SquidgeWorld Archive

What May Seem Like Love
by Ragna
WritingGoddess@aol.com

It seemed so...real. There was Buffy, and there he was, and he was human, and she loved him, and...and...

And Spike woke up.

He stared around the crypt, clearing his thoughts away from the Slayer and love. "Bad thoughts, the whole lot of them," he muttered, standing up. Very little light filtered into the crypt, meaning it was almost dusk, and he took to getting dressed with a lot of care.

His dreams were becoming more realistic with each night, and it was bothering him. Not only that, but he kept waking himself up all the time, so he was becoming short tempered and easily irritated because of lack of sleep.

He tossed on his duster and opened the crypt door. The sun had set, and now it was safe to walk out amongst the humans.

He never stepped foot outside.

***

"They just...they just fell asleep, right there on the couch!" Fred said, pointing to Angel and Cordelia. "I can't wake them up!"

"They still have pulses, man," Gunn said to Wesley. "But the girl's right. We've tried everything to wake them up."

"Peculiar," Wesley said. "I just got off the phone with Lorne. Our favorite lawyer and Kate both went to visit him, and they passed out cold. He can't wake them up."

"What's Lindsey doing back?"

"Seems Kate tracked him down and dragged him back for some reason." Wesley shrugged. "Lorne will be bringing them here. He thinks he may have an idea of what happened."

***

"Wha--" Lindsey began, looking around him. The last thing he remembered was talking to Lorne with Kate by his side at what was left of Caritas.

Now he was sitting by a river, holding a fishing pole. He was dressed in shorts and a polo shirt, and there was a cooler with soda and a sandwich or two in it to his left.

It all seemed vaguely familiar to him, put he couldn't place why. Looking at the fishing pole, he shrugged slightly, pulled it back, and cast the line out into the river. Wherever he was, he might as well relax.

***

Kate looked around. She was at the office, but not at the office. She was in the captain's office, not at her normal desk. And on top of all that...

She looked at the nameplate on the desk.

"Capt. Lockley" was what it read.

"Oh, shit. I'm a captain."

***

"Hey, princess. Time to wake up."

Cordelia slowly opened her eyes. "Doyle? Is that really you?"

Doyle nodded his head. "Yeah, lass, it's really me." He smiled and lifted the tray. "Figured you deserved breakfast in bed after such a hard night."

"Hard night?"

"At the docks, with the Scourge. Angel managed to stop them without any of us sacrificing yourself, and then we came here, and then...you fell asleep the minute your head hit the pillow." He grinned. "Took me a minute to get used to your kitchen, but I like to think I made a good breakfast."

Cordelia looked at him. "It...it smells heavenly, Doyle. It really does."

***

"All right, who's pulling my bloody leg?"

Spike looked at the Buffy he held away at arms length, then back around her bedroom. "Who put the damn Buffy Bot back together and told it to seduce me?"

"I'm not the Buffy Bot, Spike," she replied.

"You're dead."

"No, I'm not." She moved his hand down to a place over her heart. "My heart's beating, Spike. I'm warm, and there's blood coursing through my veins. I'm alive."

Spike let his hand sit there even after she removed her hands, feeling her pulse beneath his hand. "You're alive," he said softly.

Buffy nodded. "I wouldn't leave you like that," she said. "I don't want to leave you, ever."

Spike nodded before leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

***

"Where am I?" Angel looked around at the black void. In the distance he saw pinpoints of light, almost like stars, but they weren't bright enough.

"Do you realize, sir, that you have no dearest wish? That you have no dream to create?"

Angel looked at where the voice was coming from but saw nothing. "That's not true... Show yourself."

"As you wish." One of the small pinpoints of light came closer and closer until he saw that it was a small female Faerie. He stretched out his hand and she sat on it. "We found a wish to fulfill for the other vampire, and wishes for the other three, but none for you."

"I wish I was human."

She smiled. "You'll be human soon enough. And you'll have love and wealth and happiness. You may not realize it, but by holding on to what you think the future holds, you're completely happy."

"But I lost Buffy."

