SquidgeWorld Archive

Of Innocence and Empathy: Intentional Innocence
by Frogg

"Reid?"

Startled, Reid jerked back in his chair, spinning around halfway to face Hotch with wide, dazed eyes.

"Hey, didn't mean to scare you."

"N-no, I, I'm just distracted. Sorry." Reid swallowed, brushing a wayward strand of hair out of his face. His eyes narrowed at Hotch's appearance; sure, it was pretty late on a Friday, but Hotch had taken off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. Even his tie was loose.

"I would have thought you'd be gone by now. Morgan left over an hour ago." Hotch glanced at the clock. "Almost two, actually."

Reid dropped his gaze to the floor, feeling his ears burn.

"Big date tonight?" Hotch's voice was quiet, to avoid being overheard. Not that there were many people left in the office, and none near them.

"Y-yeah, we, we're having d-dinner at his house," Reid whispered, still not meeting Hotch's eyes.

Hotch nodded slowly.

Watching his boss mull over that, Reid could only wait, fidgeting anxiously in his seat.

"Nervous?"

"Wouldn't you be?!" Reid blurted. "It, it's my first date, and, and..." He shook his head. "It's not, not really even that, we've b-been--"

"You've been dating for almost a month, you just know what's going on now," Hotch finished for him.

Nodding helplessly, Reid spread his hands in confusion.

"Would you like some advice?"

Reid blinked. "Ad-advice? About what?"

Hotch shrugged, smiling softly. "Anything you want to ask."

Breath caught in Reid's throat and he could feel himself turning a painful shade of red again.

Chuckling, Hotch reached down and tugged Reid up and out of the chair by one arm. "Come on, let's go talk in the conference room, okay?"

Once behind the dubious protection of a closed door, Reid paced his way around the room, giving into nerves racing with fear and anticipation. "I, I feel like, like I should b-be back in high school, or something," he said, arms crossed over his chest.

"You missed a few steps growing up. Derek knows that, probably better than you do." Hotch took a seat by the door.

"But--"

"Spencer," Hotch cut in, "you and Derek have known each other for years. There's no pressure, no expectations. You're more comfortable with each other than with anyone else I know. Use that."

"I just, just d-don't want to..." Spencer stopped, turning to rub the edge of the table with one hand.

"Don't want to what?" Hotch asked.

Spencer looked up at him finally, worry and apprehension in his eyes. "Hurt him."

"You have two huge advantages there."

Spencer frowned, waiting.

"You've been taking care of him when he's the most vulnerable. You know what he looks and sounds like when he's afraid. You can tell the difference between what he's telling you verbally, and what his body's ready for."

"And?" Spencer swallowed, not wanting to think of those nights.

Hotch leaned forward a little, resting his elbows on the table. "Derek trusts you."

"But, but, that's not, he--" Shaking his head, Spencer blinked hard, holding back tears. He knew Derek trusted him; without it, they wouldn't have gotten anywhere.

"He trusts me to a point. More than most, but I realize that what I had to do to defend him in Chicago damaged the trust he had in me. You, he trusts unconditionally."

"I j-just don't want to hurt him," Spencer said again, his voice painfully weak.

"Are you planning on staying at his house over the weekend?"

Spencer's blush answered for him.

"Just a suggestion, but you'd probably be better off avoiding penetration for the time being. Both of you."

Face burning, Spencer fervently wished the floor would open up beneath his feet and swallow him.

"Spencer?"

Swallowing past his embarrassment, Spencer glanced back at Hotch. "How, how can you--" stand to talk to me like this? he couldn't finish.

"I have two sons I love dearly. I'm not short-changing one just because he's adopted."

Spencer spun around to face Hotch and froze, blood draining from his face.

Hotch looked entirely serious, eyes dark and laser-focused, hands open in supplication.

