Chapter Text
Advocate Of Evil
By Georgie
*TEASER*
OPEN ON SECRETART GENERAL MCGATH'S OFFICE
( McGath is sitting reading through some officaial looking papers. There is a look of concentration on his face )
ASSISTANT
( V/O through intercom )
Sir, your new head of public relations is on the vid-com for you.
MCGATH
( sigh )
Thank you Cynthia, put her through.
( An irritatingly cheerful looking young woman with long bleach-blond hair and bright red lipstick appears on the McGath's screen. She has the air of a cheerleader/ airline hostess )
SLATE
( Doing a 'Miss. America' type smile )
Oh, thankyou Arfie! I just love my new job! Everyone has been so nice to me and this wonderful big office is just to-die-for!
MCGATH
( Looking slightly uncomfortable, like he's doing something he shouldn't be )
Sarah, I thought we agreed. This is business now, so icksney on the Arfie-ey.
SLATE
( Still bouncy )
Sorry, sweetheart, but I have a surprise for you.
MCGATH
( Not concerned, just curious )
Oh, and what would that be?
SLATE
( Very pleased with herself )
Well, I was looking through some of the newspapers and stuff that the last head of PR left lying around.. you know he was really quite untidy!.. and I don't know if you noticed, but it seems as though things are a little, urm..
( thinking hard )
.. not friendly between us and Macronesia.
MCGATH
*And they said she wasn't bright enough for the job!*
( Sarcastic )
Really!
( beat - slightly worried now )
Why? What have you done?
SLATE
( Almost swelling with pride )
Well, I thought that we me being 'Head of Public Relations' and all, that I should try and get everyone.. well, relating better. That means the UEO and Macronesia, and I thought, so.. what makes people get along better than anything else I know?
MCGATH
*Uh oh!*
What?
SLATE
( Grinning from ear to ear )
We're throwing a party, Arfie!!
MCGATH
( Almost falling off his chair )
WHAT!?!
SLATE
( Not noticing )
Oh, Arfie, it's gonna be great! There'll be a big dinner with champagne and everything and then after dessert, we can get everyone together and we could just all talk and get to know each other better. They'll be you, me, Mr. Bourne, some of our people and some of his and.. oh, yeah, I invited that nice Mr. Deon along as well. You though I hadn't noticed how you were always talking to him on the vid-link did you, well, I did! Oh, you should have seen their faces when I invited them all. They simply lit up with excitement!
MCGATH
*Please, please, let the earth open up and swallow me whole, please let a meteor strike and destroy the planet, please let aliens come down and take me off to another world, just please, tell me it's not true!*
Oh my God!
*Please, will somebody please just shoot me in the head, right now!!*
( A group of SITEOPAF < Stop Ignoring The Existence Of Psychics And Fish-men > protestors that can be seen in the courtyard outside the window all stop and turn towards McGath's office. They all grin evilly and reach for their guns. They are about to take aim and shoot when a convoy of transports mow them down. The transports do not appear to notice them )
MCGATH
( Angry now, self control and diplomacy out the window )
You invited the world powers to a dinner party and you didn't even _think_ to consult me first! Are you _completely_ stupid, woman?
SLATE
( Hurt )
I'm sorry, I wanted to surprise you. I have everything arranged!
( You can tell this is a big achievement for her )
I already booked the caterers, the hall.. I'm sorry Arfie, please don't be angry..
( crying now )
I'll contact everyone and cancel.
MCGATH
*What? Cancel something like this? The media will have a field day!*
( Quickly )
No, you can't do that! I mean..
( seeing her reaction - softer now, covering himself )
I mean.. you put so much effort into it.
( Sigh - thinking )
When and where is it? I need to select some personnel to take.
SLATE
( Slowly returning to cheery self. Mascara slightly smudged )
It's tonight at the Eden Colony. I hear it's really nice there.
MCGATH
( Loudly )
Tonight?
( Seeing slate's reaction )
Tonight.. that's, urm.. fine. The seaQuest is docked there..
( Realizing )
Oh, great, the seaQuest is docked there.
*Oh this is gonna be interesting. Me, Deon, Bourne and Hudson ( shudder ) trapped in a room all night.. surrounded by food and kitchen utensils!*
SLATE
Something wrong?
MCGATH
Uh, no.. I'll invite Captain Hudson ( shudder ) and his officers.
SLATE
Great, then it's settled! I'll see you later tonight, hunny!
( Slate flutters her fingers in a wave goodbye and cuts transmission. The vid-link fades to the UEO insignia )
MCGATH
( Officially, to secretary through intercom )
Cynthia, get Hudson ( shudder ) on the vid-com, secure channel..
( afterthought )
Oh, and send a memo to the personnel department as follows.. Interviews to be held Thursday for the position of Head of Public Relations..
*END TEASER*