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This Kiss

Summary:

If the anniversary party of Kitty and Robert had been an intimate family affair, rather than the extravaganza it evolved into….  How would that first kiss of Kevin Walker (Matthew Rhys) and Jason McCallister (Eric Winter) have come about?  Also follows their courtship. 

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THIS KISS by: Natasha Barry

Posted to SQUIDGE 2007, edited 2023. BROTHERS AND SISTERS, Kevin/Jason. If the first kiss happened in another way. The courtship.   

When the call came in, Kevin was first caught by surprise he hadn’t turned off his cell.  But when he looked at the Caller ID, he knew he had a bigger issue.  With a pensive glance at his family, he said “Hello?”  He listened for a moment, said, “I’m in the middle of a family dinner.”  Then as conversation around the table palled, “I know, but did something happen?  Why are you calling?”  With a groan, he got up from the table, excusing himself to his family, and left the dining room, taking his conversation outdoors.

Nora groaned.  “Oh, I don’t like that look on his face.”

“Want to bet it's Chad?” the eldest Walker son – Tommy - put in, in case anyone missed the signals.

“Who is Chad?” said Robert McCallister. He was used to being the center of attention and realized he just lost it.

Eldest Walker sister, Sarah, thought she would have fun with this.  “Chad Barry, soap star.  Everyone thought he was straight…”

"Then he met Kevin,” said Justin, the youngest of the Walker siblings. 

Tommy said, “The guy was confused.”

Mom Nora Walker said, “How do you know it’s Chad?”

“You only use that tone of voice with an ex,” said Tommy.

“I’ve heard of him,” said Robert.  “Big soap star gets outed, therefore outs himself.”  It ended up being a political song and dance, but he’d have paid more attention to the specifics if he’d known his future brother-in-law was involved.  “I didn’t know of Kevin’s connection to it, though.”  He shot a reproving look at his fiancée.  One thing he didn’t appreciate was how his Communications Director and fiancée managed what was communicated to him.

As if aware her daughter could be on thin ice, Nora said, “But this has nothing to do with you, so let’s not bore you with the details.”

“I’m enjoying not being the focus of gossip." He enjoyed gossip as much as anyone. And it would be nice to have ammo to use against Kevin. "I’m wondering how Kevin’s name was kept out of the papers, or his association with my Communications Director.”

“I think he was ID’d on SKINI MINI,” said Tommy. "They printed a photo, did some digging. Walker's a common name.” 

Tommy’s wife, Julia, was absent this evening, not altogether surprising given the recent birth of their twins, but the boy being sacrificed so the girl could live.  Tommy needed the break, and his sister’s engagement party wasn’t something he could shirk, and that was proven by Sarah, whose broken marriage didn’t prevent her from enjoying the best news this family had all year.

Kitty Walker produced a limp smile.  She had to manage it on both ends, being the focus of gossip because of her personal as well as business relationship with this man.  Then she was from a family who held extreme political views and wouldn’t be voting Republican, not with guns to their heads, while she was a conservative trying to get a Republican elected president and she was marrying the candidate as well!  As far as this family was concerned, she was the black sheep.  The blonde, black sheep.

Jason McCallister, the senator’s brother, plastered a patented banal expression across his face.  After all, in his line of work – as a minister – he had to hear many tales of woe and was the recipient of so many caustic comments - after all, he was an out gay man – that he’d acquired patience and tolerance and even disinterest, or at least pretend to it, same as his politician sibling.  And he was well aware that even as a Methodist, his ministry would be nonexistent if it wasn’t flourishing within the environs of a homosexual-tolerating bastion.

What Jason hadn’t confided to anyone was how he hadn’t forgotten Kevin, since their disastrous first meeting over a ‘coffee’ blind date.  It was a setup by Kevin’s sister, but Kevin wasn’t to know his identity, except for his first name and the obvious fact he was gay.  At least Jason knew it was Kevin Walker, Kitty's brother.  Other than that, the men were on their own, but that didn't mean Jason hadn't meant to have fun with that hidden cache of knowledge.  

Everything was going well, but eventually he’d come to the conclusion they both made mistakes that day, Kevin in his outspoken dislike and disapproval of Jason’s brother, Robert, and Jason in his blatant disregard for convention in not explaining to Kevin his relationship to that same Robert who was being vilified.  Something so simple would have allowed them the option of starting over, but instead he’d ended up walking out on a man attempting a sincere apology, even though Kevin was acting on blind faith.  Kevin Walker hadn’t meant to offend him, was the conclusion Jason eventually came to, going over those few moments repeatedly in his mind ever since, but it was also true Jason most definitely meant to offend Kevin.  From what he picked up on in the attitudes of Robert and Kitty, the perceived blame for the failure of their liaison was being put squarely at Kevin’s doorstep, making Jason out to be the angel of the duo, so Jason was able to exercise empathy in that regard, knowing himself at least partially to blame for the disaster, and wondering if he’d ever have the opportunity of getting to know Kevin again, on equal ground. 

