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Interlude: Things Left Unsaid
by schatten
The doors to the monitor room slide open, and a tall figure entered with a determinate pace. J’onn gave him an acknowledging nod and a small smile from the first bay; Superman waved back, and scanned the room, looking for someone. He walked around a bit, approaching Steel, who was conducting repairs on a couple of stations. As they started talking, J’onn went back to his terminal.
Superman’s mind had been a torn in the telepath’s mind for a couple of days; something had been bothering him, and though it was not his desire to pry, he hoped the kryptonian could find somebody to talk to so it would ease away from the constant flow of thoughts he perceived as the Watchtower’s collective voice.
The Martian heard them stand behind him, and turned to greet them.
"I’ll be taking up your duty for a bit, J’onn", said Steel, as he walked towards the consoles next to the shape shifter.
The Martian looked slightly confused.
"I was wondering if I could borrow you for a couple of minutes. I kind of want to talk to you about something…" Superman sounded shy, almost embarrassed. J’onn realized his friend was not looking for Steel’s counsel, but his. He felt a pang of wariness, but nodded anyway.
Superman smiled gratefully, and walked out of the monitor room. J’onn joined him in the hallway, and turned to the other man, who was looking thoughtful.
"Uhm… where do you think we could talk?" he threaded a hand through his hair, nervous.
"Your quarters, or mine, if you want. We could also use the counseling ward." J’onn saw the Kryptonian flinch at the mention of the last place.
"My quarters then, if it’s ok with you. I’ll rather talk to a friend than a counselor."
J’onn nodded in agreement, and they walked in silence until they were inside the room. The Watchtower’s personal quarters were not Superman’s home, but a place to crash when he had no time to descend to Earth, somewhere to stash extra clothes, to have some time alone. To J’onn, there wasn’t much left in the universe to call home, but Earth had taken him in, and these people were his friends, his family. So his quarters in the tower were somewhat home, and much more warmer and lived in than the almost clinical room they were in.
"How…empty", the telepath remarked, as his friend sat on the edge of the white lined bed.
"I know. It bothers me a bit, but I haven’t had time to do something about it."
"It’s hard to have time to decorate when you spend so much time brooding."
"I’m not that obvious."
"Only to people with eyes. Or mind reading powers."
The Kryptonian looked at him with big eyes, surprised. J’onn kicked himself for his weak joke.
"Superman…"
"Clark."
"Clark, I have not read your mind. I have merely sensed your upset state."
Superman shifted in the bed, his eyes not meeting the Martian’s.
"I know you wouldn’t do that, J’onn. I’m just…" The silence stretched for several seconds as the son of Krypton struggled for words.
"Yes?"
"I don’t know how to explain it." Clark looked up, meeting his glance. "Bear with me, please."
J’onn sat next to him on the bed, elbows in his knees, looking at his friend. "Go on."
"You know," Superman sighed, trying to gather his thoughts, "those really bad days? When a bad guy goes too far, or we have to take a decision in one of those gray areas where you never feel like what you choose was right?"
"Yes."
"What do you do those days, for balance?"
The Martian thought about it for a minute. "I think about Mars, the thriving planet it once was. I go down to Earth and walk through its forests. I stay here, in the cafeteria, sharing cookies with the others," Clark smiled at that. "I look for a way to remind myself why is it that I fight: my past, my home, my friends."
"I suppose we all do the same, in our own way. Some kind of reality check when things get out of hand." Clark made a long pause, pondering what exactly was he trying to say. "Bruce came to me the other day. He came to the Planet in the morning; Bruce, not Batman. He looked like hell."
J’onn nodded. He should have guessed, there were few things that got Superman more riled than the Batman related things. He had heard the buzz about them in the Watchtower, and he suddenly understood why had he been chosen to talk to. Anyone else would have probably fed the rumor mill.
"I know I tend to overreact when it comes to him, but he looked genuinely bad. I wanted to talk with him, but we just stood on the roof, looking down at Metropolis. I thought he was going to break, he looked so fragile," Clark mussed his hair again, an unconscious gesture. "I didn’t know what to say. He obviously needed something, but I didn’t know what it was."
