SquidgeWorld Archive

Title: Out, Out, Damn Spot
Author: Poodle
Rating. PG
Summary: Spot escapes the confines of Commander Data's quarters and leads his owner on an unexpected chase though the corridors of the Enterprise, in this little nonsensical tale.

Out, Out, Damn Spot
By Poodle~

The door swished shut, barely whisking past the twitch of a golden tail that skittered into the bustling corridor. It weaved among the darkly clad legs of Enterprise personnel who, in their haste, remained oblivious to its presence. It scrambled toward its destination, leaving a bewildered Geordi LaForge in its wake.

"What the hell just happened?" LaForge caught his balance against the doorframe and gaped down at his feet.

The door swept wide, and Commander Data joined his friend in the corridor.

"Data, I'm sorry." LaForge spread his hands in apology and shrugged. "I'm not sure what just happened, but I think Spot followed me out of your quarters. He's gone."

The android nodded and peered into the bustle, attempting to discern his pet's location. "I noted his departure."

"Look, I'm sorry, but the little guy got the drop on me."

"It was not your fault, Geordi." The android continued to scan the hall. "Spot's demeanor has become decidedly...unSpot-like, as of late."

"What are you feeding the fella? Dilithium crystals?"

A frown marred the golden brow. "Such a substance would render--"

"I'm not serious." LaForge grinned and joined the hunt. "I was referring to the way he warped out of here. I don't see him anywhere."

"Ah! A joke. Spot's food supplements are varied quite frequently, as he displays a marked tendency to avoid sustenance he has encountered more than once in a seventy-two hour period."

"Finicky, huh?"

"So it would seem." Data continued his search, LaForge in tow, and together they scanned the corridor.

"He would choose shift-change to bolt," LaForge grumbled. "Smart cat."

"It is doubtful Spot's escape was premeditated. The intellectual level of the average feline is substantially below that of--" LaForge's laughter stole the android's discourse. Data paused and blinked. "You were employing sarcasm."

"You're catching on, my friend." The chief engineer studied the hall, but to no avail. "Can't imagine where he's gone. You say he's been acting strange lately?"

"Indeed. This is not his first such attempt to acquire freedom. Unfortunately, he appears to be gaining prowess with each subsequent endeavor."

"Like father, like son," LaForge mumbled. "I wonder what's gotten into--"

A shrill cry cut the corridor, pulling the two up short.

"*Spot?*" Data darted in the direction of the sound, LaForge hard on his heels. They raced around the bend and stalled before an open door.

Pandemonium raged in the quarters beyond.

A wail warbled into the hall, mingled with low, menacing growls, and above it all, the panicked screams of the cabin's single occupant - Lieutenant Bonet. Backed into the corner of her room, the lieutenant hurled a cushion, and an equally lethal barrage of curses, toward the tangled cats in the center of the floor.

LaForge caught Data's arm before he could enter the quarters. "Whoa, buddy. Are you sure you want to tangle with Ms. Warpath?"

Data tilted his head in question at LaForge's query and paused at the open door.

Yellow fur mingled with puffs of white amidst snarls and hisses as the cats intertwined, and shredded the woman's embroidered rug in the process.

"You!" The lieutenant's eyes seethed from an ebony face gone ashen toward the android commander in the doorway. "*You're* responsible for this."

Data found himself forced to reluctantly agree as he slunk into the room and moved toward the tangled mass of fur and fabric.

The woman pushed past and reached into the cataclysm to extract her pet.

"Lieutenant, I do not advise--"

She screeched and pulled back a hand marred by angry scratches. Drops of blood splattered to the rug. Her lips twisted in rage as she seized a pillow and began pummeling Spot. "I'll snuff the life out of him."

"Lieutenant...please." Data attempted to intervene as Bonet's offensive behavior incensed the animals to further frenzy.

"Beauregard!" She reached for the Himalayan, who raised its head and wailed in her direction from beneath Spot's persistent clutches.

Data smoothly snatched her hands back before they made contact and held them tightly. "Lieutenant, these creatures lack the intelligence necessary to comprehend your intent. They will injure you."

Her eyes flashed. "My Beauregard has been de-clawed." She ripped her hands from his grip. "That, that...*animal* is a menace."

"If you will allow me to separate the felines, I shall do so," he responded calmly.

