Work Text:
The Beach
By EJKatz
The beach was deserted. Of course the rain could have something to do with that. Storm warnings had been shown all over the news for the last couple of days announcing light rain turning to heavy deluge by late afternoon and if this was light rain, he almost hated to think what heavy deluge would be like.
He drew the edges of his jacket closer together, trying to keep a modicum of heat inside but it wasn't really working. He supposed he could go home but he wasn't ready to face that yet. Jim would still be at work for a few more hours and there were just some things that could be thought more clearly in the rain.
Blair smothered a giggle at the thought of himself sitting in the pouring rain, thinking. Cold and wet was his world. He hated being cold or wet but put the two together and he was miserable, unless... Well, when there was thinking involved, the rain was the best place to think. There was something calming, soothing even, about thinking in the rain.
His thoughts were rambling. That was really the problem. He had one big... BIG... issue he had to work out. An issue that had been building for some time now and he just didn't have a clue where to begin solving it.
He looked out towards the ocean, wet hair slapping against his cheek as he tried to shake the heavy curls out of his face. This was more depressing than helping. Maybe it would be better to go home. He could start a fire in the fireplace and get the place nice and warm and toasty before Jim got home. He could make a nice dinner, maybe Jim's favourite, lasagne. Some wine, candles. Yeah, and end up with his butt out in this freezing rain, permanently.
Ahh, there it was. The Dilemma. Yes, with a capital 'D'. He wanted the wine and candles. With Jim. He wanted more than the three years of friendship with Jim. He wanted forever.
The question was not just 'do I tell?' but rather 'how do I tell?'. Blair sighed, deeply. His heart ached with the pain of it. He couldn't even remember when or how it had happened but he'd fallen head over heels in love with his very male roommate. He'd never even considered a same sex relationship before, but he found that with Jim, he couldn't not think of it.
Oh, sure, Jim was gorgeous, with a hard body that just wouldn't quit. But it was more than that. In all the years they'd been friends, working together, living together, it was impossible not to have noticed the little things. Things like Jim putting doors onto his room to give him not only privacy, but to let him know he was welcome to stay as long as he wanted. Things like Jim adding an extra quilt to his bed while he slept, because he was cold.
Jim took care of him in so many little ways, and Blair couldn't help but see and feel the love in those gestures. His Dilemma came with the kind of love being exhibited - brotherly or dare he hope for more?
This wouldn't be the first time he'd come here to work out a problem. It was just that this was the problem he could not come up with a solution for. This was the third time in the last week that he'd mulled over this same problem. Not only was he no closer to a solution, the problem had gotten worse. His feelings for Jim were getting harder and harder to contain. Soon, it would be impossible to hide his attraction from its source. When that happened... well, he didn't even want to consider what might happen then. However, that brought the Dilemma back full circle.
He barely noticed his shivering increasing as the weather grew more foul. His thoughts were focused so far inside that he didn't even notice the time that had passed. His despair was that all - consuming. His grief was almost overwhelming.
A shadow passing in front of him brought him back to himself as the warm weight of a blanket was thrown over his shoulders and a warm weight came to rest beside him.
"You've been here a while, Chief. They must be very deep thoughts." Jim's warm cadence filled his ears. His heart warmed at the tone and words.
"Yeah, I guess. You're early?"
"Actually, I'm late. Was surprised to find you not home." Jim was watching him. He could feel the concern in the pale blue eyes that rarely missed a thing.
"God, Jim. I'm sorry. I meant to have dinner ready and a fire and..."
"Whoa, Chief. Relax. I ordered Thai when I figured this is where you were. If we start back now, it will give you just enough time to have a hot shower and warm up a little before it gets here. We can talk after dinner, okay?"
" 'k." Blair nodded as Jim helped him to his feet. His whole body felt numb and he realized a lot more time had passed than he'd thought. They walked the block and a half from the beach to the loft slowly. A fire already blazed in the fireplace and the heat was up, providing an oasis from the cold.
"Go, have a shower. Use up the tank; I'll have mine in the morning." Jim told him, pushing Blair towards the bathroom.
Half an hour later, when he emerged from the steam-filled room, the heavenly scent of Thai food met him. It didn't take long before he was full and comfortable. He'd probably end up with a cold from his hours spent in the rain but it would be worth it if his decision panned out. Tonight he would take a chance and tell Jim how he felt. Maybe, just maybe Jim could and did return those feelings.
Tonight, he would know one way or the other.
End?