"What did he said?"
"Nothing. He flew from Gotham to Metropolis to see me and he didn’t say a word. And I let him."
"Do you have any idea about what happened?"
"I don’t know. I… I’m ashamed to admit it, but I almost didn’t want to know. Gotham can be a horrible place, and Bruce is fairly jaded. To get to him, it was probably bad." The Man of Steel sighed, and looked straight into the Martian’s eyes. "It’s really scary, to see him like that. I know he’s hard to get along, but he’s my friend, you know? It makes me want to wipe the Earth clean of whatever there is that can do that to him."
J’onn smiled kindly, and put a hand on the other man’s knee. "You’re a good friend. To all of us."
Clark stared at the ceiling, struggling for words. "I just feel like I failed him. I’m always nagging him about how he never reaches out to anybody, and when he does all I do is pat him on the back or something."
"I saw him earlier. He looked find and his mind felt okay. He is well warded, but I did not sense anything amiss with him. Maybe though you felt you were doing nothing, it was enough for him. Maybe he didn’t want you to say anything, but just be there."
Clark gave him a rueful smile. "When I go to him, he always has something to tell me, something right."
"Sometimes there is nothing right that can be said. There is nothing wrong with offering silent company, either. It is comforting, and I believe I’ve seen you two offering each other just that in the past."
Clark blushed slightly, and J’onn raised an eyebrow.
"I always overreact when it comes to him. He keeps telling me that, everyone keeps telling me that, but there I go, making a fool of myself anyway."
J’onn chuckled, putting his hands behind him and leaning back. "You’re not a fool. You just care too much."
Clark’s face brightened up, like the cloud had passed and the sun was shining again. "Do you think is weird?"
"That you care too much?"
"Yeah."
"I secretly believe super-caring is one of your powers."
Superman laughed heartily. "No, really. Do you think I’m overreacting?"
"You do overreact on occasion, but I am not sure on this matter. Perhaps you should talk to him. Whether it is weird or not, I am not the best of judges. Humans have a way to surprise you, no matter how hard you try to understand them, and neither of you are regular humans."
"You think it’s weird."
"I do not."
"Yes, yes you do. You have a terrible poker face."
"I’m a shape shifter, I have a great poker face. Batman is rubbing off on you, with his sulking and his paranoia."
"You see, you think it’s weird."
"Perhaps because neither of you think it is."
Clark looked shocked, and his mouth gaped a couple of times. "Excuse me?"
"You two care about each other a lot, but neither of you thinks you do. It’s the denial that is… intriguing."
"It’s not denial! I do care about Bruce."
J’onn shrugged, not really knowing where to take the conversation. "Perhaps I fail to explain myself."
"Well, I would really like to understand."
J’onn sighed. "You act like you don’t care, then freak out over each other. Your interaction ranges from being barely civil to something resembling courting."
"Courting?!?"
"I believe it’s fairly unconscious."
"Courting?!?"
"Something resembling it, yes."
"I don’t even know what you mean by courting, and I don’t know if I want to know."
"I don’t think I would like to tell you."
Both fell silent, Clark looking pretty stunned and J’onn shifting uncomfortably on the bed. This was, surely, what he was wary of when he accepted to leave monitor duty.
"Does it bother you?" Superman sounded mortified.
"Not at all. As I said, you’re a good friend to him. To all of us." J’onn squeezed his friend’s shoulder as he got up, and smiled down at him. Clark felt really young under his ageless gaze, like the Martian knew something he couldn’t possibly understand.
As he reached for the door, J’onn turned to him. "You two share a special bond, cherish it. Sometimes it’s all you get in a lifetime."
Soul mates, he didn’t say. It wouldn’t do to push the matter any further.
As he walked back to the monitor room, the Martian thought that perhaps it was better if they never realized. Trying to make the world a better place was dangerous enough without risking losing what you never knew you could have.
end