Chapter Text
Disclaimers: I don’t own Supernatural. I sure wish I did though. I am just borrowing the Winchester family; I will return them I promise.
Feedback: Wgang16@aol.com
Title: To Be Needed
Dean took one last long look at his kid brother. Sammy was sound asleep in bed, the night before he had almost been killed by a demon that had been out for his blood. Dean and his dad had barely gotten there in time to save his brothers life.
Dean had been shaken by the close call, but his brother and father had just shrugged it off. Sammy telling his older brother to relax nothing had happened, stop being such a worrier.
John had laughed slapping Sammy on the back and telling him that he had done well. John then told his youngest son that he was a chip off the old block. Then John had turned to his oldest and seen the worry in the expressive eyes as they gazed at his kid brother.
John had totally ignored his oldest son’s feelings as he had commented that Dean needed to be more like his brother and father. Dean worried too much and it could be a detriment to their quest.
John reminded his son that all three of them might one day have to again go their separate ways. Callously he added that Dean needed to get ready for that eventuality. After all Dean was the one that would have to adjust the most, Sammy had left once already to go to college and John had his quest to consume him. Dean was the one that was just kind of out there helping when asked like a good soldier.
John knew his comment was cruel but he needed his sons to focus. Everyone thought that Sam was the most tender hearted of the Winchester clan but it was Dean. John was afraid that one-day that would get his eldest son killed. So he had used a heavier hand with Dean that he ever had with Sam.
Sam had seen Dean flinch when his father had made his comments. Sam knew that Dean had never forgotten the snide remarks made by their father when he had been possessed by the demon. Comments like Dean needed his family more than they needed him. Then there was Sammy making comments about Dean being a good little soldier jumping to do his fathers bidding.
Sam wanted to say something to his brother to let him know how much he needed him around but the words stuck in his throat. Dean didn’t like chick flick moments and besides dad would probably laugh at him. It had been a long time since he had gotten along so well with his father and he hated to mess that up. He would wait until he was alone with Dean and then talk with his brother.
When Sammy woke up he knew immediately that Dean was gone…and left his family behind.
John refused to believe that his obedient son would just take off on them.
Then they noticed that the Impala was gone as was all of Dean’s possessions meager as they were.
Sammy searched through his bag and ran across two envelopes. One had his name on it and the other one their fathers.
Sammy opened his and gasped as money tumbled out on the bed.
Opening the letter Sammy read out loud:
Sammy
I want you to take this money and go back to school. At least one Winchester can have a good life and future. You are the smart one in the family even dad says so. I mean how many friends of Dads have commented how proud Dad is of you. Don’t let dad intimidate or browbeat you to do his bidding like he did to me. You were right, I was his little soldier never questioning him and always obeying his commands. I knew you would leave me again one day so I decided to be the one to leave first. I sold the Impala. It wasn’t just to get you the money you need but so I could make a clean break. You don’t need me Sammy, you never have. Have a safe and happy future.
Dean
Sam was speechless, Dean was gone, and his big brother the one true constant in his life was gone.
Sam felt like he had been slapped or doused with cold water. The letter was a wake up call and he prayed he wasn’t to late to make things up to his brother.
John was pissed; Dean had sold the Impala, the car he had given him. How dare he!
John ripped open his letter and read out loud:
Dad
I know that you are pissed about the car. I know how much you loved it, more than you loved your family. No that’s not true you love the hunt more than you love your family. Since you didn’t think I was taking good care of it I decided to sell it. Sammy getting an education and having a future is more important. Don’t drag my brother into your quest anymore than you have already. Let him have his own life. You’ll be fine on your own, as will Sam. The two of you have proven that for the last few years. You were right I need the two of you more than you need me. I’m just an annoyance that you put up with until you have need of me. You’ll find someone else to help you hunt demons, someone you can trust. I really don’t think you trusted me after I almost let Sammy get killed by the sleeping witch. I told Sam that you looked at me differently after that…I knew that I had lost your trust. At nine years old that was a devastating blow but I never said a word. I just vowed to watch over my brother better and obey you no matter what. I knew that Mom was counting on me to keep the family intact. I tried my best but it was never good enough, as you both left me anyway.
So anyway enough of my whining, I know how you hate that. You be happy in whatever you do. Maybe one day you’ll forgive me for taking off and one day you’ll love me like you did when mom was still alive.
Dean
There was total silence in the room. Sammy still couldn’t believe that Dean was gone…had just left him. The thought brought him up short; he had done the same thing to Dean when he went to college. However it was even worse for Dean. Sam had made some friends but Dean never had, his whole life had been taken up by his family’s demands on his time. Dad had needed him as the little soldier, the one to back him up on a hunt. Sam had needed him as a surrogate parent. It was Dean who made sure he ate, cleaned him up and got enough sleep.
Sam now wondered if his brother had ever gotten enough sleep and how many times had their father been gone for days at a time. Dean had to make the little money he was given last until dad got back. How many meals had Dean done without so his little brother could eat? Dean had no childhood, no fun teenage years; his entire existence was tied to his brother and his father.