"She didn't die in vain, and since you understand that, you were able to let go." She continued to smile, but flew up to his eye level. "You are in the land of the Faerie, where your fondest and dearest wishes can come true. But it's all a dream."

"So is this a dream, too?"

The Faerie shook her head. "When we took you here, it was to fulfill a need. Or so we thought. You need nothing, therefore you have no dream. But your friends...when the need is fulfilled, they'll wake up."

"I need my friends."

"How do you know we only took friends?" She pointed to four orbs of light traveling towards them. "Take a look at who we took and what they're dreaming."

He gazed into the orbs. There was Lindsey fishing, Kate running the LAPD station, Cordelia talking to Doyle and Spike...it hurt to see him kissing Buffy, but that was what he was doing.

"What if they don't fulfill their needs?"

"Then they don't leave."

Angel thought for a moment. "Can I help them?"

The Faerie thought for a moment. "If you think you can, you may." She pointed to the orbs. "Just reach out and touch the one you want to go to, and if you help them, then you'll both be transported here. After you've been to all four dreams, those you have helped will wake up with you."

Angel nodded. "Fine." And he reached out and touched Lindsey's dream.

***

"I never thought your dearest wish would be fishing."

Lindsey never looked up. "Well, I used to do it all the time when I was a boy. I miss just grabbing some stuff to eat and some bait and my pole and heading out to the nearest river."

"Why'd you come back to Los Angeles?"

"Kate."

"What'd she say to get you to come out here?"

"She said...well, something along the lines of 'If you don't start making up for the bad shit you did I'll kill you right here right now.' And she figured going to help you was the best way I could do it." He shrugged. "That's why I was at Lorne's place. We were enlisting his help."

"Who says I need help?"

"Kate."

"What does she know?"

"Well, even though she's not a cop anymore, that's not to say she hasn't changed her mind about you." His line started to tug and he expertly reeled in a bass. "Nice, isn't she?"

"Who, Kate or the fish?"

Lindsey smiled. "The fish. But Kate's not that bad, either."

Angel smiled. "No, she's not."

"Look...what's the deal, anyway? I mean, why am I here doing this?"

"We're in the Land of Faerie."

"Okay."

"You're just going to accept what I say?"

"Honestly? Yeah. In this case, at least. How do we get out?"

"When you're done with your dream, you're supposed to wake up."

"Hey, Angel?"

"Yeah?"

"If I wake up now, and tell the others what's going on, what'll happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, will this be a beginning to my own redemption?"

Angel thought about it, finally sitting down next to Lindsey. "Only if you're serious."

Lindsey laid down the rod. "I am. Or else Kate never would have gotten me back here." He paused for a moment. "I'd gone back home. I was going to go fishing when she showed up."

"Lindsey, if you wake up from this dream, we'll give you a shot. It may take a while for everyone to trust you, but we'll try. At least I will," he amended.

"Fair enough. But you owe me enough vacation time to take a fishing trip."

Even Angel had to smile at that. He offered Lindsey his hand. "Deal."

Lindsey took his hand and they shook. "Deal."

Suddenly the river and the trees started to fade away, as did Lindsey, and he was back with the fairy and the orbs. "So?" Angel asked the fairy.

She gestured to the orbs. There were now three instead of four. "He's awake. We didn't realize you had friends who were going to worry."

"Well, if you had known us better, you would have."

The fairy nodded her tiny head. "We apologize."

"Well, we fixed the problem."

"Very well. Who do you want to visit next?"

He stood, looking between Kate and Cordelia's orbs. "I guess Kate."

***

Lindsey started to stir and woke up on one of the sofas in the Hyperion lobby.

"You're awake," Wesley said.

Lindsey nodded. "They're all dreaming."

"We figured that out already," Gunn said, glaring at Lindsey.

"No, I mean they're in the Land of Faerie. I think Angel's going to try and wake them up."

Wesley nodded. "And if he can't?"

"When they're done dreaming, they'll wake up on their own," he said, stretching.

"Whose dream do you think he's gone into next?" Fred asked.

"I don't know..."