She glared and stepped aside, turning concerned eyes in the cats' direction as the commander moved past and effortlessly scooped them from the floor, each balanced easily in a separate palm. The animals trembled and slowly calmed. Their sizes decreased as their ruffled fur began to lie flat.

The android's eyes lit with interest at the intriguing creatures cradled in his hands. "Their hearts are beating quite rapidly."

Bonet snatched the Himalayan from his grasp and cuddled the cat to her breast. She scowled at the gold-tinted commander slowly stroking the yellow tom amidst the ruins of her rug. "That, that *creature* is an animal."

Data blinked, unsure how to respond.

"That's a bit harsh, don't you think?" LaForge protested from the safety of the doorway. "I mean, cats are cats. They're bound to get into spats now and again."

The woman turned her venom on him. "He's a violent beast!"

"Now wait a--"

"Spot *is* an animal," Data interjected reasonably.

"It was an accident." LaForge challenged, his ire rising. "Give the guy a break already."

"That beast should be incarcerated." She coddled the puff of white fur, and its innocuous black face stared into hers. "My poor, innocent baby."

"I am at a loss to defend Spot's actions." Data looked perplexed and a bit chagrined. "I apologize," he mumbled as he gazed at his pet now purring contentedly in his arms as if the incident had never occurred. Blissful silence followed; then the woman swiftly drew in her breath, and Data raised his eyes.

"Beauregard's ear!" She clutched her cat in alarm.

"Here we go again," LaForge grumbled beneath his breath.

"May I?" Data reached toward the distraught lieutenant. "If you would allow me to look."

"It's *missing.*" Her eyes flashed at the android, then returned to her pet. "What did that beast do to you?"

"Lieutenant, please," Data persisted. "If you would allow me to examine--"

"Are you a vet?" She snapped, drawing him up short.

"No." He swallowed. "But, perhaps, a more objective evaluation of the injury would result in greater clarification."

"So now I'm irrational." She avoided his scrutiny.

"I made no such statement. I merely wish--"

"I'll contact Dr. Crusher," LaForge intervened, hoping to curtail the conflict.

"*Doctor Crusher?*" the pet owners chimed in unison, turning in his direction.

He swallowed. "Just trying to help."

"Who is Beauregard's attending physician?" Data again reached for the cat.

The woman clutched the animal to her breast, and her dark eyes moistened. "Dr. Pfluger, but she's off duty."

The android returned his attention to the cat. His eyes rapidly assessed the situation. "I believe your initial evaluation of Beauregard's condition is in error. The ear appears torn but intact."

Bonet glowered; her eyes fell on Spot. "Bastard."

Data was uncertain to whom she was referring but refrained from venturing to query, thinking it best to leave well enough alone. "It is likely that minor surgery will suffice."

"Thank you, *Doctor.*"

Data blinked. "Dr. Oubre generally attends to Spot's care. He should be on duty at this time. I will contact him, if you wish."

The woman ignored the offer and stroked the feline who appeared oblivious to the turmoil generated by its plight. It flicked its tail with nonchalance.

"Lieutenant Bonet" Data sought to regain her attention.

"I'll get Oubre," LaForge interrupted, using the excuse to escape the room.

The android slipped close to the woman to get a better view and peered down at the animal who gazed up at him with crystal blue eyes. Its ear was slightly tattered. The white fur was smeared crimson. "He appears to have sustain further injury..." Data began when he realized the blood belonged not to the feline but to its owner. His eyes widened. "Your hand." He reached out and seized it before she could protest; it trembled but she did not pull free.

"It's all right," she murmured; her eyes fell away from his probing stare. "It's just a scratch, Commander."

"Wounds inflicted by animals often result in infection. Allow me to escort you to sickbay."

"No. I'm all right." She tried to slip free, but Data held tight.

Balancing Spot in one hand, he meticulously examined the lacerated flesh with the other. He turned the dark hand gently in his palm but found no further scratches, only an angry bit that marred her thumb. He frowned and scrutinized the wound until the woman grew impatient beneath his protracted gaze.

She cleared her throat. "Commander."

He looked up and met her eyes. "You must seek medical attention. One of the animals has bitten you."

"*One* of them." Her eyes narrowed. "It won't take a genius to guess which one."

