Work Text:
The Word That Shall Not Be Named
by Saone
Saone@yahoo.com
Oh my God.
What did I just say?
What the *hell* did I just say?!
Oh, fuck me. I used the ‘L’ word! The ‘*L*’ Word!
I didn’t mean to, I swear. I was just talking to Jesse, teasing him, actually, and it snuck in right under my ‘Things to never say to another person. Ever’ radar.
Okay, maybe he didn’t hear me. Maybe he was too caught up looking at the monitors to have been paying attention to something as trivial as what may have come out of my mouth. And, maybe Shalimar’ll swear off catnip.
Oh, no, Jess definitely heard. He’s giving me this look like ‘Did you just say what I think you just said, and if you did, did you really mean it, or was it a slip of the tongue, or possibly a slip of something else, and why aren’t you saying anything else, and why do you look like you’re about to throw up?’ What can I say, Jesse doesn’t give off vibes, he gives off paragraphs.
He’s not actually saying anything, though, which means he’s probably waiting for me to make the next move. Oh, wonderful.
I should say something. "Uh..." Oooh, good start. Hey, maybe I could start drooling on my shoes while I’m at it.
Think, Brennan! Think. Think. Think. There has to be a way out of this. Um... demonic possession? No. Temporary insanity? Well, I’m getting there now, but... I could always go for flat out denial. Never said it. Never happened. Will never speak of it again.
Except... except, Jesse’s look has changed. Now, it’s more of a ‘You really didn’t mean it, or if you did, you’re not going to own up to it’ look. Oh. Oh, crap, he’s opening his mouth. He’s gonna say something...
"Jeez, Brennan," Jesse shakes his head and lets out a little chuckle. Okay, I can handle this. "I didn’t even know real people used that word anymore." I don’t know about that. Granted, this society isn’t as romantically inclined as those past, but- "I mean, ‘worrywart’?!" Oh. *That* word. Jesse snorts, his mouth twisting up in this complete mockery of one of his beautiful smiles.
Okay, what just happened?
Oh, man. Jesse gave me an out! He Gave Me An... See, that’s why I lo-- Whoa, not going there again! But, yes! Wonderful! This painful little exercise is over and done with, and... and...
And, his face has changed again. I really don’t like this look. This ‘I’m incredibly disappointed and hurt, but I’ll never actually own up to that because if the guy I’m sleeping with can’t admit his feelings then why the hell should I?’ look.
Oh, God. Jesse...
Ladies, and Gentlemen, introducing the world’s biggest jackass... Brennan Mulwray. Yes, thank you. Hold the applause.
Dammit.
I can’t... Jesse can’t look like that.
So, if that means... Ah, what the hell. I mean, I do, you know, so there’s no reason on this planet why I shouldn’t say it.
Well, I dug this grave. Now, let’s see if I can scramble back out of it.
"I don’t know what you’re talking about?" I shrug my shoulders, and try to look casual. Oh, yeah, I’m cool. "It’s a perfectly good word, still used plenty of times a day. In fact, I’m going to say it again right now, in the original context." Here it goes. I move closer to him, and look him right in the eyes. "I can’t believe I’m in love with such a worrywart."
There, that wasn’t so bad. And, that awful cloud has lifted off of Jesse’s face. His eyes are so wide, and there’s a real grin on his face this time. I can’t help but grin back. And, there’s this feeling in my chest. This kind of light, fluttery feeling. It’s different, but nice. Really, really nice.
"Would you like for me to say it again?" I barely get the words out through the Joker like smile that’s descended on my face.
Jesse reaches out towards me. "Come here."
I let him pull me close, and we kiss. It’s nothing mind shattering, or earth moving, it’s just...
Love.
God help me.
END