***

After only an hour, Kate already hated her new position. There was too much politics, too many people groveling towards her.

She just wanted to be a detective again, going out to the scenes of the crimes and helping the people affected. That had always given her a sense of accomplishment, seeing how she helped people.

That's why she had decided to become a private investigator. She wanted to help people who needed her help. She wasn't ever going to be a cop again, she had realized, and maybe that was a good thing after all.

And she had this urge to help a certain lawyer she knew had escaped from under the thumb of a certain evil law firm. He needed to...redeem himself, she supposed. She wanted to...help.

So why was she suddenly a captain in the LAPD?

"It's a dream, you know."

Kate looked up to see Angel leaning against the doorjamb, smiling at her. He walked in, picked up her nameplate and looked at it. "Captain...nice dream."

"That was my dream," Kate said. "But...it stinks." She took the nameplate from his hands and tossed it into the nearby trashcan. "Too much politics. And I don't get to help people. I'm...stuck."

"You can get out."

"Really? How?"

"You just have to will yourself to wake up."

"But...Angel, I'm all alone out there. Here, I may hate my job, but there are people who know me and want me involved."

"Kate, why do you think I'm here?"

"You tell me."

"I need you."

This bit of information surprised her. "Why? To work for you?"

Angel shook his head. "Kate, after the time at your apartment... I got reminded why I help people, all the people I can get to who need it. I help them because I care. And I know you care, too. But sometimes I forget."

"So you need me in the big, bad, real world so...?"

"So I can remember why I care. I saved you, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did."

"And it mattered. You matter. And I need to be reminded about that sometimes."

Kate smiled. "You know, for a vampire who's been around as long as you, you're bad with words." She hugged him slightly. "But you still get your point across." She looked around. "So how do I get about making the dream go away?"

"You make a deal with me, I guess. That's what Lindsey did."

"Okay, then. So what's the deal?"

"Promise me you'll be there for me."

"I will."

Once again, the surroundings faded, Kate faded, and Angel found himself back with the fairy and the remaining orbs. Both of the orbs' occupants looked so happy. And he wasn't sure who's dream to invade first.

"Listening to your heart helps, you know."

"Then I guess Spike."

"Why?" the fairy asked, a curious look on her face.

"Because I care about Cordelia, And her happiness, and maybe dreaming of Doyle for a little while would be best. Plus...I think this may be the least harder of the two to persuade to come back."

***

"No."

Angel looked away. He couldn't stand to watch Spike and Buffy together, especially this Buffy. She was close to clinging on Spike, holding him in a way she'd never be able to hold Angel again.

Even if she were alive.

"Spike, you know this can't be real. Buffy can't be alive. You were there. You saw--"

"Don't."

Spike said the single word the way he'd said "No" earlier: coldly, steely, with all his will behind it. "Angel, I don't bloody well care if this isn't real, I'm going to stay."

"No, you aren't."

"I'm not you're bloody childe! I'm not your insane little princess, and I'm not one of the fops who kowtow to you. Bloody hell, Angel. Here, I'm *happy*. I'm bloody well *happy*." He gently disengaged himself from Buffy and moved towards his grandsire. "And here, I'm loved by the woman I love. You understand love, don't you?"

Angel nodded, slowly. "But Spike..."

Spike shook his head. "Angel, if this is a dream, don't ever wake me up. I can't go on without her. When she died, something got ripped out of me. Not even when Dru left me did I feel dead. Angel, not even when I *died* did I feel as dead as I have lately. All I do is I walk around the cemetery, and I hope to someone a vampire will do me the favor of staking myself because I'm too much of a coward to do it myself."

Angel stepped away, watching Spike go back to the dream Buffy. He leaned in, touched her face, whispered things in her ear that made her smile. And Angel could see that he really was happy. Whatever else, he'd make sure Spike was taken care of in Sunnydale. Unless...

"You want to know what happens if he dies?" the faerie asked as the world spun out of focus. "It will be sunrise where he is, soon."

"Is he outside?"

The faerie nodded. "Since this is what he truly wants, he will live here forever, even if his body is gone."

