Chapter Text
Disclaimer: I don't own the Dukes of Hazzard, or Designing Women, not making any money, just cheap thrills. All publicly recognizable characters belong to their respective creators.
Warnings: None
Rating: FRC
A/N: Designing Women was set in Atlanta and centered around the Sugarbaker Design Firm, an interior decorating house. It starred Dixie Carter as Julia Sugarbaker, head of the firm; Delta Burke as Suzanne Sugarbaker, her sister, often married, always to rich men, former beauty queen. She was in charge of sales; Annie Potts as Mary Jo Shively, a divorced mother of two who takes care of the designs and Jean Smart as Charlene Frazier, office manager. The four women pooled their resources, each of them an equal partner in the firm. They are helped by their delivery man, Anthony Bouvier, a wrongfully imprisoned ex-con played by Meeshach Taylor.
After Lulu's kidnapping, Boss promised to make it up to her. When Lulu tells him what she wants, will he live up to his promise? Takes place after the 6th season episode Lulu's Gone Away.
Crossover with Designing Women
Making A Silk Purse From A Hogg's Wallet
Chapter 1
Lulu Hogg was bored, something she wasn't used to at all. Normally she was quite busy, flitting from one social club to another. She was no less busy when at home. It took a lot of time to keep a man like J.D. Hogg fed and happy, not to mention the day to day housework. Since her kidnapping, she was finding it difficult to be content with her life. Oh she'd heard them talking, those awful people, about her boring life. Lulu had never really thought of her life as boring and stale. She'd taken comfort in the predictability of her life, but now she saw how wrong she had been. She needed change, but what could she do? It wasn't as though Hazzard offered a great deal of challenges, especially for a woman. Add to that, her status as the wife of J.D. Hogg and she was, in some ways, even more limited. Emma Tisdale could work as post mistress, and ride that motorcycle of her's, but not Lulu. Oh my no, it would never do for somebody like her to be seen doing something so out of the ordinary. Heaving a heartfelt sigh, she sat down on the sofa and picked up her new ladies magazine. Idly flipping through the pages, she wasn't really paying attention to the articles, as bored with this as she was everything else.
A splash of color caught her eye as she quickly flipped the pages. As she read the article, twice over to be sure she had understood it correctly, a smile spread over her face. Excitedly she pushed herself to her feet, hurrying to the hall table for her hat and purse. Settling her hat on her head, she picked up her handbag and rushed out the door.
J.D. Hogg looked up as the door of his office was flung open. The reprimand died on his lips when he saw his wife coming through the door, the light that had been missing, once again flashing in her eyes. "Lulu, sugarplum, what brings you down here?"
"J.D. honey did you mean what you said?"
"What I said?" Boss was confused. "I'm sorry buttercup, I don't know what you mean."
"When those awful people kidnapped me," she reminded him.
"Of course I meant it sugarplum," he quickly confirmed.
"Oh good, because I've found a way for you to make up for your behavior," she happily informed him.
Boss leaned back in his chair, bringing a fat cigar to his mouth, "Oh?"
"I found this wonderful article in my ladies magazine."
"That's nice, what was it about?" he asked, even as he was wondering how much this article was going to cost him.
"It was about interior decorating..."
"Absolutely not," Boss cut her off.
"But J.D. you said you wanted to make it up to me."
"I know sugarplum, but do you know how much that can cost? Besides, I'm very happy with the way our house looks, why do you want to change it?"
Lulu glared at him, her hands planted firmly on her ample hips. "J.D. Hogg, did you or did you not say that I was worth more to you than all the gold in Fort Knox?"
"Well yes buttercup I did, but..."
"And didn't you say you wanted to make up to me for your deplorable behavior?"
"Well yes, but cupcake isn't there a cheaper way for me to make it up to you?" he plead. J.D. gulped under her intense glare, certain that if she stared any harder he would burst into flames. "I mean, isn't there something else you'd rather do? Maybe you could," he stumbled, grasping for some idea that wouldn't cost him so much. "I know, I heard there's a fine cooking school in Atlanta, wouldn't you like to learn some fancy cooking?"
"J.D. Hogg, are you suggesting that my cooking needs to improve?" she demanded.
Boss swallowed, instantly seeing his mistake. "No surgarplum, of course not. You know I adore your cooking, I just thought maybe you'd like to learn some of that fancy stuff."
