SquidgeWorld Archive

Dick sighed, running a hand through his hair as he looked at the sleeping body beside him; the sleeping boy. Bruce was going to kill him, there was no doubt about it. Just when things had seemed to get back on track with their relationship, he’d gone and done this. The year since Infinite Crisis had been tough for all of them but it had given Bruce and Dick the chance to talk through some of their never ending issues and things had calmed down. It had stopped hurting to be in the same room as Bruce. As Batman. Robin had been in some trouble but that was over now. Tim had been cleared and Tim was…oh, God. Tim was in Dick’s bed. Naked.

Dick shouldn’t have done it. He should have pushed him away. Great way to screw up two of the only good things in his life, he congratulated himself. Things were going to be awkward with Tim and Bruce was going to kill him. He was supposed to protect Tim. He was still vulnerable, after his father’s death, and now the death of one of his best friends. Dick knew how that felt, knew that time did not heal all. He was 8 years older than Tim, that was nearly the same age difference as there was between him and Bruce. Between him and his father. But Dick wasn’t Tim’s father. He was responsible for him, had made it a priority to take care of him, but Bruce had taken on the role of father to Tim like he had to Jason. Like he had to Dick. So what did that make him and Tim? Brothers? Friends?

Lovers?

Dick sighed again. He wanted nothing more than to turn the clock back, to reject Tim’s advances but…he’d been so lonely, since things with Barbara had soured. Again. Tim was…Tim was Tim. He was too intense, too serious for someone of his age. Too smart, too focused, too like Bruce for this to ever end in a good way for either of them. For any of them.

Tim stirred.

“Hey.” He rolled over, uncertainty in his eyes.

“Hey.” Dick did his best to smile but it wasn’t easy when he was so afraid of the consequences of what he had done.

“Dick?” Tim asked. Dick didn’t answer, burying himself in Tim’s embrace, hiding his face in Tim’s neck.

“He’s going to kill me.” He whispered eventually.

“He won’t.” Tim replied certainly. Dick backed up enough to look at him incredulously. “He doesn’t have to know.”

“Tim.” He sighed, resting his head on Tim’s shoulder. “I can’t lie to him, you know that. I never have been able to. Besides, how long do you think it will take him to figure it out? He’s Batman he knows everything. If we don’t tell him he’ll find out on his own and be twice as angry.” Tim stroked Dick’s hair.

“It’ll be fine.” He promised. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Dick was the adult, he was the experienced one. Tim was the virgin, had been until the previous night anyway. Dick should be the one holding Tim, whispering sweet reassurances into his ear, not the other way around.

“I’m sorry.” Dick murmured. “You’re first time shouldn’t have been like this.”

“Like what?”

“Full of angst and regrets. And fear. It can’t be what you expected.”

“I wanted my first time to be with you, Dick. This is exactly what I expected.” Tim smiled softly, kissing Dick’s cheek. “I wouldn’t want anything else. I wouldn’t know this meant anything to you if you weren’t freaking out about Bruce.”

“He’s going to kill me.” Dick actually wanted to cry.

“He won’t. I won’t let him.”

“How are you going to stop him?”

“We’ll figure out a way, Dick. Together. Tell me you want this. Tell me I’m not the only one.”

“You know I do.” Dick moved, burying his face in Tim’s stomach. “Tim I do. I love you but you’re so young.”

“I’m not that young.” Tim forced Dick to look at him. “I’m not that young.” He stared into Dick’s eyes until Dick nodded.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Where are you planning on going?” Bruce demanded in his usual fashion. He was incapable of asking a question in a civil tone.

“I don’t know.” Dick sighed, hanging his head. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy. Bruce hadn’t wanted him to leave Gotham again, New York had been too far away according to him, and now Dick was planning on going further. “Canada, Mexico, maybe back to Asia. I need some space.”

“New York is space enough.” Bruce replied.

“I need to get away.”

“Are you going to tell me what’s prompted this?”

“Yes.” Dick sighed again. “But you’re not going to hear me out so maybe I should just say it and then go.”

“You don’t have to go.” Bruce’s tone was soft and Dick finally forced himself to look up, memorising the softness in Bruce’s eyes and wishing he’d been a good enough son to Bruce to see that more often. The lump in his throat at the thought of what Bruce’s eyes would look like after he knew what Dick had done refused to recede.

“You don’t know what I’ve done.” Dick stood up.

“It doesn’t matter what you’ve done. It doesn’t matter where you run to, or for how long. You will always…” Bruce grasped his shoulders and shook him a little to emphasise his point. “Always be my son.”

“Bruce.” Dick was pulled into a tight embrace, one he couldn’t have escaped even if he’d wanted to. “You don’t know what I’ve done.” Bruce pushed him away a little, still holding onto him, as though he was afraid Dick might bolt.

“Do you honestly believe that?” Bruce asked. Dick looked at him quickly.

“You can’t know. How can you know?” He asked, horrified. “I came here to tell you as soon as I had chance.”

“I saw Tim this morning.”

“He told you?”

“He didn’t need to. The way he looks at you has always said more than he would ever admit through words.” Bruce shook his head. “He was happy. I can’t ask more than that.”

“He’s seventeen, Bruce.” Dick’s words choked him.

“I’m aware of that.” Bruce still didn’t release Dick. “You shouldn’t be having sex with him.” Dick looked at the ground. “It’s illegal and morally wrong. But so is allowing him to become a costumed vigilante at 14 and I did that. I did that to you when you were younger, to Jason and then to Tim.”