It was a pity the date was going so well in the beginning. Jason knew it instinctively from the handshake, the meeting of eyes, even before that, that first glance, spying each other across the room. It was obvious in their exchanged smiles the joy and the relief in finding this mutual attraction.  You knew a date was going well whenever two people progressed to talking about blind dates from hell, with the unspoken assumption being this wasn’t one of them.  So they’d sat down at a table, prepared to occupy it forever if need be, tabling their afternoon calendars.

He’d wanted to kiss Kevin right there, to bridge the gap of that bistro table, forgetting with his tingle of anticipation and acceptance, they were strangers.  The bright smile with those cherry lips – the kind of mouth written of in books – and those sparkling blue eyes and the dark curly hair made him want to hold him.  For a guy who was accustomed to displaying more reserve in his relationships, at least until he got to know the other man a hell of a lot better than he knew the junior Walker right now, Kevin’s initial impact upon him was startling. 

Though Jason didn’t know if he was all that attracted to Kevin anymore, which was why he didn’t perform the most expedient option, of picking up the phone.  What he did know was he wanted them to meet on common ground, with straight talk between them, no prevarication or illusions.  Maybe at least a comfortable acquaintance could be forged.

Because if Kevin Walker hadn’t been the future brother-in-law of his brother, Jason might have forgotten the incident, putting it behind him as yet another disastrous blind date.  But with the family connection, there would be too much cross-pollination. There were holiday gatherings, shared family occasions, etc., and the current tense situation of the families feeling forced to keep them at arm’s length – as if holding off a feud – wasn’t something Jason could allow to continue.  He was a peacemaker by nature, though he admitted to himself that first date with Kevin it wasn’t the peacemaker which dominated.  When he’d left in such a harsh manner, effectively throwing Kevin’s own words back at him, that was hardly the actions of a sensitive, good-natured, agreeable man.  He knew he owed Kevin an explanation, perhaps an apology, and certainly the chance at a new beginning.

It was disturbing to realize insults to his family he might have been able to ignore or shrug off or argue over, in Kevin’s case brought out such an instantaneous harsh reaction within himself.  He’d had time to ponder why, and came up with the conclusion it was because of the disappointment, that letdown after thinking he’d found a prospective lover, at least the best chance at one he’d met in some time, and his lashing out was in response to that frustrated dream.

What he should have done is introduce himself, letting Kevin in on the fact his coffee date was the brother of the man he was insulting, allowing Kevin the chance to back down or adjust.  Subsequently, not having done anything of the kind, Jason knew himself to be partly responsible for the outburst for which he took offense.

When told of his brother’s engagement, he was thrilled, cause that meant the family connection would demand a bringing together of both teams, so he and Kevin would re-unite.  This evening was the first time he’d seen Kevin since the abortive first date, and he was hardly surprised at how his pulse quickened when approaching the house, let alone the dance it gave when he and Kevin exchanged a nod in greeting before Kevin’s looking away.

With the family in attendance, he wouldn’t be speaking with Kevin privately, so instead he observed the interaction of the family members. Kevin avidly ignored addressing either McCallister, but frequently exchanged quips with his family.  Kevin managed to achieve the intent of being sociable while holding himself in reserve.  It was an artful dance, and Jason marveled at its success. 

How to watch the middle Walker brother without everyone knowing he was watching became a challenge in itself.

At last Kevin said something in response to the latest poll results, which Communications Director Kitty Walker was reciting.  “One thing the McCallisters’ got going for themselves is the handsome gene, so that must count for those few bumps.”  And that was it.  It was enough to make Jason grind his teeth in frustration as the comment washed over his brother, who was accustomed to comments in the media regarding his looks, but he knew the comment was to be taken both ways, and he only wished he and Kevin were alone so he could challenge him on it.

Now, as Kevin excused himself from the gathering, Jason was managing his own silent brooding.

Taking the call, Kevin didn’t want to be dealing with this right now.  Chad was someone he needed to put behind him, and had, the man was an emotional battering ram who’d left him in need of mending.  And with Jason McCallister in the house, at his family’s dining table, this was yet another reminder of his failed relationships which he couldn’t handle right now. 

Hell, he’d found that Jason guy gorgeous, the first man to really strike him deeply since the thing with Chad had bit the dust.  So Jason was gorgeous when he met him; now all he could see was McCallister plastered all over that face.

In his agitation, Kevin began pacing in a circle, then he moved forward, as if unconsciously reflecting the direction in which he wanted the conversation to move, unknowingly bringing himself closer to the house.

But he thought he was basically polite when he said, “What is it, Chad?” hoping it was merely a legal quandary the actor had fallen into, and since he didn’t specialize in entertainment law, he could provide a referral and get on with his life.