And Sam had let it happen, seldom did he thank his brother and a lot of the time he did nothing but complain. What kind of brother was he? How many times had Dean sat up all night watching over him, how many times had Dean catered to what Sam wanted never putting forth his own wishes. Sam had always known Dean would be there to back him up, could Dean say the same thing about Sam.
John was having his own thoughts and they weren’t pleasant. He had never been a man to second-guess himself; he made a decision and went with it. To hesitate might mean death.
Of course now it meant that he had lost his son…his oldest, the son who was most like his late wife. Dean was the one he counted on, the one who would follow his orders without question…the one he used for his own means without a thought about what Dean wanted.
What a fucking bastard he was, Mary would be so disappointed in him.
Sam was drowning in guilt but he was angry also. At Dean for just giving up, it was unlike his older brother to just throw in the towel. He was angry with their father for treating Dean the way he had for years. But mainly he was mad at himself. He had no way of changing his father; John Winchester would have to do that on his own. Dean had made his mind to leave, probably to save what little bit of self-respect and dignity he had left. What his family had let him keep after their verbal jabs at him. Sam couldn’t change those things said in the past, but he could change the future and how he would treat his brother.
The smart-ass comments, the hurtful words, yeah he knew just where to slide the knife into his brother and then twist it.
Sammy glanced over at his father; he was surprised at the shocked pale look on the face looking back at him.
Sammy got to his feet and shoved his stuff into his bag. Finishing he whirled around to stand in front of his father who was still sitting quietly on the bed.
"I don’t know about you, but I’m going to find my brother. I am going to apologize to him for all the times he did without so I could have what I needed. I am going to apologize for saying all the nasty spoilt things I have tossed in his face knowing that he wouldn’t blast me back. I am going to be the kind of brother he deserves, the kind of brother he has been to me all these years. From now on Dean comes first, his wishes, his wants and his needs. No longer is Dean the one shoved aside, the one who takes care of everyone but himself. You can either come with me or not, but I’m going," Sam hissed his dark eyes flashing with the turmoil of emotions that was surging through him.
John stood up; for once he felt all of his years weighing heavily on his shoulders. His mistakes, his missteps and his tunnel vision where his sons were concerned were a constant ache in his heart.
"I’m coming with you. You’re right it’s about time Dean comes first in this family. I just hope that he can find it in himself to forgive me. I never realized how much to heart he took everything I said. No that’s a lie I did know how much I was hurting him. I needed to toughen you boys up, so you would survive. You took it from me until you just left for college, got right in my face and told me where to go. Dean…Dean just internalized it all, took it all inside where my words and actions cut him to ribbons. You know Sammy, Dean is so much like your mother. I actually feared for him more than you. I was so afraid of losing you boys that I came on to strong. I blamed him for the sleep witch getting to you. He was a fucking nine-year-old child and I left him in charge of you…hell you weren’t even in school yet. I let him have it that night, and he’s right it took me a while to trust him again. My God, now that I think about it that was the night he changed. Dean never questioned my orders again, he never argued with me…he behaved like a well-trained soldier. I had succeeded in taking the compassion, the sweetness right out of him. What kind of monster does that to his son," John whispered.
Sam swallowed and put his hand on his fathers shoulder.
"We both made mistakes dad. Dean has compassion, kids love him, and they trust him. There is no way you took the love out of him because he loves both of us. Probably more than we deserve to be loved, he just hides it now days. Dean has high walls around his heart that protect him so no one sees the real Dean Winchester. Dean wears a mask…he is the playful, teasing flirting man who hasn’t a care in the world," Sam said.
John straightened his shoulders and headed for the door.
"Come on son. We are going after your brother. We are going to be a family again," John firmly said.
In less than five minutes the big black truck was heading down the road. The hotel clerk had told them that he had seen Dean catch a ride with a trucker early that morning.
Sam glanced at his dad and saw the determined stubborn look on his face, two big Winchester traits that both boys had in spades.
Sam slowly relaxed a bit, he was confident they would find Dean. However he wasn’t so confident that Dean would be happy to be found.
It would be up to Sam and his dad to make sure Dean knew how much he was needed and loved.
Sam nodded his head, yeah they would find Dean and they would convince him to come home.
However it took a lot longer than either one of them could ever imagine. Dean was very good at hiding.
Sam and John had been searching for Dean for almost two years. In fact John had been calling in favors from other hunters for any word about his oldest child.
Finally through the grapevine they found out that Dean was in Dawson City, Yukon. John ruefully told Sam that Dean certainly went pretty much as far as he could to get away from them.
As they traveled through Canada Sam had to admit that it was surprising that Dean had gone so far north. Dean had never been overly fond of the cold weather.
Arriving in Dawson City the two Winchester men got a room at a local hotel. Then they began to hunt for their wayward Dean. To their surprise the locals were not very forthcoming with information about Dean.
John said it was because it was a small community and they tended to protect their own.
"But Dean wasn’t born here," Sam protested.