“You didn’t do anything to us.” Dick sighed. Bruce’s guilt ran even deeper than Dick’s.

“Sit down.” Bruce pushed him towards a chair. “I’m not angry with you.”

“You should be.”

“If you run away I will never forgive you.”

“What?” Dick looked up, finally facing Bruce.

“And neither will Tim. I’m not going to condemn you for loving him. I will condemn you for breaking his heart.”

“I thought you’d want me to go.”

“I meant what I said.”

“Which bit?”

“You know which bit.” Bruce replied. “You’re my son, Dick. I lost Jason, I’m not going to lose you and I won’t let you tear yourself apart over something you can’t control. Again. I should have stepped in when I saw you were struggling in Bludhaven, but Nightwing is your business. This is your life, Dick, and you are my business. So is Tim.”

“I molested him.”

“You did no such thing. I doubt you’re even capable of it.”

“He’s seventeen.”

“It’s just a number, Dick. You and I both know he’s been an adult for a long time.”

“I’m supposed to be the adult.” Dick sighed. “But I’m not. It’s so wrong. I just want to curl up in his arms and let him protect me from the world.”

“It’s not wrong. As long as that’s what he wants.”

“He needs protecting from me.”

“That’s not true.”

“What’s Alfred going to say?” Dick dropped his head into his hands. “I’m such a mess. Why do I always do this to myself?”

“Do you never wonder why you’ve always been attracted to strong, independent women?” Bruce asked. Dick looked confused. “Tim is not a victim. He doesn’t need, or want, you to take care of him. He does want you to treat him like an adult.”

“This is not how I saw this conversation going.” Dick smiled weakly. “I thought you were going to wring my neck and throw me out. Tell me never to come back again.” Dick’s throat felt tight again.

“I haven’t been the best father in the past.” Bruce sighed.

“That’s not true!”

“It took me until two years ago to get round to adopting you.”

“You had your reasons.” Dick knew Bruce loved him, knew Bruce thought of him as a son, and somewhere in his heart he also knew Bruce was proud of him. Had been before all this anyway.

“I was afraid. Afraid you would say no. Afraid it would all go wrong. I never thought about how you would feel. When I adopted Jason, when you asked me why I had never adopted you. I never wanted to hurt you but I did. If you leave now, thinking you’re doing what’s best for Tim, you can’t come back. And that is not what’s best for anyone.” Bruce explained, his intensity didn’t shock Dick, he was used to it.

“I don’t know what to do, Bruce. I feel so guilty about this but I know if I stick around I’m not going to be able to stay away from him.”

“No one’s asking you to.”

“What are people going to say? I have enough secrets, I don’t want anymore.”

“You’ve never needed other people’s approval before.” Bruce commented.

“No. That was you, Bruce. You’ve never needed anyone’s approval, with the possible exception of Alfred. I always needed to hear what other people thought, especially you. I might not always have done what you said but I always listened.” Dick sighed.

“My opinion of you isn’t going to be changed by this, neither will your friends’. Not if they really are your friends.” Bruce added.

“Is Tim here?” Dick asked.

“He’s listening outside the door.” Bruce replied with a smile. Dick looked up in alarm. The door swung open and Tim stood there, looking like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Sorry.” He apologised to Bruce. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t kill him. Or each other.” He added with a sigh.

“No killing.” Bruce promised. Dick tried to smile supportively at Tim but failed miserably. Tim sat next to him on the sofa and rolled his eyes.

“You can breathe now, Dick. He just said he’s not going to kill you.”

“I’m not sure I believe him.” Dick replied with a shaky laugh.

“Believe it.” Bruce said. “The two of you have to figure out what’s going on and what you’re going to do. There are some ground rules that have to be put in place though.”

“Of course.” Tim agreed, when Dick seemed reluctant to reply.

“When you’re at the manor you’ll continue to sleep in separate rooms, at least until Tim is eighteen.” Bruce said, holding his hand up to stop Tim when he tried to interrupt. “You are legally a minor under my guardianship.” He reminded Tim. “After you’re 18 we can discuss the situation again.” Dick nodded.

“Anything else?” Tim asked.

“No dates on school nights.” Tim frowned but Dick nodded again. He understood the need for Bruce to impose restrictions. “And no running off to New York without telling me.” He added to Tim who nodded. “I assume that’s where you’ll be.” He added to Dick who nodded.

“I guess so.” He replied.

“Good. You have things to discuss so I’ll leave you to it. Dick, I’d like to see you before you leave.” Dick nodded, watching as Bruce left them alone.

“Are you ok?” Tim asked.

“Me? I’m fine.” Dick tried to grin but he was sure it seemed more like a grimace.

“You’re shaking.” Tim pointed out, holding Dick’s hand.

“I can’t believe he took it so well.” Dick laughed, a short bark of confusion. “I don’t understand. He wasn’t happy about me dating Babs when I was your age because she was a couple of years older than me.”

“Maybe he’s mellowing.” Tim grinned, they both knew that wasn’t true.

“Are you ok?” Dick asked.

“I’m great.” Tim smiled.

“I’m really sorry about all this.” Dick sighed. “Last night was your first time and I should have been taking care of you today instead of having a nervous breakdown.”

“Dick, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Dick replied, confused.

“You’re all about drama.” Tim said with a small smile. “I don’t know if it’s a reaction to living with Bruce for so long. I love you, I don’t want you to act any differently.”

“Oh.” Dick frowned a little but then smiled. “I’m an idiot.”

“True.” Tim kissed him and then sighed. “But you’re my idiot.”