Work Text:
Episode Summary: Gruber and Tinker are at odds over the upcoming sarong sale. The crew takes sides and the competition is fierce. (Season 2 DVD box set)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
McHale sat alone at the bar in his hut. A cold beer sat in front of him and it was dark and quiet. The moon and stars were bright so there was no need for the lamp. A light tropical breeze blew through. It should have been a perfect night. Unfortunately, he had a splitting headache. He rested his elbows on the wood and rubbed his temples.
Carpenter stuck his head in the back window. He looked from side to side. “Is it clear?”
McHale didn’t move. “Yeah,” he grunted.
Carpenter came in. “Where’s the crew?”
McHale pressed harder against the galloping in his head. “I sent them to annoy Urulu. Let him play referee for a while,” he answered sourly. “I hope he skins them in the poker game.”
“But Gruber cheats.”
For once, McHale didn’t see any humor in the situation. “So does Urulu. Who do you think taught him the game?”
Carpenter stood behind McHale and put his hands on his shoulders. He felt the tension coursing through McHale’s body. “And Parker?”
“On a date with nurse Ashley.”
Carpenter rubbed the tense muscles. He arched an eyebrow. “He got the guts to ask out a stunner like her?”
McHale sighed heavily. “She asked him and he stuttered yes. I hope everything goes well so those meatballs won’t rag on him.”
“I see that you’re in a good mood,” Carpenter teased.
McHale brought his fist down and almost put a hole through the bar. “I’ve heard nothing but arguments for the last two days! Suddenly, Gruber and Tink are a two-bit, south pacific John D. Rockefeller and Andrew Carnegie! Right now, I could strangle them!” Only Carpenter’s grip kept him from jumping to his feet to start pacing. “They’ve got the rest of the crew at each other’s throats! For what?! A stupid sarong sale!”
Carpenter hugged McHale. “The Captain loves it. Free enterprise run amok. We were here that first morning and heard the blow up. I stumbled a few times and tried to make some noise so you would hear me, but…”
“But we would’ve been lucky to hear an air raid siren over their squawking,” McHale finished. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He patted Carpenter’s arms. His voice was weary. “I’m sure Binghamton enjoyed it. Why didn’t he get ‘em for stealing the parachutes?”
Carpenter started massaging McHale’s tense shoulders again. “He wants them to cut each other’s throats in a price war to breed discontent. That way, you guys will fail the PT test on Saturday.”
“And if we do?”
“All of you would get shipped out for re-training and reassignment.”
McHale shook his head. He could strangle Binghamton, too. “And it’s supposed to be a secret from us.”
“Don’t worry. You’ll do fine,” Carpenter said soothingly. “You guys are too good. Come on, Quint. You have to relax.”
“I’m trying.” McHale leaned back against Carpenter. “At least, I’ve already put an end to the price war. There will be no sarong sale. When Virg stopped shooting at a Nip zero because it flew over Tink’s half of the island, I put my foot down.” He growled. “Sometimes, they forget that we’re in the middle of a war.”
Carpenter finally felt McHale begin to relax. “You’ve got a couple days to knock some sense into them.”
Carpenter’s hands felt good and McHale closed his eyes. “It’ll be a pleasure.”
“I’ll have to tell Binghamton that you’ve cancelled the sarong sale. The news will be all over the base tomorrow and he’ll wonder if he doesn’t hear it from me.”
McHale turned on his stool to face Carpenter. Carpenter inched closer to stand between his legs and he rested his hands on Carpenter’s hips. He smiled up at Carpenter. “Yeah, I know.”
Carpenter bent his head and kissed McHale softly. He pressed their foreheads together. “Do we have enough time before the crew gets back?”
McHale’s hands slid lower, over Carpenter’s firm rear. “A poker game with Urulu usually runs into the wee hours of the morning.”
Carpenter grinned. “Then lets hope your boys lose their collective shirt. That would make them forget their differences.”
“Skip! Skip!”
Carpenter rolled his eyes and buried his face in the side of McHale’s neck. “Parker.”
McHale ran a quick hand through Carpenter’s hair and pushed him away. “I’m sorry, Lucky.”
Parker’s voice was closer. He sounded excited and out of breath from running. “Skip! Skip! Wait till you hear!”
McHale stood and gave a lopsided smile. “I’ll go out and talk to him. You should have plenty of time to slip away.”
Carpenter just nodded in disappointment. McHale hurried out and met Parker just before he got to the steps leading up to the hut. McHale took Parker’s arm and started leading him away. “What’s goin’ on, Chuck?”
Carpenter peeked out the window to see Parker bouncing on the balls of his feet. Parker pointed to his cheek. “Skip, she kissed me!”
McHale laughed and slapped Parker on the back. “That’s great, Chuck.”
“And then…”
Carpenter waited until their voices faded. He couldn’t help laughing himself. Next time, he’d have to make sure that Ashley gave Parker more than a kiss. Then, maybe he could get more than that himself.