Conversation lulled as each occupant of the dining table realized they were overhearing one side of a private conversation, and Nora looked around and saw the slider to the outside was open.  This was allowing sound to drift inside, carried on the breeze.  Hence her son’s voice was unexpectedly heard as far as the dining table.  “I think I’d better shut that,” she said, getting up.   But she stopped short when she heard:  “You broke up with me, Chad.  And not thirty seconds later you tried to fuck with me.”  It was a tossup whether it was her son’s tone or the word he used that initiated her confusion.  And then, “Of course I was hurt.  And I’m not going through that again.  You used me for your big coming out party, then dumped me, only to want me back for one last fuck.  The sex was great, so I can’t fault you there.”

“Mom.” Sarah put a hand on her mother’s forearm, realizing the outside drama was affecting the occupants of the room, and it couldn’t get much worse.  And maybe, just maybe, this was more of Kevin’s story, and that might enable them to help Kevin.  Besides, she’d been enjoying the family issues, the ones distracting her from her own failed marriage.  It might be rude; but different rules were in effect when it involved your family.

“Oh, my God." Nora was realizing if she accomplished her task, if she closed the slider now, Kevin was in for further embarrassment, as the sound of the closing door would alert her son to the fact it had been open the entire time he was outside.  He would have to live with the fact so much of his intimate relationship had been overheard.

Nora understood her daughter’s concern as well as the overall dilemma, of whether signaling to Kevin he was being denied privacy, or letting Kevin believe he’d achieved that privacy. 

Upon reflection, she realized the only ones outside the immediate family who were present were Robert McCallister and his brother, Jason, and they were both about to become family.   But if this Chad person was going to bring Kevin more grief, it would be better if family was around to pull him out of it, and knowing as much of the facts as possible would enable them to do that.  When Kevin broke down and gave details, they were usually more flippant than informative, at least to her.

Still, this was her son they were breaking in on.

With a mother-daughter shared glance at Kitty, the future bride, Nora realized she had tacit approval from that direction as well.  But approval to do what?  Nora thought indecision must be plastered across her face.

Only Saul, Nora’s brother, with a disapproving stare into his plate, seemed to be divorcing himself from the deliberate eavesdropping of those around him.

Justin was torn between his imminent departure for Iraq – his family didn’t know he was on a plane TONIGHT – and the latest possible crisis looming in his older brother’s horizon.  Consequently his intensity upon the table’s centerpiece was easily misconstrued as his being wholly intent upon the drama being played out over cell phones.

“No, and don’t call me again.” 

Strong words from Kevin, which begat a silent sigh of relief from the occupants of the table, but then there was a distinct, “Say that again.  You’re kidding.  No, come by my office tomorrow.  Not lunch.  Yeah, okay lunch.  See you, ‘bye.”

With that formal sign-off conversation returned, mainly centering on discussion of the centerpiece and would there be written vows or traditional. Everyone made to appear casual, returning to their meal and wine, as Kevin joined them. 

He looked to be in a sour mood, thought Tommy, as the middle Walker brother took a sharp look at the table, at what seemed to be his empty place setting in particular, then adjourned to the kitchen to return shortly with an opened bottle of wine which he decidedly placed before him. 

Briefly, as he was sitting, Kevin’s blue eyes skimmed those of Jason McCallister’s and he wondered at the blankness there.  But the phone call from his old boyfriend had switched him to sulk mode, and though he might have unburdened himself in the company of his family, the presence of the McCallisters ignited sullen behavior, which was interestingly ignored by those intently partying.  Shortly, Kevin realized he was being ignored, and that could only mean his part of the conversation, at least, was overheard.  This was one humiliation too many, and Kevin stood up, the bottle and a glass in hand, said “Excuse me” and left, finding his way outside, to the pool, where he claimed a lounger.

Jason was torn, the minister in him advising him he should rise and give comfort to a despairing man, but a nagging voice within him assured him his motives weren’t pure.  This entire evening he’d been fighting the urge to get Kevin alone, to jump the man’s bones, for god’s sake, while Kevin was strictly and formally polite in return.  Not that they’d had much interaction; the family’s presence as well as Kevin’s own attitude towards him meant he was avoiding being in his company.  It was frustrating, as this was the first time they’d been able to meet, without its being a deliberate setup, and Jason was disappointed it wasn’t going better.  But if something wasn’t initiated tonight, would he have to bank on the wedding?

Now there appeared to be an old boyfriend – an actor, no less! – on the horizon, and it seemed they’d broken up but the guy – Chad, how was that for a name? – wanted Kevin back.  At least it sounded as though Kevin was having none of it, until something towards the last, but still it had made an already uncommunicative man even more sullen, until he’d abandoned their company altogether. 

Jason wanted to skip dessert, but an official cake required partaking of by each of those assembled, otherwise some dreadful curse would befall the chosen, he was sure.  As if thinking the same thing, his brother asked him to extend a blessing at this very moment, and he conceded, thereafter earning some strange looks from everyone including his future sister-in-law.  Thus, it was disconcerting how little information the Walker family was being provided by his brother to his future in-laws, because obviously none of them had been acquainted with how he earned his living. 

The only person he was interested in seeing right now remained outside, so Jason carried a slice of cake out to Kevin.

“So, Kevin, how’s it going?”