"I want to redecorate our home J.D.," she insisted, "and I know from the article there are interior decorators as close as Atlanta."
"You know buttercup, Atlanta hasn't been the same since Sherman's march," he began his pitch, "you don't know what kind of crazy ideas you'll hear." If he was going to have to pay for this, he was determined to get away as cheaply as possible. "Wouldn't you be more comfortable decorating our home yourself?"
"No J.D. I wouldn't," she firmly replied. "Why I wouldn't know the first thing about decorating a home," she innocently protested. She was well aware of what her husband was doing and she wasn't going to let him get away with it.
J.D. knew when he'd been beaten, "Alright my love I'll get you a list of decorators," he offered.
"No need to J.D., I'm sure I can find my own decorators," quickly refusing his offer. J.D. might think her to be a simple housewife, but she wasn't nearly as clueless as he often imagined her to be. She was well aware of what he was doing and had no intentions of letting him get away with it. "Don't you worry J.D., I'll keep the cost reasonable," she assured him as she hastily made her exit.
"Keep the cost reasonable," he groaned, knowing her definition of reasonable was much different from his.
"Hey Boss I just saw Lulu, she sure seemed awful happy," Rosco commented as he entered the office.
"Happy?" Boss growled. "Of course she's happy. What woman isn't when she's spending her husband's hard earned money."
"Ooooh, what did Lulu buy?" Rosco squealed like a little boy.
"She hasn't bought anything yet, but she's going to."
"Well what's she going to buy?"
"She's going to..." Boss bit off what he'd been about to say, his eyes narrowing at his brother-in-law. "Rosco," he snapped, "that's none of your business."
"Well now Boss, that's not strictly true. She is my sister after all," Rosco pointed out.
"That may be, but she's my wife and I'm not in the habit of discussing my fianances with underlings," Boss snapped. "What did you come in here for anyway?"
Rosco fidgeted uncomfortably, nervously twirling his hat in his hands. "I just came in to tell you that Jesse Duke snookered us."
"Snookered us? Snookered you, ya mean," Boss sneered.
"Um, yeah. The thing is Boss, he got his mortagage payment to the bank on time." Cringing, he waited for the explosion he knew was coming.
"Rosco can't you do anything right?" Boss roared.
"It wasn't my fault Boss," he protested.
"Of course not, it never is. How did he snooker you?"
"Well, um, I did just like ya said Boss. I had a safety checkpoint set up and when him and the boys came along in that orange clunker of theirs I stopped them. I checked everything I could think of, they were real cooperative. I kept them there until after three o'clock, just like you said."
"Rosco! If you kept them there until after three, how did Jesse make the payment on time?"
"Daisy," Rosco quietly replied. "She went a different route and took the payment to the bank while..."
"You and that dipstick deputy was busy with Jesse and them nephews of his," Boss finished for him.
"Yeah," Rosco confirmed, hanging his head lower.
Boss growled under his breath, his earlier good mood long gone thanks to his wife and brother-in-law.
"Boss?"
"What?"
"What did ya want me to do?"
"Find a brain," he snapped. "How so ever, there not being much chance of that, do ya think you could handle manning the speed trap on route 7?"
Rosco flinched, it always bothered him when Boss said things like that. "Yeah, I guess I can," he sullenly answered.
"Well then what are ya standing here for?"
Jamming his hat on his head, Rosco turned and left, mumbling under his breath as he wondered again why he had decided to turn crooked. Surely living on beans and taters wouldn't have been so bad, it dang sure couldn't be worse than this.
Atlanta: Sugarbaker's Design Firm.
"I am so glad that job is over with," Mary Jo sighed, sinking into the comfortable couch in their office.
"Me too," Charlene quickly agreed.
"What I want to know," Mary Jo began, sitting up straighter, "is who had the bright idea to offer two rooms for the price of one?"
Suzanne slapped the magazine she'd been reading down on the coffee table, "Oh you all just think it's so easy to drum up business for this place, don't you? Well let me tell you, it's not. I have to tolerate odious people who want a tastefully decorated home at Wal-mart prices every day. All of these magazines with helpful advice on decorating your home don't help either. Why every Suzy homemaker out there thinks she can decorate her own home, so why should she pay us? I have to come up with all sorts of little things to convince them to hire us and sometimes that means making them special offers."
