Work Text:
A Conversation With Silence
by IrenaAdler
Don cleared the leaves from the stone headstone and crouched down.
"Hi, Mom," he said quietly, the atmosphere of the cemetery weighing on him. "Sorry that it's been a while. I've been busy." He snorted. "Not like that's new." He took the wilted flowers out of the vase next to the headstone and tossed them aside. He put some water and three roses into the vase – one red, one white, one pink. She had loved roses.
It was only at the cemetery that Don felt his mother near. Charlie, lucky Charlie, had her visit in his dreams. Even his dad talked to her in dreams. Don dreamed about her, yes, but she was always in the next room, around the corner, just out of reach. A lot like real life, Don thought then chided himself for the thought.
Taking a breath, Don brushed off his hands. "I've met someone, Mom. Someone that's really important to me and that I want to spend the rest of my life with.
"But the problem is—not really the problem, but the issue … I mean … It's a man, Mom. Will Stevens. Dad said that you wouldn't be surprised, but I'm sure you expected me to settle down with a woman, raise a family. There won't be kids, Will and I are agreed on that. With our jobs, it just wouldn't be fair to a child. Thank God for Nena. I'm sure you know who Nena is, you probably visit her in her dreams, too."
Don swallowed and rubbed his face. It was amazing how the old resentments would overwhelm him. He could easily believe that his mother would visit her surrogate grandchild before she would visit him.
Trying to push away the bitterness, Don continued, "I'm really happy with him. We live together and he just …" Makes me feel like I'm special, too, Don thought to himself but couldn't say it out loud. It would sound too much like an accusation.
"Dad's coping okay, I think," Don said instead. "I'm sure he'd love a daughter-in-law, instead of two more men in the family. I bet he's worried that Nena's gonna grow up to be a tomboy. She does like to wear dresses and play with dolls, though her dolls are usually Feds chasing bad guys.
"Oh, Will's a Fed, too. DEA, in fact. I met him, kinda, when Charlie and Colby were kidnapped. I'm sure Charlie's told you about that. Will has an even more dangerous job than I do, but I try not to think about that too much. Makes me understand better what you and Dad felt like, feel like. Will's already saved my life a couple of times, though maybe I shouldn't have told you that."
Don cleared his throat, feeling like he always did when he'd called home from Albuquerque. How much did they really want to know? "Will … he keeps me safe. He makes me feel safe and at peace and just … good. I know you're disappointed, Mom, but I hope you can be happy for me, too."
Forcing a smile onto his face, Don said, "I'm actually seeing a shrink now, can you believe it? Not because of Will, but because of some work stuff and some … life stuff. No big deal." Those last three words had been spoken often over the phone to his mother as Don had gone through the various phases of his FBI career. He didn't know how much she believed those words, then or now.
"Well, I gotta go," Don said, though he had planned on staying longer. "I'll try not to be as long `til the next time. I'll, umm, I'll bring Will. You'd like him, Mom. He has the same sense of humor that I do and that you always said that you had, too. He's a lot of fun."
Don got to his feet and looked down at the grave. He knew he'd failed his parents on being the normal one. He could only hope they forgave him. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked away.
end