Chapter Text
Alley...OOOPS!
by Molossus
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-THE Senior Partner, Aemilius I, House of Aemilii
Subject: Following the events of May 2004
Legal Disclaimer: Wolfram & Hart owns everybody, whether they know it or not. For legal purposes, however, we decline to acknowledge ownership of anyone and allow them to be owned by whoever has the legal right until such time as we need them. For further information read the find print.
Dear Gentlebeings,
The tragic events of May 2004 have left us all devasted. Literally. I don't need to tell you that this is a screw-up of massive proportions but I'm telling you anyway. Since the Zombie devastation of last year the expertise of this company has gone downhill. Heads are going to follow. I am ordering a Purge!
Aemilius I - THE Senior Partner
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Miss FiddleShriek - Executive Secretary: THE Senior Partner
Subject: Minutes from the May 2004 emergency meeting
Note: Due to circumstances these minutes may contain some inaccuracies and are not comprehensive. My laptop was crushed during the meeting and my handwritten notes are extremely difficult to read due to the massive amount of blood that soaked into the notebook. My memory is hazy even after the operation and accounts from the meeting attendees that can be found are incoherent and details differ.
Attendees:
All Senior Partners and department heads were in attendence at the beginning of the meeting, with the exception of Senior Partner - Cornelius II, Treasury Department.
The 1st order of business was a report from the sole surviving Wolfram & Hart employee in attendance at the Hyperion Alley Massacre - Deathbreath the Grimclaw.
***
Deathbreath like to fight. Me happy go to Hyperion - crush Angel, smash Spike, stomp Gunn, smoosh Illyria. Fight good.
Alley too small. Can't swing club. Dragon spit fire. OOOPS! AvidGrab and StompCrush burn up. DoomSlobber get little toasty too. Spike hide behind DoomSlobber and stab DoomSlobber while he putting out fire. DoomSlobber dead. StompCrush brother bash dragon. OOOPS! Dragon dead. Angel peeved. He stab StompCrush brother. StompCrush brother dead. Deathbreath try crush Spike. OOOPS! Spike fast. Deathbreath crush RotSweet instead. RotSweet brother try kill Deathbreath. Deathbreath kill RotSweet brother. RotSweet two other brother try kill Deathbreath. Illyria and Spike stab RotSweet two other brother. They dead. Deathbreath owe Spike and Illyria. Me kill FibberTongue when he try bite Spike. Me kill FastSmack when he hit Illyria. Not owe anymore. Me try kill Illyria. OOOPS! Club bounce off Illyria. Hit BooWho instead... BooWho dead...
****
The remainder of the report is illegible but if my hazy memory serves me right, the rest of the report was extremely repetitive anyway.
The 2nd order of business was to plan a reprisal against Angelus and his cohorts. The four of them have gone separate ways, no doubt to make retribution more difficult.
It was decided that Charles Gunn had to be dead although his body was never found.
It was decided that it should be possible to bring Illyria back into our fold. Unless she takes further aggressive action against us, she will be left alone until a project team devoted to her manipulation is assembled.
It was decided that William the Bloody is not likely to be brought back into our fold but that he might be manipulated into helping with the retrieval of Angelus. Unless he takes further aggressive action against us, he will be monitored but no action will be taken against him until plans are in place to get Angelus.
It was decided to hire an outside investigative agency to monitor William the Bloody until the in-house Purge has been conducted. During this discussion, it was discovered that Senior Partner - Cornelius II, head of the Treasury Department has gone missing. So have the keys to the Treasury vault. A vote was taken and Cornelius II was demoted to a Death Contract target. Aemilius VI was promoted to head of the Treasury Department. A survey of the pockets and purses of all meeting attendees was taken and it was decided that Cheep Investigations would be hired to keep surveillance on William the Bloody.
It was decided that once we were able to get the vaults open, all other monies (if any) and all available company resources would be targeted towards the retrieval, trial and eternal torment of Angelus.
The 3rd order of business was to hire a new head for the Legal Enforcement Office. Deathbreath the Grimclaw is currently the sole remaining employee of that department. It was determined that the new head of the Legal Enforcement Office was to immediately order and enforce the execution of Deathbreath the Grimclaw.
The 4th order of business was Deathbreath's unilateral decision to begin The Purge immediately.
Events are unclear after this point with these exceptions...
Deathbreath the Grimclaw is now head of the Legal Enforcement office and the following job positions are available:
Job Title:Senior Partner - Treasury Division
Requirements: Blood ties to the House of Aemilii. Should be able to count.
Job Title: Senior Partner - Praetor Division.
Requirements: Blood ties to the House of Julii. A knowledge of martial arts, weaponry and kung fu movies. Must be able to command large troops of infantry, in case we ever have them.
Job Title: Senior Partner - Communications.
Requirements: Blood ties to the House of Julii. Must have a good grasp of grammer.
Job Title: Senior Partner-Entertainment studio.
Requirements: No Blood Ties required. Must have contacts in the entertainment industry.
Respectfully submitted,
Miss Fiddleshriek, Executive Secretary- The Senior Partner.
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CHEEP INVESTIGATIONS
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: Surveillance on subject, William T Bloody
Dear Sirs:
May I thank you for your decision to entrust your investigative needs to Cheep Investigations. We are extremely proud to be part of the prestigious Wolfram & Hart community. You will not regret your decision to utilize our services!
We haven't been able to discover Mr. Bloody's immediate whereabouts but our metaphysics lab has been able to produce Maj-X-PIX, magically created images, of some of his recent activities.
Here he is shown meeting with individuals from Luthor Corp, a well-known firm that has been known to make moves into Wolfram & Hart territory in the past.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/LionelSpike_1.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/LexSpike_1.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/LexSpike_2.jpg
We have no doubt that Mr. Bloody was attempting to sell information gained during his brief time as a Wolfram & Hart employee. However, there have been persistant rumors of bad health and familial dissent among the management of Luthor Corp. They may be true because Mr. Bloody seems to have moved on quickly and there appears to have been no change in his circumstances.
We have completely lost track of Mr. Bloody at this point but I am certain we will be able to rectify this soon.
Yours with all due fear and trembling,
Riley Cheep
Cheep Investigations
TBC...