"Yes Suzanne, we understand that," her older sister Julia drawled. "The problem is that we cannot afford to offer special deals of that nature. It's simply too costly," she added as she flipped through the mail. As the phone rang, she stepped away from the desk in order to continue the conversation.
"Sugarbaker's," Charlene brightly greeted the caller, "How may I help you?"
"Which is why I believe that you, Suzanne, need a refresher course in interior design and the costs involved."
"What do you mean a refresher course?" Suzanne pouted.
"I mean, sister dear, you are going to help us on our next job. Maybe after you see the amount of work involved and the cost of the materials and furnishings, you'll have a better understanding of why you must be careful with the deals you offer."
"Now Julia, you know I'm not any good at the things you all do," Suzanne protested.
"Don't you worry about that Suzanne, we'll help you," Julia smirked.
"Fine," Suzanne huffed. "I do my best for this firm, for all of you, and this is the thanks I get. I swear, some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed," she complained.
Mary Jo glanced at their delivery man, Anthony, quickly looking away as the look in his eye had her fighting back the urge to laugh. Ducking her head, she worked to get herself under control, knowing that it would only make Suzanne angrier if she let go with the laughter that was bubbling up inside. Thankfully just then Charlene hung up the phone, leaning back in her chair, shaking with laughter.
Julia turned back to the desk, eyeing the stout, attractive blonde, "What in the world?" Charlene didn't answer for a few minutes, leaving Julia further exasperated. "Charlene, what is wrong with you?"
"I'm sorry Julia," Charlene apologized, wiping at her eyes. "We have a new job y'all, an entire house this time," she smiled, knowing this would make them all happy. Well, maybe not Suzanne, but even she would be happy when she realized what they stood to make.
"That's wonderful news Charlene, but I fail to see the humor," Julia smiled.
"Well the job isn't funny of course," Charlene conceded. "The name of the client is though," she grinned.
"Alright, I'll bite," Mary Jo called out, knowing that's what Charlene wanted. "What's the name of the client?"
"I'm glad you asked Mary Jo," Charlene replied. "She lives in a little town called Hazzard, it's a couple of hours south of Atlanta. She seems like a very nice lady, apparently her husband is letting her redecorate the house to lift her spirits after she was recently kidnapped. You know this little town sounds like a really interesting place y'all, very colorful."
"Oh wonderful," Suzanne snipped. "Is this another one of those hillbilly places? Are we going to have to fight off advances from another Pappy and his clan of inbred sons?"
"No Suzanne it isn't, and we aren't," Charlene replied with a roll of her eyes.
"Charlene," Julia snapped, getting her attention. "What is her name?"
"Oh, sorry," Charlene mumbled. "Her name is Lulu Hogg," she grinned, trying to contain another chuckle.
"Oh my," Julia smiled, covering her mouth as she choked back her own laughter.
"That's terrible," Mary Jo chortled, quickly losing control of her own laughter.
Julia took a deep breath a few minutes later, struggling to get herself under control. "Now we can't be laughing like this every time we hear her name," she soberly pointed out.
"You're right Julia," Mary Jo agreed, "but it's just so funny."
"Yes well," Julia retorted, smoothing her dress, "we still have to control ourselves. After all we're businesswomen, not a gaggle of housewives with nothing better to do than sit around watching Donahue and gossiping about our neighbors." Sitting down at her desk, she flipped open her appointment book, "Now Charlene, when are we to meet with Mrs. Hogg?"
"We're going to Hazzard in three days to meet her and take a tour of her home."
Julia nodded, "That should give us enough time to come up with some basic ideas. Did she say how large her home is or what style?"
"She said it's a four bedroom home and it was built around 1920, though it's been thoroughly modernized of course."
"Mary Jo could you come up with some designs in three days? Nothing too detailed, just a little something to show her and build from."
"Sure, no problem."
"Good, now I think we all deserve a little break so I believe we should close up early and go home."
"Sounds good to me, the kids have been after me to take them to a movie. I think tonight would be a good night for it," Mary Jo smiled.
"Mind if I tag along Mary Jo?" Charlene asked, grabbing her own jacket.
"You know you're always welcome Charlene," Mary Jo smiled.
"Well," Suzanne stretched when it was just her and Julia, "I think I'll just go home and have Consuela give me a massage."
"You do that Suzanne," Julia smiled. "After all we want you to be at your best when we go to Hazzard."
TBC
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