Work Text:
Conejo, Lapin, Kanin, Usagi...I Hate Rabbits, No Matter What You Call Them!
by Ragna
writinggoddess@aol.com
Giles shook his head. "Anya, why on Earth would you want to go under hypnosis?"
"Well, Xander wants a...a...furry thing with four legs that hops and frankly scares me."
"A rabbit?"
"Don't say that! Don't say it in any language...conejo, lapin, kanin, usagi...I hate all those furry things, no matter what you call them." Anya started to pace around the store. "I figured if I went under hypnosis, like all those people who want to quit smoking do, I wouldn't be afraid."
"Why does he want one? Everyone knows how terrified you are of them. You've made that plainly clear on multiple occasions."
Anya shrugged. "One of the people at his job is giving them away and asked Xander to take one. He said he would, but he'd have to ask me about it first. He's a nice guy but he needs to learn to say no sometimes."
"That's a rather...bleak...attitude about Xander."
"Well, he does." She sighed and stopped pacing. "I guess people in love are supposed to make sacrifices." Then she muttered, "Though I'd rather just sacrifice the furry things, myself."
"Anya, tell me, why *are* you so afraid of rabbits?"
Anya cringed at the "r" word. "Can you stop saying that word?"
"If you'll explain this very strange phobia, yes, I will."
***
My village, when I was young, had a lot of animals that we'd breed, and us children would get attached to, and then our parents would slaughter for food. But since no one in the village was particularly fond of ra...ra...you know, the furry things? I figured one for a pet might not be a bad idea.
So I got a little one, caught all by myself in the woods, I might add, and began to domesticate it. I took damn good care of him, too! And then, this mysterious thing started happening: all the food we were eating started making us sick. Livestock, too, so when we ate that we got even sicker.
And we went searching around for the cause of the problem. Well, those of us healthy enough to do it, anyway, and couldn't find it. I'm talking about weeks of searching.
Then one night, I noticed something. Everything and everyone in the village was getting sick...except the furry thing. He was just fine. And he'd been eating the same food we had. But the night I figured this out, I watched him very, very closely.
He turned green, grew about two feet and...
***
"And what, Anya?"
"He was defecating on our food supply!"
Giles' face turned slightly green. "And then what happened?"
Anya shrugged. "I told my dad and he killed him. Turned out it was a demon but by then the damage was done." She cocked her head slightly. "So should I get my head shrunk?"
"No psychiatrist, psychologist of therapist in their right mind would buy that story. I'll speak to Xander about getting a hamster or something instead."
Anya shuddered. "I never told you about my encounter with one of those bloodsuckers in the 20's, did I?"
Giles rolled his eyes. There was a reason, he vaguely remembered, that he hated being in the store alone with Anya...
END