his gaze.
"Nothing."
Mulder watched him turn and again head to the door.
"*Alex*."
Again he stopped just short of opening the door. This time he didn't turn around.
"Don't go. I don't want you to go."
"But you don't want me to stay," Alex said softly.
"I *asked* you to stay," Mulder argued.
"For tonight. Because it's Saturday."
Mulder approached the younger man, sliding his hands up and down the leather-covered back.
"No. Not just tonight. Alex, I...I never thought that you weren't satisfied with what we have. I didn't think you'd wanted any more. I honestly didn't think that it bothered you that I haven't told Scully, and that we don't go out. I didn't realize that you wanted that kind of a relationship..."
"It doesn't matter what I want," Alex murmured, still not facing the other man. "Not if you don't want it too."
Mulder grasped Alex by his shoulders and spun him around.
"You don't know what I want."
"You're right about that."
"What I mean is," Mulder began, exasperated, "just like I had no idea that this was how you felt, you have no idea how *I* feel."
"Okay," Alex said to Mulder's chest. "How do you feel?"
"First of all, I am *not* ashamed." Mulder shrugged. "A little scared, maybe."
"Scared of what?"
"This isn't your ordinary, everyday relationship, Alex. I've never done this before. So much can go wrong."
"Yeah. People could find out. They could look at you like you're crazier than they already think you are. *Worse*, your sainted partner could be so disgusted that she drops you on the spot."
"Could you blame Scully if she flipped out?"
"It's not Scully's reaction that I care about," Alex said flatly. "It's your reaction to *her* reaction."
"My reaction to her reaction," Mulder repeated.
"Yeah. You care more about your relationship with her than your relationship with me. And you can't run the risk of upsetting her or pissing her off or whatever."
"Alex...my relationship with her and my relationship with you are apples and oranges. You can't compare them. The way I care about you is so completely different than the way I care about her and..."
"Cut it out, Fox, okay?" Alex broke in. There was no anger in his voice. "You know what I mean. You're just rambling to get out of actually having to face the truth." He laughed softly. "Funny. You running away from 'the truth'."
"That's *not* what I'm doing," Mulder said then spun away from Alex and went for the phone.
"What're you doing?" Alex asked quietly, already sure of what the answer would be.
"Calling Scully. You think I can't handle her reaction?" He began to punch in the numbers. "Let's see."
As he hit the last number, he heard the soft click of the door. He spun around quickly and let his arm drop, hand still clutching the phone. Staring at the empty space where Alex had been, he didn't hear the sound of the voice on the other end.
"Hello? Mulder? Mulder, are you there? Mulder?"
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