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Episode summary: The crew plans a talent show to raise money for a needy orphanage. Nothing short of being hypnotized will get Binghamton to allow the show. (From Season 2 DVD box set)
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McHale stood in front of the recreation hall, watching his poor Lucky walk the grounds with those two billboards for McHale’s Follies draped over his shoulders. Passing sailors and nurses snickered. Even the birds in the trees seemed to be cackling at him.
McHale folded his arms across his chest and laughed. He saw Carpenter glaring at him and waved Carpenter over. “Come over here, Lieutenant.”
Carpenter did so. He glared and kicked at the ground. “Laugh it up.”
McHale put his hands up in a placating gesture. However, he was still grinning. “It wasn’t my idea to give you this detail. It was all Captain Binghamton.”
Carpenter tossed his head angrily. “I still don’t know how you got him to agree to let you guys put on a show. With the Senator coming--”
“Now, Carpy,” McHale interrupted. “I’m sure the Captain thought it through and changed his mind. This is for a good cause. They can already rebuild the orphanage with the money we’ve raised on tickets.”
“That’s not the point and you know it,” Carpenter snapped. He studied McHale, who was still trying not to laugh, for a long moment. He lowered his voice. “What did you guys do?”
“Nothing,” McHale answered quickly.
“Nothing,” Carpenter scoffed. “Since when are he and Ensign Parker best friends?”
“I guess he’s just realized that Chuck has a forceful and dominating mind,” McHale answered deadpan.
Carpenter snorted in amusement. “Right.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not often that Binghamton’s in an agreeable mood. Just enjoy it while it lasts.” McHale helped Carpenter take the billboards off. He playfully nudged him in the ribs. “Binghamton’s gonna dance in the show. Wait till you see him. He does a mean soft shoe. You want to get in on the act?”
“Quint--” Carpenter tried.
McHale grabbed Carpenter’s arm and led him inside. “Not in public, Lucky,” he whispered.
Carpenter looked wide-eyed at all the sailors practicing their acts, the scenery pieces, and costumes. He glanced at McHale and knew he wasn’t gonna get an explanation. He shrugged and smiled. “Okay. What do you have in mind?”
McHale didn’t let go of Carpenter’s arm. He took him to the dressing room. He stuck his head in for a quick peek to make sure no one else was in there and shoved Carpenter inside. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
Carpenter didn’t have time to say anything before McHale was gone. He hung his hat up and looked at himself in the mirror. He shook his head and let out a soft chuckle. “You saw the gleam in his eye. You’re gonna regret this.”
A minute later, McHale returned. He kicked the door closed and offered Carpenter a long frilly dark red and gold dress. He gave a toothy grin. “Here, songbird.”
Carpenter gaped. “You want me to wear that?”
“Yup.” McHale arched his eyebrows. “You’ve got the legs for it.”
Carpenter blushed. “Oh, my God, you’re serious.”
“Of course. We’ve got a wig and high heels, too.”
“I couldn’t possibly,” Carpenter stuttered but took the costume from McHale.
McHale held a hand up. “I can see it now. The bird in the gilded cage.” He looked Carpenter up and down. His voice was earnest. “Beautiful.”
Carpenter knew that McHale wasn’t actually making fun of him. He bit his bottom lip and looked at the dress in dismay. “But this bird can’t sing.”
“Yes, you can,” McHale retorted. “I’ve heard you.”
Carpenter turned his back on McHale and hung the dress up. He nervously shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He stared at the floor. “My only audiences have been you and my mother.”
McHale stood behind Carpenter and rubbed his upper arms. “You’ll be fine,” he said as if it never occurred to him that Carpenter could flop.
For the first time since the mess started, Carpenter laughed. He leaned back against McHale. “I never stood a chance, did I?”
“What do you mean?”
“Of saying no to you.”
McHale gave Carpenter an affectionate squeeze. “Nope.”