"No, but if he came up here right after he left us then he has been here a long time. You know how Dean can be when he wants to impress someone. The boy can be very sweet, accommodating and nice. It wouldn’t take long for him to fit right in," John replied.
"Yeah you’re right dad. Dean always pretends to be mister tough guy but unless he is facing a demon he is mister nice guy."
"Where do you think we should check next?" John asked his son.
"Well Dean always liked to check out the local bars. I suggest we go there first."
It was in the third bar they walked into where they found Dean.
However Dean wasn’t a customer. He was working the bar with a very pretty brunette. The bar wasn’t filled with smoke, loud noise or drunken men. It was a more down home bar. The tables had red and white tablecloths on them. On each table was a lantern, which the customer could turn up or down as they pleased. On the wall were pictures of the town through the years as it had grown.
Sam and John slipped into a back booth without Dean seeing them. They noticed that Dean was paying close attention to the brunette.
Sam was surprised as the girl was not like the women Dean generally hung around with. She was petite and from what Sam could tell she was overweight.
Then as the girl walked around the bar to clean a table it all became clear. The girl was not overweight she was pregnant, very pregnant. In fact she looked like she was about ready to burst.
To John and Sam’s shock when the brunette walked past Dean the former hunter pulled her to him and gently kissed her. However the shock came when Dean patted her stomach then leaned down and kissed it.
It was the actions of a man whose woman was pregnant with his child.
John gasped and stared at his youngest son in shock. Dean was going to be a father; he was going to be a grandfather.
Dean went to the back of the bar opening a door then shutting it.
The young woman came over to them to take their order.
Pausing by their table she glanced at them as she opened her mouth to say hello. In the next instant she glared at them her pretty blue eyes turning black.
Sam gasped as he realized his brothers pregnant wife if the ring on the finger was anything to go by was possessed by the demon.
This whole situation just got a hell of a lot worse.
John started to stand up but the words spoken froze him in place.
"I would behave if I were you. I could kill the two of you in a second. But I don’t have to I have the upper hand. After the way the two of you treated my beloved husband whom do you think he will believe? The two men who treated him so shabbily or his adoring wife, who will soon be the mother of his child," the possessed woman stated in a chilling cold voice.
"I think my son needs to know just what he is married to Andrea" John asserted glancing at the woman’s nametag.
"He won’t believe you. Dean has met my parents; my sibling’s…hell the whole town knows me. I will tell him you are just trying to force him to come back to help you on your crazy mission. Dean knows I NEED him, this baby will NEED him, and Dean is someone who needs to be needed. He needs to know that he is appreciated and loved. I give him all that. I give him what HE needs not what anyone else wants."
Sam finally found his voice.
"Why Dean? I always thought it was me you wanted. I mean with the power and everything."
"My father…you know that demon that killed Mary and Jessica thought you were the one he wanted. Of course he still wants your power but he realized that Dean was the one to ultimately give him the best gift. Dean is a loving giving man. He has done everything you asked of him and more. For that he has been verbally abused by you both and treated as though he wasn’t as important as dear Sammy or the mission. My father wants Dean for his own reasons. My father wants to possess and destroy that goodness. First he will break Dean. When the child is six months old I will supposedly die like Mary did trying to protect my child. Dean will not be able to save me. That will begin his destruction. The next step will be when the baby starts to exhibit powers that cannot be explained. Of course that will take at least a couple of years. Dean will know that the child could be dangerous to people. Then my father will step in, offering Dean a deal. The baby lives a normal life Dean comes to him of his own free will."
John finally hissed, "What can Dean do for the bastard?"
"My father has decided that he needs someone at his side. This is someone he can control yet someone who will challenge him on occasion, someone he is attracted to and desires, someone he wants to fuck and possess very badly. Dean impressed my father they way he stood up to him despite the agonizing pain he was in. My father is into pain; it is seldom he runs across a human who has such a high tolerance for pain. While Dean’s smart mouth irritated him it also amused him. So Dean Winchester will eventually belong to the demon you are hunting."
Sammy paled at the comment but his father jumped up with a roar.
John reached out to grab the woman around the throat but found himself slammed back in the seat as the demon forced him back.
"You are so lucky Dean went down to the basement to bring up some supplies. He would kill you for threatening his wife and child. Make no mistake this child is human…granted a special human just like dear Sammy. In fact even more special than Sammy since the child will come from Dean. You kill me you kill your grandchild. Now get out before Dean comes back. I would suggest you leave town. Dean’s future is all set. Dean will sit by my father as his consort and rule over whatever is left of the human race when the ultimate battle between good and evil is fought."
Andrea walked away laughing fully aware that she left two shattered men behind her.
John and Sammy hurriedly left. They had things to do, plans to make. Dean was not going to be the plaything of that fucking demon. It was time to call in favors get information and see how they could save Dean.
At the hotel Sam set up the computer and began getting all the information that had been accumulated on the demon. John got on the phone talking to Bobby and other hunters on how to best fight the demon. He also needed information on how to save the unborn child. They were not going to lose Dean or that baby without a fight.
TBC