A look of confusion crossed his face. "Actually, such an assessment would be difficult to make, unless one were to acquire saliva samples, templates of the animals' teeth, or--"

"*Commander,* may I *please* have my hand?"

He looked down and discovered the lieutenant's slender hand still clasped in his. He retained his hold and met her gaze with an air of resolve. "I really must insist."

Their eyes locked in stalemate.

After a lengthy pause her eyes fell away from his face to study the embroidered rug and the frayed edges ravaged by the felines. "Very well," she grumbled.

The android recalled that his touch often prompted unease in humans and released her. "You will seek medical attention?" he confirmed.

Bonet nodded, still staring at the tattered rug.

He followed her gaze. "I am prepared to assume full responsibility for Spot's actions," he told her quietly. "I will replace the damaged article."

The woman shook her head and cuddled Beauregard against her shoulder. "You can't," she responded softly. "My mother wove it."

He faltered, unsure of what to say. "It is possible such an item can be repaired."

"Possibly," she whispered, draping the cat over her shoulder and running her hand the silken length of its back.

A strained silence stretched between them, and the android strove to fill it. "Suggestion. Contact your mother and inquire--"

"My mother's dead."

Data swallowed. "I am...sorry."

The lieutenant nodded without response, and a second lull mimicked the first.

The android studied the intricate swirl of color: gold, orange, and brown, woven into the tapestry, and he strained to find the proper condolence. "It has sustained only minor damage." But even as he uttered the words he longed to pull them back.

Her eyes grew wide. "*Only?* Maybe you don't understand the meaning of sentimental value. Some things can't be judged simply by their apparent worth."

"Forgive me." He winced. "I meant no offense."

"I wouldn't expect you to understand." Her lips pressed thin.

"Indeed. Perhaps not," he replied softly as his eyes once more fell to the rug. He thought of the items he held in highest regard gracing their honored places in his quarters: a cherished holograph, a book, an object of art. And he wondered at their actual worth as opposed to their true value. Substitutes could never serve as just replacements if they were lost. He drew a deep sigh and marveled at the sound. Was this...sentiment?

"Although I am unable to forget, I, too, possess mementos, items which generate images worthy of remembrance. They are without remunerative value, and yet..." he trailed and turned to find the woman regarding him curiously.

She looked at Spot draped in his arms, then back up to scan his face. A slight smile traced her lips. "I've heard it said pets resemble their owners."

His head cocked "Indeed?"

"Indeed."

"I can discern little resemblance between Beauregard and you."

She chuckled softly. "I've occasionally seen you walking your cat through the corridors." She dipped her head toward the tom. "Spot, right?"

He nodded and was surprised to see her laugh. "Is that amusing?" he asked.

"How did you manage to come up with such a name?"

He looked confused. "It is a name commonly christened upon pets by their human owners, is it not?"

"For a *dog*." Her eyes sparkled. "So, where's the spot?"

"Here!" he announced proudly, pointing toward a minuscule smudge on the end of its nose.

She covered her mouth to stifle a giggle. "Commander, I never dreamed you possessed such charming wit."

A frown knitted his brow. "Wit?"

"You have a unique sense of humor."

"Such was not my intent," he mumbled, bewildered. "I find it paradoxical that I master the art only when I fail to attempt it." He shrugged. "At least I have achieved in my inconsistency a form of consistency."

She laughed again.

His attention returned to the rug, and he crossed the room and knelt beside it. Securing Spot in his arms, he reached down and examined the frayed edges. A tatter of bronze yarn came loose in his hand, and he looked up in apology but found no recrimination in Bonet's expression. The young woman moved to his side and knelt, reaching to touch the pile.

"I believe you are correct, Commander," she concluded. "It's not too bad."

His fingers began to deftly weave the remaining yarns with astonishing precision. He mimicked the existing pattern with ease until the threads fell short and frayed in his grasp. He watched, with something akin to dismay, as they wafted to the floor. The android found himself at a loss. His...cherished? pet had destroyed an object of beauty - a treasured memento, and although the article was salvageable, Data knew humans possessed a remarkable ability to look beyond even a flawless repair and see the invisible scars lingering beneath the mends. He swallowed and shifted his eyes in Bonet's direction.