They'd never spoken of it, let everything be said in notes, in small gestures, smiles, a pat on the shoulder. It had only been a few weeks since that first morning Spencer'd called Hotch 'Mom', and not even that long since Mother's Day, but they'd never talked about it, and Hotch hadn't, hadn't...

Hotch was acknowledging how Spencer felt.

Accepting him.

And not just returning it, but taking an active role.

Sniffling, Spencer scrubbed at tear-filled eyes.

"Spencer?"

"I, uh." He stopped, swallowed, tried again. "I'm okay."

Hotch nodded, one corner of his mouth quirking in a lopsided smile. "You've probably done more research on the subject than I want to know about, but," and he paused to let Spencer laugh weakly, his cheeks pink again, "if you have questions, or problems, or if Derek panics and you need help, please don't hesitate to call."

Spencer nodded, knowing he wouldn't do anything of the sort.

"Spencer." Hotch's tone was warning.

"Okay, okay, I'll call." Spencer huffed indignantly. Sometimes this parent thing can go too far, he thought to himself, chagrined.

"Good." Tilting his head a little in consideration, Hotch looked Spencer up and down. "Please tell me you're not wearing that?"

"What, this?" Spencer started a little at the sudden change in subject, looking down at his usual work attire. "Um, no, I brought a change of clothes. Why, are you going to make me pass inspection before I can leave?"

Hotch laughed. "I wouldn't go that far, but that's not exactly a date outfit."

Spencer snorted. "Contrary to popular belief, I don't wear this because I like it. I wear it because I got sick of people looking at me like I'd grown another head when I start explaining stuff. At least when I look like a nerd..." He trailed off and shrugged.

"You get treated like a nerd." Hotch sighed and shook his head. "Stereotypes."

"If you can't beat 'em, use 'em."

"If you have to." Hotch nodded. "Question."

Spencer nodded. "You want to know why I didn't doubt your ability to answer my questions." Color flooded his cheeks again, but he refused to give into the embarrassment.

Hotch's eyebrows twitched. "Yes."

"I...uh. I went to get a can of soda from the machine a while back and saw Gideon getting ice. He was..." Spencer swallowed.

"He was what?"

"He was wearing your shirt." Spencer shrugged, hugging himself again, uncertain of Hotch's reaction.

Hotch didn't answer for a long moment.

Unable to stand the silence, Spencer continued. "I, I didn't think it, it was something either of you wanted the rest of the t-team to know, and, and it's not, not really any of my--"

"I'm not mad," Hotch said, breaking the near-frantic flow of words.

"Um."

"You're right, it's not something Gideon or I want the rest of the team to know. Derek does. And I was just thinking that all three of us - Gideon, Derek and myself - had talked about whether or not you would be surprised not too long ago."

Spencer shrugged again. "I can't imagine you'd be able to work effectively if you were cheating on Haley, so she has to know and accept it or something. And even if I'm wrong, it's not any of my business." He glanced down at the table then, at his hands nervously twisting together. "Besides...you got kind of...hard to work with after Gideon went on leave. I didn't put the pieces together until after I saw Gideon, and by then it was...kind of comforting, if it's okay for me to say so."

Hotch laughed once. "Yeah, it's okay for you to say so. It's even okay for you to say I was a real pain to work with when he was away. It's not something I'm proud of, but..." He sighed.

"He balances you out. You start shutting down without it."

"That's about as good a description as I've heard." Hotch smiled then. "Listen, are you going to be okay?"

Smiling, Spencer nodded. "I'll be fine, I think." He slowly made his way back around the table as Hotch got to his feet.

"Good. It's getting late, you should change and get out of here before Derek thinks you stood him up." The twinkle in Hotch's eye betrayed him, and Spencer could only laugh.

"You just want to make me pass some kind of date inspection," Spencer teased back, clasping Hotch's outstretched hand, then moving in closer. He could feel Hotch's sigh of relief gust across his neck as his embrace was returned. "Thanks, Mom."

"Any time."

end