Kevin held up his glass of wine.  “What are you doing out here?”

“Isn’t it allowed?”

Kevin shrugged. 

“You missed the cake.”  Jason handed over the slice having ignored his brother’s stare of concern over his action.  He knew Robert was counting on his not liking Kevin, and certainly hoped there’d be no romantic involvement between them.  He’d heard a bit of the “Kevin isn’t good enough for you; Kevin is a serial dater” comments and had nothing to say.  His brother may be quite a bit older, but Jason was no kid, and he’d make up his own mind.

In accepting dessert, Kevin stared at the contents without recognition.  “Oh.  Thank you.”

Did Kevin realize they’d heard his part of the conversation?  If not, the disclosure would only make the man more miserable.

“Are you waiting for an apology?”

“I wouldn’t accept it before,” Jason pointed out.  “But it was partly my fault.  I should have told you who I was.  But there was this idea you’d be so totally freaked out, we hadn’t gotten there yet.  Let’s face it, you’re pretty avidly anti-McCallister.”

“Anti-Robert McCallister. The man’s politics and principles, anyway.”

“What you were saying went beyond politics.” He’d ignore the other, biting half of that statement.

“Maybe.”  After all, he kept calling the man “dumb.”  No wonder the brother took exception to that.

“Listen, I surrender my offense at you insulting my family, if you surrender your contempt for me.”

“Actually, you’re the only one I don’t feel contempt for.  Maybe some resentment you never completely introduced yourself even when you walked out on me.  You didn’t need to do that.”

“I know that, and I’m sorry.  You have a right to your opinions and I should have told you why I was angry.”

“We have nothing else to talk about, do we?  I mean, the party’s almost over; not as if we have anything else.”

“Except our lives.”

“Which clearly don’t involve each other, except for family get-togethers like holidays.”

With deliberation, Jason pulled out a chair to face Kevin. “Do you really need that whole bottle?”

“I like drinking.”

“You’ll get carb-face.  In this town, that’s the death knell for the young and gay.”  And you’re too cute for that, he wanted to add.

Kevin put the untouched cake aside.  “There’s more to life than being young and beautiful.  At least I’m starting to get that.  It’s more difficult to avoid when the young and beautiful are what’s coming at you.” 

For Jason, this was turning into something promising.  Then came Kevin’s, “But what do you care?  You’re a ten in a town of tens.  My last boyfriend was gorgeous; the hottest guy on daytime TV.  Think that’s all we had going for us, mutual attraction.  Amazing thing is, he came onto me. So he thought I was something. If you want, I can introduce you.  Call it a brother-in-law to brother-in-law thing.”  Kevin’s blue eyes ranged the other figure.  “And you’re both tall.”

Ouch. He’d probably hurt Kevin more than he knew, suddenly realizing just how sensitive the man was; like an open wound, and here he’d gone pecking at it.  “So are you dating anyone?”

“No one special.” Thrice bitten, he’d gone a bit shy; too encased in a self-protective coating right now to want to try again. "On a time out."

“I’m not either.”

“Why?” Kevin was genuinely curious.  At least Jason McCallister was suitable distraction from memories and moanings over Chad Barry.

“I don’t step into relationships lightly; being the person I am, I can’t.  Kevin, I’m a very traditional person. Maybe that doesn’t correspond to my accommodating other people’s efforts to set me up.  Being traditional means taking it a bit slow, and that’s not altogether comfortable for most of the men around here, so I increase my chances of finding the right man by allowing myself setups, like the one we had.”

“I see what you mean.”  Not that he understood it. Dropping into bed – or whatever else was handy – upon acquaintance, was normal for him.  Maybe that’s why Robert McCallister didn’t think he was good enough for his brother.  “Still, it’s hard to believe you’re alone.  Not all those dates could have gone as bad as ours.”  Too bad you had to waste time with me, he was thinking, as he put the glass aside.  He offered brightly, “Maybe we can go out some night, as a team, since we’re both minus partners, we can look for the right guy together, increase our chances.  If someone is coming onto you, you don’t like, tell him you’re with me.  I’ll do the same.  We’ll short-circuit that entire emergency room, car idling escape pod.”

Jason had to hold back a grin.  “Nice idea.”  But obviously Kevin had put him out of mind as a potential partner, and who could blame him?  But how to get this train back on course?

The idea came to him to utilize that instinct he’d been fighting against all evening, and he loomed over a Kevin focused upon the house, and partially lifted the lax figure by putting arms around him, and their mouths closed hungrily on each other, as if each was on auto pilot to respond ravenously to the other’s touch.

When it was over, it seemed they’d left each other breathless.

“Great mouth, by the way.” Kevin finally came out with, licking his lips, appreciating the new flavor of Jason blended with wine.  “And the eyes are fatal.”  Sadly, in the dark was hardly the opportunity to appreciate those sapphire blues, but he recollected them quite well.

“Back at you,” said Jason, about the Technicolor close-up he’d been treated to.  He was busy adjusting his suit, but came up for air with the notion, “We can skip the cruising portion of the evening, can’t we?”