She caught the look of consternation in his face and surprised him with a smile. "It's all right," she said gently and reached to examine his handiwork. "That's uncanny. I can't believe you did that."

"I attempted to replicate the existing sequence. But I am unable to complete the pattern. I am sorry." He tried, again, to utilize the remaining threads, but they unraveled in his grasp. He continued until she stilled his hand with a touch - her fingers a dusty brown contrast against the golden hue of his own.

"It's all right."

Her fingers rested over his, and he traced the glaring scratches lacing across her skin, before slipping her hand into his and bringing it to within inches of his nose where he continued the scrutiny.

Minutes passed, then Beauregard stirred, drawing Data's attention, and he realized the inappropriateness of his actions.

"Forgive me, Lieutenant," he murmured and dropped her hand.

The slightest of smiles teased the corner of her lips. "Rikki," she said simply and returned her attention to the rug. Her eyes caught the russet hues, and Beauregard slipped from her arm to curl snugly in its center and purr with contentment.

"This work of the loom spawned my genesis." Her words came softly and settled around them.

He attempted to fathom her meaning by searching her face, but the ebony contours revealed only a mystical silence and hinted at intrigue. Her velvet eyes sought his - teasing? and he puzzled at her intent. "Lieutenant...Rikki. If you would kindly elaborate."

"I was conceived," she rested her hand against the weave. "here."

It was all she said.

A contented cat medley rose to fill the lull, and soon Spot joined the syncopation. Together the animals formed a symphony of purring that permeated the cozy room.

"Commander--"

"Data," he said simply.

"Data." She stroked the fabric's edge where scattered singes trailed into the fray, and a smile traced hr lips.

His eyes questioned.

"Ashes from the spark of an authentic fireplace," she explained.

"Would not the use of such an archaic apparatus expose one to needless risk?"

She found his assessment humorous and grinned. "My parents didn't think so."

He nodded and cataloged the information for future reference. Bonet's eyes led his across the room to rest upon a device nestled in the corner. "A Xinex-five hearth replicator," he readily confirmed. "Much less hazardous than its predecessors."

"And much less satisfying."

Her response bewildered him and he frowned. "It is my understanding the Xinex-five accomplishes an exemplary representation of kindling combustion."

"But only a *representation*," she breathed, dipping her head and looking up at him. "Have you seen one in operation?"

"No. But the manufacturer is reputed to exceed expectation."

Her gaze passed over his gilded face, the chin, the lips, the eyes, and lingered in their golden depths. "Nothing can compare to the fragrant crackle of a cozy blaze on a moonless night."

The android could formulate no response.

And the woman laughed. "Would you care to see it, Commander...Data?"

He turned uncertain eyes toward the Xinex-five, then returned to search her face. "I believe current priorities should superseded any such recreation, " he commented softly and glanced at her wounded hand. "We should proceed to sickbay."

"I was referring to--" She cocked her head and continued in a whisper, "-later. This evening, perhaps?"

His head tilted in a mirror image of Bonet's as he tried to discern her intent.

"A fire lit dinner?" Her velvet eyes grew dark. "A touch of wine, a taste of qa'lanian cheese. You *do* eat?"

"Although I require little sustenance, I am able to consume most any organic nourishment." He struggled to construe her ulterior meaning, and continued with trepidation. "Such paraphernalia often conveys romantic intent."

Her attention returned to the brightly embroidered rug, and a smile played across her lips. "Does it?"

"Rikki, I..." He pulled in his breath. "Recently, I attempted just such an encounter. A relationship, if you will. The results were...dubious. I would be most displeased if such an event were to occur again."

The woman chuckled softly and allowed her focus to remain lingering on the rug. "Life is an endless series of just such events." The tip of her tongue moistened her lips as she announced quietly. "Practice makes perfect."

He absorbed her words and nodded. "Such a truism is difficult to refute. I suppose one could say failure is the antithesis of attempt."

"Is that a yes?" Imps pirouetted in the irises of her eyes.

His pale lips parted, but no words formed.

"Commander?"

A slight grin tipped his mouth. If practice did, indeed, make perfect... "Your proposition is not without...merit."

"Am I to infer that I should chill the wine?"

His eyebrows rose in perplexity. "The food replicator would render such action redundant."

She laughed and shook her head. "Tonight?"