Angel sighed. "I never knew he loved her that much."

"There's a lot of things you never knew." The faerie pointed to the last orb. "And you're about to learn one of them."

***

Cordelia sat by the window, staring outside. It was a sunny, bright day.

"Cordelia! Cordelia, it's all a dream, it's not real. Doyle's--"

"Gone already," Cordelia said, not moving. "I'm not stupid. I figured out I was dreaming a little while ago."

"Then...why didn't you wake up?"

"Did you know that when you found out she'd died, even after all the trouble you went through to get me back, I just got a second glance before you raced down to Sunnydale with Willow?"

"Cordy, I'm sorry."

"I'm never going to stand a chance against her, am I?"

"What do you mean?"

Cordelia finally looked at him. Tears were falling down her cheeks. "They thought...they thought it was Doyle I was in love with. And don't get me wrong, I do love him, but I'm smart enough to realize when to move on. He's gone, he's never coming back, and that's that. You, on the other hand, you just don't get it."

Angel moved towards Cordelia. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, you idiot, that I love you. Now do you get it? Do I need to pull out some black marker and posterboard and write it out or something to make sure you understand?"

Angel went over to Cordelia, not quite touching her, but close enough to if he really wanted to. "Cordelia...I went to Sunnydale to say good-bye. To finally let go. Someone else, he's going to take care of her now," he added, thinking of Spike.

She smiled slightly. "Seeing Doyle again hurt, though."

"Maybe we can spank us some faeries or something."

Cordelia burst out laughing and threw her arms around Angel's neck. "You're an idiot."

"And you still want me?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

And then the dream around them faded into a snowy white blur.

***
THREE MONTHS LATER
***

"I can't believe she found a different spell for your soul," Kate said to Angel, shaking her head. She passed the carton of sweet-and-sour pork to Gunn, who was rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

"Well, Cordelia can be a very persuasive woman," Wesley said. "I think she terrified Lilah."

"What I wouldn't have given to see that," Lindsey said, looking at the combination of Chinese food and ancient documents spread out on one of Angel Investigation's tables.

"Remember, part of our partnership agreement is that--" Kate began before Lindsey cut her off.

"I stay at least five miles away from Lilah, I know." The ex-lawyer looked over at Fred. "Do you have the fried rice?"

Fred nodded. "Sure do. Want to trade for some beef with broccoli?"

"Don't have it," Lindsey said.

"I do," Lorne said, handing Fred the beef with broccoli and taking the fried rice. "When's your fishing trip planned, Lindsey?"

"Next weekend. Wesley got a cabin; we're all going up in the evening so Angel can come."

"Even though I'll be stuck inside all day," Angel said, coming out of his office."

"No, you won't. Sunscreen spell, remember?" Cordelia said, following him and waving a piece of paper. "Fax from Willow. She wanted to tell you guys that some fake spells appeared at the shop. Could it relate to anything we got?"

"Any number of things," Kate said. She looked around the table. "Where's that book I had?"

"This one?" Gunn said, handing her a small leather-bound volume. "I think I found your answer."

"What do you mean?" Angel asked.

"It's a good thing you didn't try the spell Lilah gave you yet," Kate said, scanning the page. "It's a hoax. This is the real one. It's...it's a faerie blessing and it needs vampire's ashes."

"Then maybe...nah," Gunn said, moving away from the table. He went and picked up a box. "Got this earlier, but in all the commotion, I forgot to give it to you." He handed it to Angel.

In neat handwriting, with Willow Rosenburg and The Magic Box as the return address, a package was mailed to Angel Investigations. As Angel opened it, he already knew what was inside.

"Hello, Spike," he said softly, caressing the blue urn.

"Willow sent Spike's ashes up here?" Fred said. "Gross."

"And the correct spell for Angel's permanent soul, it seems," Wesley said, having taken the letter Angel had handed him.

"The faerie...they made sure everyone got what they wanted," Angel said, looking at Cordelia and smiling.

"Yeah, they sure did," she replied, coming towards him and giving him a hug.

end