“Oh, yeah, it was just an idea.”

“Oh, one other thing, Kevin, I don’t think it’s come up, at least it hasn’t judging by your family’s surprise earlier, but I’m a minister.”

“A what?”

“A Methodist minister. The family was raised Catholic, but I needed a friendlier audience.”  And that was either Methodist or Episcopalian.

Suddenly, Kevin knew why this gorgeous guy was “traditional” and had a hard time getting a date.  “But you’re not Republican?”  Because that would be the death knell; regardless of their mutual physical attraction.  The combination would kill any chance at a successful relationship between them.

“No.  But I vote for my brother.” Jason was relieved this was going so well.  It was uncomfortable, how little they knew of each other because others were intent on keeping them apart.

“Oh, that’s nothing. My sister is marrying him.”

“They’ll wonder why I’m not back inside.”

“Tell them you’re giving me counseling.”

Jason liked that tone of voice, the gentle reasoning man he knew Kevin to be.  “So how about lunch tomorrow?  My ministry’s in town; I can drop by your office or meet you somewhere.”

“Actually, I have a lunch date.  How about dinner and then WICKED?  My treat.”

“You don’t have to cover for me, Kevin.  I’m not a poverty-stricken minister.”

“I know, or I really don’t know.  I don’t know if you’ve sacrificed to be who you are now, or if you’re a trust fund baby.  I don’t know anything.”

“Well, I am a trust fund baby.  I don’t accept a salary.  But I don’t live in dire straits either.  I never took vows of poverty or chastity.”

“The chastity I know about, and am extremely grateful for,” Kevin said.  “And I don’t see you as neutered in any way, shape or form.”

“Thank you.”

“And, by the way, since we seem to be officially dating now, are you going to tell your brother about us, or does he already know?”

“No, he can’t know. I mean, I would have heard from him by now.”

“I hope you’re prepared for an earful.  In his opinion I am the lowest of the low.”

If you felt hopeful, maybe it would come to pass. “At least you share each other’s worst opinion.”

Kevin wasn’t letting him get away with that.  “That’s cheery.”

“Is that all?  Funny, you usually have more to say.”

“You’d better get back inside.”

Inside, at the inquiring looks, Jason addressed the silent concerns with, “A man needing advice. I told him I was a minister.”  That seemed to have the assemblage breathing a sigh of relief, though his brother gave him a LATER kind of look.  But it was a story he could stick to. 

Kevin reappeared while the McCallisters were retrieving their jackets, and the fourth child of the Walker clan bade the siblings a polite adieu, though there was a quick silent promise exchanged by two pairs of blue eyes as Jason swung out the door.

The next evening, he kept hoping Kevin would tell him about the luncheon with the old boyfriend, but the subject was never raised, most particularly because Jason wasn’t supposed to be aware of it.  And Kevin didn’t seem interested in dwelling on past romances. 

Both men were attired casually yet not too casual, keeping in mind it was a dinner date followed by a show.  However, this was L.A. not NYC.

“I told you about mine – the soap star – so what was your last boyfriend like?”

“I met him at the church.  So he was stable, I thought, and Christian, a plus.  But he had some strange fantasies about me on a cross. Or he was even more boring than I give him credit for.”

“Whew.  My exes usually want to crucify me, but even they wouldn’t go that far.”

Jason grabbed his chance.  “Anyone in particular holding your attention?”

“I wouldn’t be here with you if that were the case.”

Shortly, the conversation evolved and Kevin was conceding he may be too enthusiastic a social drinker.  “With the vineyards and the state of my personal life, it’s not a surprise.  But I’m a social drinker; none of that ‘come home from work and grab a cocktail.’”  A pause and then, “So did you spill the beans to your brother?”

“No.  I took your suggestion and I’m giving you advice.”

“He must like that.  Still, I didn’t think I was being followed.  No assassin waiting at the door?”

“How about you?”

“Oh, the usual.  You hang around us long enough you’ll realize we can’t keep a secret.  Not from each other anyway.  I swear, if I was on the Supreme Court I’d be telling one of my brothers or sisters the decision, they’d be spilling it amongst themselves, and it’d be on CNN before nightfall.”

“You don’t have much faith in each other.”

“Wait until you know us.  Anyway, yeah, Kitty, since she did what I explicitly told her not to, which is set us up, I told her we were going on a date.  But I think she knows your brother would kill her if we were dating, so she’s not going to be the one to spill the beans.  That’s your load.  And we still haven’t gotten past this evening.” 

“What?”

“I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact Kitty cat managed to keep a family secret.  Maybe she’s running short of lives.”

“It would have been less complicated if we’d met last night.”

“Sure.  But it was months ago Kitty was boring me about you.  Guess she wasn’t lying, though.  I really hate it when she’s right.”

“What did she say?”

“Besides gay and McCallister?  Not much.  She didn’t even know you, only knew of you, and she envisioned us as the perfect couple.  After we met, I thought she’d found a way of screwing her brother that didn’t involve incest.”