He opened his mouth to reply-

"Data?" A voice intruded from the doorway as LaForge reentered the room. "Sorry I took so long." The chief engineer cast a perturbed glare in Bonet's direction and lowered his voice. "I didn't mean to leave you here alone with Ms. Warpath, buddy, but I couldn't locate Oubre."

The android responded by draping Spot into his friend's arms and scooping Beauregard from the floor. The cat maintained a steady purr as Data meticulously inspected the injury. "There is little damage," he assured. "Oubre's assistant should suffice in his colleague's absence."

Bonet nodded in agreement and held out her arms.

Data reached to pass the bundle, then faltered, and frowned.

The woman's brow furrowed. "Is something wrong?"

"Perhaps you are unaware," the android hesitated, "that Beauregard is female."

LaForge began to snicker.

Bonet's eyes narrowed. "What makes you think I'm unaware?"

"The...name?" he explained lamely. "I construed that, perhaps, you had assessed her gender incorrectly."

Her eyes flashed. "At least I *assessed* her species correctly." She snatched the cat from his grasp. "I'm fully aware of Beauregard's gender, I assure you, Commander."

LaForge laughed louder. "No wonder Spot's been climbing the walls."

Data considered the implications of his discovery. "Is it possible you have failed to consider that Spot may possess amorous intentions toward Beauregard?"

Bonet's jaw hardened. "That doesn't excuse his behavior."

"I seek merely to clarify - not exonerate."

"Give the guys a break," LaForge interject in their defense, stroking the orange cat in his arms. "Spot's love struck." He gestured toward the fluff of white and black gazing toward Spot from Bonet's embrace. "Don't you people want to be grandparents?"

"*Grandparents?*" Two pairs of eyes widened in his direction.

He swallowed and backed toward the door.

"Based upon her actions, it is quite probably Beauregard does not share in this infatuation," Data reasoned and gave the lieutenant a final nod. "I apologize for my pet's conduct. We shall leave you to your privacy."

A low rumble emanated from the tom's throat as the gentlemen neared the door. It rose to a warbled whine by the time they reached it.

A second cry ensured from Beauregard, rising to mingle with the first. The wails of separation reached a crescendo as LaForge stepped into the hall. He faltered and gaped at an equally astonished Bonet, who clutched her cat to her chest.

LaForge secured Spot in his arms and placed his hand against the rumbling chest. He broke into a wicked grin. "You should feel this, Data."

Dismayed by the distress of his four-legged friend, Data found LaForge's amusement difficult to comprehend, but he obliged by slipping a hand against Spot's chest and experiencing the vibrations. Anguished sounds issued from the animal, and Data's compassion rose to match it. He turned troubled eyes in Bonet's direction.

LaForge sauntered back into the room and propped himself against the doorframe, crossing his legs at the ankles. "Why don't you two just let these guys go for it?"

Data's eyes grew wide.

Bonet's reflected a mirror image.

"Life's short," LaForge quipped.

Data moved into the room and faced his friend. "It is likely you are unaware such couplings are most...unpleasant."

Beauregard released a wail and attempted to scramble from the lieutenant's arms, but she held tight.

"Overprotective," LaForge muttered beneath his breath.

Data's head cocked in the woman's direction. "You will not be troubled again, Lieutenant." He scooped Spot up into his arms and headed for the door.

"Commander...Data." She started after him, and he paused.

"Yes?"

Her expression hardened. "I don't want this to happen again."

"I assure you, it will not."

Their gazes locked.

Amusement hinted around the edges of two ebony eyes that drifted to linger on the multi-colored rug. "I think you should stop by later to discuss preventative measures."

"It is unlikely such..." he trailed as his eyes lit. "It is possible this...dilemma merits further dialogue."

A sympathetic gasp escaped LaForge.

The woman nodded. "Agreed."

"Tonight."

As the men slipped from the room and the door swished shut behind them, LaForge released an exasperated breath. "Buddy, I pity you."

The android gave no response.

"That woman will skin you alive," Geordi cautioned as they started down the corridor. "Her temper's Enterprise-renowned. Want me to come along?"

Data blinked and paused. "Your assistance is appreciated but unwarranted."

"Are you sure you want to tackle Ms. Warpath alone? You're *defenseless.*"

The android's lips weaved into a crooked grin.

~*End