Jason grinned, remembering their mutual temper on their blind date.  “Women’s intuition?”

Kevin considered.  “Maybe.  God knows my own intuition is totally off.  I’ve a history of being with the wrong guy.  Or with the right guy and totally screwing it up.”

“I’ll consider myself warned.”

Caught off guard, Kevin was barely equipped to counter the comment with a sweet smile.

Jason was liking this Kevin. He’d met the one trying to impress, and he’d met the defiant one, and the apologetic one, and even the indifferent one.  He’d already seen much more dimension in this one man than his former lover had displayed in weeks.

Following an early dinner they went to the theater and from there, it was an awkward kiss, but only awkward because they each wanted it to go much further, but knew per Jason’s set of rules they had to take it slow.  So Kevin dropped Jason at his home, then continued to his own.

He knew his sister would be calling him first thing in the morning to demand all the details.  Women were like that.  Hell, gay men were like that too.  In fact, all the Walkers lived to be on the phone with each other, basically accomplishing nothing, but enjoying the situation nonetheless.

For Jason, Kitty Walker was a positive influence on his dating Kevin, for she was free with advice, but she managed to keep it short and sweet:  “Just be very, very patient with him.”  He already got the idea from various comments, including Kevin’s, that Kevin Walker wasn’t exactly long-lived in the relationship department.

But his and Kevin’s continuing to date, and Kevin’s prodding him about it, meant Jason was going to have to face his brother, and there was a negative vibe issuing from that man in response to the announcement.  In fact, it seemed to Jason, big brother went into commander to troops mode in a flash.

“This is the same guy you told me you never wanted to see again.”

“I’ve gotten over it.  In fact, I overreacted.”

“Okay.” Robert was agreeable to that assessment.  “But let me remind you, this guy is a serial dater, with a horrendous history behind him.  We probably only have half the story on that.  And I got that from the highest source, his own sister.”

“Who is the one, let me remind you, who set me and Kevin up thinking we’d be great together.  And besides, his history isn’t what counts here.”

“You know, if you need to get laid, no questions asked, why don’t you go into West Hollywood.  Plenty of guys would jump at the chance to be with you.”

“It’s not about getting laid.”

“Oh, come on, hormones have to be making the decision on this one.  Kevin Walker?  Not the best choice for my conservative Methodist minister brother.  Granted, I can see he’s good-looking, maybe even sexy, but there’s plenty of that in this town.”

“He has great qualities. You’re not willing to see them.  He speaks his mind…”

“Oh, that’s great.” Robert had been on the receiving end of one too many comments by the opinionated younger man under discussion.

Jason continued. “He’s principled, he wears his emotions on his sleeve – which is a nice improvement – and he speaks his mind.  He’s loyal to a fault.  A man can do a lot worse, and I have.”

“Sounds refreshing. And your determination makes me think this is more than just dating.  What are you considering here?”

“If marrying into the Walker family is good enough for you, why isn't it good enough for me?”

“You’re serious about this guy.  And on the basis of what, exactly?  A dinner or two?  Kevin Walker, husband material?  Are you out of your mind?”

“From what I just told you, you should realize Kevin is perfect husband material.”

“Oh, right, cause he’s bad at dating.”

Jason sighed, conceding within himself it would take a lot of time to convince his brother his choice made sense.  “Don’t tell anyone what I’ve just told you.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t spoil the surprise for Kevin, or the shock for everyone else.”

After Kevin adjusted to the fact it was all right to use profanity like Shit and Fuck in Jason’s vicinity, he relaxed further into this curiously non-sexual courtship.  But he knew at a certain point he’d have to draw the line – or redraw the sexual boundary line.  Making out was fun, no matter if it occurred in a public place or not, though Jason seemed to always shy from them being on their own, at Kevin’s place or elsewhere.  If they stopped in at all, it was only for a flash, as they were in the process of speeding to somewhere else, but had to grab a jacket or change clothing or something.  Still, under those circumstances, Kevin would be in one room, his boyfriend in another.  But they were young men, and something was near breaking point:  For the first time in his life, Kevin was experiencing that curious monstrosity known as “blue balls.”

Driving along I-5, for the sheer hell of it, with Kevin pretending he had a surprise destination in mind, he knew he’d arranged this moment, so he’d better go through with it.  “Jason, when are we going to take that next step?”

“Next step?”  Briefly, Jason was alarmed Kevin surmised his marital fantasy, then realized that couldn’t possibly be the case.  For Kevin Walker, their relationship would be deficient, and he couldn’t blame him.  Most of his old boyfriends wouldn’t have lasted this long.  And in Kevin’s case, a marriage proposal at this time would probably have him turning on the mister freeze attitude always held in reserve.  “Oh, the endurance run.”

“Is that what this is?” 

“You know I wanted us to get to know each other better.”

“And I appreciate that; I really do.  Usually I get to know the guy I’m dating after we’ve fucked.  But I get what you’re saying, just don’t know how much longer you’re going to drag this out.  I think we understand whether or not we have mental and emotional compatibility by now.”

“But the sex remains to be tested?”

Kevin hazarded a long glance from the freeway and onto his passenger.  “Don’t you think it’s too important to be on hold, indefinitely?”

“You’re right.  I’ve been afraid of being alone with you.”

Kevin smirked.  “I got that.”

“Yeah, not to be trusted where you’re concerned.  And I’m confident about us.  In fact, maybe more confident than you’re comfortable with.”

Eyes back on the road, Kevin said, “Why does this make me concerned?”

“I’ve been delaying the inevitable in case it doesn’t work.”

“You mean, everything is great, but the all-important sex becomes a stumbling block?”

“Something like that.  Believe me, if I didn’t value our relationship as highly as I do, we’d have hit the sack already.”

Kevin grimaced.

“But I told my brother, so I’ve taken that step.”

“So he hasn’t knocked you unconscious, strapped you to a gurney and taken you to a clinic?”

Jason laughed.  “Not yet. But I’m sure he’d like to. You’re right. It’s time for that next step.”

“I’m glad you said that.”  Kevin decided the PCH held the destination he had in mind.  At the first opportunity, Kevin off-routed to hit that freeway.  “I’ve got a great hotel in mind, along the coast, beautiful view – though you’re the only beautiful view I have in mind to enjoy.”

“Are you kidnapping me for sex?”

“You got a problem with that?”

Jason conceded.  “Not one that would hold up in a court of law.”

Thrilled his ultimatum had gone as well as it had, Kevin drove on.  He hadn’t booked in advance, but this was off-season and he knew a room wouldn’t be hard to come by. 

“They’ll have razors in the bathroom, that’s the sort of stuff they keep well-stocked for guests.”  He missed Jason's frown as he sought to keep his future lover informed.

“You’ve been here before?”

“A few times.  That’s why I know it’s great.”

Jason’s enthusiasm returned on being introduced to the suite.  Darling Kevin had really gone all out, and the robes that were installed on the bathroom hooks would enable them to chuck their clothing while – Kevin suggested – the laundry staff was put to work.

“Champagne?” Kevin queried Jason, after the bellboy departed and he was on the phone to room service.  He hadn’t realized he’d been hesitant on ordering alcoholic beverages whenever out with Jason.

Jason realized it, and he nodded acceptance.  “It’s a special occasion.”  He hadn’t taken any lovers in quite a while, but since meeting Kevin that was the only man he wanted to be with.

“Champagne, two glasses,” said Kevin, after filling in the rest of their meal order.

“I’m going to take a bath.”  Jason had spied the ultra large and luxurious tub and though it wasn’t luxuries he was short of in life, the picture of himself and Kevin together in it was enough to urge him along.

Kevin was off the phone with a, “Have room service deliver into the room and depart.”  Then he was stripping, knowing his man – the most beautiful man (in all ways) he’d ever met – was waiting for him on the other side of that threshold.

The next morning, they lingered over coffee and breakfast, as well as the morning paper, but little conversation was to be had. 

“After-glow?” Kevin said.

“It’s been a while for me since there's been this level of commitment.”

Kevin nodded as if he understood, but he didn’t really.  ‘Traditional’ as the other man had described it had for him merely meant a slow journey to sexual accord, not the absence of it.  And he knew – certainly he knew for certain after last night, if there’d been any doubt! – Jason McCallister was hardly a virgin.  Nobody that skilled was an untried, if educated, innocent.

He had a history of exploding verbally just when he needed to exercise his non-existent self-control, so Kevin faltered on any attempt at probing the man's sexual history. If last night was a mistake, it would soon correct itself, and he’d only be making it worse in the meantime by making a big deal of it.

However, that evening, Kevin called Jason twice, once each to his cell and his landline, both calls going to voicemail.  He dutifully left messages, but neither call was returned.

A gloomy Kevin showed up at his mother’s house near ten that night.  He’d like to say the comfort meal of cocoa and eggs made it all better, but it didn’t.  And he didn’t want to burden his mom with his latest emotional fiasco, so he held off, only admitting he and Jason were having problems but he hoped they’d get through them.  “He’s excited by the idea of Kevin Walker; not the reality.”  At least that was one idea occurring to him.  It sounded trite, even to himself, but really he was teetering on the edge of knowing what was going on rather than suspecting it.

He avoided intensive – but in their case, intrusive – phone calls with his siblings.  Otherwise he knew it would all come pouring out of him.  Maybe his mother said something to them, maybe not.  He never gave them the chance to broach the subject, keeping himself from being the topic of conversation.

Finally, on the Sunday he went to services and waited it out, listening with half an ear to the sermon his boyfriend gave.  It was probably about tolerance and sensitivity; most of Minister McCallister’s sermons were.  Finally, the service was over and Kevin departed with the rest of the assembly, with Jason reaching him at his car.  Naturally he’d seen him sitting there, Kevin hadn’t been skulking within the church interior.

“I know I haven’t called." Jason was short and to the point, yet on the defensive.

“No, you haven’t.” It was a furious Kevin who pointed that out.  This time – THIS TIME – it wouldn’t be his fault the relationship hit that proverbial brick wall he was cursed with.  “So what is it with you, anyway?  We finally have sex; and it was great sex by the way, you’re definitely as good as you look,” but the way he said it wasn’t a compliment, “and now you’re out of here?  Is that how 'traditionals' do it?  I know you’re an OUT gay man, so that can’t be it.”  The words were running out of him as the concerns he’d hoarded gathered momentum.  “But I’ve got it, don’t I?  I pressured us into having sex, and now I’m not good enough for you.  Well, I can’t be a virgin for you, Jason, and I think you’ll be finding that a lost cause.  You and your brother, you’re both a real piece of work.”  With that last bit of unbridled disgust, Kevin got behind the wheel of his car.  “You know, we don’t have to be together, just 'cause our family is joined at the hip.”

“It’s more complicated than that.”

“You know what?  If you wanted pluperfect – anything – you can go and raid an altar boy camp.”  Not even half aware what he was saying, Kevin started the ignition.

It wasn’t long before his sister was on the phone to him; she reached him two hours later.  “Not now, Kitty.” Then another voice picked up on the thread. meaning they were on speaker-phone.

“Kevin, it’s me.”

Nemesis Robert McCallister, his brother-in-law to be and brother of his ex-lover.  How great.  What a fitting end to a perfect day.  “I don’t need to hear from you.”  About to disengage the call, he said, “You never thought I was good enough for him.  And evidently he agrees with you.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Nothing.”  And Kevin turned off the phone.  So his ex-lover wasn't blabbing.  Someday – and in his family, that meant a few minutes – he would be apprized what the call had been about.  Not that he was going to grant any more legal assistance to the McCallister camp.  Robert McCallister had been considerate of Justin before the youngest Walker had gone off to Iraq.   Kevin had already paid the man back by blackmailing the presidential candidate’s would-be blackmailer.  But now he’d clued his clueless sibling into the fact his romance was on the brink of destruction if not already there.  It was Kevin who spilled the beans.

Next day, Jason trapped Kevin at the one place most difficult to slam the door in his face: the office.

“You would be here.”  Keeping in mind potential eavesdroppers, Kevin allowed the man into his private space and allowed him to close the door.

“You didn’t give me a chance.”

“I’ve given you that chance for several days; you’ve been avoiding it.  So don’t put that on me.”

“I’ve wanted to apologize for how I’ve treated you.”

“Try sending flowers next time.”

“There is no next time.”  At the look on the other man’s face, Jason hurried on. “But that’s up to you.  I want to commit to you, Kevin; I haven’t gotten you out of my mind since we met.  You’re aggravating but a whole lot of fun.  And that’s something that’s been missing in my life.”

“Good for you.  In fact, I don’t get this.  What were the last few days about?”

“You’re right about that; good instincts as always.  About me and your past; how it affects me and our relationship; my perception of you.  Guess I’ve become possessive or territorial.  I’ve come to realize you’re like a land I want to put an option on.  Worse than that, the land I want to occupy: a pristine landscape.”

Kevin struggled with this one.  “I am not your territory!  You can’t just buy and sell me at your convenience.  I’m not a stock option.”  But enough with the metaphors!  The word “pristine” is what resonated.  “If you can’t deal with me and the fact I’ve a life before you, we’re over.  Because there’s nothing I can do about that.  There’s no memory wipe; no warp drive to rescinding the past.”

Jason sighed.  “You don’t get it, Kevin.  I’m not afraid of your old boyfriends.  I’m afraid of myself – for us.  That I won’t be enough for you; that I’ll bore you.  Eventually you’ll move on, and I’ll be left to pick up the pieces.”

The magic words, now stated.

Kevin caved, no other word for it. “That’s the most foolish and yet sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.  You are so different from the other men I’ve been with, and that’s exactly what I want.  And as for boring me, well, who can say what happens in thirty years.  Look at my parents.  We all assumed, so did my mother, they were the love story without an ending, only to find out he had a whole separate life and I’ve got a new sister because of it.  There are no guarantees.  Of all people, in your business of propagating faith, you have to realize that.”

"I know it’s me.  That’s why I’ve been avoiding you, avoiding us, as I needed to think what was wrong with me, come to terms with myself.  I’ve sought counseling of my own over this.  Cause I don’t want to lose you, Kevin.  I love you. More importantly, I’m in love with you.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear you say that, cause a broken heart isn’t something I was looking forward to.  I can be a right bitch when I’m unhappy.”

Jason grinned.  “I noticed.  So we okay now?”

“Is that door locked?” Kevin queried.

After a heavy life-affirming episode of make-out session in the office, both men came up for air.

“And you think you’re boring?”

Jason countered, the light in his deep blue eyes, “Do you know why I love you?”

“Enlighten me.”

  

THE END